Un fashionable Me!

Jan and MJ at Yardarm Restaurant

I am wearing that same sweater with a LONG (down to my ankles) straight black skirt, which is years old. I am realizing how unfashionable I often am, which is bothering me as I set out for the YWCA Dinner for Women of the Year. My friend and Methodist pastor Gloria Lear is one of the ladies being honored.

I keep telling myself that people will just say, "Oh, that's Jan. . . ." since I am never up to date in my fashions, especially my shoes, which have to be comfortable!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
It was fine, though when I got there, I wished I had worn my black pants (which I'd worn to the Yardarm Restaurant that's pictured above).

Whispers

A Blessing for the Journey of Seeking God

When your soul whispers of its deepest longings,
may you quiet yourself to listen.
May you follow the path of yearning to the One alone
who blends the uneven edges into a life of meaning.
May you meet and be united with God
and give thanks for the whispers
that led you there.

From Lenten Blessings on ExploreFaith.org

Lost on the Path

Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again,
expecting different results.

That 12-step saying that "insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, expecting different results" seems relevant to my feeling lost and stuck at the same time. Not knowing where to go has me not moving, which is a typical reaction, but not helpful. I am even finding it difficult to pray and sit with God.

And here is an interesting connection to all this from one of my Lenten readings:

Henri Nouwen writes:
". . . The descending way is a way that is concealed in each person's heart. But because it is so seldom walked on, it's often overgrown with weeds. Slowly but surely we have to clear the weeds, open the way, and set out on it unafraid.

"For me, this weeding out process is always related to prayer, because to pray is to make free time for God, even when you've very busy with important matters of one kind or another. Every time you make free time for God, you clear up a bit of the descending path, and you see where you can plant your feet on the way to love."

Nouwen, Henri J. M. Show Me the Way: Readings for Each Day of Lent. NY: Crossroad, 1994. 47.

So it is time to sit, perhaps followed by writing. . . . Then at 11 o'clock, there is the Lectio Divina group at FUMC, which will be a good place to be.

Talkers and Others

Lately, I've become aware that I often have little to say. Some people have the ability to talk and talk, while I sit there. Maybe I could say that I am being a good listener. . . sometimes I just have no response. That's how I seemed in EFM today--nothing to say, or that is how I felt.

It makes me wonder how to better facilitate groups. Growing up, I was always taught "not to interrupt," which is hard for me to change. However, what do you do with those people who don't pause in their verbiage and keep on talking? That sometimes happens in meetings, and I am unsure of the right way to get people back on track. I could ring the bell, but that seems rude. Is the only way to interrupt??

At the same time, I am remembering how the most talkative one in the Wisdom Class today expressed appreciation for being listened to. Still, other people did not have the opportunity to speak.

Thus, I am aware of how people fall into the verbose category or quieter mode. Maybe it is time to remind people of the power of listening, which we practiced a few years ago.

Or is it all related to introversion and extroversion? Maybe I need to read that book about introverts in the church that Altar Ego has written about in the past.

Grateful for Friends

Listening is a magnetic and strange thing, a creative force.
The friends who listen to us are the ones we move toward.
When we are listened to,
it creates us, makes us unfold and expand.

~~Karl Menninger

I am grateful for my friends, near and faraway, as well as blogging friends.

May Nan rest in peace

When I received the monthly newsletter (of quotations) Friends of Silence today, I learned that Nan C. Merrill died in January. Her life: December 3, 1931-January 23, 2010. She is probably best known for Psalms for Praying: An Invitation to Wholeness, which many of us read and pray with.

Here is an interview with Nan Merrill, where she tells the story of Friends of Silence and about her various books. She published six books from 1996 to 2009:

• Psalms for Praying: An Invitation to Wholeness (1996)
• Meditations and Mandalas: Simple Songs for the Spiritual Live (1999)
• Lumen Christi: Journey to Awakening (2002)
• Journey Into Love: From Fear to Freedom (2007)
• Walking With Wisdom (2009)
• Peace Planet: Light for Our World, which may only be bought through Anne Strader at annestrad@sbcglobal.net

Anne Strader plans to continue publishing Friends of Silence. Here is what she wrote about Nan Merrill in this most recent issue:

In Memoriam
Nan Crerie Merrill
December 3, 1931-January 23, 2010

"On January 23, 2010 at 11:15 pm.m., Nan C. Merrill, founder and director of Friends of Silence, slipped through the veil to her Beloved. The daughter of Ernest and Merle Crerie, Nan was the mother to 3 sons and 2 daughters; 'Nana' to 6 grandchildren; and 'Auntie Nancy' to 6 nieces and nephews. She is also survived by one sister and a whole host of friends and colleagues across the country and abroad.

"Nan touched the hearts of thousands of people through her monthly publication of Friends of Silence. She started this newsletter over 22 years ago in Detroit, Michigan, where she spent several years as a lay volunteer in an inner-city church. FOX ha grown from a beginning group of about 40 members who came together at the church to pray silently over the city to more than six thousand subscribers world wide.

