Church Rummage Sale

Tomorrow is our church's annual rummage sale, For two days they have been accepting donations.

We got rid of some things, but I am most pleased with getting rid of clothes. I finally gave away most of the too-small clothes I wore 15-20 years ago when I was the thinnest I have ever been in my life--when I was suffering from clinical depression and was walking 6-12 miles each day. I guess I finally accepted that I will never be that thin again! (But I am a much happier person now.)

I also cleaned out our odd assortment of sheets and tied up "sets" with purple ribbon (that curling ribbon that I don't use much any more). There was quite an assortment of twin sheet sets that our four kids used over the years and left here at home when they moved on.

I know of two Methodist churches that are having rummage sales tomorrow, so there will be three in close vicinity to each other. Hopefully, all the churches will sell most of their stuff!

Gift of Darkness

Thanks to Ellie at Meditation Matters for this thought and image.

Quakers (like Parker Palmer) say that sometimes we don't see the door opening, but we see the door shut. That's the darkness. Looking in the past, we often can see the gifts we could not see during the dark and difficult times. 

I hope I will remember to "thank my Teacher" (as my long-ago spiritual director advised me) when I become aware of the darkness. . . . .

Friday Five: Emptiness

Emptiness by Bluesrose

Sally brings today's RevGals Friday Five:

I have been pondering this Friday Five over and over in my mind, but I am coming up with nothing, so I am wondering; what do you do when you feel empty of all creativity and unable to make/do anything? This is a completely open question, the only rule is name 5 things that fill/ inspire you:

1.Meditate, be in silence--even for a minute! There was a cute cartoon on FB about just taking a moment of meditation! So I'll put it here:

2. Talk to a good friend. For some unknown reason, I find it hard to call people even though I like talking to them once the conversation gets started.

3. Go for a walk.

4. Go to the Psalter. When I can't sit or pray, I can always pray/read a Psalm. I remember when I was clinically depressed in the 1990's and couldn't seem to pray, I would read Psalms, especially the laments.

5. Write a note or card to someone. Write in a journal.

Smiles

"I will never understand all the good
that a simple smile can accomplish."
~~Mother Teresa

I was brought up by a mother who constantly told me to put a "pleasant expression" on my face. That admonition stays in my behavior to this day, as I smile often. In fact, my daughters have cautioned me not to smile so much when visiting foreign countries.

When I was at The Meadows for treatment of depression, my therapist repeatedly told me that I smiled "incongruently." Therapy and awareness have helped me try to match expressions to my moods.

But I must admit that I like to smile and feel better when I see other people smiling.

Spoon Theory

This cutesy image goes along with a blog called But You Don't Look Sick.Com, which perfectly describes how I appear to most people these days, even myself when I'm under the influence of prednisone. More pointedly, the girl with the spoon is emphasizing The Spoon Theory by Christine Miserandino. I wrote about this on my RA blog, which I hope you will look at sometime.

I think the Spoon Theory applies to anyone who is under stress, ill, or depressed. The story narrator explains to a friend how fatigued she becomes, because she is given daily a certain number of spoons. If she uses the spoons for too many activities, she runs out of spoons and thus has no more energy.

It is a simple story, but illustrates how energy is easily used up when it is not replenished. (That reminds me of the 12 Step acronym HALT--Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired--If you are experiencing any of these, you should pay attention and take care of yourself!)

Go and read The Spoon Theory.

Friday Five: Memories of Discoveries

By Austin Kleon of Austin, TX

Dorcas brought today's Friday Five for RevGalBlogPals:

Share with us today about five memorable moments of insight, discovery, awareness--from childhood or later, something you experienced or something you shared with someone else.

1. Reading: I remember being in first grade, standing in front of the room, feeling terrified that I did not know how to spell "jump." But I tried to write it on the board, and did!! I also remember my first reading word in a big Sally, Dick and Jane book: "LOOK." So exciting to be able to read!

2. Blogging: In May 2006, I was surprised to find a friend I had lost touch with had a blog--Katherine at Meaning and Authenticity. Until then, I had not known of or entered into the blogging world of the internet. This was a discovery and ensuing experience that brought new friends far and wide into my world. It has opened me to new ideas, self-reflection and knowledge, plus laughter, sadness, and connection. AND Katherine brought me into RevGalBlogPals!

3. Babies: Having a first grandbaby, Avery, is showing me how much and how quickly a baby learns about life--in a more leisurely fashion than with my own four children. Every baby/child is a miracle!

