Holy Saturday: The Space Between

Christine Valters Paintner writes of Holy Saturday as "The Space Between."

She starts off her article like this:

Don't surrender your loneliness so quickly.

Let it cut more deep.
Let it ferment and season you as few human
Or even divine ingredients can.
Something missing in my heart tonight
Has made my eyes so soft,
My voice so tender,
My need of God
Absolutely clear. ~ Hafiz

"Holy Week invites us into a world full of betrayal, abandonment, mockery, violence, and ultimately death. The Triduum, those three sacred days which constitute one unfolding liturgy, call us to experience communion, loss, and the border spaces of unknowing. Holy Saturday is an invitation to make a conscious passage through the liminal realm of in-between.

"I love the wide space of Holy Saturday that lingers between the suffering and death of Jesus on Friday and the vigil Saturday night proclaiming the return of the Easter fire. For me, Holy Saturday evokes much about the human condition—the ways we are called to let go of things or people, identities or securities and then wonder what will rise up out of the ashes of our lives. The suffering that we experience because of pain or grief or great sorrow and we don't know if we will ever grasp joy again. Much of our lives rest in that space between loss and hope. Our lives are full of Holy Saturday experiences.

"In their book The Last Week: What the Gospels Really Teach About Jesus's Final Days in Jerusalem, Marcus Borg and John Dominic Crossan write:

Easter completes the archetypal pattern at the center of the Christian life: death and resurrection, crucifixion and vindication. Both parts of this pattern are essential: death and resurrection, crucifixion and vindication. When one is emphasized over the other distortion is the result. The two must be affirmed equally.

"Before we rush to resurrection we must dwell fully in the space of unknowing, of holding death and life in tension with each other, to experience that liminal place so that we become familiar with its landscape and one day might accompany others who find themselves there and similarly disoriented. The wisdom of the Triduum is that we must be fully present to both the starkness of Friday and to the Saturday space between, before we can really experience the resurrection. We must know the terrible experience of loss wrought again and again in our world so that when the promise of new life dawns we can let it enter into us fully in the space carved by loss. As the great poet of Hafiz reminds us, we must let our loneliness "cut more deep" and "season" us, so that we are reminded of our absolute dependence on the Source of all."

Go HERE to read the rest of her piece on Holy Saturday, with these suggestions to try today:

"Much of our lives are spent in Holy Saturday places but we spend so much energy resisting, longing for resolution and closure. Our practice this day is to really enter into the liminal zone, to be present to it with every cell of our being.

"Make some time on Holy Saturday to sit with all of the paradoxes of life. Bring yourself as fully present as you can to the discomfort of the experience. Rest in the space of waiting and unknowing and resist trying to come up with neat answers or resolutions. Imagine yourself on a wild border or standing on a threshold, knowing that you cannot fully embrace what is on the other side until you have let this place shape and form your heart. When you notice your attention drifting or your mind starting to analyze, return to your breath and the present moment. Allow yourself to feel whatever arises in this space. Honor the mystery."

Good Friday and Earth Day

I urge you to look at the Stations of the Cross, one by one, at Episcopal Relief and Development,
which highlight the Millenium Development Goals.

Although I cannot copy the images, this is what is written about the first MDG station of the cross:

1--Condemned

50,000 people are sentence to die each day
because of extreme poverty.

Lord, help us to find the way of the cross to be
the way of life and justice and peace.

Holy God
Holy and Mighty
Holy Immortal One
Have mercy upon us

Also, there is Stations of the Cross from Latin American 1492-1992 by Adolpho Perez Esquivel of Argentina (Nobel Peace Prize Laureate, 1980), which highlights Liberation Theology.


Profoundly disturbing and moving images at both sites, which highlight the suffering and injustice in the world--as we contemplate both Good Friday and Earth Day today.

Our Lord of Flaked Paint

Our Lord of Flaked Paint freckling
sallow skin and emerald robes,

Our Lord of Mudpuddle Eyes
that look away in weary irritation,

no one can touch your loneliness,
God cut off from God.