"Nan shared her deep spiritual insights and love of writing by authoring six books and editing numerous others. She encouraged and nurtured everyone who came into her path. Nan has led retreats, worked with inner city residents and been involved in prison ministry for many years. She had a wonderful sense of humor and was an avid sports fan who enjoyed watching golf, basketball and football.

"Nan and I met by mail through her FOS newsletter nearly 20 years ago. As she did for so many, she mentored me by being my 'pen pal' for several years before we met face to face. Nan assisted me along the way through the intense spiritual search in which was engaged, lending an ear or a shoulder as needed. She became my dear friend and colleague as the years passed, and I will sorely miss her. Still, I am so aware that she is here, that she lives on, not only in her published word, but also in our memories and our awareness of her strong spiritual presence in our own lives. Friends of Silence will continue in her footsteps."

~~Anne Strader

Nan always asked this question at the beginning of each newsletter:

"Is there enough Silence for the Word to be heard?"

Letting Go of Our Fear of God

"We are afraid of emptiness. Spinoza speaks about our "horror vacui," our horrendous fear of vacancy. We like to occupy-fill up-every empty time and space. We want to be occupied. And if we are not occupied we easily become preoccupied; that is, we fill the empty spaces before we have even reached them. We fill them with our worries, saying, "But what if ..."

"It is very hard to allow emptiness to exist in our lives. Emptiness requires a willingness not to be in control, a willingness to let something new and unexpected happen. It requires trust, surrender, and openness to guidance. God wants to dwell in our emptiness. But as long as we are afraid of God and God's actions in our lives, it is unlikely that we will offer our emptiness to God. Let's pray that we can let go of our fear of God and embrace God as the source of all love."

~~Henri Nouwen

From the free daily message found at the Henri Nouwen webpage. Subscribe.

I really needed to read this today. I met with a teacher friend who is helping me "write" my thesis paper. Today CS guided me through the supposed introduction to the realization that I don't know what I am writing about! So I am in that emptiness again. . . .

More Pictures!

As I write this, Maisie is lying asleep on my slipper under the desk. She likes to lie around at our feet under the desks or she likes to be behind the recliner chair to sleep. When she's by CB's feet, he says that she quietly chews on his shoelaces, so he doesn't realize it until they're untied.

Maisie is tired out because MJ and I took her for a walk this afternoon. MJ ran around Lamar Park with her, too, as I meandered up and down the street. It's a beautiful sunny day and is about 62 degrees F.

MJ looks very pretty with auburn brown hair. A friend dyed it a few nights ago. I'm glad it looks pretty with red highlights.
Look back at this January 12 post if you want to see how much Maisie has grown since the last time MJ was home.

MJ with Maisie and Sampson

And here is a picture that DC took of Maisie and Sampson playing tug-of-war this morning:

Maisie and Sampson

This afternoon our oldest son DC and his wife AA got here from Austin, along with their jolly bulldog Sampson. Maisie loves playing with Sampson, who jumps on top of her and throws her down. Sampson quickly tires though. I tried to get some pictures, but they are so fast!


MJ comes home tomorrow, so maybe she'll help get some better pictures.

Lord, Save Us From Your Followers!

Cynthia posted about this upcoming movie, which looks like a breath of fresh air about the Christianity I believe is true.

Me Today

Behind Bars

Yesterday for our beginning meditation in EFM, a member brought the Rilke poem about the caged panther. Then we all discussed what "bars" we see out of (or through). I keep coming back to my critique of myself for not being "perfect" and how that stops me from action, which I wrote about a few days ago.

I was not familiar with this particular poem and now keep thinking about it. So here it is:

The Panther

From seeing the bars, his seeing is so exhausted
that it no longer holds anything anymore.
To him the world is bars, a hundred thousand
bars, and behind the bars, nothing.

The lithe swinging of that rhythmical easy stride
which circles down to the tiniest hub
is like a dance of energy around a point
in which a great will stands stunned and numb.

Only at times the curtains of the pupil rise
without a sound — then a shape enters,
slips through the tightened silence of the shoulders,
reaches the heart, and dies.

~~Rainier Marie Rilke (translated by Robert Bly)

Then it turns out that there are various translations. If you are interested, go here or here.

Tuesday Trivia

I thought I'd post "pious" writings about Lent, but that's not coming about. . . .So here's the trivia of my life:

• Tuesdays continue to be busy with two classes and then CB teaching chemistry for nursing students on Tuesday and Thursday evenings.

• The morning class is the Wisdom Class, where we are reading But I Tell You by Karen Oberst, which is about the Beatitudes. Today our meditation was this, including the cartoon. This afternoon is EFM, and I am in the third year about the development of Christianity. Now we're on the Protestant Reformation.

• My son DC just called to tell me that it is snowing in Austin. It is unusually cold again. Here in Corpus Christi, it is raining and is only 47 degree F. while the normal high temperature for this time of year is 68 degrees F.

• Sandy Casey-Martus, our priest, is on a bus trip around the state of Wyoming with the five other Bishop candidates for that Episcopal Diocese. The election for the Wyoming Bishop is on March 20.