Avery, 6 months old

4. God's Love: An experience that stays with me was the overwhelming Love that washed over me during an Easter service in 1999 when I was continuing to struggle with depression and suicidal ideation. The story is here. That assurance is in me and always will be.

5. Risks: I especially recall my second child, AE, being in kindergarten. For the Christmas program, her teacher taught her to play a song on the autoharp or zither. AE was frightened, and if her teacher had not insisted, I would have let her quit. Instead, she played in front of all those families and did so well! I am so glad I did not instill more fear in her. We both learned to accept challenges more readily than the fear of failure.

CHRONIC + New Blog!

After worrying about this post appearing too self-pitying, I decided to start another blog dedicated to what I learn and experience about rheumatoid arthritis: RA: Ready for Action which may only be read by me!

"Chronic refers to something that continues or persists over an extended period of time. A chronic condition is usually long-lasting and does not easily or quickly go away." (MedLine Plus)

Over the years, I slowly accepted the fact that I would always need to be treated for clinical depression. Until today, I never applied the word "chronic" to this illness. It seems to have gone away due to my daily medication. Better coping strategies and especially daily meditation also help.

I have not come to a full realization that my new diagnosis of rheumatoid arthritis is a chronic disease. Just as it took me several years to accept that I had an aspect of myself depressed, but NOT my entire being, so eventually I will come to know that I must live with rheumatoid arthritis, whether it is mostly under control or not. Like right now, the pain is predominantly eliminated with prednisone, but deeply interior fatigue suddenly plagues me at inopportune moments.

I found this blog called Rheumatoid Arthritis Guy who has a 60-second Guide to RA, which I have posted on RA: Ready for Action, because I will only copy the part about fatigue here.

	When rheumatoid arthritis is active, a person can easily become extremely tired. Actually – it surpasses mere tiredness and rises to the level of fatigue. This constant lack of energy can be one of the most limiting aspects of life with RA. Quite often, a person’s level of daily activity must be reduced and periods of sleep and rest must be increased.

RA is a chronic auto-immune disease. I have it. Will I have chronic symptoms? Especially the fatigue?

Darkness

"Someone I loved once gave me
a box full of darkness.

It took me years to understand
that this too, was a gift."

~~Mary Oliver
"The Uses of Sorrow"
in Thirst: Beacon Press 2006

Voice of Depression

I know the voice of depression
Still calls to you.

I know those habits that can ruin your life
Still send their invitations.

But you are with the Friend now
And look so much stronger.

You can stay that way
And even bloom!

~~Hafiz

God in our emptiness

When Feeling Down and Out

by Ronald Rolheiser

"At the end of the day our task is to recognize that God is in the silence, the frustration, the loneliness, the emptiness of our lives.

"We should never be shocked at our own emptiness, nor should we run from it and think that God is dead. God is in the emptiness. But the God who is found there is not God as we imagine Him. The God we find in loneliness and emptiness is the real God, the God that nobody can look at and live because that God is too real, too ineffable, too infinite, too unnameable, too wild, and too much pure fire to be captured in any concepts, words, imaginations, or even feelings. That God, of course, can be met and known; but, this side of eternity, perhaps that God is most easily met precisely when our own words sound flat and empty."

Go here to read the rest of the article.

If you would like to receive Fr. Rolheiser's twice-weekly column via email, subscribe here.

Friday Five: Unexpected Thanks

With the American holiday of Thanksgiving being less than a week away, I tried to think of some questions for Friday Five that could be connected to this, but in a new way. So here is my one try:

Name five things that were unexpected in your life that you are now grateful for.

1. Our fourth child MJ, who is now 21 years old. She was a big surprise and is 4 1/2 years younger than her closest sibling (BJ). God blessed us with her, and we have never ever thought of her as a "mistake."

2. The arrival of a little flea-ridden yellow puppy on Dec. 26, 2009. Maisie is a wonderful and energetic member of our family.

MJ and Maisie
December 2009

3. Hydroplaning on I-37 about eight years ago, returning from a class at Oblate School of Theology in San Antonio. The car skidded off the highway onto the grassy median, but did not collide or turn over. I was very lucky. That taught me not to use cruise control on wet pavement and/or while it is raining.

4. Writing weekly to my sister-in-law Chris brought an unanticipated and an unusually strong connection between us, even though she lives in WA State and I live in TX (and have lived away from WA since 1972).