You who flamed a world into being
with only words, stood

in the midst of bickering men,
fig trees dying, and sparrows

falling to the ground.
Were there days when heat and dust,

the smell of stale crowds
pushing you from place to place,

asking for one more resurrection,
food for thousands

or withered hands healed,
made you want to slash the canvas,

fly back to heaven and start fresh
on some new world far away?

Days where your head ached
from sun on sand and water,

where your throat scraped raw
from shouting Blessed are. . . to men

who would go home, forget, and return
to nail you to a piece of wood?

No one understood your stories,
could grasp that you would trade

legions of angels
for nine ungrateful lepers,

the friend who turned you in,
and never enough sleep.

Our Lord of Omnipotent Frustration
with your halo like a setting sun,

your hand is raised as if to bless me,
though I can't imagine why.

~~Jana-Lee Germaine

Christian Century, November 3, 2009.

And thank you to my friend Pam who brought this meditation to our most recent EFM class.

Gethsemane

Gethsemane
by Mary Oliver

The grass never sleeps.
Or the roses.
Nor does the lily have a secret eye that shuts until morning.

Jesus said, wait with me. But the disciples slept.

The cricket has such splendid fringe on its feet,
and it sings, have you noticed, with its whole body,
and heaven knows if it ever sleeps.

Jesus said, wait with me. And maybe the stars did, maybe
the wind wound itself into a silver tree, and didn’t move,
maybe,
the lake far away, where once he walked as on a
blue pavement,
lay still and waited, wild awake.

Oh the dear bodies, slumped and eye-shut, that could not
keep that vigil, how they must have wept,
so utterly human, knowing this too
must be a part of the story.

For more Holy Week Poems, visit Blue Eyed Ennis. Thank you, Philomena!

At a wedding

While husband CB was visiting his mother in WA, I went to a wedding in Houston. I sat with an old friend, father of one of my oldest son's friends, at the wedding reception. Various people took our picture together, almost like we were a "couple." The basic commonality was our white hair!

Friday Five: Birthdays

April is a month of family birthdays for me: Today is my mother-in-law's 80th birthday and on Sunday my third child's 26th birthday, so I am thinking about birthdays. Easter would have been my mother's 93rd birthday, but she died when she was only 72 years old.

I love to celebrate birthdays, but I know others don't like to as much. My second child doesn't care about birthdays that much.

How about you? What do you think of birthdays?

1. What are your feelings about celebrating birthdays, especially your own?
I LOVE birthdays. I love preparing for them, especially food and presents and/or cards.

2. Do you have any family traditions about birthdays?
Food plays a large part in our family traditions:

• Husband CB has made me a birthday cake every year since he was in graduate school at Oregon State University in the 1970's--the best cheesecake I have ever eaten; the recipe is here.

• Ever since 1980, I have made my friend Lisa's birthday cake every year--a carrot cake. I started because I was so disappointed to find out that her husband gave her a watermelon that year for her birthday (though now I know that Lisa loves watermelon, too).

• When I had my four children at home, each one could choose breakfast and dinner menus for birthdays, as well as which cake would be baked. Oldest son, DC, always made the most complicated requests--different recipes for the cake, the filling, and the icing!
  

3. Is it easy to remember friends' and family members' birthdays? If so, how do you do it?
It is important for me to remember people's birthdays. Every New Year, I write the names of friends and family on their special dates of my new calendar. It's also easy now that FB posts friends' birthdays.

4. What was one of your favorite birthdays? (or your unhappiest?)
For my ninth birthday, while my dad was stationed at Camp Pendleton, CA, my parents took me to Disneyland for the first time.

My mother planned a surprise birthday party for my 10th birthday, but I was at my best friend's house when she received the invitation. I still remember looking over her shoulder as she read the instructions of "keep the secret." AND I kept that secret all my life, never telling my mother I was not surprised.

5. Post anything else you want to share about birthdays, including favorite foods, songs, and/or pictures.

Uncle BJ and 4 1/2 month old Avery

This Sunday is BJ's birthday. While husband CB is in Seattle visiting his mother for her 80th birthday, I am going to drive to Houston for BJ's birthday.

Breath Breaks

With more awareness we may discover
that small gaps in our daily round
can be places of silence. These are the found times
or rather the moments in which we ourselves are found.

Mostly they come when we are waiting:
in the doctor's office, on the telephone,
in traffic jams and the checkout line.

