In great sadness

A certain brother came to Abbot Poemen and said: What ought I to do, father? I am in great sadness. The elder said to him: Never despise anybody, never condemn anybody, never speak evil of anyone, and the Lord will give you peace.

--Verba Seniorum [Words of the Elders], written in Greek about the early Christian hermits of the Middle East, translated into Latin in the mid-500s. From Wisdom of the Desert (pub.1960), tr. by Thomas Merton (1915-1968).

I am in great sadness, too, because we have officially been told at our church that our former priest, who had served for 17 years here, has renounced his orders in the Episcopal Church and has been deposed by the Bishop of Atlanta. A better writer than I eloquently described the situation on his blog.

It is a complicated story, which is still being revealed. I was privileged to hear the story this afternoon in a group setting. I am grieved to hear what went on. I am very sad. Even as I realize that this priest served our parish, community, and more specifically me in many healing, teaching, and preaching ways, I see that he was more flawed than we ever saw. He really helped me learn to trust men, and now I am wrestling with the contradictions of that connected to this.

This weekend starts the healing and full-disclosure. On Saturday our bishop will have a meeting with all the church that comes to the gathering, for questions, remarks, and any thing that arises. Another bishop will preach on Sunday.

Unfortunately (or maybe serendipitously), I will be not in attendance at any of these events. Tomorrow I am going to San Antonio to hear Richard Rohr and Joan Chittister speak. I am going with a friend, because on Saturday my husband has to pick me up so we can drive on to Austin for an afternoon wedding.

Believing in ourselves

" We do not believe in ourselves until someone reveals that deep inside us is valuable, worth listening to, worthy of our trust, sacred to our touch. Once we believe in ourselves we can risk curiosity, wonder, spontaneous delight or any experience that reveals the human spirit."

~~e.e. cummings

Thanks to Catherine for sending this quote to me. Plus, e.e. cummings is one of my favorite poets.

Cell phone confusion

For the past hour or more husband CB has been changing and learning about the new family cell phone plan that our two daughters and he and I have together. Getting five "favorites" is a new and risky experience for us older people!

Construction Layoffs (personal)

On Feb. 17, I started to write about my son DC's job as an assistant construction supervisor of a large apartment complex in Austin, TX, but I never finished it. That was the day that they learned that their large company was closing down all construction projects in Austin and Houston. DC learned that he would lose his job this September, when the project would be finished. (If you go back here, you can see a picture of an example of what he builds.)

Today he learned that their last day of work will be JUNE 24, whether the construction is done or not. (Totally unrelated to this is that the date was my dad's birthday.) Luckily, DC's wife AA has a good job that looks secure.

Rumors and fears are circulating: A friend told me about a luxury condo project being built on Broadway in San Antonio--it has gone up 14 floors, with the goal of 33. All construction is now stopped. The building will be sealed off until the economy improves. Mike in TX set me straight on this project, but told of another one that is failing in SA in the comments here.

It has taken awhile for the effects of the economic downturn to get to Texas.

Plus, there have been four cases of swine flu in our county (Nueces). We're not far from Mexico! There are six confirmed cases in the state of Texas.

Doubt

Doubt has come to mind, which caused me to remember Frederick Buechner's writings on doubt. I always loved him saying, "Doubts are the ants in the pants of faith." I think that's true, though doubts are sometimes even more uncomfortable than that.I think doubt is part of faith. Faith doesn't grow unless there are doubts. I still have them and can if I stay in my head intellectualizing; but in my heart, I know there is God. It is a knowing beyond explanation and makes my life better. The title of my blog tells how I feel regarding all this--"yearning for God." (If you want to read my faith story, go here.)

So here are Buechner's words about doubt from his collection of readings, Beyond Words:

"Whether your faith is that there is a God or that there is not a God, if you don't have any doubts, you are either kidding yourself or asleep. Doubts are the ants in the pants of faith. They keep it awake and moving.

"There are two principal kinds of doubt, one of the head and the other of the stomach.

"In my head there is almost nothing I can't doubt when the fit is upon me--the divinity of Christ, the efficacy of the sacraments, the significance of the church, the existence of God. But even when I am at my most skeptical, I go on with my life as though untoward has happened.

