Jan. Friends: Forever?

One of the characteristics of being an adult child of an alcoholic is extreme loyalty. It has taken me 50 years to realize that friendships do not always last forever. It is hard for me to acknowledge that.

I finally learned this with two different friends who supported and helped me through my years of depression. When I no longer "needed" them as I had become healthier, they disappeared. It hurt, and I could not understand that for a long time.

Oddly, what helped me accept these situations was an email someone sent me about 15 years ago. Like so many things I learned in Al Anon, much of it sounds like platitudes, BUT there is truth hidden in here:

"People come into your life for a reason, a season, or
a lifetime. When you figure out which one it is, you
will know what to do for each person.

"When someone is in your life for a REASON . . . It is
usually to meet a need you have expressed. They have
come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide you
with guidance and support, to aid you physically,
emotionally, or spiritually. They may seem like a
godsend, and they are! They are there for the reason
you need them to be.

"Then, without any wrong doing on your part, or at an
inconvenient time, this person will say or do something
to bring the relationship to an end.

"Sometimes they die.
Sometimes they walk away.
Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand.

"What we must realize is that our need has been met, our
desire fulfilled, their work is done. The prayer you
sent up has been answered. And now it is time to move on.

"When people come into your life for a SEASON . . .
Because your turn has come to share, grow, or learn.
They bring you an experience of peace, or make you laugh.
They may teach you something you have never done.
They usually give you an unbelievable amount
of joy. Believe it! It is real! But, only for a season.

"LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons; things
you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional
foundation. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the
person, and put what you have learned to use in all
other relationships and areas of your life. It is said
that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant. "

Author Unknown (found here)