• DC and his wife AA are coming to visit us this weekend, along with their bulldog Sampson. I hope Sampson and Maisie will play as much as I am imagining. Maisie needs a more active playmate than Baillie and Cisco.

• MJ might come home, too. She wants to see how big Maisie is. I think she also wants us to see her hair, which she dyed reddish to a more auburn color. From the picture she emailed us, MJ looks nice; I am eager to see her in person!

• For the last two batches of soup I have made, I have added a bag of broccoli cole slaw at the last minute. I also diced sweet potato when I did not have enough white potato.
  

Music of the Eyes

Bromeiliad Bounty
by Judith DeShong Hall

This is one of the beautiful paintings that Judith DeShong Hall has done. She is having a show in her home, where her studio is, on March 5 and 6 in Corpus Christi, TX. Judy loves this quote:

Eugene Delacroix said,
"Colors are the music of the eyes.”

Don't miss the boat!

Believe in hunches

not opinion polls
You are not your name
or your telephone number
At boarding time
don't miss the boat
that has your name on it
It sails only once
Head for the deep
Hold to your course
even if your vision
shipwrecks you

~~James Broughton

"Little Sermons of the Big Joy"

Pet Pictures

This is Gracie on the pansy afghan my children gave me for Mothers Day in the mid-1990's.

Here is Maisie by the angel statue that friends gave me on my 50th birthday. My kids used to joke that the statue looked like Yoda from "Star Wars."

This is just to show you how big Maisie has grown to be. Here Maisie is lying next to Cisco in the family room.

Broken not Perfect

During Ash Wednesday's Lectio Divina, we meditated upon Psalm 1:15-17. I was struck by the need for a "broken heart." During the contemplation, I remembered how many pieces of my Ken Edwards Mexican pottery were broken early in December.

Soon after that, CB ordered me some pieces from E-Bay, but when they arrived, two bowls were broken. Here is one the photos I took as proof to send the seller:

You can see that one was broken into three pieces. After a few days, I glued it back together. This bowl sits on the kitchen counter; I put my used tea bags in it. I always re-use each bag, because I do not like strong tea. I feel a lot of pleasure when I look at that bowl, seeing the butterfly and bird.In contrast, the unbroken or perfect pieces of pottery are put away, out of sight, behind cupboard doors. Perfect pieces are put away and not seen or used often. Out of sight, out of mind.

How many things I do not do because I/they will not be perfect. Over the years, I seldom invited people over to my house, because it was not perfect. How perfection closes us off from use--and from others.

This reminds me of the story of the shattered vase that God reassembles using gold as the mortar between the fragments. The vase is more beautiful with all its cracks than when it was unbroken or "perfect".

God desires me to be used in relation to others, not closed off, isolated. The invitation is go out NOW, mindless of mistakes, just keep going--Not to be afraid to show my lack of perfection, but remembering always that God loves me in my brokenness, right now. (This is something I must live in to with my paper for my degree.)

Further emphasis comes from Richard Rohr's Daily Meditation from February 12:

"In the process of transformation ('conversion' if you prefer), as we learn to face the contradictions that we ourselves are, we become living icons of both/and. We find the hidden wholeness of God underlying our weaknesses. Once we can accept mercy, it is almost natural to hand it on to others. (See the story of the unforgiving debtor in Matthew 18:23-35.) We always become conduits of what we ourselves have received."

New website!

by Trudy Kenyon

I have posted cards/pictures by my friend Trudy Kenyon in the past. She is gifted and whimsical in her art. Now she has a website where you may buy her cards for only $3.95 each, and they are handmade! Go and visit Maggie's Note Cards.

Trudy Kenyon and Maggie

Friday Five: Lent

1. Did you celebrate Mardi Gras/Shrove Tuesday this year? Any memories of memorable celebrations past?
This is the first year in a long time that I did not go to the Pancake Supper at our church. CB was teaching at the community college, and I just stayed home. Not many memories about Shrove Tuesday for me.

2. How about Ash Wednesday, past and/or present?
This Ash Wednesday was the eight year anniversary of my dad's death. Somehow, this anniversary had me paying attention to love within suffering and death, which is also the Paschal Mystery.

I went to two Ash Wednesday services this year. One was at noon at the Methodist Church, which followed the weekly Lectio Divina group. My husband joined me there, our old church. I was lacking in presence there, which may be connected to the lack of liturgy and few personal connections. CB said we were like "fish out of water" there, and that describes how I felt, which is hard to admit. Were our hearts closed off?

In contrast, the evening Ash Wednesday service at All Saints Episcopal Church, without CB who was teaching, was holy, solemn, and reverent. Kneeling in confession moved me greatly. It was easier for me to surrender to the Holy in that atmosphere.

3. Does your denomination or congregation celebrate "this joyful season"? Any special emphases or practices to share?
Yes, with renewed emphasis on prayer, fasting, and alms giving from the Gospel reading. I loved our priest strongly speaking about the need to pray daily, whether in words or not. I'm glad she continues to emphasize this aspect of life.