5. My mother's sudden death from pancreatic cancer in 1992 brought me to an awareness of and yearning for God. There was also grief and depression in ensuing years, which eventually drew me closer to God.

Let our fears be transformed

I have recently rediscovered Psalms for Praying by Nan Merrill. It is inspiring in a mystical way and a great aid before sitting in contemplative prayer.

Here is a portion of one of the Psalms I read a few days ago:

Impregnate us with Love, O Comforter!
Let our fears be transformed;
let all that keeps us separated
and confused flee!
As smoke is blown away, so let our
fears rise up before You;
as wax melts before fire,
let our fears be melted by Love!
Then will we be released
from bondage;
we will exult before the Beloved;
we will be jubilant with joy!

Merrill, Nan C. "Psalm 68." Psalms for Praying: An Invitation to Wholeness. NY: Continuum, 1997. 129.

Suicide

Last Sunday a friend's husband committed suicide in his backyard. It was a shock to all concerned. His funeral was beautiful and well-attended. As my husband observed, this man may never have considered it if he'd known how many friends and family would come to honor him.

As I see the grief experienced by his wife and loved ones, I am thinking about suicide--mostly because I spent several years dwelling in a state of "suicidal ideation." I know I have a different understanding of suicide than most people, because I experienced the depths of depression and despair.

Looking back on those lonely times, I see how isolated and unreasonable I was. I imagined that no one in my family, from 5 year old MJ to 16 year old DC, would care if I was gone. In fact, I thought that my absence would make their lives more pleasant. If that isn't crazy, I don't know what is! My husband did not even know I was depressed until I told him a few days before I went to The Meadows treatment center in Arizona. For the past period, I was not sleeping; I was walking 6-12 miles a day; I had lost 50 pounds--but no one knew anything was wrong until I finally started talking to my therapist. Before that I would not tell anyone, because I did not want them to stop me.

From this and later times, I realize that there is no "type." This thought comes from my husband saying that this man "didn't seem like the type." Chemical imbalances that lead to depression creep up on someone so insidiously that depressed thinking seems "normal." Some people, like me, have such a strong will that we continue to do the expected until that becomes impossible.

All I can imagine about this friend's husband is that he kept going on being the person he was expected to be. The speakers at his funeral talked extensively about his giving and friendly spirit. Only the minister spoke of his despair.

I appreciated Rev. Gloria Lear talking about God being with him and that the man was choosing to be with God in the only way he knew how in that despair. God is with us whether we feel the Holy Presence or not. She kept assuring those assembled that no one was guilty; that their love was true.

I now see how irrevocably suicide affects those left behind; that thought never entered my mind when I was clinically depressed. I don't believe this man considered that either; he loved his wife and son too much to hurt them.

I have no answers about suicide. I was fortunate that I was not a man using a gun. Statistics show that men are more "successful" than women at suicide, because of the means used. I don't know why I am still here, and this man is not, or why Robin's son is gone. I just know that we are all with God, living or dying always with God.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"I can answer this question only after the fact, because in the midst of severe clinical depression I have never felt anything redeeming about it, spiritually or otherwise. But when I emerge back into life, several things become clear. One is that the darkness did not kill me, which makes all
darknesses more bearable—and since darkness is an inevitable part of the cycle of spiritual life (as it is in the cycle of natural life) this is valuable knowledge. Two, depression has taught me that there is something in me far deeper and stronger and truer than my ego, my emotions, my intellect, or my will. All of these faculties have failed me in depression, and if they were all I had, I do not believe I would still be here to talk about the experience. Deeper down there is a soul, or true self, or "that of God in every person" that helps explain (for me, at least) where the real power of life resides. Three, the experience of emerging from a living hell makes the rest of one's life more precious, no matter how "ordinary" it may be. To know that life is a gift, and to be grateful for that gift, are keys to a spiritual life, keys that one is handed as depression yields to new life."

--Parker Palmer, Ph.D.

Fear

When I suffered from clinical depression for years in the 1990s, I also was afflicted with anxiety, sometimes even panic attacks. At the time I thought all this was caused by me not having enough faith and maybe because I did not pray "right." How much I needed to learn!