"I have never experienced stomach doubt, but I think Jesus did. When he cried, 'My God, my God, why has though forsaken me!' I don't think he was raising a theological issue any more than he was quoting Psalm 22. I think he had looked into the abyss itself and found there a darkness that spiritually, viscerally, totally engulfed him. I think God allows that kind of darkness to happen only to God's saints. The rest of us aren't up to doubting that way--or maybe believing that way either.

"When our faith is strongest, we believe with our hearts as well as with our heads, but only at a few rare moments, I think, do we feel in our stomachs what it must be like to be engulfed by light." (85-86)

Buechener, Frederick. Beyond Words: Daily Readings in the ABC's of Faith. San Francisco: HarperCollins, 2004.

I love the way he expresses himself. All of the above tells about doubts I've had in the past and which I'll probably have in the future, too. Still, I go on "walking the walk" with friends and rediscovering the Holy is HERE more often than not.

Bury me in the library!

Please bury me in the library

In the clean, well-lighted stacks

Of Novels, History, Poetry,

Right next to the Paperbacks.

Where the Kids' Books dance

With True Romance

And the Dictionary dozes.

Please bury me in the library

With a dozen long-stemmed proses.

Way back by a rack of Magazines,

I won't be sad too often

If they bury me in the library

With Book worms in my coffin.

J. Patrick Lewis

Thank you to Diane Vogel Ferri at Coexist.

Friday Five: Bucket List

Singing Owl at RevGalBlogPals writes:

I wrote this Friday Five a while back but was unable to post it. Just saying, so you know I am not ill! :-) Actually I am heading out of town and will not be able to read your posts till sometime early next week, but I'll do so then. Have fun, and don't think too hard about this one. I figured we were due for some fun after Lent and Good Friday and Easter and all that churchy stuff!

Four days of being mostly in bed with a really bad case of flu (do not worry--I will give no detail) has me pondering the fragility of life. LOL! Death, however, has been cheated in my case and I am up and taking nourishment. In that vein of thought, do you have a "Bucket List"? In other words, from the movie of the same name, five things you want to see, do, accomplish, etc. before you kick the bucket?

1. Spend summers in Bellingham, WA and the rest of the year here in Corpus Christi, TX.

I own my parents' home in Bellingham, which has been rented out since 2002 when my dad died. Since my husband is also from Bellingham, we talk about doing this but do nothing more. To do that, we'd probably have to sell our home here and get a much smaller domicile or a condo. . . .

2. I'd love to go on the National Geographic tour of Antarctica. Probably other expeditions, too!

3. More within my means, would be Elderhostel trips, which I'm not sure that CB would like at all. Maybe I can do this with friends someday! (Can't you tell that in 1 1/2 years I'll be 60??) And I've also always wanted to go to Pendle Hill.

4. Take art classes and discover where creativity lurks within me!

5. Research and record about my ancestors; learn more about my family, which is somewhat difficult since I'm an only child and my parents are dead. (And my dad was also an only child, and my mother had only one sibling.)

Is he imprisoned or are we?

Christ of Maryknoll
by Br. Robert Lentz, OFM

"The icon does not make clear which side of the fence Christ is on. Is he imprisoned or are we? Through our cultural institutions and personal lives we all place barriers between ourselves and true happiness. We and our institutions also try to imprison Christ in various ways, to tame him and the dangerous memories he would bring us of our goals and ideals. on does not make clear which side of the fence Christ is on. Is he imprisoned or are we? Through our cultural institutions and personal lives we all place barriers between ourselves and true happiness. We and our institutions also try to imprison Christ in various ways, to tame him and the dangerous memories he would bring us of our goals and ideals."

I first saw this icon at a Shalem gathering. It has not left my mind, especially after reading what the artist, Br. Robert Lentz, wrote about it (above). The question haunts me: Is he imprisoned or are we?

There is a book with many of his icons entitled Christ in the Margins, which is by Edwina Gately and Robert Lentz. It is a beautiful book and has the Christ with barbed wire on its cover.

Record High Today

Corpus Christi, TX had a record high temperature of 96 degrees F. today. Supposedly the "normal" high temperature for this date is 82 degrees F. I would much prefer the latter temp. Yuck, and it is till April. This does not bode well for our "spring" here--or the SUMMER either.

