The Week Ahead

This coming week seemed far away until now. Here it is! Tomorrow I am driving to San Antonio for two nights and three days. I'll be attending the Summer Institute at Oblate School of Theology, which this year is entitled "Demystifying Mysticism." The main speakers will be Fr. Thomas Keating
and Fr. Kelly Nemeck, OMI, founder of Lebh Shomea House of Prayer in Sarita, TX,

and Fr. Ronald Rolheiser, OMI, current president of Oblate School of Theology.
They are all authors of excellent books, especially about contemplative prayer.

I went to my first OST Summer Institute in 2000, when I was considering enrolling at the school. Back then it was sparsely attended and was set in the old part of the school. Now hundreds will be there--at the Oblate Renewal Center, which is also where I attended the Two Year Spiritual Formation Academy with Katherine E. and the recent Shalem retreat.


I'll return home on Wednesday night and then on Friday will fly to Calgary, Alberta, Canada to visit my cousin Margaret and attend her daughter's wedding in Banff. I'll write more about that right before I leave.

Friday Five: Moving and Changing

Sally at RevGalBlogPals writes:


ALL IS CHANGE.... and although I am looking forward to it, it is not without a sense of trepidation, as change always brings challenges.

Changing location also means packing, so next month will be a month of clearing and sorting, deciding what comes and what gets left behind...

So with change in mind I offer you this Friday five; ( if you've never moved here's a chance to use your imagination)

1. A big move is looming, name one thing that you could not possibly part with, it must be packed ?
Now that we have no children living with us, I'd have to bring along our pets: Baillie, our old cocker spaniel; Cisco, CB's mixed shepherd; and Gracie, the furry queen cat.

2. Name one thing that you would gladly leave behind...
The HEAT/humidity of south TX.

3. How do you prepare for a move
a. practically?
Clean out and get rid of.

Having lived in the same house for the past 15 years has us packed to the gills. Moving motivates me to sort and clean out.

b. spiritually/ emotionally?
I'd check with Shalem for spiritual directors in the new area, so maybe I'd have possibilities for friends there. I have met wonderful people here, who were directed through Shalem.

Keep addresses in my address book. Try to see friends as much as possible before leaving.
I have lived here in Corpus Christi longer than I have in any other place in my life (since I grew up with a dad in the Marine Corps), and so it would be difficult to part from this "home," even though it's always too hot.

4. What is the first thing you look for in a new place?

This is what our moves usually looked like:

When we moved so much when we had children, I would always seek out the La Leche League leaders and groups, plus the local library.

Now I would seek out spiritual friends, probably first through Shalem's directory.

5. Do you settle in easily, or does it take time for you to find your feet in a new location?
One would think that moving so frequently both as a child and as a young mother, I would have gotten used to relocating. However, it has always been difficult for me to move, probably because I am an introvert.

The hardest move of all was from RI to NJ when my mother had just died. When we moved, the children (except for 2 year old MJ) were in school and CB was immediately at work, and I was alone with MJ. Thankfully, I had her.

The bonus for today; a new opportunity has come up for you to spend 5 years in a new area, where would you go and why?
This is a revelation to me.

I have been worrying about whether we should move to Bellingham, WA, where I still own (and rent out) my parents' home, but friends and three of our children living in TX hold me here. A move doesn't have to be permanent, except it seems that way with all our junk. So getting rid of stuff would bring freedom of movement, also.This is a map of Bellingham. Find Lakeway Drive and then see Puget Street--my parents' old home is about the middle of the word "Puget." CB's parents live past Yew Street on Lakeway Drive.This is a good view of Western Washington University (formerly WWSC, from which CB and I graduated) and Sehome Hill. The hill behind Sehome Hill is where my parents' house is.

Friday Five: Fork in the Road

Singing Owl writes for RevGalBlogPals:

I am at a life-changing juncture. I do not know which way I will go, but I have been thinking about the times, people and events that changed my life (for good or ill) in significant ways. For today's Friday Five, share with us five "fork-in-the-road" events, or persons, or choices. And how did life change after these forks in the road?

1. Going to La Leche League meetings before my first child was born, way back in 1979.

La Leche League opened me to new and more beneficial ways of parenting, nutrition, and (of course) breastfeeding my four children. I met my best friend there and eventually became a La Leche League leader myself. LLL's emphasis on "family first" helped both my husband and me learn beyond our own childhoods.

