Soccer Tournament

MJ and I are going to Austin today for the Labor Day Soccer Tournament there. Luckily, it is being held at fields in south Austin, pretty near DC and AA's apartment (their picture is below). So we get to see them before they leave to celebrate their first anniversary, and they are letting MJ and me stay in their apartment while they're gone. Husband (and dad) CB is staying home with the two dogs and cat, so that he can keep on remodeling the house next door and sing in church on Sunday.

Enjoy your long Labor Day weekend!

Happy Anniversary, D and A!

Almost one year ago, my oldest son DC married AA in Austin, TX. We are remembering that happy weekend this Labor Day weekend, just as they are. Happy Anniversary!

Bush vs. Environment/ UM Social Justice

Although I call myself an Episcopalian now, I still love the Methodist social justice principles. (And remember that John Wesley remained an Anglican priest his entire life, even in the beginnings of the Methodist Church.) Every week I receive "Faith in Action" from the United Methodist General Board of Church and Society. I always look forward to reading Jim Winkler's column. He is the General Secretary, General Board of Church & Society, United Methodist Church. Since 2004, he has said that the war in Iraq is lost. Today he brought my awareness to the Bush Administration's proposal to allow the coal mining industry to engage in mountaintop removal mining.

Winkler's weekly column is entitled "Word from Winkler" and today's is "Country's Roads", which I urge you to read. Here are a few pertinent paragraphs from his essay:

"Why would such destruction be permitted? "This is a parting gift to the coal industry from this administration," said Joe Lovett, executive director of the Appalachian Center for the Economy and the Environment. "What is at stake is the future of Appalachia. This is an attempt to make legal what has long been illegal."

"Our church's statement, "Cease Mountaintop Removal Coal Mining," adopted by the 2000 General Conference, begins "Whereas, mountaintop removal coal mining is extremely profitable to the coal companies who practice it..." There it is. We simply have to get past the notion that profit equals progress."

From the Appalachian Center for the Economy and the Environment, I found this statement:

Oppose Effort by the Bush Administration to Blow Up Mountains and Destroy Streams in Appalachia

On August 24, 2007, the Bush administration proposed repealing another longstanding environmental protection law in order to allow the coal mining industry to engage in “mountaintop removal” mining. In mountaintop removal mining, coal companies actually blow up entire mountaintops and dump millions of tons of waste into nearby streams, burying them forever. This parting gift from the administration to its coal industry friends will allow coal companies to continue their assault on the forests, streams and communities of Appalachia. Deadline for commenting is October 23, 2007. CLICK HERE TO COMMENT AND LEARN MORE

I am disturbed about this new proposal of the Bush Administration. Learn about it and decide for yourself!

If you would like to subscribe to the weekly UM Church and Society "Faith in Action" newsletter, you may sign up here.

Back to School Reading List
/by Jim Wallis/

Here's Jim Wallis' book order for the course he's teaching at Harvard Divinity School this fall. If you’re looking for some late-summer reading, consider the following titles:

H. Richard Niebuhr, Christ and Culture

John Howard Yoder, The Politics of Jesus

E.J. Dionne Jr., One Electorate Under God?

Susannah Heschel (ed), Moral Grandeur and Spiritual Audacity: Essays

Richard Land, The Divided States of America? What Liberals AND Conservatives are missing in the God-and-country shouting match!

Reza Aslan, No god but God: The Origins, Evolution, and Future of Islam

Kathleen Kennedy Townsend, Failing America's Faithful: How Today's Churches Are Mixing God with Politics and Losing Their Way

Donald Dayton, Discovering an Evangelical Heritage

Randall Balmer, Thy Kingdom Come: How the Religious Right Distorts the Faith and Threatens America

David Kuo, Tempting Faith: An Inside Story of Political Seduction

Michael Gerson, Heroic Conservatism: Why Republicans Need to Embrace America's Ideals (And Why They Deserve to Fail If They Don't)

Ronald Thiemann, Religion in Public Life: A Dilemma For Democracy

Michael Kazin, A Godly Hero: The Life of William Jennings Bryan

Lord, help me know!

Cartoon by Dave Walker. Find more cartoons you can freely re-use on your blog at We Blog Cartoons.

Shalom

"If there is to be shalom, it will not be just for isolated, insulated individuals; it is rather, security and prosperity granted to a whole community--young and old, rich and poor, powerful and dependent. Always we are all in it together. Together we stand before God's blessing and together we receive the gift of life, if we receive it at all. Shalom comes only to the inclusive, embracing community that excludes none."

Walter Brueggemann. Peace. St. Louis: Chalice Press, 2001. 15.

Making Poverty History

Photo: Paul Jeffrey/ACT-CWS

Millennium Campaign/Sermon on the Mount Litany

We are the first generation that can eradicate poverty.

We are those who are called
and equipped to make a difference.

We are called to eradicate extreme poverty and hunger.

Blessed are you who are poor,
for yours is the kingdom of God.

We are called to achieve universal primary education.

Blessed are you who are hungry now,
for you will be filled.

We are called to promote gender equality and empower women.

Blessed are you who weep now,
for you will laugh.

We are called to reduce child mortality.

Blessed are those who mourn,
for they will be comforted.

We are called to improve maternal health.

Blessed are the meek,
for they will inherit the earth.

We are called to combat HIV/AIDS, malaria, and other diseases.

Blessed are those who hunger and thirst
for righteousness, for they will be filled.

We are called to ensure environmental sustainability.

Blessed are the peacemakers,
for they will be called children of God.

We are called to develop a global partnership for development.

Blessed are the pure in heart,
for they will see God.

