New thanksgivings

natural

I am glad I stopped coloring my hair and let it become its natural color. After my 40th high school reunion last year, I decided that I no longer needed to color my hair browner than it really was. So now I have mostly white hair, and I'm glad it is white, not yellow-white or "dirty" white.

names

I am grateful when I can remember people's names! I remember better now that I will admit when I can't remember someone's name, so I ask for it--the embarrassment must help me remember!

I am glad I have my name. I also really like the names of my children. Oddly, we used to always name our dogs for "food," but that does not always hold true now.

Northwest

I am grateful I lived in the Northwest US for so many years of my life. I am glad my parents moved to Bellingham, WA in 1966 when my dad retired from the Marine Corps. It is a beautiful part of the country. I am glad that my daughter AE and her partner KA live in Seattle, so we can visit them there, though I wish we were closer to them, too.

Marriage Equality spoken by WWII soldier

This video is 3 1/2 minutes long. It is worth the wait to hear this elderly man speak about how he fought for equality for all people.



Thank you to my daughter-in-law KA for sending it to me!

M's make me merry

M&Ms

After MJ was born, what I wanted CB to bring me was a cold TAB and a bag of M&Ms. I don't really choose them first of all for candy these days, though they are good on a long drive to keep me awake--eating one at a time. So I guess my gratitude is more for chocolate candies and the memories of M&Ms brought to me in the hospital by my three other kids when MJ was born.

mysteries

I am grateful for the many mysteries I have read in my life. I started out with Nancy Drew when I was young, though I liked the Hardy Boys' mysteries better than hers. After that, there were books by Agatha Christie and Mary Stewart. The authors that stand out from adulthood began with Dorothy Sayers and continued on with P. D. James and more I cannot recall. When I had my knee surgery last year, I rediscovered mysteries thanks to blogging friends. The ones I especially enjoy are by Jacqueline Winspear--the Maisie Dobbs mysteries.

mother

I will always be grateful for my mother, who was my best friend, too. She lived 1919-1992 and I still miss her. I am grateful that I am the mother of four children AND the mother-in-law of two others.

middling

I am grateful that I learned a new word on Tuesday: "middling." I loved the sound of it in an e.e. cummings poem that was the meditation for the Wisdom Class then, and they taught me that it is an actual word. I had always thought e.e. cummings had created that word himself.

let it go - the
smashed word broken
open vow or
the oath cracked length
wise - let it go it
was sworn to
go

let them go - the
truthful liars and
the false fair friends
and the boths and
neithers - you must let them go they
were born
to go

let all go - the
big small middling
tall bigger really
the biggest and all
things - let all go
dear

so comes love

~ e. e. cummings ~

Community together

Today I remembered this circle when thinking of community. Dorotheus of Gaza, a desert Abba in the 6th century, drew a circle in the sand with lines drawn to meet in the center. The lines represent our spiritual journeys: the closer we come to God, the closer we are to each other. Plus, I think we then may realize that all was in God from the very beginning.

Dorotheus wrote:
“Imagine that the world is a circle, that God is the center, and that the radii are the different ways human beings live. When those who wish to come closer to God walk towards the center of the circle, they come closer to one another at the same time as to God. The closer they come to God, the closer they come to one another. And the closer they come to one another, the closer they come to God.” (Instructions VI.)

Love creates thankfulness

letters

I used to be a prolific letter-writer, especially with my friend NKE since I left Japan in 1964. The internet has slowed me on writing letters these days, though my elderly cousin Margaret in Calgary, Canada is an example of someone who still writes 10+ handwritten letters to me. No one else though. I am grateful for the letters I have received in the past and those still to come. I have a drawer full of special letters I've kept.

When my dad died and we cleaned out his house, I found a blue canvas notebook full of letters my mother wrote to her parents while she was a Marine in WWII. What a treasure to have. I am grateful my grandmother (Nana) saved my mother's letters, and also that my mother kept them, too.

listening

I am grateful that sometimes I listen with my whole being. I appreciate when someone truly listens to me in this way.

“In every experience of true listening, especially to God but also to another person, there is a mysterious moment in which the one who listens steps out from a fortress of self-concern and dwells silently in the truth of the one who speaks. This is a moment of great risk and great courage, for it ushers us into a different way of being in the world. Over time, we may even cease to be people who listen and become people who are listening, people whose very being is shaped by the posture of listening. This is the posture of the servant, whose attentiveness is not a sign of cringing compliance but a mark of human life lived ever more fully in the Spirit of love (see I Sam. 3:10).”