In just those moments we have an opportunity
to turn our attention to our physical being,
to the rhythm of our breath,
to the texture and feel of things around us.

By noticing particulars we can also begin
to notice the space in which they are held. . .
the vastness that holds everything--
the great lap of silence.

These waiting moments in our daily round
can turn out to be treasures. We can allow them
to support us instead of distracting us
or blocking us.

Here in each day is a wealth of time
we can take advantage of. They are breath breaks.
If we learn to rest and renew in them
our lives will go from disconnection and haste
to breathtaking presence.

~~Gunilla Norris

Norris, Gunilla. Inviting Silence. NY: BlueBridge, 2004. 21-22.

This prayer is also posted at A Place for Prayer today. Please visit this ministry blog of RevGalBlogPals.

Tree in Spain

I got this picture off my Ipod Touch, so I believe I took it as MJ and I walked to the bus station from our hotel in Sevilla. MJ was pulling my big suitcase, which was brought so that I could take back her winter clothes, leaving her more room in her suitcase for coming home on the last day of May.

Here is MJ on our walk to the bus station
on Sunday, April 10 in Sevilla.

I'm home from Spain!

MJ and Jan at the Alcazar in Sevilla, Spain

MJ posted this picture of us on FB, so it is easy for me to put it here before I even download all my pictures from Spain. I got home at midnight after a very long day of flights delayed, etc. Lots of eating to pass the time both in Spain and on the flight home, so it is definitely a new day in nutrition back in the USA!

I am glad to be home and am washing clothes to hang out on the clothesline before I go to this morning's Wisdom Class. However, I have no idea what I asked the class members to read in The Case for God by Karen Armstrong!

God sets all FREE!

As smoke is blown away
and wax melts in the fire,
racism and oppression
disappear before the face of God.
The oppressed and trampled down
are set free in God's presence.
They rejoice and shout with joy.

~~Zephania Kameeta, Namibia

Kameeta, Zephania. Women's Prayer Services. Ed. Iben Gjerding and Katherin Kinnamon. Mystic, Conn.: World Council of Churchs, 1988. 39.

No going back

No, no, there is no going back.
Less and less you are
that possibility you were.
More and more you have become
those lives and deaths
that have belonged to you.

You have become a sort of grave
containing much that was
and is in no more time, beloved
then, now, and always.
And so you have become a sort of tree
standing over the grave.

~~Wendell Berry

Go here to read the rest of the poem.

The Bright Field

I have seen the sun break through

to illuminate a small field

for a while, and gone my way

and forgotten it. But that was the pearl

of great price, the one field that had

the treasure in it. I realize now

that I must give all that I have

to possess it. Life is not hurrying

on to a receding future, nor hankering after

an imagined past. It is the turning

aside like Moses to the miracle

of the lit bush, to a brightness

that seemed as transitory as your youth

once, but is the eternity that awaits you.

~~R. S. Thomas

Be careful what you wish for!

The Fairy:

A couple had been married for 25 years and also celebrated their 60^th birthdays. During the celebration a fairy appeared and said that because they had been such a loving couple all those years, she would give them one wish each.

The wife wanted to travel around the world. The fairy waved her wand and boom! She had the tickets in her hand.

Next, it was the husband's turn. He paused for a moment, then said shyly, "Well, I'd like to have a woman 30 years younger than me."

The fairy picked up her wand and boom! He was 90.

My prayers are lifeless

Lord, at the moment you do not seem real to me. My prayers are lifeless, and my spirit feels numb. Help me to persevere when faith seems absent, in the certainty that you are with me in the darkness and your light is at the end of the tunnel. Renew my bruised spirit with your love, and help me to rest in you. In the name of Jesus, my Saviour.

~~Mary Rose de Lisle

de Lisle, Mary Rose. The Book of a Thousand Prayers. Ed. Angela Ashwin. Grand Rapids, Michigan: Zondervan, 2002. 121-122.

Cliff Edge

"Come to the edge."

"We can't. We're afraid."

"Come to the edge."

"We can't. We will fall!"

"Come to the edge."

And they came.

And he pushed them.


And they flew.

~~Guillaume Apollinaire
French Poet, 1880-1918

Granada!