4. Do you have a personal plan of give-ups, take-ons, special ministries, and/or a special focus for your own spiritual growth between now and Easter?
I want to continue to sit in silence with God twice a day, which is a commitment I renew every single day. I am trying to intentionally read several Lenten devotions and write about them. I plan/intend to post every day during Lent about our spiritual journeys.

5. What is your dream for the image of Christ coming to perfection in you, the church, the world? How can we support you in prayer?
Hoping and praying for renewal of love and connection with God for myself and all people, especially those who do not know of this possibility. Connection with God grows us into more whole, authentic and caring people not concerned with ME, ME, ME. Realizing that I am a part of all is the gift I hope for.

Bonus: Song, prayer, picture, etc. that sums up your feelings about this liturgical springtime.

Breakthrough

This lenting
is a longing, looking,
isolating and locating process,
a passing of the time between
what has to be, what may become,
a late, last, solitary lingering
among the soiled and crusted snowbanks
of deep-drifted hurt and disappointment
seeking out those tender-tough new shoots
that pierce the calloused surface
of all losing with the agony
of life becoming green again.

by J. Barrie Shepherd.

Falling In Love With Creation

Hieroglyphic Stairway

it’s 3:23 in the morning
and I’m awake
because my great great grandchildren
won’t let me sleep
my great great grandchildren
ask me in dreams
what did you do while the planet was plundered?

what did you do when the earth was unraveling?

surely you did something
when the seasons started failing?

as the mammals, reptiles, birds were all dying?

did you fill the streets with protest
when democracy was stolen?

what did you do
once
you
knew?...

---by Drew Dellinger

This is from Richard Rohr's Center for Action and Contemplation website

They are sponsoring an online Lenten series:

Falling in Love with Creation/ Creation and Francis: A Love Affair

There are reflections and experiential practices, such as:

1. Watch the film on the life and conversion of St. Francis titled, Brother Sun, Sister Moon with the following in mind:

   Care for Creation, a new book on Franciscan Spirituality and Earth Care by Franciscan Sr. Ilia Delio, Franciscan Friar Keith Douglass Warner and Pamela Wood, tells us that St. Francis recognized the interdependence of human beings with one another and with the rest of creation; he experienced God in creation; and, he encountered the pain of the world, which inspired him to pray, to act with compassion and to proclaim gospel values. There is no doubt that Francis discovered his interrelatedness to the cosmos through compassionate love by which he came to experience a unity of all things in Christ.

   How is God inviting you to experience what Francis experienced: that all of creation is God speaking to us?

2. Take your contemplative practice outdoors for at least one 20 minute period per day during lent. If it isn’t possible to go outdoors, situate yourself near a window or find some other non-human being to join with you in your time of prayer.

Ash Wednesday

"We are not converted only once in our lives but many times,
and this endless series of large and small conversions,
inner revolutions, leads to our transformation in Christ."
~~Thomas Merton

One of the Lenten readers I am traveling with this Lent is by Emilie Griffin: Small Surrenders: A Lenten Journey. I have always liked her writing ever since I read Clinging: The Experience of Prayer, where she wrote that she noticed she was reading more about prayer than actually praying--that's a (sometimes) description of me, too.

Griffin writes:
"We are converted not only once in our lives but many times. And the conversion is little by little. Sometimes it is as imperceptible as grass growing. But Lent gives us a time to move the process along. Intentionally. By small surrenders." (6)

"Lent is our chance for a fresh start, a new page. We consciously let down our defenses against the grace of God. We admit to ourselves our need for improvement. We notice how hopeless we are. We tell God we're doing out best but we wish we could do better. We put ourselves in God's hands." (4)

I am facing this Lent with more intentionality, partly because Ash Wednesday is the anniversary of my father's death (in 2002). This is a symbol for me of the healing of my relationship and memories with him, which has been progressing in the past eight years. The death of a friend's father last week at the age of 97 brought this realization (of an inner revolution) forth, which I am marking with love today with the ashes.

Wow. . . .

An Infinite Tenderness

Etty Hillesum

"At night, as I lie in the camp on my plank bed, surrounded by women and girls...dreaming aloud, quietly sobbing and tossing and turning, I am sometimes filled with an infinite tenderness. And I lie awake for hours, letting the impressions of a much-too-long day wash over me. And I pray, 'Let me, oh Lord, be the thinking heart of these barracks.' That's what I want to be.... The thinking heart of a whole concentration camp. I lie here patiently, and now calmly, and feel a lot better. I feel strength returning. I've stopped making plans and worrying about risks. Happen what may, it's bound to be for the good."

Source: An Interrupted Life: the Journal of a Young Jewish Woman

From Inward/Outward. Subscribe here.

Muddy Maisie paw prints

I could not resist the above image, because I love cockers, and this one looks like my daughters' dog, Morgan in Seattle.