Two friends were at Lebh Shomea for a few days and said that it is brown and dry there. Father Kelly told them that the wild animals, such as javelinas, deer, and turkeys, are dying from lack of water and malnutrition. There really is a drought in Texas.

**There is the U. S. Drought Monitor here. The map shows the drought (or not) conditions in all parts of the USA.

Surprise!

This is when Beverly, the creator of my quilt, gave it to me in the church library yesterday.

Prayer for Earth Day (and every day)

You are the One who has brought our Lord Jesus Christ
again to life from the dead;
You are the One who by your summoning imperative
has caused the worlds to be;
You are the One who by your faithfulness
has given a son to our vexed mother Hannah;
You are the One who has the will and power to begin again,
to start anew.

You are the only self-starter whose name we know.
And so we bid you, start again,
start here, start now,
start with us and with our school (church, city, country. .),
start with your mercy,
and with your justice,
and with your compassion,
and with your peace.
Make the world new again, and young again, and innocent again. . .
Start. . . before it is too late.
Amen.
On reading I Samuel 1 on Feb. 4, 1999

Brueggemann, Walter. Awed to Heaven, Rooted in Earth: Prayers of Walter Brueggemann. Ed. Edwin Searcy. Minneapolis: Fortress Press, 2003. 111.

My Quilt!

Today in the Wisdom Class, our church office administrator and my friend, Beverly, came into the church library where we were meeting with a quilt. She unfolded it and told us the story of its creation, and how it grew before her very eyes. Beverly is renown for her quilts; she creates them for her family and for each new rector of All Saints Episcopal Church.

Another friend MB ordered one from Beverly, which turned out vibrantly beautiful. MB has it hanging on a wall in her home. That got me wishing for one of my own, but they're very expensive! So back in January, I decided to start saving all my $5 bills so that in a few years I could get my own quilt.

But today Beverly presented me with this African one! She said that months ago she decided to do this and called and asked husband CB what my favorite color is (green) and something about me--that I went to Zambia in 2006. And this was the result. You can see that the back is as beautiful as the front!

That was such a huge surprise! I never suspected anything while Beverly was talking about it in our class for Walter Wink's book The Powers That Be. Suddenly she handed it to me and gave me an invoice for $5!!

Someone in the class said it should be called "Jan's Joy," but Beverly named it "Rain Dance." On the label she wrote from the Australian Yearly Meeting:

"Even in times of drought, the wellspring of the spirit knows no restrictions."

We are in a drought here, so we need rain. Plus, we're getting to summer weather: 80-90F/78 F each day. The title of the quilt reminded me of the scripture I chose as the theme of the Emmaus Walk I was Lay Director for in JULY 2001:

Blessed are those who trust in the Lord,
whose trust is the Lord.
They shall be like a tree planted by water,
sending out its roots by the stream.
It shall not fear when heat comes,
and its leaves shall stay green;
In the year of drought it is not anxious,
and it does not cease to bear fruit.
~~Jeremiah 17:7-8

This quilt will remind me of friendship, the Wisdom Class, how I love rain (I'm from WA State, after all), the Emmaus Walk when I was Lay Director, and my trip to Zambia. What a celebration!

Creativity or not?

I remember how excited I was to learn about perspective in drawing in fourth grade (when I was in third grade in a combination 3/4 class, but in reality I skipped fourth grade). That's probably the last time I was given any form of an art lesson. Sometime in the intervening years, I came to believe that I was (and am) totally uncreative.

In the past few years people have come into my life who have been gently encouraging me to try something in art, though I have not. The same friend who recommended the book Autumn Gospel gave me a book on creativity several years ago, which I keep putting off for a "better time": The Creativity Book: A Year's Worth of Inspiration and Guidance. MJF said that that book helped her to find her own creativity. Just recently, she suggested that she could show me what she knows about photography. . . .

Today at our local HEB supermarket, I met an Emmaus Walk friend from years ago. We barely recognized each other, since both of us have whiter hair now. She retired since I last saw her and is taking care of her ill daughter and 6-year-old grandson. In her spare time she is taking a watercolor class at the local community college. That interested me, and then she told me she had to take many elementary courses before this one--that were required first. And she told me that the art community at the junior college is nurturing and caring. WOW--sounds wonderful! She also told me that she needed courses with deadlines so she'd do the projects, and that is how I work best.