2. Having each of our four children.

Being an only child and living far away from my husband's and my relatives, I am grateful that we had each of our four children. Each one has blessed us and grown us to accept them and the wider world. Our eldest daughter AE helped us become advocates for LGBT equality, which I believe is God's will.

3. Going to Oblate School of Theology in San Antonio, TX from Corpus Christi, 2001-2007.

My faith grew as my knowledge of theology expanded, as well as my confidence in myself. I started by wondering if I was called to be a Methodist minister and continued in the desire for learning more about God. I also learned more about the Roman Catholic Church and its priests and orders, as well as its social justice around the world. In 2006, I went to Zambia with a group from OST (only five of us!), where my heart expanded in love for Africa, those with HIV/AIDs, and orphans around the world.

It was also at OST that I learned from a professor who had done his dissertation on Karl Rahner that the (perceived) ABSENCE of God is actually God's PRESENCE! What a major revelation that continues to shape me in my "yearning for God."

4. The Episcopal Church.

When I was in high school in Bellingham, WA, I was baptized and confirmed in the Episcopal Church without my parents' interest. That seems much more momentous to me now, in retrospect, than it did for years and years.

Starting to see Father David Stringer as my spiritual director while I was going to the Methodist Church in 1997 was a major decision towards my spiritual and emotional growth. My "yearning for God" increased so much that I found the need to return to the liturgy and deep spirituality of the Episcopal Church in 2005.

5. NOW.

Going to the Shalem Program for Spiritual Guidance, all the books I've read over the years, going to Lebh Shomea since 1996, and the yearning placed within me are bringing me to this crossroads, which is currently my blog logo. Commitment to meditation/contemplation/prayer and moving forward with all my papers are the the way I am going. . . .



And here is a Lenten meditation from Lebh Shomea, which is short and beautiful.

Oblate School of Theology and Oblate Renewal Center

This is the front entrance to the Oblate School of Theology, where someday I may finally receive my Master's degree in Theology. I went part time there for over five years, "commuting" from Corpus Christi to San Antonio.

While at the retreat last week, I met a maintenance worker for both the school and the retreat center, Juan. He finally recognized me and asked me if I had gone to the school in years past. I was pleased that he remembered me, but I guess a middle-aged WOMAN stands out among all the male priests! I told him the only thing that had changed about me was that my hair had turned white. He told me his hair was white, too, but he dyed it!


The Oblate Renewal Center, which is on the same vast grounds as the Oblate School of Theology, in San Antonio, Tx. This is where I stayed for the retreat last week.

Statue of OMI priests on horseback, who "dare to do the undared." I think this is a representation of these priests in Texas around 1843. I was reminded of Fr. Kelly Nemeck, who wears a cowboy hat when he works around Lebh Shomea.

On the grounds between the school and the retreat center is the Grotto, patterned about Lourdes. Above it is this scene of the Virgin of Guadalupe and Juan Diego.

And here's just a picture showing how spring is coming to south Texas. We have short springs and LONG, long summers.

Yet another retreat!

I will be in San Antonio at the Oblate Renewal Center from Monday until Friday, attending the Shalem Southwest Regional Gathering. The title for this retreat is "Radical Presence: The Ground of Spiritual Leadership."

Five women from our Friday Renovare Group are attending. One (Mary Tom) is helping to plan it!
Mary Tom is already there. I will be driving our three other friends (MJF, JS, and KK) in my car on Monday. We will return on Friday.

Mary Tom completed Shalem's Spiritual Guidance Program about ten years ago. I've almost finished that program, and JS is starting it. Another friend coming with us, MJF (whose husband Joe died last year) is starting Shalem's program about Leading Contemplative Prayer Groups and Retreats.

This is my third retreat since the New Year! It's a little embarrassing to say I'm going on another one--I've taken advantage of our Empty Nest, since our youngest daughter MJ left for college last fall. This retreat has been planned for a long time, since Mary Tom was one of the planners, which is the reason I'm going off again.

Machu Picchu

Machu Picchu is a Pre-Columbian Inca site in Peru, which was probably built around 1450. Fran got me thinking about it because of today's post and its picture. I'd love to go here, but don't know if I ever will.