Spain is wonderful, especially with my daughter MJ! We took a 5-hour bus ride from Madrid to Granada on Sunday. Since the Granada hotel has no internet, I am using MJ's laptop at her IES school. Thus, with limited time and access, I am going to post random bullets about the trip so far:

• Much walking--thankfully, for the steroid that eliminates the pain. Toledo and Granada have hills, hills, hills. Maybe all the walking will counteract all my eating.

• This afternoon MJ took me for a 2-hour walk around the Moorish quarter, which was up and down cobblestone and rock ways. It was amazing to see remnants of the Moorish walls from the 11th century.

• On our walk, my camera died! MJ suggested that it's better NOT to have a camera, because then, we pay more attention to the scenery. Interesting thought, which I will take into consideration with this "sign" of camera battery depletion.

• The meals seem to be very carnivore-laden, especially with ham (jamon). The only fruit I have eaten has been bought at a supermarket in a department store in Madrid, but today no fruit or vegetables yet, even though it is 6:30 pm.

• I've read one book and have started another. "Cutting for Stone" is over 600 pages long and is definitely worth getting to read! It only gets better as one reads along. I downloaded that new book about witches and vampires when I was at the DFW airport, which I am reading now. (I'm not proficient enough to connect to Amazon or even italicize with this little laptop, for which I am still very grateful for.)

• Tonight we're going to see flamenco dancers.

• MJ has full days of classes on Tuesday and Wednesday, so I'll be on my own for much of the time. Tomorrow is dedicated to the Alhambra, with a visit at night to the summer palace with MJ.

• On Thursday, after MJ's classes, we will take a bus to Sevilla.
  

• I'll be excited to post pictures, but winnowing them down will be difficult. That will be after I return home on April 11/12.

Help me, Lord

Lord of healing
Lord of my darkest place:
Let in your light.

Lord of my greatest fear:
Let in your peace.

Lord of my most bitter shame:
Let in your word of grace.

Lord of my oldest grudge:
Let in your forgiveness.

Lord of my deepest anger:
Let it out.

Lord of my loneliest moment:
Let in your presence.

Lord of my truest self--my all:
Let in your wholeness.

~~Alison Pepper

Pepper, Alison. The Book of a Thousand Prayers. Ed. Angela Ashwin. Grand Rapids, Michigan: Zondervan, 2002. 117.

Darkness

"Someone I loved once gave me
a box full of darkness.

It took me years to understand
that this too, was a gift."

~~Mary Oliver
"The Uses of Sorrow"
in Thirst: Beacon Press 2006

Grain of Hope

I have a small grain of hope--
one small crystal that gleams
clear colors out of transparency.

I need more.

I break off a fragment
to send to you.

Please take
this grain of a grain of hope
so that mine won't shrink.

Please share your fragment
so that yours will grow.

Only so, by division,
will hope increase,

like a clump of irises, which will cease to flower
unless you distribute
the clustered roots, unlikely source--
clumsy and earth-covered--
of grace.

~~Denise Levertov

Keep Walking

Keep walking, though there is no place to get to.

Don't try to see through the distances. That's not for human beings.

Move within, but don't move the way fear makes you move.

~~Rumi

Madrid!

I am here in sunny and warm Madrid. My plane left DFW last night two hours later than scheduled, because they had to replace the aircraft. 9 1/2 hours later we landed in Madrid! I learned that an aisle seat by the window is not a good place to sit, because each seat has a box under it so that the one sitting there has only half the leg room. Oh, well, I made it! The Madrid airport is spacious and very big. I felt like I was walking up and down innumerable stairways before going on a tram and then more stairs before getting to the baggage claim and customs. All went well and I easily found a quiet taxi driver to get me to my hotel in central ("centro") Madrid, which has all-pedestrian traffic. This afternoon I ventured out on my own and did not get lost. I found the Royal Palace by accident and also my way back to the hotel, where I am right now. I am at one of the two computers in the lobby, where 5-6 kids are also congregated. I believe that MJ is on the bus (5-hour bus ride) here from Granada. She will join me sometime this evening. Yay! (I haven´t figured out how to log onto FB with this computer, so I´m glad I could get to my blog.)

