Shalem Peer Presentation

A few days ago, I presented about one of my directees to my Shalem peer group, which is made up of four other people in the program and one staff member. I was again surprised at how God guides the whole process, and much was revealed to me about myself.

The peer group process is where the members are spiritual directing the spiritual director who presents. That is exactly what happened to me.

After all the Shalem seminars about freedom and openness, I was questioning whether I act as a spiritual director in the "right" or Shalem way. They helped me to see that with this one person, I am feeling peaceful and in connection during our time together, but later I start questioning myself. Probably I am more connected with God in the time with the directee, rather than later when I am judging myself, especially when I notice myself as labeling my actions as "right" or "wrong"--there's a red flag to pay attention!

This is so true of how I have lived. Maybe it's because I grew up in an alcoholic home, with that "elephant" in the middle of the living room that was never talked about. I grew to doubt my own views and expected to be wrong and told what was "true." This has continued through life with me thinking I'm not as good enough or right enough as someone else, even though I am a smart person. Although I am growing into myself, I still sometimes act this way when I'm unsure.

It is amazing to me to think that possibly I have been listening to God in talking with this person. There is validation in this, but also another invitation to trust myself in God and trust God. I'm in awe and so very grateful.

It's the broken feather that two past spiritual directors have told me is mine--TRUST. It fits with my history.