~John S. Mogabgab

LOOK

"Look" is the first word I ever learned to read in first grade. I still remember the giant Sally, Dick and Jane book my teacher (Miss Golden) had at the front of the room and "Look" being the only word on the first page of the book. That memories reminds me of how grateful I am to be able to read.

Lemon Torte yogurt

Though this sounds silly, I am very thankful for Yoplait's new Delights, especially the Lemon Torte flavor. Having one of the 100 calories cups is so delightful that I feel like I am indulging myself, as I try to stick to the Weight Watchers program.

La Leche League

I am grateful that I was introduced to La Leche League and that I continued to be associated with La Leche League through my four children for almost 15 years. I met my good friend Lisa through this, so our children grew up together. I learned being a mother involves loving discipline rather than the harsher discipline I was brought up with.

Lectio Divina

I am grateful that God opened me to the practice of Lectio Divina in the 1990's. Through this practice I learned how the Spirit opens us to the truth hidden in the words of the Bible. I appreciate the Lectio Divina group that continues to meet every Wednesday since 1997.

Lebh Shomea

Though I have not visited Lebh Shomea retreat center in Sarita, TX for over a year, I will always be grateful for the existence of such a place and for the many times I stayed there since the 1990's. I attribute my love of the Eucharist to the times I was there.

Keeping grateful

kindergarten

I am glad that my four children loved kindergarten. Three of them had my good friend Margy Hoffman as their teacher. I have a vivid memory of BJ skipping along to and from school and me wishing he would always be this happy!

Unlike my children, I went to two years of kindergarten. I have a late October birthday, which allowed me to enter kindergarten in WA State. But when my dad was transferred to Quantico, VA, the cut off date for birthdays was Sept., so I was not "old" enough to start first grade there and had to go to kindergarten again. I was never grateful for kids teasing me that I had "flunked" kindergarten!

kitchen

I am grateful that I have had four brand new kitchens in my married life. This current house had its kitchen remodeled two different times--the first time we lived in it (1987-1991) and it was made larger when we moved back and bought it a second time in 1994. In that interim of living in RI and NJ, I had a brand new kitchen in a new home in RI and another remodeled kitchen in NJ. They've all had granite top baking centers, which were excellent for kneading bread upon, something I did often when the children were young and could help. Each one got his/her own tiny loaf of hot bread from the oven.

knee

I am grateful that the arthroscopic knee surgery from last year relieved the pain in my knee. I feel fortunate that I no longer have pain, especially when walking up and down stairs. I am glad that praying the Jesus Prayer throughout kept me calm and relaxed my muscles. While I was doing that, the doctor told me, "Whatever you're doing, keep doing it!" which I understand to mean he could tell a difference from when I wasn't praying and I was.

kindness

I value kindness. I end my emails with a quote about kindness:

"The highest form of wisdom is kindness." (The Torah)

This is also framed on the wall of the bathroom. It was on a card I bought in Morristown, NJ before we moved back to TX in 1994.

Joyful thanks

jam

Until my mother died in 1992, she made raspberry jam and always gave us jars of it. I am grateful for the memories and for wonderful jams that are in existence.

Janet

I am glad my name is "Janet" and that my nickname is "Jan." My great-grandmother and my aunt were named "Janet," and so it is nice to carry on the tradition. I meet very few "Janets" but have met various "Jans" even spelled differently, which seems odd for such a simple, mono-syllabic word.

justice

One of my favorite Bible verses is Micah 6:8:

What does the Lord require of you?
Do justice, love kindness, and
walk humbly with your God.

jet

I am grateful for jets so that we can fly to visit friends and relatives in faraway places. Jets made it possible for my mother's visits to TX two or three times a year while she was alive.

Japan

My dad was the provost marshal at the Yokosuka Naval Base for three years (1961-1964). We lived on the base, which was an American enclave for me as a middle school girl. I am grateful for the memories of being in Japan and especially for meeting my dear friend NKE, who reminds me of another "J" word I appreciate.

jade

I appreciate all the different shades of jade that are used in carvings and jewelry. When my parents took NKE and me to San Francisco in 1967, we bought each other (regular) green jade rings in Chinatown. We wore those rings until they broke in the last century. That had been my most consistently worn jewelry until it broke. When MJ and I went to visit AE in Seoul, South Korea in January 2002, I found a pale green jade ring in a store that came with a matching ring, which may mean they were meant to be wedding rings. The couple of rings gave me the opportunity to give one to NKE. Now we both have pale green jade rings to wear. I wear mine everyday. I like its simplicity. I am grateful for the long friendship with NKE, for our rings and memories of jade rings.