Voice of Depression

I know the voice of depression
Still calls to you.

I know those habits that can ruin your life
Still send their invitations.

But you are with the Friend now
And look so much stronger.

You can stay that way
And even bloom!

~~Hafiz

HOPE

Free e-card from Gratefulness.org
Photo: Jon Sullivan, PDPhoto.org
Design: Patricia Carlson

I am going to pre-post quotes, poems and thoughts about HOPE while I am in Spain visiting my youngest daughter MJ: March 30-April 11.

I will try to periodically post about my trip, but am not sure about access to computers. It is a tiny screen on my Ipod Touch to try to write on my blog from there; that must be why daughter MJ rarely writes on her blog about Spain!

Spring in Corpus Christi, Texas

Bright, bright green leaves on the mesquite trees herald spring here.

Spring in south Texas is short and sweet; it is almost over already. The temperatures are so much like summer-days in Bellingham, WA that I feel deja vu. But now the humidity keeps rising, as do the temperatures; sadly, few cold fronts are getting through--soon they won't at all.

So before going to Spain tomorrow, I wanted to post some Texas spring pictures, which I have now deleted from my camera (along with Avery's) so I'll have a lot of room for all the images I record in Spain!

New green leaves on my live oak tree 2010 Christmas present from my kids!

Another sign of spring here is live oak pollen.
It piles up on roads, sidewalks, driveways, and
other places like the angel statue friends gave me for my 50th birthday.

My Christmas poinsettia is also going to be my "Easter poinsettia."

Soon it will be too hot for pansies to grow here.
They are spring/winter plants in south Texas.

Maisie excitedly looks for birds and squirrels,
as well as geckos in the other direction.

CB's tomato plants, which are the new ones, proteced by two fences.
Maisie kept digging them up.

On My Way!

Wednesday afternoon I board a plane that will take me to DFW and then to Madrid, Spain! Thursday morning, March 31, I will arrive in Madrid--on my adventure by myself until MJ arrives that evening. Our schedule will be something like the following, which I hope to give details to while I am there.

Madrid: Thursday, March 31, with a trip to

Toledo: Saturday April 2, then back to Madrid, leaving for

Granada: Sunday April 3. This is where MJ goes to school and we will stay in Granada for the next four days. While she goes to classes, I will explore and then do things with her when she is free. Then we'll go to

Sevilla: Thursday, April 7. We'll see and learn about Sevilla until we both go our separate ways on Sunday, April 10--MJ back to Granada and me back to

Madrid: (again alone). Sunday, April 10, leaving the next morning for a return to Texas.

Hymn to the Mother of Hope

You are a breath of calm
amidst the waves of the ocean
Light upon light in my being
Renewal of devotion
Dark as the new-moon mountain night
Infused with the radiance of stars
Love upon love to my center flows
From the Center who You are.

You are the Winter’s sacred, inward-turning, secret light
The birthing time of Spring
The fertile ground of Summer’s might
Letting go in transmutation
As Autumn’s nights grow long again
Yet You remain, Eternal One,
Without beginning, without end.

You are the Mother of Hope in a time of disillusion
Wise beyond wise yet a child
Undefiled, without confusion
Constellations dance in awe
And harmonies reach us from afar
All celebrating with pure joy
The strong Compassion who you are.

- Patricia Campbell Carlson

Found here.

Friday Five: Spiritual Practices

Mary Beth brings this Friday Five to RevGalBlogPals, and it is right up my alley, because of the big influence Richard Foster's Celebration of Discipline has had on my life, which I wrote about in 2007 here. That book was a big jumping off spot for discovering spiritual disciplines and books, books, books!

Mary Beth writes: "My Sunday school class has hit the "pause" button on our study of First Corinthians and is spending Lent on Richard J. Foster's classic Celebration of Discipline. I have had this wonderful and very readable book on my shelf, along with the study guide for it, for years, but have never discussed it with a group.

"For today's Friday Five, please share with us five spiritual practices or disciplines from your experience. They can be ones that you have tried and kept up with, tried and NOT kept up with, ones that you flirt with at various times, or even practices that you have tried and found are definitely NOT your cup of tea. Let us know what's worked for you...and not."

