Prayer for Desert Times

(From here)

The journeys of our lives are never fully charted.
There come, sometimes, to each of us, deserts to cross,
Barren stretches
Where the green edge on the horizon may be our destination,
Or an oasis on our way,
Or a mirage that beckons and will leave us lost.
When fear grips the heart, or despair bows the head,
May be we bend as heart and head lead us down
To touch the ground beneath our feet,
And scoop some sand into our hands,
And receive what the sand would teach us:
It holds the warmth of the sun
When the sun has left our sight,
As it holds the cool of the night when the stars have faded.
And hidden among its grains are tiny seeds, at rest and waiting.
Dormant, yet undefeated. Desert flowers.
They endure.
Moistened by our tears,
And by the rain that comes to end even the longest drought,
They send down roots, and they bloom.

Oh, may we believe in those seeds,
And the seeds within us.
May we remember in our dry seasons
That we, too, are desert flowers.

Amen.

- Margaret
Keip

From March 2, 2008.

The Question

Too often I get stumped with the question, "WHY is this happening??" WHY do I have RA?

(WHY not?)

INSTEAD, for peace of mind, I must change the question to

WHO IS WITH ME?

Or even WHAT is with me?

God/Love is with me, always and forever.

When I am stuck on the WHY question, I forget that and only look at me in a grandiose and/or pitiful way. That certainly narrows my viewpoint and constricts my heart.

God/Love is with me (and you), always and forever.

Our Real Work

THE REAL WORK

It may be that when we no longer know what to do
we have come to our real work.

and that when we no longer know which way to go
we have come to our real journey.

The mind that is not baffled is not employed.

The impeded stream is the one that sings.

~Wendell Berry

from here

Healing

There once was a wise sage who wandered the countryside. One day, as he passed near a village, he was approached by a woman who saw he was a sage and told him of a sick child nearby. She beseeched him to help this child. The sage came to the village, and a crowd gathered around him, for such a man was a rare sight. One woman brought the sick child to him, and he said a prayer over her.

"Do you really think your prayer will help her, when medicine has failed?" yelled a man from the crowd.

"You know nothing of such things! You are a stupid fool!" said the sage to the man.

The man became very angry with these words and his face grew hot and red. He was about to say something, or perhaps strike out, when the sage walked over to him and said: "If one word has such power as to make you so angry and hot, may not another have the power to heal?"

And thus, the sage healed two people that day.

With thanks to Ellie at The Anchorhold. She attributes this to the website Living Fully.

Here is another quote from Living Fully:

"Aligning our minds with the most compassionate
words and thoughts we can muster can bring
connection and a sense of peace. For some,
it means giving up almost an entire way of life,
but only this will allow glints of joy to shine through."

Laura Berman Fortgang

Struggle of Prayer

The Wisdom Class is almost finished reading Karen Armstrong's The Case for God. Yesterday we discussed a story related there about the Holocaust, which is staying with me:

"Another Auschwitz story. . . . Even in the camps, some of the inmates continued to study the Torah and to observe the festivals, not in the hope of placating an angry deity but because they found, by experience, that these rituals helped them to endure the horror.

"One day a group of Jews decided to put God on trial. In the face of such inconceivable suffering, they found the conventional arguments utterly unconvincing. If God was omnipotent, he could have prevented the Shoah; if he could not stop it, he was impotent; and if he could have stopped it but chose not to, he was a monster. They condemned God to death. The presiding rabbi announced the verdict, then went on calmly to announce that it was time for the evening prayer.

"Ideas about God come and go, but prayer, the struggle to find meaning even in the darkest circumstances, must continue."

Armstrong, Karen. The Case for God. NY: Alfred A. Knopf, 2009. 278.

I cannot explain or understand the suffering and pain in the world. Prayer is my answer to keep me realizing/knowing that God undergirds it all, somehow, some way. Prayer, worship, community support and remind of the Love that connects us all. It is my task to continue, despite suffering, disillusionment, ennui.