Luckily, a little while ago I looked out the window and saw Cisco and Maisie way low by the fence. Cisco is renown for digging holes under the fence, which is why so many spaces under the fence are lined with bricks. The ground is soggy because of all the rain we've been having. Cisco was teaching Maisie how to dig under the fence!

When I discovered them, I found a hole that is about six inches deep and wide--almost ready for escape!

They are inside now, with muddy legs and paws and are sequestered in the laundry room while I cleaned up all the clods of dirt they brought in.

Sometimes it is too bad that Maisie is such a smart puppy.

Some Lenten Resources

Sign up for Daily Lenten Messages from Episcopal Relief and Development HERE.

Also here is a Lenten Devotional from Episcopal Relief and Development that can be downloaded or ordered HERE.

To increase one's awareness during Lent, try Simple Living's 40 Days of Lent, which is printed in only six pages. To find this Lenten Carbon Reduction Fast, go HERE.

Go to ExploreFaith.org's Lenten "Sorting it Out" Toolbox calendar, to click on each day of Lent.
They also have a Lenten calendar of quotes for each day, which means another click HERE.

HERE is a Lenten Meditation sponsored by Lebh Shomea, the retreat center I love.

Go HERE for an article about fasting: "Give up Neglecting God."

And you can always look back on my Lent posts from the past.

Happy Valentine's Day!

To ponder

I have lived on the lip of insanity,

wanting to know reasons,

knocking on a door.

It opens.

I've been knocking from the inside.

~~Rumi

San Francisco balloon statues?

I barely remembered in time that I took these two pictures on our trip to San Francisco last June. Although they looked like balloons, they were made of plaster.


And here is picture of son DC and his wife AA in San Francisco:

They are not visiting this weekend, but will come in two more weeks. It's nice to know that DC looks at my blog; he emailed me this picture after seeing the original post.

Friday Five: FAB FEB(ruary)

With Valentine's Day around the corner, it seems appropriate to write about February holidays. However, I'd never heard of "Waitangi Day" before: Feb. 6 is a holiday in New Zealand to commemorate the signing of the Treaty of Waitangi, the founding of New Zealand, in 1840. I'll avoid Fur Rondy, as it is connected with Sarah Palin's home state.

1. When February comes along, how do you feel about the coming month?
It feels like the end of Winter in south Texas. The seasons in Texas are basically: winter, summer, summer, and summer.

2. What memories do you have about Valentine's Day? Are you doing anything to observe it this year?
I remember that my grandmother (father's mother) would always send me very ornate, glittery, and beautiful Valentine cards. Perhaps she's the reason I like to send Valentines. I also remember the overly decorated boxes the teachers made for their classes in first and second grade. It was so exciting to put cards in the slots.

Not much is going on here, except church. I've already sent out some cards, though with the extreme weather systems in the USA, who knows when they will arrive (especially as Monday is a holiday).

3. It is interesting that Monday's "Presidents Day" is not officially called that in every state. It is a U.S. federal holiday entitled "Washington's Birthday." Which is your favorite president and why?
I always knew and remembered that February 12 was Abraham Lincoln's birthday, because I read everything I could find about him when I was in elementary school.

As a side note:
When husband CB was starting graduate school at Oregon State University in Corvallis, OR, I went with my mother to interview for teaching jobs. She sat outside one large building in Newport, OR and told me later that she knew I would be hired because it was LINCOLN County School District. (I was hired and taught in that school district for four years until CB earned his PhD in organic chemistry.)

4. Will you be celebrating Shrove Tuesday or Mardi Gras? How?
We'll probably go to the pancake supper sponsored by our church's youth group, which is trying to raise money for their J2A pilgrimage to Iona this summer.

5. Any other ways to celebrate in February?
Several friends have birthdays this month, as does my husband's youngest sister, who lives in Bellingham, WA.

We're also excited that DC and AA are coming to visit from Austin with their bulldog Sampson this weekend (IF we get better from our colds!).

Bonus: A Lenten book or website you recommend.
ExploreFaith.org's Lenten "Sorting it Out" Toolbox calendar, to click on each day of Lent:

Maisie's favorite chew toy

Maisie's favorite chew toy is Baillie's food dish. If you look carefully, you can see how she has chewed all around the bottom rim.

Speechless, but writing

• Well, I can croak a little, but not much. It is especially difficult to talk on a cell phone; I guess that's because I always think I should be speaking loudly and can't do that right now.

• There is snow in Dallas, which is way north of Corpus Christi. We had two inches of rain today, which set a record for February 11. Maybe the drought is decreasing.

• I like writing these bullets. They make me feel like I have more to write than I really do!

• Father M, whom I wrote about here, kindly emailed me and reassured me about my quandary concerning "innovative" and "ground-breaking" research for my master's paper:

"By "innovative and creative" does not mean that you come up with a new idea. Actually, since the time of St. Augustine, there has been no "new" idea in the western thought! I had a professor in Rome who used to say: Book comes out of Books! So, innovative and creative means that you develop an idea that someone has suggested but not developed! And you try to develop that idea with some research."