We are called...

And yes, we hear.

Written for Bread for the World, Gathering 2007, by Jeffrey W. Carter, Pastor, Manassas Church of the Brethren. Used with permission.

Wish I could eat a cookie instead of be one!

Still procrastinating tonight, as I contemplate school starting tomorrow and me going back to walking at 7 am everyday. Why I procrastinate and Further procrastination on Saturday are just the precursors of this little quiz about what kind of cookie I am.

You Are an Oatmeal Raisin Cookie

On the surface, you're a little plain - but you have many subtle dimensions to your personality. Sometimes you're down to earth and crunchy. Other times, you're sweet and a little gooey.

What Kind of Cookie Are You?

Portals to the Divine

I found myself immersed in the Divine Presence while watching two videos at Heather's Poor Excuse. These are Russian Orthodox chanting and Romanian Orthodox calling to prayer. By watching, listening, and somehow participating, I found myself in a holy experience. And then Heather quotes a Zen saying that blew me away:

“Don’t follow in the footsteps of the masters. Seek what they sought.”

When you have about 15 minutes, go and watch both videos at Sounds for Sunday.

Prayer

O Jesus,
Make our hearts so human,
That others may feel at home with us,
So like yours,
That others may feel at home with you
So forgetful of self
That we might simply become the place where you and they meet
In the power of your love and the joy of your friendship
Amen (by Fr. Paul Costello)

This beautiful prayer is from Godspace and is under the title of The Rosies’ Prayer .

Another way to vote

Quaker Dave challenged readers of Suzy's at Luminiferous Ether to go to her posting for Saturday, August 25, 2007 that is entitled "No More Shopping Days 'Til Peace."

I am not committing to stopping my shopping for the holidays, but I have to admit that Suzy's thoughts about this have unsettled me and won't let me go! So go and read what she wrote.

This reference to her husband really opened me up to this movement Suzy wants to start:

"As Mr. Ether is fond of saying, every dollar you spend is a vote for what kind of a world you want to live in."

CROP Hunger Walk

What does CROP stand for?

When CROP began in 1947 (under the wing of Church World Service, which was founded in 1946), the name was an acronym for the Christian Rural Overseas Program; its primary mission was to help Midwest farm families to share their grain with hungry neighbors in post-World War II Europe and Asia. Reflective of a program that for several decades has been both urban and rural, today CROP stands for Communities Responding to Overcome Poverty and identifies interfaith hunger education and fundraising events sponsored by Church World Service and organized by 21 CWS/CROP regional offices across the U.S.

In some CWS/CROP regions, CROP has come to mean Communities Reaching Out to People.

When was the first CROP Hunger Walk?

On October 17, 1969, a thousand people in Bismarck, ND, walked in the first-ever CROP Hunger Walk and raised $25,000 to help stop hunger. Several other CROP Hunger Walks occurred soon thereafter, and before long there were hundreds of CROP Hunger Walks each year in communities nationwide.

How many CROP Hunger Walks are there?

Each year, some 2,000 communities across the U.S. sponsor CROP Hunger Walks. 5,397,199 CROP Hunger Walkers have participated over the past 20 years, and there have been a total of 35,888 CROP Hunger Walks in the past two decades.

Where do CROP Hunger Walk funds go?

CROP Hunger Walks help to support the overall ministry of Church World Service, especially the grassroots,hunger-fighting development efforts of partner agencies in some 80 countries. CROP Hunger Walks help to provide tools of hope that empower people to meet their own needs. From seeds and tools, to wells and water systems, to technical training and micro-enterprise loans, the key is people working together to identify their own development priorities, their strengths and their needs -- something CWS has learned through some 60 years of working in partnership around the world.

In addition, each local CROP Hunger Walk can choose to return up to 25 percent of the funds it raises to local hunger-fighting programs.

How do CROP Hunger Walks help out here at home?

This year CROP Hunger Walks will share nearly $4 million with food banks, pantries, community gardens, and other local efforts nationwide. This support is made possible when local CROP Hunger Walks choose our unique option of returning up to 25 percent of what their CROP Walk raises to hunger-fighting programs in their own community.

What else makes CROP Hunger Walks special?

Because CROP Hunger Walks are ecumenical, interfaith, multi-cultural events, individual donors have the option of designating their gifts to other approved international hunger-fighting agencies. This option is unique to CROP events, and available for individual sponsors only. Gifts not so designated go to support the worldwide ministry of Church World Service.

How do I go about starting a CROP Hunger Walk in my community?

Call your CWS/CROP Regional Office, toll-free 888-CWS-CROP (that's 888-297-2767), to find out about the CROP Hunger Walk nearest you. If there isn't a CROP Hunger Walk in your area, your CWS/CROP Regional Office has all the expertise and free promotional materials to help you take the first steps to a successful, fulfilling CROP Walk.

What is Church World Service?

Church World Service is a cooperative ministry of 35 Protestant, Orthodox, and Anglican denominations, providing sustainable self-help and development, disaster relief, and refugee assistance in some 80 countries.

Within the U.S., Church World Service assists communities in responding to disasters, resettles refugees, promotes fair national and international policies, provides educational resources, and offers opportunities to join a people-to-people network of local and global caring through participation in CROP Hunger Walks, the Tools & Blankets Program, and the CWS Kits Program.

Whether in CROP Hunger Walks, through congregational or denominational giving, individual giving, grants, wills, or charitable gift annuities--people and groups who support the work of Church World Service give in a spirit of oneness with neighbors near and far.

Are corporations and businesses involved in CROP Hunger Walks?