Only in hindsight do I see how God worked through all this time to grow my faith, my marriage and my family relationships. As Martin Laird writes in his book Into the Silent Land:

"Certainly there is deep conversion, healing, and unspeakable wholeness to be discovered along the contemplative path. The paradox, however, is that this healing is revealed when we discover that our wound and the wound of God are one wound." (118)

This is true, even though I did not venture on the "contemplative path" until this new century. Since 1995, I keep encountering "deep conversion, healing, and unspeakable wholeness" continuing to reveal themselves in me. All this confirms my favorite quote (which loosely is) "The closer you come to God, the closer you come to your true self" by Thomas Merton.

"From Victim to Witness: Practicing with Affliction," the sixth chapter in Laird's book gives three different stories of people who journeyed through fear, pain and addiction to discover each (person) was not the drama but had been caught into the morass of feelings and thoughts surrounding the object of emotion, pain or addiction. It is like the mountain not identifying with its weather conditions, as described in this post.

Here is Laird's example about fear:

"Laura's transforming encounter with fear reveals not the disappearance of fear but the disappearance of struggling with fear. Fear remains present, but she is not afraid of fear. The struggle with any afflictive thought or feeling is the result of the noisy chatter of the mind. This chattering, commenting mind turns the simple experience of any thought or feeling into an experience of grasping or fleeing. When this mental chatter is brought to stillness, the struggle relaxes and the nature of fear is seen to be different from what we previously thought. As (Meister) Eckhart put it, 'what was previously an obstacle to you is now a great help.' Fear as affliction is transformed into fear as vehicle of Presence." (102-103)

(Remember that the word "fear" can be substituted with "any afflictive thought or feeling" such as anger, jealousy, addiction, inadequacy, etc.)

Meditation or contemplative prayer consistently practiced will help us greatly.

Laird, Martin. Into the Silent Land: A Guide to the Christian Practice of Contemplation. Oxford: University Press, 2006.

Deepening Realization

I was fortunate to attend a short contemplative prayer retreat out at Mustang Island Retreat Center this past weekend. We spent three hours a day in prayer and three hours a day in class, being taught from the book The Lessons: How to Understand Spiritual Principles, Spiritual Activities, and Rising Emotions by its authors Sandy Casey-Martus and Carla R. Mancari. It was much like the retreat I described here. (You may recall that the Reverend Sandy Casey-Martus is the priest of All Saints Episcopal Church here in Corpus Christi.)

There were 21 people in attendance, some from different churches and locales. Two people who attended the retreat linked above were there. Friends from All Saints and my lectio divina group also attended. I met an older woman who lives in Austin, who surprisingly grew up in Lynden, WA where my mother lived after she was seven years old.

One of the topics discussed was realization: A realization stays with you, as it helps you realize your Godly nature of love. Experiences and insights will come and go, fading from memory--but not realizations. A realization marks a moment of clarity and insight that causes one to change something about one's life or attitude. What is more, understanding takes time to develop. That reminds me of how many years it took Julian of Norwich to write with more understanding about the visions of Jesus Christ that she experienced on her supposed deathbed. It took Paul ten years to integrate his experience on the road to Damascus.

"Realizations and enlightenments require time to expand and deepen. For this reason, wisdom may seem to lag behind a realization and often does. Wisdom comes naturally from within awareness in due time." (78)

An expansion of a a major realization of my life occurred this weekend. When I was still depressed and spending too much time on suicidal ideation in 1999, I was blessed with an indescribable flooding of God's love, which I understood to mean that I would never kill myself. That realization changed my life in that I knew I would never sink into such depression again. And I progressively grew healthier.

11 years later I suddenly realized that I needed that interpretation for the past decade, but that it also has a fuller meaning: God infinitely loves and exists and I (and humanity) will always be in the Divine with no end. I believe that this understanding came from my practice of sitting in Christ-Centered Prayer twice a day since January 2009.

"It is in God-awareness that you live, move and have your being. You are the heart, mind, intellect, and voice of an individual expression of the Father/Christ Consciousness on this earth." (78)

(The quotes are from Best-Kept Secret by Sandra Casey-Martus and Carla Mancari. This describes Christ-Centered Prayer in a more narrative form than The Lessons, which is more of a workbook and teaching aid to the prayer.)

I am glad I was at the retreat, which ended this morning so there was time to go to church with MJ and CB. (MJ drove back to San Antonio this afternoon. She starts working for one of the Trinity University professors tomorrow--doing chemistry research.)

Good things happening

Smiling is a good thing to do, though when I was in therapy at The Meadows, I was told that I smiled "incongruently." Back then I did. I still smile a lot, probably because my mother always told me as I grew up to "put a pleasant expression on my face." It is always surprising what happens when I smile at a random stranger in the supermarket.

