The Death of Those We Love

Remember when my friend Joe died? His widow is a special friend of mine and today shared this beautiful quote from Henri Nouwen:

"The death of those we love and who love us opens up the possibility of a new, more radical communion, a new intimacy, a new belonging to each other. If love is stronger than death, then death has the potential to deepen and strengthen the bonds of love.

"It is only when we have died that our spirits can completely reveal themselves. The spirits of love, once freed from our mortal bodies, will blow where it will, even when few will hear its coming and going."

From Becoming the Beloved by Henri Nouwen

Road Crossing

"We become neighbors when we are willing to cross the road for one another. There is so much separation and segregation: between black people and white people, between gay people and straight people, between young people and old people, between sick people and healthy people, between prisoners and free people, between Jews and Gentiles, Muslims and Christians, Protestants and Catholics, Greek Catholics and Latin Catholics.

"There is s a lot of road crossing to do. We are all very busy in our own circles. We have our own people to go to and our own affairs to take care of. But if we could cross the road once in a while and pay attention to what is happening on the other side, we might indeed become neighbors."

~~Henri Nouwen

Copied from Roberta at Spiritually Directed.

Going Beyond Our Wants

"Sometimes we behave like children in a toy shop. We want this, and that, and then something else. The many options confuse us and create an enormous restlessness in us. When someone says, "Well, what do you want? You can have one thing. Make up your mind," we do not know what to choose.

"As long as our hearts keep vacillating among these many wants, we cannot move forward in life with inner peace and joy. That is why we need inner and outer disciplines, to go beyond these wants and discover our mission in life."
~~Henri Nouwen

From the free daily message found at the Henri Nouwen webpage. Subscribe.

This is what I needed to read this morning!

Deep Listening in a Group

I facilitate a book study called The Wisdom Class every Tuesday at All Saints Episcopal Church. Last week a member brought information about the listening practices of Quakers. He suggested that we wait 10-15 seconds between speakers. I was in a position where I could watch the second hand on the wall clock creep slowly along and realized how long a time period those seconds seemed. I'm not sure that we all waited that long between talking, but there was a definite difference in the way we were listening to each other during the two-hour meeting.

I reflected on the depth of listening during the past week, and was surprised to find a relevant meditation from Henri Nouwen this morning in my email box:

Listening as Spiritual Hospitality by Henri Nouwen

To listen is very hard, because it asks of us so much interior stability that we no longer need to prove ourselves by speeches, arguments, statements, or declarations. True listeners no longer have an inner need to make their presence known. They are free to receive, to welcome, to accept.

Listening is much more than allowing another to talk while waiting for a chance to respond. Listening is paying full attention to others and welcoming them into our very beings. The beauty of listening is that, those who are listened to start feeling accepted, start taking their words more seriously and discovering their own true selves. Listening is a form of spiritual hospitality by which you invite strangers to become friends, to get to know their inner selves more fully, and even to dare to be silent with you.

From the free daily message found at the Henri Nouwen webpage. Subscribe.

This also brings to mind the attentiveness needed in listening as displayed in Meister Eckhart's story of the burro-- Love Offers Freedom. Listening opens a space of freedom and acceptance.

Today we met again as The Wisdom Class and reflected upon last week's process. We agreed to try again to listen deeply to each other and agreed upon these guidelines:

1. What is said stays here.

2. Listen to what each person has to say:

Be open, sensitive, and tender to others.

3. Do not interrupt another speaker

4. Do not speak too often or too long;

allow silence between speakers.

5. Keep 10-15 seconds of silence between speakers.

6. Try to be aware that our desire to be present to each other is also our desire to be present to the Holy One.

It's going to take lots of practice!

The Basis for Our Security

"What is the basis of our security? When we start thinking about that question, we may give many answers: success, money, friends, property, popularity, family, connections, insurance, and so on. We may not always think that any of these forms the basis of our security, but our actions or feelings may tell us otherwise. When we start losing our money, our friends, or our popularity, our anxiety often reveals how deeply our sense of security is rooted in these things.

"A spiritual life is a life in which our security is based not in any created things, good as they may be, but in God, who is everlasting love. We probably will never be completely free from our attachment to the temporal world, but if we want to live in that world in a truly free way, we'd better not belong to it. "You cannot be the slave both of God and of money" (Luke 16:13)."

~~Henri Nouwen

From the free daily message found at the Henri Nouwen webpage. Subscribe.

This describes what was confirmed as my growing edge here at Shalem. Being a spiritual director is not about how good (or bad) I am, but about my trust in God as my security and ALL. God is the Source. Oh, to remember this each moment of my life!

So often in these days, Julian of Norwich has been quoted, which sums up spiritual direction and also life:

"I look at God; I look at you; I keep looking at God."

Building Inner Bridges

"Prayer is the bridge between our conscious and unconscious lives. Often there is a large abyss between our thoughts, words, and actions, and the many images that emerge in our daydreams and night dreams. To pray is to connect these two sides of our lives by going to the place where God dwells. Prayer is "soul work" because our souls are those sacred centers where all is one and where God is with us in the most intimate way.

"Thus, we must pray without ceasing so that we can become truly whole and holy."

~~Henri Nouwen
Henri Nouwen Society

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