Nationally, upwards of 200 corporations match employee gifts and/or volunteer hours to the CROP Hunger Walk. Locally, thousands of businesses and media outlets support their community's CROP Hunger Walk, providing T-shirts and other supplies, turning out teams of Walkers -- and in many other ways too numerous to list.

How much of each dollar contributed goes toward overhead?

Over the last five years, on average just over 18.5% of the funds contributed to Church World Service has gone to management, fund raising, and information sharing.

Besides the CROP Hunger Walk, does Church World Service have other opportunities for mission outreach?

Yes. The Tools & Blankets Program offers congregations and groups a way to share "tools" both large and small with children and families in need, including blankets, bedding, tents and other shelter items when an emergency or natural disaster occurs. Congregations and groups also get involved through the CWS Kits Program which provides recovery kits -- such as Hygiene Kits, School Kits, Baby Kits, and Clean-up Buckets -- that make a world of difference in emergency situations or areas of ongoing great need. Information on any or all of these outreach opportunities can be yours by calling toll-free 888-CWS-CROP (that's 888-297-2767).

CROP Hunger Walk demographics

• 68% are over 18, average age is 33.5
• About two-thirds are women
• 64% of CROP Hunger Walkers over age 18 have a college or advanced degree, half are professionally employed in their communities
• Half are CROP Hunger Walking for their second, third, fourth, or more time
• 73% of participants say fighting hunger locally and globally is their key reason for taking part
• 53% say the CROP Hunger Walk is the only fund-raising marathon-type activity in which they participate
• Walkers get about 95% of their sponsors from their neighborhood, workplace, family, and place of worship
• Back to top

Further procrastination on Saturday

I am definitely living out my first post for today: Why I procrastinate. From Wormwood Doxy, I tried out the country contest, and here I am:

You're the United Nations!

Most people think you're ineffective, but you are trying to completely save the world from itself, so there's always going to be a long way to go. You're always the one trying to get friends to talk to each other, enemies to talk to each other, anyone who can to just talk instead of beating each other about the head and torso. Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't, and you get very schizophrenic as a result. But your heart is in the right place, and sometimes also in New York.


Take the Country Quiz
at the Blue Pyramid

There is a book about Clotheslines!

Silly though this may be, I found a book about clotheslines. (I like the book's cover picture.)

I hung things out today in the south Texas hot sunshine, where they still are. I always like to do this. Our two dogs always know it is time to go outside when I put the laundry basket by the washing machine and fill it up with wet items. Our deceased lab Licorice would not go outside unless she saw that the basket was full! (Licorice did not like the hot and humid weather here.)

Book Review
By Judith
Fabrics.net

The Clothesline, a book by Irene Rawlings and Andrea VanSteenhouse is not just about hanging your clothes on a clothesline, it is a delightful trip through memory lane. Add in a recipe or two for soap, delightful photographs by David Foxhoven and Jason McConathy and the result is a book that will make you smile.

From types of clotheslines to clothespins of today and yesterday to ideas for sachet bags, this little book covers many topics in whimsical, effortless writing. Remember hanging your linens outside or watching your neighbors hang their laundry? Perhaps, like me, you can remember bringing in frozen laundry to dry by the stove?

Clothespins as collectables or works of art? Certainly! You may be surprised and the variety and types of clothespins that have been designed and used since 1832 when the first clothespin was patented. This book has ideas for displaying your collection of laundry bags, dish towels as well as clothespins and other collections. Suggestions about storing vintage linens and fabrics can also be found in this book.

Why I procrastinate

Cartoon by Dave Walker. Find more cartoons you can freely re-use on your blog at We Blog Cartoons.

Still thinking about art

A weekly Renovare group meets in my house on Friday mornings. My daughter AE calls it my "chanting group" because we end by praying the Lord's Prayer together. We follow the format from The Spiritual Formation Workbook. This group has been meeting for over ten years, with members moving away and others joining. I am one of the original members, as is JT, whom Katherine E. knows up in Fort Worth.

Among other things today, I talked about last night's art exhibit that I described in Art, where I wondered about my adequacy in determining art. It is good to talk in community. Several members of our group (who had also attended the lecture last night) brought other angles to my outlook. Watercolor artist JDH could speak to me about art without the "arty terms." She told me the pink tapes on the wall are just that--and not to make myself try to see something I didn't! And she didn't get any feeling about exclusivity, which I seemed to get. (But I could counter that she is part of "the group" and I am not.) Social worker JS described exuberantly being in the room with all the blue sacks and immediately going into the middle--how she jumps into things and doesn't skirt around the edges. I am more cautious and don't want to go "in" until I know "how." That was a beautiful example of how to live, especially when experiencing art. Child protective social worker AB dated the ex-curator of the museum until he moved to California a few months ago, and she told me that he would be so pleased that the exhibit had gotten me so stirred up and inquisitive! JDH told me that art is an experience and is transformative, though not everything labeled as "art" will affect each person.

I can see that I've grown even from last night in my understanding of what art is. If I don't get stuck in the analytical attitude towards art where I have little knowledge, I am starting to see that I might view art more as an experience than something to be looked at and judged. This is a new beginning for me and seems more inviting than any other way I've glanced at the subject before.

It helps that I found this quote at What is Art? What is an Artist?
Arthur Danto, professor of philosophy at Columbia University and art critic of The Nation, believes that today "you can't say something's art or not art anymore. That's all finished."

That helps me to understand a little more the modern climate for art and why Tony Feher does what he does. Just like I was once told I needed to form my own Christology, I guess I need to define "art" for myself. That'll take quite awhile, but so is my Christology.