So here are some good things that I am smiling about:

• Margie is out of the ICU and in a private room. I visited her today and was glad to see her looking so much better, even though she was still on oxygen and was wheezing and coughing. Thank you for praying for her.

• Yesterday CB belatedly realized he left his tools, including the new drill our children gave him for Christmas, on the Habitat house porch. When he went back, the tools (worth about $400) were nowhere to be found. BUT today he got a phone call from some electricians, who found the tools and took them with them. Tonight CB got his tools back!

• I finished the newest Maisie Dobbs mystery this afternoon. It was excellent, and I highly recommend it. If you have not read this mystery series (of seven volumes), I urge you to get one from your public library and read it. It's about an exceptional woman after WWI in Great Britain. Through reading these books, I've learned about WWI, of which I was sadly ignorant.

• Tonight Episcopal priest and writer Tom Ehrich spoke about reconciliation at All Saints Episcopal Church. He actually compared human relationships to "Goldilocks and the Three Bears" in that we have three options of responses: hot, cold, and just right. The middle way (of just right) is the difficult path of reconciliation, which brings about transformation--that is through a path of unknowing and un-comfortable-ness.

• I've actually seen daffodils blooming here in Corpus Christi--for the first time since moving here in 1978!
  

Lost on the Path

Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again,
expecting different results.

That 12-step saying that "insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, expecting different results" seems relevant to my feeling lost and stuck at the same time. Not knowing where to go has me not moving, which is a typical reaction, but not helpful. I am even finding it difficult to pray and sit with God.

And here is an interesting connection to all this from one of my Lenten readings:

Henri Nouwen writes:
". . . The descending way is a way that is concealed in each person's heart. But because it is so seldom walked on, it's often overgrown with weeds. Slowly but surely we have to clear the weeds, open the way, and set out on it unafraid.

"For me, this weeding out process is always related to prayer, because to pray is to make free time for God, even when you've very busy with important matters of one kind or another. Every time you make free time for God, you clear up a bit of the descending path, and you see where you can plant your feet on the way to love."

Nouwen, Henri J. M. Show Me the Way: Readings for Each Day of Lent. NY: Crossroad, 1994. 47.

So it is time to sit, perhaps followed by writing. . . . Then at 11 o'clock, there is the Lectio Divina group at FUMC, which will be a good place to be.

Friday Five: Gloom before Spring

Sally says at RevGalBlogPals:

Candlemass is past, and Christmas is well and truly over, here in the UK February looks set to be its usual grey and cold self. Signs of spring are yet to emerge; if like me you long for them perhaps you need ways to get through these long dark days. So lets share a few tips for a cold and rainy/ snowy day....

1. Exercise, what do you do if you can't face getting out into the cold and damp?
Lately it has been raining and even one day was immersed in fog so that I have not felt like going out to walk the puppy Maisie. It was so exciting last night to see the clouds parting, and today the sun is shining!

2. Food; time to comfort eat, or time to prepare your body for the coming spring/summer?

The past few weeks of cold weather reminded me of my coping mechanisms when we lived in RI and NJ--I would cook and bake! I found the coziest, almost mushy, chicken recipe to cook in the crockpot this week: I’ve Died & Gone to Heaven Chicken Slow Cooker / Crock Pot Recipe. CB has even enjoyed it with his oppressive cold. But I need to renew my commitment to counting points with the Weight Watchers program.

3. Brainpower; do you like me need to stave off depression, if so how do you do it?
Since I suffered from clinical depression for years, I take prozac daily, and believe the medicine (and therapy) saved my life. Now in the current issue of Newsweek, the cover and a long article discuss "The Depressing News About Antidepressants: Studies suggest that the popular drugs are no more effective than a placebo. In fact, they may be worse."

I have tried to stop taking prozac, but fall into the flat affect state which deteriorates into suicidal ideation for me. So I continue to take meds.

4. How about a story that lifts your spirits, is there a book or film that you return to to stave off the gloom?
We recently watched "Kinky Boots," which both CB and I love.



5. Looking forward, do you have a favourite spring flower/ is there something that says spring is here more than anything else?
I love daffodils, which I could see bringing forth the message of spring in Bellingham, WA and when we also lived in RI and NJ. I fondly remember the daffodils blooming at the cemetery soon after my dad was buried there in Feb. 2002.