I am grateful

I am an Introvert

As I wrote in a blog post of the same title: I am an introvert. At times in my life I have wished that I could be an extrovert, I am glad to be an introvert. It is who I am! I gain my energy from being alone, which helps facilitate silent prayer practice. It may also be why I love to read. Being an introvert gives me the opportunity to make close, intimate friends, though I do not have lots of casual acquaintances.

ice cream

This was suggested by husband CB, who likes ice cream much more than I do, which does not suggest that don't like it. I am glad vanilla ice cream goes so well with cake and pie and under hot fudge sauce. The only kind of coffee I like is Haggen Daz coffee ice cream, which is something I am grateful for.

ink pens

This should have been under "F" for "fountain" pens; I am glad ink pens and ink bottles still exist. I really like ink pens for writing letters, though I don't write them very often anymore. One of the first fountain pens I bought was a brown striped Pelikan when BJ, MJ, and I visited AE in Germany (in 1999?). I remember the little shop so well that I am grateful I bought it there.

internet

Having high-speed internet makes life so easy and convenient, what with quick communication with e-mails, connection and information through blogging and websites, and googling for anything. I am grateful we have such easy access to the internet.

ice

I am grateful for ice, especially living in south TX. Water with ice is wonderful to drink here. Both my sons DC and BJ worked at an ice house in College Station while going to college--making, bagging, loading, and delivering bags of ice.

inner and insight

I am so grateful for the insight that Jesus did not tell people to pray in their "closet" or "inner room," as I've always heard and been taught in Sunday Schools. The homes of the peasants whom Jesus mainly spoke to did not have closets or inner rooms. Instead, he was talking about the inner journey of prayer (in silence). This seems so obvious since I read it in Richard Rohr's newest book The Naked Now on page 71.

H in tHankfulness

Harry Potter

I love the seven Harry Potter books, just as much as my children do or maybe more. The only person in our nuclear family who has not read a Harry Potter book is husband CB. I have read each one at least twice, some more. When I start reading Harry Potter, I fall into his world and am grateful.

Husband

CB and I will be married for 38 years right before Christmas. He is a kind, generous, hard-working man. He does nice little things for me, like yesterday he took my car in to be inspected to get a current state inspection sticker. Only that morning, I sat in a parking lot and gazed at another car with 9/0 on its sticker and then looked at mine and saw 9/09--uh-oh, it's not September anymore! I am proud of the way he works at Habitat for Humanity four mornings a week, which often extends into the afternoons. And I'm really grateful that he's going to the Richard Rohr conference in January with me!

Hugs

I am grateful for the hugs I receive (and give), especially from my children and husband. I did not grow up in an openly affectionate family and so when I joined CB's family, I was a little uncomfortable with all the hugging. Living in south TX and especially being involved in the Emmaus community grew me into appreciating hugs.

In the book authored by our new priest Sandy Casey-Martus, The Lessons: How to Understand Spiritual Principles, Spiritual Activities, and Rising Emotions, there is a short section on "Hugs"(107-108), which is partially quoted below:

• Hugs should not be given as an after thought, or kind gesture. They should be thoughtful, caring, gentle, and given without a desire for compensation--(if you give a hug, you may be liked better).
• The greatest benefit a gentle hug offers is you cannot give a hug without, at the same time, receiving one.
• Hugs have a rescuing power. Within a gentle hug's endearing embrace is the strongest power of the One--God's love.
• As a truth seeker, you may be constantly seeking the experience of the embrace of God. Be aware God's embrace is yours.
• The only way in which you may experience the embrace of God on this plane, is for you to embrace another. You are the heart, arms, and hands of God. You have the ability to gently hug the God of others, as the God of yourself.

Hippopotamus postcard

I have this hippopotamus postcard that I bought in the Johannesburg Airport on the way back home from Zambia in 2006 on my refrigerator. I smile whenever I see it and am grateful I bought it way back then.

by Rose Rigden

Gripping Gratitude

Goodness

There is inherent goodness around us. In EFM on Tuesday, a member asked each of us if we believed humanity is basically good or evil. My belief is GOOD, despite what we see every day everywhere. I believe there is some good in each person, even in each event. . . somewhere. I am grateful for this belief and for the good I see and feel. When God created this world and all in it, God said it was "GOOD."

Green

Green is my favorite color. In RI, our front door was green. Here, our back doors are green as are our shutters. My eyes are green, too, and I have a green car. I am glad to see things green, especially nature outside here in south TX, as we have had rain lately--another thing to be grateful for!