Not alone

Last week Mad Priest posted this nagging image on his blog; it can be taken either positively or negatively.


While I was suffering through so much pain recently, I kept remembering those eyes--as a symbol of God/Love who is always present. Sometimes we can glimpse more and even feel the presence of something, like a warm Labrador Retriever. Other times, there just seems to be emptiness. Holding onto the word or memory helps, especially through friends, family, meditation, and taking one step at a time.

I try to remember that the ABSENCE of God is actually the PRESENCE of the Holy One. That piece of wisdom is from Karl Rahner via Father Makothokat, a professor at Oblate School of Theology. How grateful I am for that insight, which helps me to go on.

~~~~~~~~~~
Yesterday I went to see the rheumatologist recommended by friends. He spent an hour with me and then sent me for blood tests, a bone scan, and x-rays. I meet with him again next week to learn the results of these tests. I am staying on the Prednisone (steroid) that my family practice doctor prescribed (again) last week, and so am moving around and am feeling optimistic.

I appreciate all of you who have been supporting me through thoughts, prayers, comments, and suggestions. You help me to sense the presence of that Dog/God!

I am hoping!

Due to the insistence and help of friends, I have an appointment with a rheumatologist in two days--on Monday. I keep thanking God for my friends' intervention. Having a semi-diagnosis and an appointment with a specialist give me hope.

I checked out three books about rheumatoid arthritis from our public library today. I latched onto the phrase from a scientist that is hard to let go of--80% of people suffering from RA are partially disabled within 12 years. That is a frightening prospect.

"More than 80 percent are partially disabled within twelve years after the diagnosis of the disease, and 16 percent are completely disabled. Median life expectancy is shortened an average of seven years for men and three years for women." (26)

Lee, Thomas F. Conquering Rheumatoid Arthritis. NY: Promethius Books, 2001.

Could that statistic be changed ten years after the book's publication?

So I am trying (again) to stay in the present:

• Am I safe right now? (yes)
• Who is in charge? (God)
• Who is with me right now? (God)

In another book about RA, I found this wonderful quote by Ralph Waldo Emerson:

"What lies behind you, what lies ahead of you,

pales in comparison to what lies within you."

Koehn, Cheryl et al. Rheumatoid Arthritis: Plan to Win. NY: Oxford University Press, 2002. xiii.

I am grateful for supportive friends and family. You help me see God within you and within me.

God sets all FREE!

As smoke is blown away
and wax melts in the fire,
racism and oppression
disappear before the face of God.
The oppressed and trampled down
are set free in God's presence.
They rejoice and shout with joy.

~~Zephania Kameeta, Namibia

Kameeta, Zephania. Women's Prayer Services. Ed. Iben Gjerding and Katherin Kinnamon. Mystic, Conn.: World Council of Churchs, 1988. 39.

No going back

No, no, there is no going back.
Less and less you are
that possibility you were.
More and more you have become
those lives and deaths
that have belonged to you.

You have become a sort of grave
containing much that was
and is in no more time, beloved
then, now, and always.
And so you have become a sort of tree
standing over the grave.

~~Wendell Berry

Go here to read the rest of the poem.

The Bright Field

I have seen the sun break through

to illuminate a small field

for a while, and gone my way

and forgotten it. But that was the pearl

of great price, the one field that had

the treasure in it. I realize now

that I must give all that I have

to possess it. Life is not hurrying

on to a receding future, nor hankering after

an imagined past. It is the turning

aside like Moses to the miracle

of the lit bush, to a brightness

that seemed as transitory as your youth

once, but is the eternity that awaits you.

~~R. S. Thomas

Be careful what you wish for!

The Fairy:

A couple had been married for 25 years and also celebrated their 60^th birthdays. During the celebration a fairy appeared and said that because they had been such a loving couple all those years, she would give them one wish each.

The wife wanted to travel around the world. The fairy waved her wand and boom! She had the tickets in her hand.

Next, it was the husband's turn. He paused for a moment, then said shyly, "Well, I'd like to have a woman 30 years younger than me."

The fairy picked up her wand and boom! He was 90.

My prayers are lifeless

Lord, at the moment you do not seem real to me. My prayers are lifeless, and my spirit feels numb. Help me to persevere when faith seems absent, in the certainty that you are with me in the darkness and your light is at the end of the tunnel. Renew my bruised spirit with your love, and help me to rest in you. In the name of Jesus, my Saviour.

~~Mary Rose de Lisle

de Lisle, Mary Rose. The Book of a Thousand Prayers. Ed. Angela Ashwin. Grand Rapids, Michigan: Zondervan, 2002. 121-122.

Cliff Edge

"Come to the edge."

"We can't. We're afraid."

"Come to the edge."

"We can't. We will fall!"

"Come to the edge."

And they came.

And he pushed them.


And they flew.

~~Guillaume Apollinaire
French Poet, 1880-1918

Help me, Lord

Lord of healing
Lord of my darkest place:
Let in your light.

Lord of my greatest fear:
Let in your peace.

Lord of my most bitter shame:
Let in your word of grace.

Lord of my oldest grudge:
Let in your forgiveness.

Lord of my deepest anger:
Let it out.

Lord of my loneliest moment:
Let in your presence.

Lord of my truest self--my all:
Let in your wholeness.

~~Alison Pepper

Pepper, Alison. The Book of a Thousand Prayers. Ed. Angela Ashwin. Grand Rapids, Michigan: Zondervan, 2002. 117.

Darkness

"Someone I loved once gave me
a box full of darkness.

It took me years to understand
that this too, was a gift."

~~Mary Oliver
"The Uses of Sorrow"
in Thirst: Beacon Press 2006

Grain of Hope

I have a small grain of hope--
one small crystal that gleams
clear colors out of transparency.

I need more.

I break off a fragment
to send to you.

Please take
this grain of a grain of hope
so that mine won't shrink.

Please share your fragment
so that yours will grow.

Only so, by division,
will hope increase,

like a clump of irises, which will cease to flower
unless you distribute
the clustered roots, unlikely source--
clumsy and earth-covered--
of grace.

~~Denise Levertov

Keep Walking

Keep walking, though there is no place to get to.

Don't try to see through the distances. That's not for human beings.

Move within, but don't move the way fear makes you move.

~~Rumi

Voice of Depression

I know the voice of depression
Still calls to you.

I know those habits that can ruin your life
Still send their invitations.

But you are with the Friend now
And look so much stronger.

You can stay that way
And even bloom!

~~Hafiz

HOPE

Free e-card from Gratefulness.org
Photo: Jon Sullivan, PDPhoto.org
Design: Patricia Carlson

I am going to pre-post quotes, poems and thoughts about HOPE while I am in Spain visiting my youngest daughter MJ: March 30-April 11.

I will try to periodically post about my trip, but am not sure about access to computers. It is a tiny screen on my Ipod Touch to try to write on my blog from there; that must be why daughter MJ rarely writes on her blog about Spain!

Hymn to the Mother of Hope

You are a breath of calm
amidst the waves of the ocean
Light upon light in my being
Renewal of devotion
Dark as the new-moon mountain night
Infused with the radiance of stars
Love upon love to my center flows
From the Center who You are.

You are the Winter’s sacred, inward-turning, secret light
The birthing time of Spring
The fertile ground of Summer’s might
Letting go in transmutation
As Autumn’s nights grow long again
Yet You remain, Eternal One,
Without beginning, without end.

You are the Mother of Hope in a time of disillusion
Wise beyond wise yet a child
Undefiled, without confusion
Constellations dance in awe
And harmonies reach us from afar
All celebrating with pure joy
The strong Compassion who you are.

- Patricia Campbell Carlson

Found here.