And friend TK has made a place for me at her art table to help me explore art. She paints and sculpts. She is actually ready for me to try.

Looking at the daffodil Ruth drew and posted at her blog Ruth's Visions and Revisions, I was connected with her creative drive in work (writing) and in her personal life (The Artist's Way) to see that it might also be a possibility for me. Doxy wrote in the comments that her grandfather always promised "to do that" when he retired, but then was unable to because he had dementia. Doesn't this somehow speak about living in the present moment??

So maybe I need to take a hint and accept one of these invitations. It's a little scary, as I feel totally inept. . . .and need to write those papers I mention in my profile. . . . But this is more of a possibility than I thought before. . . .

by Bob Seal

Be our primary disease

Be our primary disease,
and infect us with your justice;
Be our night visitor,
and haunt us with your peace;
Be our moth that consumes,
and eat away at our unfreedom.
Be our primary disease,
our night visitor,
our moth
infect, haunt, eat away. . .
Until we are toward you and with you and for you,
away from our injustice,
our anti-peace,
our unfreedom.
More like you and less like your resistance.
In the name of the one most like you,
most with you,
most for you. . . even Jesus.
Amen.

~~Walter Brueggemann, Prayer in Class: January 20, 1998

Brueggemann, Walter. Ed. Edwin Searcy. Awed to Heaven, Rooted in Earth: Prayers of Walter Brueggemann. Minneapolis: Fortress Press, 2003. 99.

Age

Yesterday was my third child BJ's birthday. He is now 24.

My oldest son DC will be 30 this summer, and my youngest child MJ will be 20 in November. (So as not to leave out a child, AE is 27.)

I remember when I was 24, my husband and I moved from VA to OR so that CB could go to graduate school at Oregon State University in Corvallis. We lived in married student housing, and I taught 2nd and 2nd-3rd grades in Eddyville, where the entire school had 250 kids for grades K-12. It was a happy time. And now BJ is that same age.

Then I wonder if I'll even be alive in 24 years. Neither of my parents lived to be 80 years old. Will I? In 24 years I would/could be almost 82.

I'm not really worried about dying. It just seems closer as I edge nearer to the age of 60. Maybe I am also more aware of it as I stopped dyeing my hair (last year) and it is going whiter. (See in the Easter pictures.)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I've also been reading Autumn Gospel: Women in the Second Half of Life by Kathleen Fischer. I had been averse to reading it, probably due to its title, until a friend called me up and read some quotes from it. Then I had to get the book!

Here is how I so often feel these days:

"The novelist Isabel Allende explains this shift after turning fifty: 'I don't have any time to waste. I don't have time for gossip or greed or revenge or undirected anger.' She says she is concentrating on the basics, which have to do with love." (32)

We're called to "Come Home"

Today my dear friend TK read to me something our new priest Sandy sang to us at a Lenten service, which is in her book The Lessons:

"Clothed in brilliant white, face unseen yet known.
Tall in splendor knowing, He says to me,
'Come home.'
From deep within His being, He gently beckons me,
'Let go of all your sorrows. Come in me and find your peace.'
One moment, Lord. I close my eyes, I need to go within.
A second to reflect, I thought, before I can begin.
Time then stopped in stillness. How long I cannot say.
Lost somewhere within His love my Lord in me did pray.
What of our encounter, Lord?
You know we never had our chat.
'Hush, my child. Be still. Can't you see? It's over just like that.'
But Lord, it was too easy, to forget myself in thee.
I wanted to tell you all there was.
But you only wanted me."

Casey-Martus, Sandy and Carla R. Mancari. The Lessons: How to Understand Spiritual Principles, Spiritual Activities, and Rising Emotions. Tucson, Arizona: Wheatmark, 2008. 161.

This was the essence of a mystical experience Sandy had, which she writes more about in this book. This is what she teaches us about prayer--letting go to God, with no expectations of oneself or of the Holy One.

Friday Five: Household Appliances

Sally at RevGalBlogPals wrote about household appliances, maybe because those of us not on the BIG trip of RevGals are in the kitchen or household more than desired.
So being in a domestic frame of mind I thought I'd ask;
1. What is the one appliance you simply couldn't be without?
Microwave or dishwasher.