Somehow there seems like an opening and more space around the subject of art for me. It is not so alien as it seemed. At the moment, I don't feel so resistant. Is this the beginning of transformation?

God as Artist (Creator)

It is not you who shapes God, it is God who shapes you.
If then you are the work of God, await the hand of the artist
Who does all things in due season.
Offer God your heart, soft and tractable,
And keep the form in which the artist has fashioned you.
Let your clay be moist,
Lest you grow hard and lose the imprint of God's fingers.

~~Irenaeus, 2nd Century Bishop

Art

I have never thought of myself as creative in art mediums and thus know little about art. Tonight a friend asked me to go to a lecture at the Art Museum of South Texas, mainly because Fr. David Stringer (my priest and spiritual director who is leaving) was the scheduled speaker who would relate Taoism to the present exhibit of Tony Feher, whose biography describes him like this:

Born in Corpus Christi, Texas and living in Albuquerque, Tony Feher moved to New York City in 1981, and has devoted himself to mixed-media sculptures that celebrate everyday products and disposable goods. With an aversion to symbolism beyond what 'you see', he is fascinated by the 'ordinary' and makes sculptural arrangements that are hung from the ceiling and stacked on the floor with found items such as metal cans, straws, bottle caps, fruit crates and plastic grocery bags.

I knew nothing about the artist until we arrived at the art museum, where we were told that Fr. David had suddenly gotten ill this afternoon and could not come. The majority of the audience were from All Saints Episcopal Church, and a few left when they heard this. The assistant curator gave an interesting introduction, which was followed by a video of the artist and this exhibit. As the biography states above, Tony Feher absolutely asserted that he uses NO symbolism.

If you click on Tony Feher, you will see to the left, pictures of the exhibit he created for the architectural space of that specific gallery. There are about 600+ blue sacks in the room, with lots of string and plastic water bottles. My immediate reaction was skepticism, but as I wandered the room and then sat down and looked up at the blue baubles in the peaked and windowed ceiling, I grew to appreciate the colors more.

Was this appreciating "art"? I don't know if it is "art," but many contemporary art critics think it is.

Then we were taken to other walls that had pink pieces of tape placed sporadically--also placed on many walls. This was to honor past exhibits. I guess he had put a piece of tape over a hole or nail or whatever had secured the past exhibits to the wall. A few people gazed from different angles at these pieces of tape. I couldn't see anything else but tape marring the walls. (You can get an idea of how the walls look by going to the site and gazing at the bottom picture.)

As the curator and another artist were orating about contrast and many artistic terms I am unfamiliar with, I felt bored. I tried to pray the Jesus Prayer. As they got more and more esoteric, my friend approached me and asked if I wanted to leave. We left with several other people.

What has prompted me to write was how the last bit of the talk went before we left. There was a conversation about "sophistication" needed to appreciate this type of "art." I inferred that these "experts" would say that my dislike was based upon ignorance and immaturity and that I was not qualified to have an opinion. I resent that, but also do not have the confidence (due to my lack of art education) to go against "experts."

This is showing me how I have a pattern of reacting to authority figures. I assume that I don't know as much, even though I am intelligent. (I think this is why I have always loved books so much--to learn more and more, because there is so much I don't know.) Early in my faith journey, I was afraid to suggest alternative viewpoints, because how could I know, being so new to Christianity? I felt this way when I first went to seminary, only to be surprised that I was always one of the best students, especially in writing papers. My gut reaction in new situations is to assume I don't know as much as others and to doubt myself. This is the observation about myself.

Now an observation about human behavior: As a group, we like to be "right", while the others are "wrong." When there is no space left for other opinions, as judgments are made, people are excluded and marginalized. That happens when "fundamentalists" talk, but also when "liberals" discuss ideas. When some people are upper and others are lower; when we think in dualistic terms--good/bad; right/wrong; saved/damned--there is not a level playing field. Where can we find the agreement in our humanity? How can we learn to share without feeling threatened?

To live in the attitude of "Bless them, change me" is the attitude of acceptance and detachment. First, I need to accept myself and then I won't feel so threatened by others. That prayer is what I need to pray whenever I feel "less than." Then perhaps, I will be brave enough to speak up, knowing (!) that my opinion is valid--it could be factually "wrong," but I am entitled to express it. Things are not always "right" or "wrong," but just exist.

"Bless you, change me." O Lord, change me into the "me" you want me to be. Help me to realize at this moment that that is who I am.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
For another perspective on Tony Feher's exhibit, go to Ron George's blog New Lectionary Notes
and see his post:The Tao of Tony Feher--This will give you the opportunity to see what the gallery looked like with the blue sacks. Ron describes things in a more appreciative way, which helps me open more to what I remember seeing.

Share your hope!

To read a beautiful poem on hope -->A Poem by Denise Levertov at MomPriest's blog, Seeking Authentic Voice. Go and read about hope and how it grows when we share it!

Our choices affect the future

Towards the end of the sixth Harry Potter book, Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince, Dumbledore explains to Harry that the prophecy uttered by Professor Trelawney about either Voldemort or Harry only being able to survive does not dictate the future.

"If Voldemort had never heard of the prophecy, would it have been fulfilled? Would it have meant anything? Of course not! Do you think every prophecy in the Hall of Prophecy has been fulfilled?"

"But," said Harry, bewildered, "but last year you said one of us would have to kill the other--."