It was newly brought to my attention at the last Shalem Residency I attended in MD because I met the grandson of Machu Picchu's modern-day discoverer: Forgotten for centuries, the site was brought to worldwide attention in 1911 by Hiram Bingham, an American historian. I am much more interested in Machu Picchu since feeling connected to the discoverer through his grandson. (In fact, this is the person who told me about the Greek words to the Jesus Prayer.)

Jesus Prayer

Κύριε Ἰησοῦ Χριστέ, ἐλέησόν με.
Kyrie Jesu Christe, eleison me.
Lord Jesus Christ, have mercy on me.

During the Shalem time, another "Shalemite" told me how he prays the Jesus Prayer in Greek every morning and has done so for the past five years. He eventually told me that it resounds in him during his daily life, kind of like a prayer wheel. That is when it has become the Prayer of the Heart.

I brought my prayer rope with me to the Shalem gathering, in hopes that I would pray the Jesus Prayer, which still comes to me in English. TB told that he found that he could pay more attention to the Greek words than the English, so I thought I would try that. Back at home, I am trying to do this sporadically.

Albert S. Rossi at St. Vladimir's Orthodox Theological Seminary's site of Saying the Jesus Prayer writes this:

"We don't say the Jesus Prayer, or enter wordless contemplation, to get "some benefit." We don't pray to reduce our stress, or strengthen our immune system, or lose weight, or add years to our life. On the contrary, we enter prayer to follow Christ, to become open to Him."

God brings about our prayer. My former priest and spiritual director always said that the Holy Spirit prompts the Jesus Prayer (and prayer of any kind)--not for "benefits" but for Love. Guess that's why I call my blog "Yearning for God."

Night Driving in the Fog

In a surprising turn of events, I drove from San Antonio to Corpus Christi last night, with the last hour in deep fog in the dark. That certainly brought prayer to my mind, as I kept asking God for help as I varied between 45-60 mph, depending upon how much I could see. I was so glad to get to the street lights of Corpus Christi!

My travel day started off very happily when I was put on the earlier flight from Baltimore to Dallas. I was smiling as I looked at the monitor and saw that my later flight was being delayed by 1 1/2 hours. So this looked good!

However, when I got to DFW Airport, I barely missed the 4:40 pm flight to Corpus Christi. That was disappointing until I looked at the overhead monitor and saw that it had been cancelled. So it looked like I had four hours to spend wandering the airport terminals. I read quite a bit of the novel I bought at a bookstore at the Baltimore Airport (and self-indulgently paid full price for): Suite Francaise by Iree Nemirovsky, which is excellent. But even a reader like me can only read so much. Then I paid $5 for 20 minutes at a kiosk computer terminal, which didn't work very well, as you can see by one comment I wrote on the MD --> TX today! post. Talking to daughter AE was fun, and eventually I looked at the monitor again, only to be horrified by the 9:25 flight to Corpus Christi being cancelled!

I hurriedly went to a counter, where the ticket agent tapped away on her computer and asked if I'd like to go to Laredo?? But then I was offered stand-by on a flight to San Antonio that was leaving in 30 minutes, so I raced to the sky rail between terminals to get there and wait--AND they called my name! YAY!

So dear husband CB reserved me a rental car (that doesn't have cruise control), which I drove home last night. It was wonderful to come home, even if it was this morning.

This afternoon we'll drive to San Antonio again, both of us driving cars. MJ has a soccer game there, and I will return the rental car at the airport before we go to her game.

Now I'm just waiting to find out where my suitcase is!

MD --> TX today!

Today is travel day! After the final Shalem conversation and the final worship, I go off with six other people on the airport shuttle van to the Baltimore Airport. I tried to print my boarding pass on one of these computers last night, but it wouldn't do it--so I went to another computer to log in to American Airlines, and then was told that I'd already checked in and "another" boarding pass could not be printed! I'd like to get on an earlier flight to Dallas and then an earlier one to Corpus Christi, but as it stands now--IF all goes well--I'll be on the last flight to CC and get there at 10:25 pm. (I hope so, because last year, when I came home from Shalem, I was delayed and had to spend the night in a smoky hotel room without my luggage.) So here's hoping I'll get home tonight!