When we used to visit my grandmother in Arkansas, it would take SO long to heat up any leftovers without a microwave. I love leftovers, and so the microwave is very handy. (Most recently for the ham bone and vegetable soup I made on Wednesday, which we're still warming up in the microwave.)

2. What if anything would you happily give up?
It was fun at first, but now seems like too much trouble to take the panini maker out of the cupboard.

3. What is the most strangest household appliance you own?
Probably our garbage disposal, because hardly anything can be put down it! Because of a bend in the pipes below the house, stuff gets stuck there so the gunk backs up into the sink. So most debris has to be thrown into the trash can instead of the sink. I'm always amazed when I visit people who put eggs, lettuce, and carrot ends into the disposal, because I cannot.

4. What is the most luxurious household appliance you own?
Probably the breadmaker that I never use. After looking at Sally's Friday Five, I realize I need to be using it!

My problem is that I love homemade bread with lots of butter on it.

5. Tell us about your dream kitchen- the sky is the limit here....
Yesterday I visited a friend whose entire house was remodeled. Her kitchen with granite counters and streamlined stainless steel appliances was beautiful.

My husband CB is remodeling his second house on our street. His kitchens have granite counter tops, stainless steel appliances, and light maple cupboards. I'd like one of them.

However, I got a new kitchen way back when we moved into this house in 1994, and I cannot complain. I have white appliances and a corian counter top, with a granite baking center. The cabinets are medium stained oak. It's still very nice.

Christianity in America

by David Horsey of the Seattle P-I

My daughter in Seattle sent me a link to this cartoon a few days ago. I guess I like it because of what the Episcopalian says; I'm sure my daughter thought of me being that mother back when we went to the Methodist Church.

How crazy it is in Texas!

I had to have my daughter in Seattle point out that Rick Perry, the TX governor with BIG hair, babbled about seceding from the union. He is ridiculous.

"Texas Gov. Rick Perry riled up the “anti-government protesters” at an Austin “tea party” rally Wednesday, said Michael Landauer in The Dallas Morning News. But later he uncorked some truly “over-the-top radicalism,” calmly suggesting to reporters that Texas might secede from the United States. People are angry, but stirring up the “Republic of Texas nuts” to potentially “dangerous levels” won't help."

And this shows Perry's clarity and eloquence:

"There's a lot of different scenarios," Perry said. "We've got a great union. There's absolutely no reason to dissolve it. But if Washington continues to thumb their nose at the American people, you know, who knows what might come out of that."

The rest of the article is here.

Easter Pictures, mostly with dogs!

DC's wife AA with their dog Sampson

MJ with Baillie, Troy (BJ's dog), and Cisco

MJ with Troy

DC and CB with Sampson and Baillie

DC and AA after church on Easter

DC and Sampson

BJ and Troy

BJ and squinting Jan

Dinners with Jim Haynes

Today in EFM, a member read an essay by Jim Haynes from NPR's "This I Believe".

Every week for the past 30 years, Jim Haynes, 75, has hosted a dinner party in his home in Paris. Anyone who calls or e-mails to attend – even total strangers – is welcome. He has huge crowds who come on Sunday nights. And there has even been a cookbook published about the meals over the years: Throw a Great Party: Inspired by evenings in Paris with Jim Haynes.

This is how he ends his essay:

"Tolerance can lead to respect and, finally, to love. No one can ever really understand anyone else, but you can love them or at least accept them. Like Tom Paine, I am a world citizen. All human history is mine. My roots cover the earth. I believe we should know each other. After all, our lives are all connected. OK, now come and dine!"

Since I am basically a shy person, such consistently large dinners sound daunting to me. I wish I could be that open about talking to total strangers, though perhaps there is freedom in being with new people who want to get to know each other.

Thoughts are NOT God

Sherry always finds interesting links and posts them on her blog A Feather Adrift. Today she posted a link to an interesting article on The Huffington Post by Dean Sluyter, a Buddhist meditation teacher and prison chaplain entitled "Spirituality ≠ Belief."

"Many Christians conceive of spiritual truth as something that is directly experienced only when you die and are (hopefully) lifted into heaven. But Christ himself said the kingdom of heaven is within you. Not elsewhere, in the sky. Not later, when you die. And not just maybe, if you've behaved and/or believed: it is within you. This inner, ever-present heaven is actually more consistent with the inner space of nirvana or moksha -- liberation -- that Buddhists and Vedantists describe than it is with what a lot of people take away from Sunday school.