"Harry, Harry, only because Voldemort made a grave error, and acted on Professor Trelawney's words! If Voldemort had never murdered your father, would he have imparted in you a furious desire for revenge? Of course not! If he had not forced your mother to die for you, would he have given you a magical protection he could not penetrate? Of course not, Harry! Don't you see? Voldemort himself created his worst enemy, just as tyrants everywhere do! Have you any idea how much tyrants fear the people they oppress? All of them realize that, one day, amongst their many victims, there is sure to be one who rises against them and strikes back! Voldemort is no different! Always he was on the lookout for the one who would challenge him. He heard the prophecy and he leapt into action, with the result that he not only handpicked the man most likely to finish him, he handed him uniquely deadly weapons."

"But--."

"It is essential that you understand this!" said Dumbledore, standing up and striding about the room, his glittering robes swooshing in his wake; Harry had never seen him so agitated. "By attempting to kill you, Voldemort himself singled out the remarkable person who sits here in front of me, and gave him the tools for the job! It is Voldemort's fault that you were able to see in his thoughts, his ambitions, that you even understand the snakelike language in which he gives orders, and yet, Harry, despite your privileged insight into Voldmort's world (which, incidentally, is a gift any Death Eater would kill to have), you have never been seduced by the Dark Arts, never, even for a second, shown the slightest desire to become one of Voldemort's followers!"

"Of course I haven't!" said Harry indignantly. "He killed my mum and dad!"

"You are protected, in short, by your ability to love!" said Dumbledore loudly. "The only protection that can possibly work against the lure of power like Voldemort's! . . . ." (510-511)

Harry Potter's Sorting Hat

I still find refuge in the Harry Potter books. After reading the last book, I started all over again with the first one. In the past month, I have read them all in sequence. Today I started the last one for the second time, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows (Book 7). Escaping to the magical world gets me to forget my own sense of loss at losing my spiritual director. (In fact, today I cried again over Dumbledore's death in book 6 and in Fr. David's office.)

So I found the link to the "Sorting Hat Ceremony" at The Vicar of Hogsmeade site. And the sorting hat found me here, though I might have just as easily gotten into Hufflepuff.



I'm
a Gryffindor!

My Priest/Spiritual Director is leaving

I am sad. Many others are grieving, too. Our priest at All Saints Episcopal Church is leaving after being here for the past 15 years. We had thought he would retire and stay here. No one can argue against a discerned call. Fr. David Stringer and his wife believe he is called to go to St. Patrick's Episcopal Church in Atlanta, GA. So at the end of September they will be gone.

I am deeply hurting because David has been my spiritual director for the past ten years. In fact, I met with him for the last time today, only 30 minutes after hearing of his coming departure from a friend. I'm glad I heard about it ahead of time. I do not cry easily; I cried in his office. Tears also came in our closing prayer.

David has helped me grow so much, especially in learning to trust. I started out scared and shrinking, beginning to meet with him about the time I had that graced experience on Easter Faith Story 8--Further Depression. I did not trust men or God, and he helped me learn to receive concern--and to live through my heart and not only my head, which is still a struggle for me. In this period of spiritual direction with him, I have been a Lay Director for a Walk to Emmaus, attended the Two Year Spiritual Formation Academy (where I met Katherine E.), gone to seminary (Oblate School of Theology), investigated ordained ministry, begun the Shalem Program for Spiritual Guidance, and I've spent a month in Zambia! None of that could have been imagined ten years ago, which needs to remind me that the future is full of promise.

Still, I'm stuck on me--How do I find someone to guide me? To direct me to God and also to provocative books?

Corpus Christi has few spiritual directors; not many people know that spiritual direction is an activity to help facilitate spiritual growth. David could not recommend anyone to me here. He told me to pray for one. I did ask for a recommendation in San Antonio, and he gave me the name of someone to consult.

I feel lost, but it's not all about me. Plus, I am not losing God. . . .Help me remember your faithfulness, O Lord.

Peace Patroller

My Liberal Identity:

You are a Peace Patroller, also known as an anti-war liberal or neo-hippie. You believe in putting an end to American imperial conquest, stopping wars that have already been lost, and supporting our troops by bringing them home.

Take the quiz at www.FightConservatives.com

My daughter's wisdom teeth removal.

For the first full day home, 17 year old MJ had her wisdom teeth removed. The top two came out pretty easily, but the bottom two were impacted and sideways. Those were much harder to get out--and in pieces. Sadly, MJ inherited my misaligned jaw, which orthodontia helped remedy for her (but not me, as I never had braces) and impacted wisdom teeth. She is not a complainer and is bearing up well. Our family dentist told me he wished all his patients could be like MJ. And he just called up to ask how she is this evening. Two of MJ's friends brought her frozen yogurt, and her siblings and grandmother called to see how she was doing.

Cheney in 1994 on Iraq

100th post--New poem!

WORKING TOGETHER

We shape our self
to fit this world

and by the world
are shaped again.

The visible
and the invisible

working together
in common cause,

to produce
the miraculous.

I am thinking of the way
the intangible air

passed at speed
round a shaped wing

easily
holds our weight.

So may we, in this life
trust

to those elements
we have yet to see

or imagine,
and look for the true

shape of our own self
by forming it well

to the great
intangibles about us.

~ David Whyte ~

(House of Belonging)

Serena and Jan together in Edmonds, WA

Here is the picture my daughter took of Serena and me in Edmonds last Wednesday. Serena's pictures are at her blog, Serena in Seattle.

BTW, I'm home!

Since I've already posted below, you must realize that I'm back home on my familiar computer. It is nice to be here in south, coastal Texas, even if this is flat and HOT (plus humid) country. We are glad to be back with our dogs--Baillie, 11 year old blonde cocker, and Cisco, 3 year old shepard mix, and cat--Gracie, 2 year old long-haired calico. Have already shopped at the local HEB supermarket (only owner of supermarkets in Corpus Christi), with many people buying cases of water. I haven't tasted water from the tap yet (with all the chlorine added to stop the e-coli contamination), and so I did not buy any bottled water. Possibly a mistake. . . .