1. Lectio Divina: God spurred me on to try Lectio Divina in small groups in the mid-1990's, thanks to books I found in the bibliography of Celebration of Discipline. There were several attempts that were not "quite right" until I heard Marjorie Thompson at a retreat where she put us in small groups to try out a method she had based upon Norvene Vest's Gathered in the Word: Praying the Scripture in Small Groups. In 1997, I started a Lectio Divina group at First United Methodist Church, which still meets weekly! (I still facilitate it, too.)

For some years, I berated myself for not practicing Lectio Divina on my own--every day! Suddenly awhile ago, I realized that this is a discipline--once a week!

(If anyone would like the form we use, I have adapted it from the above method. Email me, and I will send you a copy..)

2. Prayer: Just today a friend quoted Mother Teresa about praying--"Everything starts from prayer." I believe that and slowly have grown into more regular disciplines of prayer over the years.

The practice of Christ Centered Prayer and the repeated teaching that prayer is God's prayer and God is the one who grows it--have brought forth a daily practice of meditation.

I judged myself too harshly for not "doing enough" prayer (or any other practice), which did not spur me on to do anymore. This preoccupation with self in criticism has become the focus of a "fasting" discipline for me.

3. Fasting: The above mention of fasting will get me to list it here, as something I have not done well connected with food. A long-time friend fasted for years two days a week by not eating breakfast or lunch and breaking the fast at 3 pm. I never could even do that.

Fasting is the elimination of something in one's life and replacing the space with God. So in a way, that occurs when asking God to help me eliminate some action--going back to #2 (prayer), especially in the Power Prayer: "No power. God is."

4. Books: Books and learning have been an integral way for me to learn about God, myself, and grow in the Spirit. So often I have felt guided by a "teacher," something I desire(d) so much.

(Purple recommends some spiritual books here.)