"The problem is not confined to Christians. A friend who has traveled throughout India and practiced Eastern spirituality for years recently told me, "After all my experiences with saints and holy men of all kinds, I no longer try to believe in God. It's too much work." Well, yes. Trying to believe in anything is too much work. Belief is constructed out of thoughts. Your thoughts about God are not God; your thoughts about enlightenment are not enlightenment; your thoughts about the infinite are not infinite. They're just thoughts."

Go here to read the rest of the article. It's worth taking the time to read, and it's not long.

Also at this website is something I'd never seen before--Top Posts/Blogger Index. It might be interesting to check out every so often.

Easter 1955

Thinking of the little boys and little girls all dressed up at church this morning, I am remembering how I always had a new dress for Easter, plus an Easter hat. Even though I always had the Easter ensemble, we rarely went to church on Easter or any other Sunday. White gloves were an essential element.

Here I am at the age of 4 1/2, wearing a dress my grandmother made for me, which I remember because my favorite doll Sue was given the same dress by my grandmother. They were both pink.

This was at the front door of the little house that was behind my grandparents' larger house in Lynden, WA. My father, who was a Marine, was stationed in Japan, so my mother and I were living in a house that her father had built before he'd built the larger one.

Happy Easter!

and

Women at the Tomb

Women Arriving at the Tomb

by He Qui

Holy Saturday: Alone in Nothingness

Holy Saturday
by Roxolana Luczakowsky Armstrong

Friday Five: Adoremus Te

The Betrayal
1350-1400
by Niccola di Giacoma da Bologna

Sophia writes this week's Friday Five for RevGalBlogPals:

Adoramus te, Christe,
et benedicimus tibi,
quia per sanctam crucem tuam
redemisti mundum.
Qui passus es pro nobis,
Domine, miserere nobis.

We adore you, O Christ,
and we bless you,
because by your holy cross
you have redeemed the world.
O Lord, who suffered for us,
have mercy on us.

1. How will you pray and worship today?
I was blessed to start the morning off with the weekly Renovare Group that meets at my house. Instead of berating myself about my failure to pray twice a day or whether or not I should go to the Good Friday Service tonight when my family does not want to, I came to the realization that God is calling me to "look to Jesus" and be aware of the holiness of this day.

I am rushing around getting ready for my two sons and one daughter-in-law to arrive today, to my great happiness. Youngest daughter MJ is already here. I will get meals and everything else ready, but I will also take the time to sit with God.

The biggest realization is that I can go to the 6 pm Good Friday service at church alone, and I can ask everyone else to get dinner ready while I'm gone. I'll have the ingredients here, but they can do the rest. We'll help each other, and it's getting me to let go of control.

2. Share a powerful memory or memories of Good Friday past.
The most powerful memory I have of a Good Friday is the one that occurred about four years ago when I was trying to discern about leaving the Methodist Church for the Episcopal one. At the noon service at the first church, a former pastor there laughingly said that Jesus knew the outcome, and so the Passion was not that hard for him. I remember several old ladies really liked that message. I was disturbed.

When I came to the Good Friday service at All Saints Episcopal Church, the solemnity and holiness of the day overwhelmed me. I was grateful and decided then to re-join the Episcopal Church. That is why I want to go to the Good Friday liturgy tonight.

3. How have you grown and experienced God's love during this past Lent?
These weeks of Lent of spending more intentional times in silence and continuing to go to the Lectio Divina group each week have brought me to a clearer image of how I resist following the path of discipleship--and I am still loved. This past Wednesday, we meditated upon Hebrews 12:1-2, and I realized that my invitation is to keep "looking to Jesus." As Sandy, our new rector, keeps telling us: "Jesus is our model."

4. In whom do you see the face of the suffering Christ most clearly?
I am hoping I will see past his "distressing disguise" as Mother Teresa used to say. I experienced that last night in our Maunday Thursday Service, which lasted for two hours, through the long silence of individuals washing another's feet, followed by Eucharist and the stripping of the altar.

5. Where do you find hope for resurrection?
In the renewal of love felt within me. Also, in the new legal proceedings that allow for legal marriages for gay couples in Vermont and Iowa.