Grill

I'm glad my husband CB and son BJ will grill outside for dinners sometimes. CB grills the best salmon with dill and butter, while BJ knows how to grill chicken very well, with is own recipes. One of the things I like about their grilling is that there are always left-overs, so a few more meals will be supplied.

Gratitude

I am always grateful for reminders to be thankful, like Gratefulness: The Heart of Prayer by David Steindl-Rast, who also has a lovely website; and Meister Eckhart who said "If the only prayer you said in your whole life was 'thank you,' that would suffice." And I've just discovered a Gratitude Blog.

Friday Five: On Your Feet!

By Mishka Jaeger

Too often the Friday Fives I offer up seem extremely introspective, so here's something that could be fun. I notice as I finish my sixth decade that my taste in footwear is much different than when I was younger, as comfort wins out over fashion. So look at your feet and think about what you put on them!

1. What is your favorite footwear at this time in your life?
Keen or Teva sandals or shoes with big toe boxes.

I have a narrow heel and so wore extremely narrow shoes all my life--until about five years ago when my feet started hurting. I belatedly learned that those narrow shoes caused bunions, which means I am in a great deal of pain when I put on any of those old narrow shoes.

2. What was the craziest shoe, boot, or sandal you ever wore?
When I was teaching elementary school in the 1970's, I wore those wooden platform shoes
and the wavy soled Famolare sandals.
Now I find it hard to believe I taught second and third grades with all that walking and kneeling in those shoes!

3. What kind of shoes did you wear in your childhood?
My mother insisted upon me wearing saddle shoes until I was in junior high school. I grew to hate them. Oddly, when I was in high school, saddle shoes were trendy.

4. How do you feel most comfortable? Barefoot, flip-flops, boots, or what?
I like to wear slippers in the house. I really like sandals, which are appropriate for the south TX almost all year round.

5. What kind of socks do you like, if any?
I don't wear as many socks as I did while living in WA State, RI, or NJ, but I've always loved patterned socks, especially cute ones.


Bonus: Anything you want to share about feet or footwear.

Full of gratitude

Fifties

Turning 50 was a milestone that never bothered me, despite me feeling ancient when I was 25, a quarter of a century. Being a half-century old has not fazed me. The past decade have been some of the happiest times of my life. It is the time where I went back to school for a master's in theology at the Oblate School of Theology, which I've never finished. In this time I also went to the Upper Room's Spiritual Formation Academy and the two year Shalem Program for Spiritual Guidance. My four children have grown into adults; the two oldest have found their life partners. I am grateful for the growth I've seen in myself and in my family. In a few weeks I'll be 59, so we'll see what happens in my final year of the fifties.

Family

Obviously, I am grateful for my family.

Friends

Friends are very important in my life. I am glad so many friends from other states have stayed in contact with me and that I've met new friends through blogging. I am grateful for the friends I have here in Corpus Christi, too. As I've told my children, you can see what kind of person you are from the various friends you have.

Faith

"Faith is the confident belief or trust in the truth or trustworthiness of a person, idea, or thing." I am grateful that my faith in God continues to grow. Faith grows through experience. Just as I have faith in the love of my children through years of giving and receiving acts of love, so do I know that my faith is a knowing of the Holy One, especially through experiences told through my Faith Story. I believe that God grows my faith as I learn to trust more and more. There can be doubts at different times, but there is a knowing in my heart, especially when I am quietly sitting (and/or meditating).

Blog Action Day!

Go here for ideas about getting involved about climate change. As this cartoon illustrates, we are hanging ourselves without changes in the way we live and relate to all living things on earth.

Here is a Climate Orb that can show you places on the globe that are already being affected by climate change.

Help by hanging clothes outside (or in a basement) to dry! It is fun to hang items on the clothesline to dry, and they smell so good when they come inside. Go here for a good article about this.

E's in gratefulness

E words seem to be eluding me, but I'll try to think of a few below:

E-mail

Before blogging, I was a much bigger e-mailer, but now I seem to put my news on my blog. I like to get e-mails, but not the hateful, bigoted ones. Also, e-mail has the potential to hurt or anger people, because quick replies are not necessarily thought-through and are sent very quickly. Still, I am grateful for e-mail as it connects me to far flung family and friends. When my dad got web-tv a few years before he died, he suddenly was connected with many old Marine buddies, for which I am still grateful.