And now I need to unpack (and wash clothes).

Why Gay Marriage is Un-American!

Why Gay Marriage is Un-American!

(Lifted from An Inch at a Time: Reflections on the Journey with thanks.)

Finally, some explanations that make sense!

1. Being gay is not natural. Real Americans always reject unnatural things like eyeglasses, polyester, and air conditioning.

2. Gay marriage will encourage people to be gay, in the same way that hanging around tall people will make you tall.

3. Legalizing gay marriage will open the door to all kinds of crazy behavior. People may even wish to marry their pets because a dog has legal standing and can sign a marriage contract.

4. Straight marriage has been around a long time and hasn't changed at all; women are still property, blacks still can't marry whites, and divorce is still illegal.

5. Straight marriage will be less meaningful if gay marriage were allowed; the sanctity of Britany Spears' 55-hour just-for-fun marriage would be destroyed.

6. Straight marriages are valid because they produce children. Gay couples, infertile couples, and old people shouldn't be allowed to marry because our orphanages aren't full yet, and the world needs more children.

7. Obviously gay parents will raise gay children, since straight parents only raise straight children.

8. Gay marriage is not supported by religion. In a theocracy like ours, the values of one religion are imposed on the entire country. That's why we have only one religion in America.

9. Children can never succeed without a male and a female role model at home. That's why we as a society expressly forbid single parents to raise children.

10. Gay marriage will change the foundation of society; we could never adapt to new social norms. Just like we haven't adapted to cars, the service-sector economy, or longer life spans.

Using my son's computer in Austin, TX

We are glad to be back in Texas, despite its heat. Though I call my husband "strong and quiet", he, MJ, and I are all being quiet as we sit in DC and AA's apartment in Austin. Our son and daughter-in-law have gone to a couples' wedding shower, and generously left us to be "at home" in their apartment. We are doing what each of us likes to do to relax--I'm on the computer (though it's DC's); husband CB is surfing the tv; and tired MJ is lying on a bed and reading. Since we are all introverts, it is nice to not be visiting for a little while.

The wedding is tonight, and tomorrow we'll drive back to Corpus Christi, which will take about four hours. From the news we have heard, Corpus Christi got little rain from Erin and the city's water is clean again! The future of Dean looms ahead, but is not in the next day or so for Texas. So we will go home in peace.

It is always nice to come home, wherever it is. My parents told me that when I was about three years old and came back from a trip (and the only trips we ever took were to visit relatives), I went around the house in Lubbock, TX (!) touching each piece of furniture and saying, "Nice chair; nice table; nice pillow. . . "

Serena in Seattle!

Today my daughter MJ and I met Serena in Edmonds (a suburb of Seattle). She has already posted pictures at her blog Serena in Seattle of us. It was so much fun to meet her; I felt like we'd met many times before! (There's another reason to blog. . . .) Once I get home, to my own computer, I'll post the pictures taken with our camera, though I'll need MJ's help in downloading them.

Only one more full day in Washington. Then on Friday morning we'll drive back to Seattle (for the third time this visit) to return the rental car and check in at Sea-Tac Airport. We'll fly to San Antonio, arriving at 11 pm. That night we'll stay in a hotel in San Antonio, and on Saturday morning we'll drive to Austin to visit oldest son DC and his wife AA. Saturday night we're going to go to a wedding of friends' son at the Lady Bird Wildflower Center. Finally, on Sunday we'll return to Corpus Christi. (And that's when we'll see how Corpus Christi is--right now the entire city's water system is infected with e-coli bacteria, plus Tropical Storm Dean is headed for Corpus Christi. It seems safer and more pleasant here in the Pacific Northwest!)

Sunday in Seattle

This morning my husband and I went to the 8:00 service at Church of the Ascension in the Magnolia district of Seattle. It was easy since we had spent two nights with dear friends only a mile or so away from there.

We were blessed to be there, especially because there was a baptism of an Asian little boy named Jacob. I am amazed at how each baptism IS a renewal for me, enveloping us all in God's overwhelming love. The homily by the female priest, who may be a friend of Mompriest, was empowering for social justice--that God requires action with worship. She explained and espoused the UN's MDGs, which is such an important initiative. (Click on the top right button "Voices Against Poverty" to find out about the MDGs.)

This was a Sunday in more places than just Seattle. After church, we picked up daughters MJ and AE and AE's partner KA (formerly known as "KB", because I didn't know her middle name) for the trip to Bellingham for husband CB's family picnic/barbecue. His brother cooked 9 lb. of salmon and some Boca burgers and there were various salads and side dishes, including fresh corn on the cob. It was a cloudy off-and-on sunny day, so many of us ate outside. Love this cooler weather here! CB's brother, who is a very funny guy, told me twice that we have a house "that way" and could live here (meaning my parents' old house, which we rent out).

Around 5 pm, people dispersed, as did we. With AE driving the rental car, KA, MJ, and I went south again for Seattle. I am still appreciative of AE driving; she is an excellent driver, and I'm glad I didn't have to tonight! The traffic was stop-and-go on I-5 in Everett, which is the major city in between Bellingham and Seattle. (Until the 1990s, Everett was known for its disagreeable and distinctive smell, because of its lumber mill, which was shut down back then.)