But in TX the wildflowers can be abundant and glorious. However, there have been few coming forth in the past few years because of the severe drought in this area. With all the rainfall this past fall and winter, we are hoping we'll see bluebonnets and other wildflowers in their glory soon.
Bonus; post a poem/ piece of music that points to the coming spring......

The Bright Field

by R. S. Thomas

I have seen the sun break through

to illuminate a small field

for a while, and gone my way

and forgotten it. But that was the pearl

of great price, the one field that had

the treasure in it. I realize now

that I must give all that I have

to possess it. Life is not hurrying

on to a receding future, nor hankering after

an imagined past. It is the turning

aside like Moses to the miracle

of the lit bush, to a brightness

that seemed as transitory as your youth

once, but is the eternity that awaits you.

Delighted with D's

Daughters

Not only am I a daughter, I have two daughters of my own. AE is tired of me telling the story about me crying when I told my mother my second baby was a girl, as I was so happy. I am grateful for both my daughters, plus two daughters-in-law now. They are all warm and caring people whom I like and love.

Dilly-dally

To dilly-dally is to dawdle. I picture someone pausing to look at every little or big thing one sees. Perfect times for dilly-dallying are on the beach or a walk in the woods, both of which I recall participating in this past summer in WA State. It is luxurious to dilly-dally and something to be grateful for. I have a bowl of driftwood from Moclips that remind me of those times of dilly-dallying this summer.

Dogs

As above where I mentioned cocker spaniels, I am grateful for dogs. I am definitely a dog person.

Dessert

Often the best part of a meal!

Dairy farm

My aunt and uncle owned a dairy farm in Everson, WA. I never knew this uncle because he died when I was very young. My aunt and her children kept the dairy farm going until they realized they could not financially make a go of it in the 1970's. I fondly recall visits to WA whenever my dad was transferred to a new base posting--there would be calves that I could feed with a bottle or a bucket of milk. It was amazing to find milking machines on rows of cows. I'm glad I had that experience, because there are few small (privately owned) dairy farms left.

Darkness, depression

Only because Mompriest posted the following poem today, do I include the dark places in my life. Afterwards, I am grateful for the changes that depression wrought in my life and in my family's coping systems (eventually).

"Someone I loved once gave me
a box full of darkness.

It took me years to understand
that this too, was a gift."

Mary Oliver, "The Uses of Sorrow"
in Thirst: Beacon Press 2006

ABC's of Gratitude

I remember that Mompriest wrote about the ABC's of gratitude some months ago. Since I am not very creative these days, I've decided to embark on 26 days of gratitude, which Altar Ego began and inspired Mompriest and now me.

Absence of God

Because of a friend's post about being alone, I remembered how a professor at Oblate School of Theology talked about the perceived ABSENCE of God actually being the PRESENCE of God. I think that's from the thinking of Karl Rahner, but I cannot be sure. (Rahner was the special interest of this professor.) So I try to re-interpret my feelings of nothingness about God as really God's reminder that God IS.

3 A's of Al Anon: Awareness, acceptance, action

Al Anon counts, too, because during the time that I was struggling with depression, I became newly cognizant that I was an adult child of an alcoholic. Going to 12-step groups was/is a cheap way to get therapy and support. The principles shared there continue to shape my life.

One of the principles is "awareness, acceptance, action," which corresponds to repentance (turning around) and conversion. Before a behavior can be changed, one must become aware of it. Then it's a longer process of getting to a point of awareness with no judgments as to it being "good" or "bad." After this acceptance, which grows into detachment, action is more readily successful.

All Saints Episcopal Church

This is the church where my first three children were baptized and where I have found my spiritual home. I love its atmosphere of acceptance, liberal approach to thinking, and deep yearning for spiritual growth. The sanctuary and labyrinth are beautiful, as are the liturgies. The people are dear.

Angst

Looking back on the difficult emotional periods of my life, I can be grateful afterwards for angst--as opportunities for growth. It is used in English to describe an intense feeling of strife, dread or anxiety.

Art

I have never felt artistic. However, I notice that there are 68 posts with art on this blog. I have several friends who are painters. I am learning that I appreciate art more than I used to.

Address book

Knowing where my address book is important to me. I used to write long handwritten letters, but now occasionally send cards. Still, I need those addresses, especially of my children.

I remember when I took a statewide exam for TX teachers (to get a lifetime certificate!) about 25 years ago, the essay question was, "What would you regret most if lost?" I remember writing about my address book, wondering if the readers would think I was crazy. Still, that was the truth.