The Basis for Our Security

"What is the basis of our security? When we start thinking about that question, we may give many answers: success, money, friends, property, popularity, family, connections, insurance, and so on. We may not always think that any of these forms the basis of our security, but our actions or feelings may tell us otherwise. When we start losing our money, our friends, or our popularity, our anxiety often reveals how deeply our sense of security is rooted in these things.

"A spiritual life is a life in which our security is based not in any created things, good as they may be, but in God, who is everlasting love. We probably will never be completely free from our attachment to the temporal world, but if we want to live in that world in a truly free way, we'd better not belong to it. "You cannot be the slave both of God and of money" (Luke 16:13)."

~~Henri Nouwen

From the free daily message found at the Henri Nouwen webpage. Subscribe.

This describes what was confirmed as my growing edge here at Shalem. Being a spiritual director is not about how good (or bad) I am, but about my trust in God as my security and ALL. God is the Source. Oh, to remember this each moment of my life!

So often in these days, Julian of Norwich has been quoted, which sums up spiritual direction and also life:

"I look at God; I look at you; I keep looking at God."

Shalem Time

Hi. I'm still on Shalem time. We had 36 hours of silence, from Saturday night to Monday morning (today!). One friend here told me how she slept more than she expected in the day time, which reminds me of how I am when I go to Lebh Shomea, the silent retreat center in Sarita--I try to spend at least three days and nights there, because the first day I keep falling asleep! I think that deep fatigue under everything else finally surfaces in the quiet.

The silence was nice, as was the slower pace with no scheduled seminars. Though it is nice to have a longer period of silence, that is not practical when only ten days are set aside for the Shalem Residential time.

I am realizing that I came here, thinking I needed to find the "right" or Shalem way of spiritual direction. I am slowly integrating what I've been reading for the past few years; that I am to stay with my sight on God as much as possible and go from there. One man, a retired Methodist minister, helped me by asking questions (spiritual directing?) that prompted me to realize a further unwrapping of my last post--not to worry so much on posing enough questions, etc., but to be myself in God. The emphasis on being in one's heart with God helps me so much--and promoting silence even in the spiritual direction time to re-orient ourselves to the Holy One.

This is a good time. Tomorrow Rose Mary Dougherty will speak on discernment and reconciliation. On Saturday Tilden Edwards spoke about different traditions, chanting, and haiku. He also talked about my Episcopal Church in Corpus Christi as an example of living out of a contemplative viewpoint, especially with its Contemplative Eucharist every Thursday evening. He said he'd mentioned All Saints Episcopal Church in his new book, which is exciting! (But the publisher hasn't told him yet if it will be published.)

As Katherine E. was asking if I was still in Maryland, I'll tell you that the Shalem time will be over Thursday morning. Then all the travel starts!

And for a pertinent painting and post about spiritual direction, go to Purpletologically Speaking.

Shalem Peer Presentation

A few days ago, I presented about one of my directees to my Shalem peer group, which is made up of four other people in the program and one staff member. I was again surprised at how God guides the whole process, and much was revealed to me about myself.

The peer group process is where the members are spiritual directing the spiritual director who presents. That is exactly what happened to me.

After all the Shalem seminars about freedom and openness, I was questioning whether I act as a spiritual director in the "right" or Shalem way. They helped me to see that with this one person, I am feeling peaceful and in connection during our time together, but later I start questioning myself. Probably I am more connected with God in the time with the directee, rather than later when I am judging myself, especially when I notice myself as labeling my actions as "right" or "wrong"--there's a red flag to pay attention!

This is so true of how I have lived. Maybe it's because I grew up in an alcoholic home, with that "elephant" in the middle of the living room that was never talked about. I grew to doubt my own views and expected to be wrong and told what was "true." This has continued through life with me thinking I'm not as good enough or right enough as someone else, even though I am a smart person. Although I am growing into myself, I still sometimes act this way when I'm unsure.

It is amazing to me to think that possibly I have been listening to God in talking with this person. There is validation in this, but also another invitation to trust myself in God and trust God. I'm in awe and so very grateful.

It's the broken feather that two past spiritual directors have told me is mine--TRUST. It fits with my history.