We dropped AE and KA off at their apartment in the U District and then drove back over to our friends in Magnolia. MJ and I are spending this last night with them, so I can take her on the Underground Tour in the morning before she goes back to the girls' apartment. Then I'll drive to Kent, south of Seattle, to visit another friend from high school.

Tonight I walked with bubbly friend TFJ (in Magnolia) and her fluffy, white samoyeds. The sky was beautifully pink with the sunset, and Seattle bay was glistening. So beautiful.

In the beautiful Northwest

We are in Bellingham, WA in the home of my husband's parents. It is nice (comforting) to come back to the people, house, yard, and neighborhood that are so familiar. Little changes, but basically the same. I found myself feeling sad when we drove past my parents' old house, which we rent out. It is in good condition, as is the yard, but the neighborhood has changed around it. There are new houses built next door and behind it. Inside, I know it is also different. Really, it's not my parents' house anymore--it's just a house I own.

I am newly aware of the fun of reminiscing of family at dinner last night, with husband CB and his sister JT and parents, laughing and remembering. Daughter MJ enjoyed this so much, learning more about her dad and her family. I was stuck in the loss of having no family like this--only later realizing that my parents probably would not have acted so normally and happily, especially with me having no siblings. Too much introspection on my part, instead of enjoying the moment--still, I am learning how I so often put myself "apart." God is helping me to remember him and it's a struggle at times. Praise to you, O Lord.

Husband CB and 17 year old MJ and I are in Washington until Aug. 17. Only ten days--Aug. 7-17, with two of those days being somewhat drawn-out travel times with Southwest Airlines and traversing by car. (Corpus Christi is about the same distance between San Antonio as Bellingham and Seattle. The major airports we used are in San Antonio and Seattle.)

Daughter AE is taking a four-hour Chinese class each weekday at the UW, while her beloved KB works. So we have loved ones apart, and we are traveling to and fro. Prettier driving than in the coastal plains of south Texas though!

Off and on, I'll be able to get to a computer, though not everyday. I'm glad to be connected through cyberspace to friends and family.

Going to Seattle and Bellingham, Washington!

Faith Story 8--Further Depression

I returned from the Meadows Treatment Center in August 1995, taking an anti-depressant (Zoloft) which had to be upped as I continued to be depressed. I attended an aftercare program in Corpus Christi for two days, but checked myself out of it, because it was so stupid and I seemed to know more than the counselors there. I am still bemused by the fact that one day I made a wooden primary-colors bead necklace in a "creative" therapy session. Fortunately, my husband was adamant with the insurance company, and they paid for three sessions a week with a therapist Judy Dickson, who saved my life. Now I'm not sure how long that continued in that frequency; I just know I continued to see Judy for the next four years. She guided me, nurtured me, helped me learn to trust, and shared spiritual hunger with me.

Although I took command in switching my therapy, I continued to attribute "god"-like qualities to the psychiatrist, assuming she knew all, even when I didn't tell her. Although I kept on having suicidal ideation, I just thought that was what I had to live with. It wasn't until another patient from the meadows I corresponded with suggested that the medication was not working properly did I request a change. When I switched to Prozac, I was shocked to find that those obsessive wishes for death mostly disappeared.

I'm not really sure how I grew out of depression. I know God had a lot to do with it. I know I worked very hard, too. If you have ever been in deep depression, you may understand how I always feared that I'd go back down into those black depths.

On Easter 1999, God granted me a surprising unitive experience that is still with me. It still reassures me about his existence, his love, and his assurance that I will never kill myself. What a gift. Below, I'll copy my journal entry for this day:

“God sent his Son, they called him Jesus, he came to love, heal and forgive; he lived and died to buy my pardon. An empty grave is there to prove my Savior lives. Because he lives, I can face tomorrow; because he lives, all fear is gone; because I know he holds the future, and life is worth the living just because he lives.” (Hymn #364, Methodist Hymnal)

On Easter Sunday this was sung after the congregation reaffirmed their Baptism Covenant. At the time I was preoccupied with assuring Margaret that this affirming applied to her, too, even though she had never been baptized. I was feeling some guilt and parental concern as we spoke together, hoping she believed and also that her older (and bored) brother would even say the words!

To my great surprise, I sang the song from my heart, realizing suddenly that the words “Because he lives, I can face tomorrow; because he lives, all fear is gone”—were the TRUTH for me. The assurance and love and peace of this flooded over me in triumph to truly know that “life is worth the living just because he lives.”

I have spent the past four years of my life either in deep depression seriously considering suicide or fearing that I’d fall back into that pit inevitably in the future. This fear (of the fear) and the knowledge that I didn’t trust God enough burdened me with feelings of fear, failure, shame, and pain. Even as I have maintained and gained new balance, the fear of the returning blackness always remained with me. I never imagined that I could live without this doubt.

Then on Easter I was given the gift of assurance, not in just words, but in truth. God’s presence overwhelmed me. I know and do not fear. This will always be part of me, just as it never was before. Though unexplainable to others and even to myself, I am reassured, comforted, raised up in such gratitude that I cannot express.

As Psalm 16 ends:

You show me the path of life,

In your presence there is fullness of joy.

I have been so blessed to know this truth within me.

O my God, thank you for saving me, for your faithfulness beyond my knowledge, for your grace in giving me the trust I’ve yearned for and feared, for your Son’s resurrection—and mine. Help me to glorify you with all my life. Amen.