EFM

This is a four-year study sponsored by the Episcopal Church, entitled "Education for Ministry." Each year we get a very thick notebook full of good scholarship and documentation. I am grateful that three friends from the Methodist Church joined me in this class, plus our leader LP is knowledgeable, spiritual, and authentically true. I appreciate the bonding that comes about with each group every year.

erasing

See, I'm struggling for "e" words! In high school and college before the advent of computers, I appreciated easily erasable paper! I was an English major and so had many papers to write with footnotes placed at the bottom of the pages; it was hard to ascertain when to end the writing so there would be space for the footnote(s). The advent of the word processor makes writing so much easier--now we "delete" rather than "erase" but it's the same concept: erasing made easy!

earrings

Ever since I had my ears pierced in 11th grade, I have liked smallish earrings. I appreciate the earrings given me by my children and husband, especially after the robbery in 2003 where all my jewelry (including my mother's) was stolen.

end

The end of today's preoccupations with e's of gratitude.

Conference: Following the Mystics Through the Narrow Gates

Jesus said, “Narrow is the gate that leads to life and few there are who enter it.”

In this conference, we will follow the mystics through the mysterious process in which we realize God is the very reality of ourselves, others and all things. Seeing God in all things and all things in God, we experience the peace that surpasses understanding.

January 22-24, 2010
Albuquerque, NM

Speakers:
Richard Rohr, James Finley, and Cynthia Bourgeault

Delighted with D's

Daughters

Not only am I a daughter, I have two daughters of my own. AE is tired of me telling the story about me crying when I told my mother my second baby was a girl, as I was so happy. I am grateful for both my daughters, plus two daughters-in-law now. They are all warm and caring people whom I like and love.

Dilly-dally

To dilly-dally is to dawdle. I picture someone pausing to look at every little or big thing one sees. Perfect times for dilly-dallying are on the beach or a walk in the woods, both of which I recall participating in this past summer in WA State. It is luxurious to dilly-dally and something to be grateful for. I have a bowl of driftwood from Moclips that remind me of those times of dilly-dallying this summer.

Dogs

As above where I mentioned cocker spaniels, I am grateful for dogs. I am definitely a dog person.

Dessert

Often the best part of a meal!

Dairy farm

My aunt and uncle owned a dairy farm in Everson, WA. I never knew this uncle because he died when I was very young. My aunt and her children kept the dairy farm going until they realized they could not financially make a go of it in the 1970's. I fondly recall visits to WA whenever my dad was transferred to a new base posting--there would be calves that I could feed with a bottle or a bucket of milk. It was amazing to find milking machines on rows of cows. I'm glad I had that experience, because there are few small (privately owned) dairy farms left.

Darkness, depression

Only because Mompriest posted the following poem today, do I include the dark places in my life. Afterwards, I am grateful for the changes that depression wrought in my life and in my family's coping systems (eventually).

"Someone I loved once gave me
a box full of darkness.

It took me years to understand
that this too, was a gift."

Mary Oliver, "The Uses of Sorrow"
in Thirst: Beacon Press 2006

Catitude Gratitude

Cat

I grew up having a dog (always a cocker spaniel) and never a cat. I did not think I was a cat person. Then MJ's first grade teacher had baby kittens, and we took one. AE wanted to call her "Psycho" and MJ chose "Pumpkin." When this orange cat died at about 5 years, we thought MJ was so devestated that we let her get another kitten, which is still with us. MJ named her a "non-cat" name--Gracie. Both cats I've called "Kitty." Oddly, this one loves me best, and I'm still not a cat person. She likes me to pet her while I am reading, but never sits on me unless I am lying down. I am glad we've had these two cats, though I would not have expected to be.

Cocker Spaniels

Growing up, I had two black cockers and one blonde one: Inky, Licorice, and Toffee. Toffee had four puppies while I was in college. Three were sold, but the one left was perpetually called "Little Girl," because my parents didn't name the puppies (but really did).

When CB and I moved into our first house in Corpus Christi, we got a blonde cocker spaniel we named Bagel. (Food names seem to flourish in our family.) Bagel was around until we had to put her to sleep in 1988 when she was both deaf and blind and whimpered wherever she lay. Then we got a beautiful dark brown cocker puppy that we named Hershey. She was very stupid. We gave her away when we moved to Rhode Island in 1991, because we did not want a dog where deer ticks flourished.

No dog in Rhode Island or New Jersey, but when we moved back to TX, we got a black Lab for BJ's 9th birthday. Our cocker Baillie arrived as a surprise from daughter AE in 1996.

Cheesecake

As mentioned in the Gratitude of B's below this, CB bakes me a cheesecake every year on my birthday. His recipe, which is in the link below, makes the best cheesecake I have ever eaten. I am grateful for CB and for the cheesecake he bakes me every year!

cookies

I like to bake and eat homemade cookies. It is wonderful to get in the mood for Christmas and start baking, though this year I may be hesitant since I am committed to following the Weight Watchers plan. I found a most wonderful recipe last year for almond shortbread. I am grateful that my mother was from a long line of bakers, which my daughters continue.