• Wonderful Father M has encouraged me. So once I recover from this cold, I will try to find some undeveloped topic, though I love to read too many "developed" ones.

• Tomorrow DC and AA will decide if they are coming to visit us this weekend. This all depends upon CB's and my health. He has improved greatly, and I don't feel that badly, except for not being able to talk.
  

A Prayer

Lightbearer

Jesus, I call upon the power in Your name
to see the way my path must surely lead,
to heal the sick, to tend and feed your flock.
Christ, you are the Lord who calls us to make peace,
to strive for justice daily in your world,
to use your gifts of wisdom, patience, hope,
to be the servant-bearer of the Light.
Spirit, we worship you in truth and holiness.
We seek new ways to make the message clear,
to praise, confess, forgive and show your love
in breaking bread and sharing of our cup.

~~Chuck Shamel

This was written by Chuck Shamel, a member of All Saints Episcopal Church in Corpus Christi, TX.

We have head colds

From FuzzyCo

Well, not really "head" colds, because this one settles in the throat and chest. CB finally went to the doctor yesterday and got antibiotics for bronchitis. After ten days, he is looking a little better today. He has to be very sick to even go to the doctor.

My lingering "pre-cold" feeling is now in my throat, so that I am speaking with a croaky whisper. Thus, I did not go to our weekly lectio divina group today. Luckily, last year the minister convinced me to send the weekly scripture to the church for printing, instead of me doing it myself. So today they could carry on without me!

DC and AA are coming to visit us this weekend from Austin along with their friendly bulldog Sampson. Hopefully, we'll be better for their arrival. Maisie will really enjoy having Sampson here for playing.

The First Verb

The Holy Spirit animates
all, moves
all, roots
all, forgives
all, cleanses
all, erases
all
our past mistakes, and then
puts medicine on our wounds.
We praise the Spirit of incandescence
for awakening
and reawakening
all
creation.

~~Hildegard of Bingen

Butcher, Carmen Acevedo. Hildegard of Bingen. Brewster, Massachusetts: Paraclete Press, 2007. 36.

I just learned of Carmen Acevedo Butcher through my daughter AE a few days ago. The two of them co-edited one of the Fulbright Reviews in Korea about five years ago. She is an author and a professor. Of course, I had to buy some of her books when I learned about her. One of them is a new Lenten devotional: Following Christ: A Lenten Reader to Stretch Your Soul.

What about those gay troops?

By Mike Lukovich
From Center for American Progress

Push Out Into Deep Water
Based on Luke 5:1-11
by Karen L. Oberst

Fishing all night, they caught nothing
Morning frustration repairing nets
Getting ready to go home. Wait -
Where's the crowd coming from?

Then they saw him - Jesus.
The one they'd heard so much about.
"Put out a little from shore," he requested
And they rowed his bobbing pulpit there.

The fisherman sat spellbound as he spoke
Nets and sleep and fishlessness forgotten
They listened hungrily as he fed their souls.
Listened as he spoke words of life.

He sent off his audience on the shore
And the fishermen woke, as from a dream.
He turned to them and smiled
Acknowledging their help - and their need.

"Push out into deep water," he said
"And let your nets out for a catch
Half-heartedly protesting, they did as he asked
And multitudes of fish swam to them.

How often has he said to me
"Push out into deep water,"
When I would be content
To stay in the shallows listening?

I sit peaceful in my small life
Ticking off my to-do list
When his voice comes to me
"Push out into deep water."

"It's time to leave the ordinary,
Time to put learning into practice.
I'll care for you," he says.
"Push out into deep water."

Lord, point me to the deep
Show me where to row my life
I want to follow you as I
Push out into deep water.

But deep water wasn't the destination
Only the place where you showed them
Who you are - what you can do
Then you called on them to follow.

Those who push out into deep water
Learn things unknown to those on shore
Discover faith that can move mountains - or fish
And how to follow where you lead.

Lead me, Lord
Deep or shallow, High or low
Pastures or valleys, Sheep or eagle
Just point me the way - and bid me follow.

(From Karen Oberst's website)

Gratitude and Maisie!

After pouring out my heart and my worries, I am still feeling stuck but not alone, because of so many friends who are praying for me and supporting me. Thank you; I feel encouraged. In my next email to my advisor, I am going to admit my quandary.

Last summer I signed up for the third year of once-a-month mystics classes in San Antonio. Due to other commitments and bad weather, I have only gone to two in this series. I was determined to go yesterday, because one of my favorite people, Father Kelly Nemeck of Lebh Shomea, was scheduled to speak on Teilhard de Chardin.

I woke up at 5 am and started driving an hour later. It takes about 2 1/2 hours to drive to San Antonio from Corpus Christi. When I got to Floresville, which is about 30 miles south of SA, I felt very sleepy and stopped at a quickie market. I parked, put the seat down, and slept for about 15 minutes. Then when I was ready to go, the car would not start! The battery was dead.

I went inside the little store, and two grizzled men came out to help me. One had a gray handlebar moustache. They jumped the battery, while telling me that the terminals were badly corroded. Yuck.