Bonus: Share a song, poem, or prayer that makes the paschal mystery come alive for you.

(Maybe later. . . .)

The world says. . . Jesus says

"If the world is sane, then Jesus is mad as a hatter and the Last Supper is the Mad Tea Party. The world says, Mind your own business, and Jesus says, There is no such thing as your own business. The world says, Follow the wisest course and be a success, and Jesus says, Follow me and be crucified. The world says, Drive carefully---the life you save may be your own---and Jesus says, Whoever would save his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it.

"The world says, Law and order, and Jesus says, Love. The world says, Get, and Jesus says, Give. In terms of the world's sanity, Jesus is crazy as a coot, and anybody who thinks we can follow him without being a little crazy too is laboring less under a cross than under a delusion."

Frederick Buechner, Listening to Your Life

From Inward/Outward. Subscribe here.

Do It Anyway

People are often unreasonable, illogical, and self-centered;
Forgive them anyway.

If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives;
Be kind anyway.

If you are successful, you will win some false friends and some true enemies;
Succeed anyway.

If you are honest and frank, people may cheat you;
Be honest and frank anyway.

What you spend years building, someone could destroy overnight;
Build anyway.

If you find serenity and happiness, they may be jealous;
Be happy anyway.

The good you do today, people will often forget tomorrow;
Do good anyway.

Give the world the best you have and it may just never be enough;
Give the world the best you have anyway.

You see, in the final analysis, it's all between you and God;
It was never between you and them anyway.

From Do It Anyway: The Handbook for Finding Personal Meaning and Deep Happiness in a Crazy World by Kent Keith.

According to the author, Mother Teresa was so moved by these commandments that she hung them on a wall in her orphanage in Calcutta.

in time of daffodils

My daughter AE took this picture in Seattle and emailed it to me today. She knows how I love daffodils and am sad that I do not see them here in south TX.

This, of course, reminded me of a poem:

in time of daffodils(who know
the goal of living is to grow)
forgetting why,remember how

in time of lilacs who proclaim
the aim of waking is to dream,
remember so(forgetting seem)

in time of roses(who amaze
our now and here with paradise)
forgetting if,remember yes

in time of all sweet things beyond
whatever mind may comprehend,
remember seek(forgetting find)

and in a mystery to be
(when time from time shall set us free)
forgetting me,remember me

~~e.e.cummings

The Way It Is

I feel like I have posted this poem before, but I cannot find it. It was shared in our EFM class this afternoon, and I keep thinking about the thread we each hold on to. It reminds me of what a counselor once told me: "Hold onto the TRUTH" (when I wanted to find comfort in denial).

There's a thread you follow. It goes among
things that change. But it doesn't change.
People wonder about what you are pursuing.
You have to explain about the thread.
But it is hard for others to see.
While you hold it you can't get lost.
Tragedies happen; people get hurt
or die; and you suffer and get old.
Nothing you can do can stop time's unfolding.
You don't ever let go of the thread.

~~William Stafford

Gratefulness

Talking to a friend today, I remember the ABC's of gratitude as espoused by an Al Anon group I used to belong to. I guess I think of the word "gratefulness" from my love for David Steindl-Rast's book Gratefulness: The Heart of Prayer.

I remember using the ABC's of gratitude when I used to get depressed. So before we get too far into Holy Week, I decided to try that here. Try it yourself, either on your blog or privately.

A--apples
B--books
C--children
D--dogs
E--ears
F--family
G--God
H--holidays
I--ice
J--justice
K--kisses
L--Licorice (our deceased Lab)
M--marzipan
N--notes
O--oatmeal (with peanut butter and raisins!)
P--pansies
Q--quiet
R--rain
S--sleep
T--tea
U--us
V--visits
W--Washington (state)
X--xxx's (any ideas?)
Z--Zambia

It used to be easy if I used my children, family, and friend's names, but for privacy, I did not want to do that.

And the list could be just for those people mentioned above, for animals, for food, for countries or cities--lots of things!

Palm Sunday

Breaking of a Palm Leaf for the Entry into Jerusalem
1304-1306 in Scrovegni Chapel in Padua, Italy
By Giotto (1267-1337)

Would you or I lay a palm or a cloak down for Jesus and the crowds to walk on into Jerusalem?