Clothesline

One really good thing about living in TX, which I also complain about, is the heat and sunshine that dry clothes on the clothesline. Ever since we have owned a house, I have had a clothesline behind each house, even in RI and NJ. Maybe because I remember my mother hanging clothes on the clothesline, who knows--I love to hang clothes outside, even when it is humid and HOT.

B is for books and beaches

Books

I love books, all kinds. Children's books, cookbooks, mysteries, novels, theology books, all sorts. I keep getting more and usually like each one. I loved reading from first grade on, when I was a good enough reader to read the colored books of fairy tales, which must have been Andrew Lang's Fairy Books or Andrew Lang's "Coloured" Fairy Books composed of a twelve-book series of fairy tale collections. I am grateful for books, especially all of mine.

Beaches

The times my dad was stationed at Camp Pendleton, CA my mother would often take me to the beach on the base. It was so much fun to play in the sand and go into the water. My mother would ask me if I was cold, and she said I would always declare, "NO" while my legs were turning blue.

I love the rocky and sandy beaches along the Oregon coast and the Washington coast. The rugged coastlines are nice places to climb. Hearing the sounds of the waves is soothing to me, especially at night.

The beaches in south TX are smooth and sandy. When our children were little, we would take them to the beach every Sunday morning where I had a big beach umbrella to sit under with the nursing child I had at that time. Their dad would play in the water with the others.

Babies

Babies are wonderful. They are sweet and need to be held often. I believe that answering their cries increases their trust, which is important to their development. I loved having my babies and breastfeeding them.

Breastfeeding

I am grateful that I breastfed my four babies. I learned how to be a mother by breastfeeding my first child. I had had no siblings and had never been around younger children much, so having baby DC was totally new for me. Breastfeeding forced me to hold him often; it taught me to connect with him and learn what he was like and what he needed. Nursing each child was different; thinking of this brings back sweet memories of each one.

Birthdays

I love to celebrate birthdays. Food seems related to celebrations in our family. For my children's birthdays, they could choose breakfast and dinner menus, as well as which cake I would bake from scratch. DC used to construct a birthday cake from three different cookbooks--cake, filling, and icing. One birthday cake of MJ's was supposed to be a Boston Cream Pie (cake); the top flew off the bottom layer onto the floor when I took it out of the refrigerator! And since he was in grad school, CB always bakes me a cheesecake for my birthday--each year.

Blogging

I am grateful for blogging and the friends I have found here.

ABC's of Gratitude

I remember that Mompriest wrote about the ABC's of gratitude some months ago. Since I am not very creative these days, I've decided to embark on 26 days of gratitude, which Altar Ego began and inspired Mompriest and now me.

Absence of God

Because of a friend's post about being alone, I remembered how a professor at Oblate School of Theology talked about the perceived ABSENCE of God actually being the PRESENCE of God. I think that's from the thinking of Karl Rahner, but I cannot be sure. (Rahner was the special interest of this professor.) So I try to re-interpret my feelings of nothingness about God as really God's reminder that God IS.

3 A's of Al Anon: Awareness, acceptance, action

Al Anon counts, too, because during the time that I was struggling with depression, I became newly cognizant that I was an adult child of an alcoholic. Going to 12-step groups was/is a cheap way to get therapy and support. The principles shared there continue to shape my life.

One of the principles is "awareness, acceptance, action," which corresponds to repentance (turning around) and conversion. Before a behavior can be changed, one must become aware of it. Then it's a longer process of getting to a point of awareness with no judgments as to it being "good" or "bad." After this acceptance, which grows into detachment, action is more readily successful.

All Saints Episcopal Church

This is the church where my first three children were baptized and where I have found my spiritual home. I love its atmosphere of acceptance, liberal approach to thinking, and deep yearning for spiritual growth. The sanctuary and labyrinth are beautiful, as are the liturgies. The people are dear.

Angst

Looking back on the difficult emotional periods of my life, I can be grateful afterwards for angst--as opportunities for growth. It is used in English to describe an intense feeling of strife, dread or anxiety.

Art

I have never felt artistic. However, I notice that there are 68 posts with art on this blog. I have several friends who are painters. I am learning that I appreciate art more than I used to.

Address book

Knowing where my address book is important to me. I used to write long handwritten letters, but now occasionally send cards. Still, I need those addresses, especially of my children.