Intercessory Prayer

"History belongs to the intercessors who believe the future into being."
~Walter Wink

Faith Story 7--The Meadows

It was very hard to see the way opening as I struggled with depression and was told to go to the hospital or I’d be committed by my counselor. So in August 1995 I spent five weeks at the Meadows Treatment Center in Arizona. I was resistant and unfamiliar with such therapy and kept praying that I could go home. As soon as someone arrives there, one receives a complete physical exam, which was beneficial for me. I was severely anemic and kept growing increasingly worse, so I was sent to a physician, with a staff member as if I was “psycho” or so I thought. (I now realize a lot of the surveillance measures were for the majority of the Meadows population who were alcoholics and/or drug addicted.) It turned out that I needed a D&C. Trying to go home; I talked to my Corpus Christi gyn/ob doctor who advised me not to travel home, because if I started to bleed on the airplane, I’d bleed out! Never having had surgery before, I was taken to a large hospital in Phoenix where it was performed. I was scared, but didn't have anyone to talk to about those feelings. Luckily, a female staff person accompanied me, and all I remember is dozing off and on during the ride back to the Meadows. I continued to get increasingly anemic, and so I was sent off to get a blood transfusion. I was left in the small, local hospital for about four hours. While I was receiving the blood, I made all sorts of phone calls, which were not allowed at the Meadows. I talked to many friends lengthily. That was so good for me. (Phone calls were limited at the Meadows, as to time and number.) After that, my hematocrit stopped getting lower, and I seemed to improve physically.

The fourth week was Family Week where CB, 16-year-old DC, and 13-year-old AE came. CB arrived, rigidly resistant to the whole process. (He had almost refused to fly there.) The first day when everyone was asked why his or her “patient” was there, DC said he didn’t know why his mom was there, and that I’d always seemed upbeat. AE said she’d seen me getting depressed and we were a family that never talked to one another! And CB said I was here to be fixed. The next day, CB told me that the Meadows was not a normal place—that the counselors weren’t normal, that the patients weren’t normal, and that anyone who had thought of suicide definitely wasn’t normal. That seemed to mean that he was the only normal one there. AE told me her dad kept telling her how they’d have to watch me all the time when I came home, as I was “different.” He wouldn’t participate in group therapy and was stolidly judging everyone.

Then a miracle occurred on Wednesday morning. CB showed up, looking like the person I’d fallen in love with. He was softer and more vulnerable. He said he’d woken up knowing he could do this. We discovered that we still loved each other. A friend later told me that when CB returned to Corpus Christi, he’d turned into a big teddy bear!

Both CB and I consider that God opened our hearts and minds to each other then. I later learned that my Emmaus Reunion Group, other friends, and people at church were praying for me all the time I was at the Meadows. This was the first time I realized I was part of a community that cared AND that prayer helps somehow! (In the past issue of Weavings, there is an article about making space for God and how prayer does that.)

Walking Towards Peace and Non-violence with Father John Dear

The Narrow Path

Prayer for Non-Violence

For a beautiful prayer for non-violence by Father John Dear, please visit Wounded Bird, which is Grandmere Mimi's website. She also includes information about John Dear, who works for peace. I heard him speak at a Pax Christi conference in San Antonio a few years ago, and he was so good. It was funny that he asked everyone to call him "Father John," NOT "Father Dear." You'll recognize Grandmere's Mimi's post by this title Prayer Of Nonviolence - (June, 2005).

Cartoon about the Iraq War

I had to copy this from Child of Illusion

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WORLD CLOCK

This is very interesting:

WORLD CLOCK

Books, books, I love books!

I love books, and not just Harry Potter books. My husband CB likes to joke that the big brown truck (UPS) stops at our house every day--but that's not quite true. I also purchase used books frequently. This has come about because I have little access to theological books (and others that I want) in our local library or churches, so I visit Amazon and other book sellers on the internet. (Remember that I live in the Bible Belt of south Texas, where fundamentalism and conservatism is prevalent, which dictates the selection of books in libraries and bookstores, as well as the high level of poverty.)

What's funny right now is I'm obsessed with Harry Potter. Since reading the final book, I have been reading the first three! I am currently reading the fourth one, Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire (Book 4). And I am enjoying each one so much, getting connections with them all and seeing the fuller vision that J. K. Rowling imagined.

Today I've connected with Hermoine, Harry's bookish, loyal and brave friend. At the beginning of the fourth book, Harry feels pain in his scar, not realizing the connection it is to Voldemort, and wonders if he should contact his friends and ask them about it. Here is what he considers when he thinks of Hermoine:

"At once, Hermoine Granger's voice seemed to fill his head, shrill and panicky. 'Your scar hurt? Harry, that's really serious. . . . Write to Professor Dumbledore! And I'll go check Common Magical Ailments and Afflictions. . . .Maybe there's something in there about curse scars. . . .'
"Yes, that would be Hermoine's advice: Go straight to the headmaster of Hogwarts, and in the meantime, consult a book." (p. 21)

And that describes me--consult other sources, especially books. In NJ after my mother died, I tried to find books on grief, especially over the loss of a parent. There were hardly any books! If you go and look in a bookstore at this time, you will see many books on this topic, even ones about "orphan adults." The Baby Boomers have experienced losing parents and are writing about it--There was my lost opportunity to write a book back in the '90s!

Now with the internet, I don't always have to consult a book. But I always looked for advice from the written word and continue to do so. God uses books to touch me and instruct me; I have found spiritual direction in so many books, just as I did initially in my last post Faith Story 6--Return to Corpus Christi .

However, sometimes I am too indulgent in my reading, as I see myself doing recently with all the Harry Potter books. I need to write my Shalem Institute paper on "Psychology and Spiritual Direction"--I'm already two weeks late. This has to get done today (I hope) and then all the preparations for our trip to Washington State (Aug. 7-17) have to be started!