During Lent, I've been surprised by the reflections I received in our weekly Lectio Divina group, which always meditates upon scripture from the next Sunday's lectionary. As I visualized "following" Jesus, I keep getting the thoughts like: "Who are you really? What do I know about you? Maybe I'll go back home."

This past Wednesday, we prayed with Mark 11:7-9:

11:7 Then they brought the colt to Jesus and threw their cloaks on it; and he sat on it.

11:8 Many people spread their cloaks on the road, and others spread leafy branches that they had cut in the fields.

11:9 Then those who went ahead and those who followed were shouting, "Hosanna! Blessed is the one who comes in the name of the Lord!

With this meditation, I found myself doubting myself seriously--Could I follow all the way to the cross? This caused me to realize that in all these other Lectio sessions, I thought I was questioning who Jesus was, but in reality, I was wondering if I was courageous enough to go with him, since the ending of his story are ingrained within me.

But in each reading, that is not part of the story yet! I believe that Jesus was not obsessing on the inevitable fate of prophets, but was living in union with the Father in each moment as it came.

The enouraging message I was given in prayer is that the moment is possible--each moment is here with the possibility of life and love given. When I look to the past or the future in fear or even anticipation, I am losing this present gift and am not even "living" right now.

This is not a new lesson or a profound truth that will be new to anyone else--it's a renewal of my awareness. It is too easy to be in the fear the future, even though I know the eventual outcome of resurrection. I fear the agony of the intervening crucifixion! It takes one step at a time; one step is always possible, no matter how tiny.

So my invitation is to travel with Jesus one step at a time.

Diane offers a deeper reflection in her sermon for today: "Which Procession are you in?"

That's another good question to ask!

Friday and Saturday in TX

Before I started driving to Sandia to visit my friend LP today, she sent me this email:

"Don't be alarmed when you come out today. Our house almost burned down yesterday but now all is well. There is still smoke and a lot of mud from all the water we sprayed around. Anyway, it is an interesting view and we can go to the river to escape it all. They say about 2000 acres around here burned and we have burned fences and cows all in the wrong fields."


I did not know what to expect, but this is what I imagine happened near my friend's house in Sandia, TX yesterday when acres of ranch land was burning. When I was with LP today, she described how helicopters dumped water and even mud on the fires that were approaching her house. Her house was spared, but others further away were burned. However, LP was driving from a cousin's house and was engulfed in smoke on a little farming road where she could not see. She found herself skidding along a barbed wire fence and then driving through pockets of flames! It is amazing she is fine, though her car is very scraped up. She said she was worried her car might explode, but it didn't. Whew!

Tomorrow LP and I are driving (in my car) to San Antonio for another class on the mystics--this one is on John of the Cross. We have to leave at 6 am to get there for the 9 o'clock class. This is Year 2 of Christian Mysticism: History, Wisdom and Insights. It is sponsored by both Oblate School of Theology (where I may someday earn my master's degree in Theology) and Contemplative Outreach of San Antonio.

My Grand-dog Sampson

From our visit to Austin last weekend with son DC and his wife AA, here are pictures of their sweet dog Sampson:

Sampson with MJ

When we were leaving, Sampson tried to climb into our car.

Sampson will visit us for Easter as will our energetic grand-dog Troy from Houston with their dads and Sampson's mom. Sadly, our cocker grand-dog Morgan will stay in Seattle with her two moms. Pictures of the three grand-dogs are here.

Start a blog!

Cartoon by David Horsey (thanks to my daughter's info)

Thanks to Ellie at Child of Illusion for this cartoon.

Dancing the Boogie

And for another happy song with dancing in a train station, go here, sponsored by Choralgirl!

Happy April 1st!

Salvation

By what are you saved? And how?
Saved like a bit of string,
tucked away in a drawer?
Saved like a child rushed from
a burning building, already
singed and coughing smoke?
Or are you salvaged
like a car part -- the one good door
when the rest is wrecked?

Do you believe me when I say
you are neither salvaged nor saved,
but salved, anointed by gentle hands
where you are most tender?
Haven't you seen
the way snow curls down
like a fresh sheet, how it
covers everything,
makes everything
beautiful, without exception?

by Lynn Ungar