I remember when I took a statewide exam for TX teachers (to get a lifetime certificate!) about 25 years ago, the essay question was, "What would you regret most if lost?" I remember writing about my address book, wondering if the readers would think I was crazy. Still, that was the truth.

Friday Five: Special Moments

Sophia brought today's Friday Five to RevGalBlogPals:

This has me thinking of the special rites of passage in our lives which we participate for ourselves or in which we support and bless others: baptism, confirmation, marriage, ordination, graduation, funerals, etc. Such important days, so exciting and joyous, but also sometimes anxiety provoking or deeply painful....So, this week, please share five memories of such sacred moments with God and her holy people from your life and the lives of those you love.

1. The births of my four children:

July 1990

2. The death of my father in 2002, which combines with the last time I saw him a week before he died. He had had a stroke, and I waited until he was in a nursing home in Bellingham, WA before returning to TX. The last time I saw him alive was when I said good-by to him; I was overwhelmed with the experience of knowing how much he loved me and that he knew how much I loved him. We had had a strained history, and so this was a blessing I still recall. My dad did not want a funeral, but we had a memorial service (for me) at the Methodist Church in Bellingham, where they were very hospitable. When my oldest son and husband spoke of my father, I experienced a great deal of love, as well as all my children being with me.

3. A sacred and mystical experience was given me on Easter 1999, when I was "magically" given an assurance of life after years of clinical depression. I wrote about this here.

4. Our eldest son DC's wedding to AA in Austin, TX on September 2, 2006:
Although it was extremely hot, it was joyous and happy!

See how happy I was, especially dancing with my son?
(and there's my tendency to shut my eyes in pictures. . . .)

5. My 50th birthday surprise!
When I was taking two or three classes at Oblate School of Theology each week, I would often spend one night a week in San Antonio. Usually on those nights I would meet AE, who was going to Trinity University, where her youngest sister MJ goes now. She brought me to La Madeleine restaurant on Broadway for dinner and suddenly there were all my children with their dad! CB had gotten BJ and MJ out of school early in Corpus Christi and driven to San Antonio in time for dinner, and DC had driven from Texas A&M University in College Station. That was one of the biggest surprises in my life and was so wonderful.

That reminds me of another surprise visit--when AE walked in the door around Christmas 2005. She was in her third year of working in South Korea for the Fulbright Program and had told us she was spending Christmas in Japan. Instead, she came home and overwhelmed CB and me with shock and joy. The other kids knew she was coming, but never told us.

Forgiveness

Thank you to Leigh, a Facebook friend, for posting this on Facebook. I find it so beautiful that I emailed it to my family and to friends. I hope you'll watch it!

Roofing is done!

What a relief! The roof is finished; they left at about 6:30 pm. It is so nice not to have the pounding and pounding. Our pets are even more relieved than I am. The only problem was they installed the wrong skylights, but they've ordered the panels we had specified and will replace them when they come in.

So here are some pictures from the 3-day (expensive) ordeal:

This is the front of our house, with a wonderfully large, old live oak tree to the right.

There is the gate on our driveway, which is needed to keep the two dogs in the back yard. The roofers were not happy to put the dumpster this far back, but did it at our insistence.

Our pets were very sad through the last three days. Baillie and Cisco did not bark continuously after the first day or so, but liked CB or me in the room with them while the noise was going on. Today Baillie jumped onto the loveseat next to me, which is most unusual for her--but she was terrified by the skylight above coming off and music blaring in with a strange man's face framed in the opening.

Finally, the two dogs took naps in the laundry room to escape "reality."

Baillie, our 13 year old cocker spaniel

Cisco, 5 year old shepherd mix

And Gracie, the cat, would either cower in the middle of the family room or go behind CB's big chair, next to the entrance to the hallway.

Our barking dogs

This just caught my fancy as I was looking at images of barking dogs.

Our dogs, elderly cocker spaniel Baillie and 5 year old Shepherd mix Cisco, barked and barked today as the workers started roofing our house. I cannot imagine what tomorrow will be like, because they are replacing the skylights that are in the two rooms where the dogs mostly stay.

It is especially hard for Baillie, because she's deaf and has cataracts in her eyes. She sees somewhat, but it must be blurry. Today she got very upset because black plastic was blowing in the breeze by the back door window. She barked ferociously at that until we coaxed her into the other room.

Low Cal Snacks

Well, I am going to Weight Watchers early on Sunday mornings before I go to church. I will not enumerate how many times I've joined WW in my lifetime. I have helped to finance Heinz, which I think owns the Weight Watchers conglomerate. Still, this is helping me to eat more nutritiously with less snacking.