While driving, I called my son DC to ask him to look up on his computer auto places near my destination where I could get a new car battery. After awhile, he called me back to ask if I would like him and his wife to meet me after the class and take care of the battery for me! This was so nice, because they had to drive from Austin to meet me.

DC and AA met me in the church parking lot after Father Kelly's excellent talk. We went to Auto Zone, where David removed my battery for me, carried it into the store, and then installed the new one I bought. I was so happy to be rescued by my children! Then we had a huge lunch at a Mexican restaurant. (I was so full after that chicken fajita taco salad that I never ate any dinner last night!)

It was a long 13 hour day by the time I returned home, but it was such a happy day with DC and AA coming to my aid. What a gift!

And now for a few pictures of Maisie taken today:

Maisie and Baillie playing tug of war

Maisie using the treadmill more than CB or I ever do

I'm floundering in deep water

Well, that's what I feel like at times, though it is a sunny and beautiful day here in south TX. I am always surprised at the way God startles me in our weekly Lectio Divina group. This does not happen every week, but I was overturned with the memory and invitation I received two days ago. The scripture was Luke 5:3-6 (the entire lectionary reading is Luke 5:1-11):

5:3 He got into one of the boats, the one belonging to Simon, and asked him to put out a little way from the shore. Then he sat down and taught the crowds from the boat.
5:4 When he had finished speaking, he said to Simon, "Put out into the deep water and let down your nets for a catch."
5:5 Simon answered, "Master, we have worked all night long but have caught nothing. Yet if you say so, I will let down the nets."
5:6 When they had done this, they caught so many fish that their nets were beginning to break.

In the silences I kept pondering "out into the deep water." Suddenly I was surprised by a forgotten memory. I grew up on different military bases, which always offered swimming lessons for base children in the summertime at the pools on base. When I was about 11 years old, in between 6th and 7th grades in Yokosuka, Japan, I was in a small group of kids that was being taught to dive. I was terrified, not realizing until much later that I had been warned against diving ever since I fractured my skull in first grade. The instructor kept demanding that I try again and again until I did it. The authority of this young man and probably the peer pressure of the other kids prompted me to keep going. I recall fear, anguish (and crying) and eventually triumph. And I see how I needed someone to call me to account.Well, the floundering is connected with my pull to deep water, which is something I have been avoiding for years. As mentioned in intermittent posts (especially this one from June 27, 2009), I have never written the final scholarly papers to receive my Master's degree in Theology from the Oblate School of Theology in San Antonio. In fact, I think the last class I took there was the month-long trip to Zambia in 2006.

A new friend at church CS, a former high school English teacher, offered to help me get going on this project a month ago. She suggested that I contact the school and find out what needs to be done to get going again. I never did anything until the Lectio group a few days ago. I certainly tend to let things slide when left on my own. . . .

I emailed a friend at OST, who then referred me to the registrar, who then sent me to consult with the advisor for lay persons in the MaTH program. The latter finally told me that he was the one who could decide on an "extension" for me. He sent me the newest guidelines, which showed that now I only have to write ONE paper and not three.

BUT he reiterated the one guideline that stumped me all these years: "Please be careful to note that the topic must be innovative (break new ground in research) and so focused that issue is nearly exhausted in 20 pages." HOW CAN I BREAK NEW GROUND??

I am stuck because I don't feel innovative and questioning enough to come up with an idea that "breaks new ground in research."

That is why I am feeling like I am in deep water, not knowing what to grab.

The only thing I am sure of are the invitations that God keeps extending for people to help me. Can I be humble enough to tell them I am lost?

Friday Five: Gloom before Spring

Sally says at RevGalBlogPals:

Candlemass is past, and Christmas is well and truly over, here in the UK February looks set to be its usual grey and cold self. Signs of spring are yet to emerge; if like me you long for them perhaps you need ways to get through these long dark days. So lets share a few tips for a cold and rainy/ snowy day....

1. Exercise, what do you do if you can't face getting out into the cold and damp?
Lately it has been raining and even one day was immersed in fog so that I have not felt like going out to walk the puppy Maisie. It was so exciting last night to see the clouds parting, and today the sun is shining!

2. Food; time to comfort eat, or time to prepare your body for the coming spring/summer?

The past few weeks of cold weather reminded me of my coping mechanisms when we lived in RI and NJ--I would cook and bake! I found the coziest, almost mushy, chicken recipe to cook in the crockpot this week: I’ve Died & Gone to Heaven Chicken Slow Cooker / Crock Pot Recipe. CB has even enjoyed it with his oppressive cold. But I need to renew my commitment to counting points with the Weight Watchers program.

3. Brainpower; do you like me need to stave off depression, if so how do you do it?
Since I suffered from clinical depression for years, I take prozac daily, and believe the medicine (and therapy) saved my life. Now in the current issue of Newsweek, the cover and a long article discuss "The Depressing News About Antidepressants: Studies suggest that the popular drugs are no more effective than a placebo. In fact, they may be worse."