Spiritual Maturity

Greetings from Maryland. Tonight is our first free night at Shalem, and so I am luxuriating in the use of one of the eight computers in the computer room. Sadly, I cannot figure out how to copy pictures here, so no cute images. . . . So I wish you hearts!

The time here is enriching and intensive. So far, we've had four lectures a day, plus peer groups with presentations. I present tomorrow to my peer group and have probably been processing it way too much with the lectures today on spiritual awareness and spiritual experience. The Shalem way of spiritual direction is to wait, listen, and ask a few questions. I probably help too much with my directees!

Yesterday Martha Campbell, Director of the Spiritual Guidance Program, gave us a copy of an email from Jerry May about SPIRITUAL MATURITY from January 2005, which I will share with you:

Jerry wrote:

I really hate the notion of "development" and "maturity." I guess I'd want to use something like "way of being" or "quality of being" or "quality of presence."

Maturity:

• involves realizing you ARE God, or a manifestation thereof. . . when the duality disappears. Keeping a dualistic notion of God and me sounds pretty immature to me.

• is knowing that I don't know. Trusting that this is OK. Relaxing into this stance so that I don't have to try to figure anything out. Living in the mystery that is God.

• is living in wonder and praise. Seeing/experiencing everything in God, "in whom I live and move and have my being." But not thinking about this, just being in the experience of it.

There is a stage/phase/experience on the path to maturity whcih looks like an increasing awareness of moments when I take back control. At those times rather than beting myself up just smiling, turning to God and with God's help letting go again. . . and again. . . and again, gently.

Well, I'm not there. . . .But I am here wishing you a Happy Valentine's Day!

Shalem Residential Time in Maryland

National Shrine of St. Elizabeth Ann Seton

Located in Emmitsburg, MD is the National Shrine of St. Elizabeth Ann Seton. She founded the Sisters of Charity of St. Joseph in 1809, and is the first native American to be canonized by the Catholic Church.

This is where the second residential term of the Shalem Program for Spiritual Guidance will be held Feb. 12-21.

I am flying to Dallas very early on Monday morning, hopefully catching my connecting flight to Baltimore. Then I am meeting other Shalem people who are going to share a shuttle to Emmitsburg to the Elizabeth Ann Seton Retreat Center, where we will be staying. It is wonderful being there, because the buildings are all interconnected so that we can visit the Basilica even when it is closed from the outside--at night or early in the morning.
I am going a day early, because it is impossible to travel from Corpus Christi, TX to Emmitsburg and reach the first meeting by 2 pm on Tuesday. I found that out last year! (Plus, after CB's problems traveling to Seattle last week, I have doubts about arriving anywhere on time!)

Just as I am flying to the east coast on Monday morning, so CB is traveling from the west coast to TX in the afternoon. We hope he'll get home safely that night with 18 year old MJ home alone--with two dogs and a cat.

There is a computer room in the retreat center, but I don't know how many opportunities I will have to get there. I will try periodically in the next few weeks to check in with you and visit as many friends in the blogsphere as possible.

Mystics

"Mystics" (1924) by Xul Solar

"These are miniature structures that claim to signify the universe. As in Borges' stories, limitation and limitlessness vie for our attention. Xul's world is everywhere and nowhere; it is the symbol of the universe on a miniature plane." (by Lois Parkinson Zamora of the University of Houston)

Xul Solar was the adopted name of Oscar Agustín Alejandro Schulz Solari (1887-1963 ), Argentine painter, sculptor, writer and inventor of imaginary languages.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

As I look forward to going to the Shalem Residential time in MD next week, I am wondering which mystic I should do my final study on. Just as I have a strength known as "Input" (or gatherer) and have been stumped with what to choose for my master's scholarly papers, so I am in a similar position in choosing the mystic to study. I like each one I read about! I just have to narrow the search and CHOOSE--but that's hard for me!

Seton Retreat Center, Emmitsburg, MD

This is where the second residential retreat for the Shalem Winter 2008 class for Spiritual Guidance will be held in February. This past year we were there in January.

Today we all received info from Shalem about getting there, with times, etc. So there's a flurry of emails about arrivals, so we can share a shuttle (and split the cost) from Baltimore to Emmitsburg.

I am feeling excited!