Several items I've found that satisfy my sweet tooth are:
These 90 calorie packets of crunchy little bites that are drizzled with caramel icing help satisfy my sweet tooth, especially as I eat one at a time.

At today's Weight Watcher meeting, I learned about Yoplait yogurt parfaits, called "Delights." I don't usually like yogurt, but I bought a package of the only flavor left (caramel) at the store. I ate one this afternoon and found it to be delicious and only 100 calories.**The lemon ones are so wonderful!!**

Until the above two items were discovered, my one decadent snack each evening was the WW cookies and cream ice cream bar. It is very good.

All three items are approximately 100 calories (or 2 WW points) and probably contain all sorts of artificial ingredients. Fruit is better, but sometimes I just want a DESSERT!

Blogged out?

I have few words, thoughts, feelings these days. You'd think that since I am sitting in silence twice a day with God, I'd have some holy moment to explore here, but no. Just not much is going on. Maybe I'm blogged out.

Friday Five: Touching Holiness

Sally brought this thought-provoking Friday Five to RevGalBlogPals:


To put it in crude terms I was blown away by the by the deep sense of God's presence, of gentleness, of holiness and purity. Today as I reflect upon the experience I recognise that there have been other places and other times when I have experienced a tangible touch of God. I wonder if it was because the message that Therese had is so much needed today, she experienced God as a God of love, and encouraged others to draw closer...

How about you, where do you find God's peace and presence, is there:

1. A place that holds a special memory?

Boulevard Park, Bellingham, WA

2. A song that seems to usher you into the Holy of Holies?
Any Taize song

3.A book/ poem/ prayer that says what you cannot?

Holy Spirit,
Giving life to all life,
Moving all creatures,
Root of all things,
Washing them clean,
Wiping out their mistakes,
Healing their wounds,
You are our true life,
Luminous, wonderful,
Awakening the heart
From its ancient sleep.

~Hildegard of Bingen

4. How do you remind yourself of these things at times when God seems far away?
Talk to a friend. Keep sitting twice a day with God in silence, no matter what.

5.Post a picture/ poem or song that speaks of where you are right now in your relationship with God...

Often we anxiously seek the will of God,
as if God had gleefully hidden dreams for us
deep in unfathomable places.
As if it were God's intention
that our whole lives be spent
in endless searching for signs and directions
buried in obscurity.
The will of God is that which brings us
peace and fullness of life.
The will of God is the seed of our dreams
ever gestating with possibility
and longing to leap forward
scattering new and surprising blessings
in our gray reality.

~~Edwina Gateley

Source: A Mystical Heart

Compassion--worth watching!

Thank you to Choralgirl.

Let It Go

let it go - the
smashed word broken
open vow or
the oath cracked length
wise - let it go it
was sworn to
go

let them go - the
truthful liars and
the false fair friends
and the boths and
neithers - you must let them go they
were born
to go

let all go - the
big small middling
tall bigger really
the biggest and all
things - let all go
dear

so comes love

~ e. e. cummings ~

(Complete Poems 1904-1962)

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Panhala-subscribe@yahoogroups.com

How to help in the world we live in??

Father John Dear has an excellent column about nonviolence today.

"Dorothy Day concluded her biography of Thérèse by comparing the power of Thérèse's Little Way with the atomic bomb. "Is the atom a small thing? And yet what havoc it has wrought. Is her 'Little Way' a small contribution to the life of the Spirit? It has all the power of the Spirit of Christianity behind it. It is an explosive force that can transform our lives and the life of the world, once put into effect." According to Thérèse of Lisieux and Dorothy Day of New York, the smallest act of willing love, united to the God of love, is more powerful than the atomic bomb itself, more explosive than a nuclear weapon. It is a spiritual explosion of love that disarms, heals, transforms, and reconciles."

Dorothy Day by Robert Lentz, OFM

Go here to read the entire article!

Can't sleep!

I've read, tossed and turned, read some more, and here am on the computer, too tired to be very coherent. I have to be up early so that I can drive a friend to the airport. Then there is the Wisdom Class where we're discussing Rohr's The Naked Now, followed by three hours of EFM, my third year. I foresee sleepiness in the middle of EFM, around 3 o'clock.

Caesar's attributes

The philosopher Alfred North Whitehead said of all this:

"When the Western World accepted Christianity, Caesar conquered; and the received text of Western theology was edited by his lawyers. The brief Galilean vision of humility flickered throughout the ages, uncertainly. The deep idolatry of the fashioning of God in the image of the Egyptian, Persian and Roman imperial rulers was retained. The church gave unto God the attributes which belonged exclusively to Caesar."