I have tried to stop taking prozac, but fall into the flat affect state which deteriorates into suicidal ideation for me. So I continue to take meds.

4. How about a story that lifts your spirits, is there a book or film that you return to to stave off the gloom?
We recently watched "Kinky Boots," which both CB and I love.



5. Looking forward, do you have a favourite spring flower/ is there something that says spring is here more than anything else?
I love daffodils, which I could see bringing forth the message of spring in Bellingham, WA and when we also lived in RI and NJ. I fondly remember the daffodils blooming at the cemetery soon after my dad was buried there in Feb. 2002.

But in TX the wildflowers can be abundant and glorious. However, there have been few coming forth in the past few years because of the severe drought in this area. With all the rainfall this past fall and winter, we are hoping we'll see bluebonnets and other wildflowers in their glory soon.
Bonus; post a poem/ piece of music that points to the coming spring......

The Bright Field

by R. S. Thomas

I have seen the sun break through

to illuminate a small field

for a while, and gone my way

and forgotten it. But that was the pearl

of great price, the one field that had

the treasure in it. I realize now

that I must give all that I have

to possess it. Life is not hurrying

on to a receding future, nor hankering after

an imagined past. It is the turning

aside like Moses to the miracle

of the lit bush, to a brightness

that seemed as transitory as your youth

once, but is the eternity that awaits you.

Please pray for Chris

As requested on August 9, I again entreat you to pray for my sister-in-law Chris. Although she has endured a harsh regimen of chemo therapy in the past months, Chris has more cancer in her lungs from what was originally breast cancer. (Since August, she also lost 25 pounds, which she did not have to lose.) She lives in Bellingham, WA with CB's brother TH.

Right now Chris and TH are on a short trip to Hawaii. I pray that this is an enjoyable and love-filled time for both of them.

Don't wait!

"We must not wait for common sense, our acquaintances, or our schedules to make room for prayer and to support our efforts. If we do, prayer will never come. If we wait for the time in which to wait for God we will never wait for him. We will never discover in prayer our true self in God."

Finley, James. Merton's Palace of Nowhere. Notre Dame: Ave Maria Press, 1978. 118.

What's going on (not much) here

Cecilia wrote about blogging and narcissism, and now I seem to be fulfilling that role of blogging: me, me, me. You decide. . . .

• It has been foggy all day, with drizzle. Evidently the warmer air from the south is interacting with a cold front, so tomorrow a thunderstorm is predicted, with about four inches of rain expected.
• Poor CB has a terrible cold. He stalwartly continues to work at Habitat for Humanity houses each day and right now is teaching at the community college "Chemistry for Nursing Students." Selfishly, I hope I will not catch his cold.
• Maisie chewed up the cover to the outdoor barbecue grill yesterday. BJ's dog Troy did that on a visit here when he was an active puppy, like Maisie.
  
• I cooked a delicious chicken recipe I found on the internet today in the crockpot. The recipe is here. We'll have leftovers for the next few days, which I really like.
  
• We had a rousing discussion in EFM today about Christian inclusivism and pluralism. It all started with three ways to look at religion with a Christian lens:
  

1. exclusivism: Jesus is the only way to salvation.
2. inclusivism: all people go through Jesus, even if they don't recognize him/her as "Jesus." (I suppose this is like Karl Rahner talking about the "anonymous Christian.")
3. pluralism: all ways lead to God

• Someone in the class suggested that with a pluralistic viewpoint, Jesus is not "necessary." That sounds harsh, but I have a lot of unknowing about the specifics of my faith, though I do believe that God loves each person and welcomes each one home. Also, that Jesus is our model as how to live and love.
• In worship, in prayer, and in the Eucharist, I sometimes experience the Holy Presence. I know that we encounter the Holy in community, especially in church--and in life.
  
• For Valentine's Day weekend son DC and his wife AA are coming to visit us, along with their bulldog Sampson. Sampson and Maisie will have a good time playing, which will give a breather to Cisco.
  

Happy Groundhog Day!

A Good Book!

"In a Chinese folktale called 'The Neighbor's Shifty Son,' a farmer's ax disappears. Believing his neighbor's son to have stolen it, the farmer keeps watch all day, noticing how guilty both his neighbor and his neighbor's son appear. On the following day, however he finds his ax in the field where he left it. When he next looks at his neighbor, he sees a perfectly normal person with his perfectly innocent son. Learning the truth changed the way he saw his neighbor." (1)

The little tale quoted above comes from the pictured book (below it). The Wisdom Class, which meets every Tuesday at my church, is beginning to read this new book tomorrow: But I Tell You: Jesus Introduces a Better Way to Live by Karen L. Oberst. Her little bio says this about the author:

"Karen L. Oberst majored in Greek at Houghton College in Houston, NY. She is a librarian, and an elder at Klamath Falls Friends Church in Klamath Falls, OR."

It's a book where the author translates the Beatitudes from the original Greek to words we can understand more readily in our culture. Oberst is an excellent teacher.

I have previously quoted from this book, which you may look at here.