5. Small Groups: Small groups nurture my spirit, emotionally and spiritually. This category also includes classes and retreats (and blogging!), which do the same. I am grateful that I was asked to lead the weekly "Wisdom Class at All Saints Episcopal Church in 2005; the weekly commitment has grown me in confidence, learning, and love.

~~~
I am surprised at how a spiritual practice/discipline may be an effort at first, but grows into a way of life. Some of the activities above prove to be disciplines because of their longevity, which I did not notice too readily. The goal is not the practice, but the Divine--and slowly I know more and more that everything comes from prayer/Our Source.

Thankful Thursday

After reading two thankful posts by blogging friends (Anne and The Bug), I feel impelled to express my gratitude, too.

When my husband visited our family doctor for a routine appointment, he used his cell phone so the doctor could immediately talk to me! That was much better than waiting around for Dr. S. to return my phone call, which is understandable but time-consuming. He wrote an additional prescription for Prednisone, while telling me how much I can safely take in Spain. (Yay!) But the really good news is that I can increase my daily dose up to an entire pill (10 mg.), since the pain, swelling, etc. are not totally eliminated by the half-dose.

I am hoping this will improve my life, as the worst part of the "non-specific arthritic" pain has been in my right hand and wrist lately, so much that it has been difficult to write with a pen and even limits my time typing on the computer. That has greatly diminished my blogging time, both posting and reading (or commenting) other blogs.

I am thankful for this today and for the future better-well-being.

Uncomplaining Life

from here

The Apple Orchard

Come let us watch the sun go down
and walk in twilight through the orchard's green.
Does it not seem as if we had for long
collected, saved and harbored within us
old memories? To find releases and seek
new hopes, remembering half-forgotten joys,
mingled with darkness coming from within,
as we randomly voice our thoughts aloud
wandering beneath these harvest-laden trees
reminiscent of Durer woodcuts, branches
which, bent under the fully ripened fruit,
wait patiently, trying to outlast, to
serve another season's hundred days of toil,
straining, uncomplaining, by not breaking
but succeeding, even though the burden
should at times seem almost past endurance.
Not to falter! Not to be found wanting!

Thus must it be, when willingly you strive
throughout a long and uncomplaining life,
committed to one goal: to give yourself!
And silently to grow and to bear fruit.

~ Rainer Maria Rilke ~

(Rainer Maria Rilke: Selected Poems, trans. by Albert Ernest Flemming)

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Learning (or leaning) to Sit

Here is the latest picture of Avery that son DC sent yesterday. She has grown since we last saw her.

With my trip to Spain, we won't see Avery again for another month or more. My, how big (and talented) she will be by then!

Yearning

I think I entitled my blog "Yearning for God," because of the longing I have felt in my heart off and on for years--the desire to know God. Sometimes this has been felt as a physical yearning, which I now realize was my heart center always pulling me within, though I did not know what it meant for years.

Since my mother's death in 1992, I sought God--mostly through books, attending church and some prayer. This journey is described in my Faith Story. However, it is only in the past two years that I learned that the location of the longing is my heart center.

Thanks to the Rev. Sandy Casey-Martus coming to All Saints Episcopal Church, I learned how to meditate through the practice of Christ Centered Prayer. Synchronistically, I marked her beginning at All Saints at a retreat and ended her tenure there with another retreat with her this past weekend. Yesterday was Sandy's last day as rector at All Saints.

Due to her departure, Mary and I will be leading the two regularly-scheduled Christ Centered Prayer classes/groups on Monday evenings and Thursdays at noon. Tonight was the first time I was in charge; there were five of us, all of whom had attended the recent retreat. I am pleased to report that the Spirit confirmed the Divine Presence during our meditation time together.

One of the topics we discussed after praying was "Longing." From Sandy and Carla's book The Lessons:

"Longing is the inner yearning for that which you are. It is the longing within your heart to know the mystery of God."

Reading this tonight reminded me of all the times I felt that yearning within me. I am grateful that the teacher appeared when I needed one, so that I learned to practice and be committed to the practice of Christ Centered Prayer, which is somewhat similar to Centering Prayer but with no word or mantra.

"Longing prompts you to seek, investigate, ponder, and walk a spiritual path.

"It is an unidentified longing that may turn you in the direction of your inner reality with the help of the Christ Centered Prayer practice."

Casey-Martus, Sandy and Mancari, Carla. The Lessons: How to Understand Spiritual Principles, Spiritual Activities, and Rising Emotions. Tucson: Wheatmark, 2008. 128.

Happy Saint Patrick's Day!

Ipod Apps I Like: prayer and words

Equanimity - Meditation Timer & Tracker

I am surprised at how a techno-app can stimulate my meditation times, but this one called "Equanimity" has! It has a timer that begins with a gong and ends with three; the time is shown to pass by the darkening of the circle. First I downloaded the free version, which is only the timer. I liked that so much that I bought the app that includes a journal and records of sittings. This is re-motivating me to sit twice a day!

The other app that is very enjoyable is a game my children play, based upon Scrabble. We can even play together long-distance (See how new I am to all this?). Son DC almost always wins.

Words With Friends

If you want to play a game with me, I am listed as "Janintx."

Whirly Words

My friend Nancy suggested the game "Whirly Words," which I also find fun. I seem to be getting these games for my trip to Spain, but they are enticing here at home, too.

And here I never even knew what "apps" were before!

2 Dads and 2 Babies

Friends Ben and DC, with babies Luke and Avery

These two dads have been friends since they were about 9 years old. Ben met his future wife at DC* and AA's wedding in 2006. Now the couples have babies who are almost the same age. This picture was taken a few weekends ago out in the Texas hill country. Luke is a about a month older than Avery, but Avery has more hair!

I love this picture.

*DC is my oldest child; he will be 32 this summer.

Come into the Silence

by Kristin Noelle

Kristin created this cartoon to go along with an interview with Christine Valters Paintner, the abbess at Abbey of the Arts.

Friday Five: Cars

Singing Owl brings today's RevGalBlogPals Friday Five:
Maybe it's just me, but I often remember how long ago someting occured or something about it by recalling the car we had at the time. For today's Friday Five, tell us about the cars in your life. Maybe we can even tempt some of the guys of the ring to join us. Specifically, tell us about:

1. The earliest recollection you have of a family car
I always remember my father loved to dicker for new cars and would surprise us with a new one, which must not be as often as I remember. I remember cars being black and/or white for a long time. The first one I remember is a big black Ford, probably a Mercury sedan.

2. The first car you drove when you could (legally) get behind the wheel yourself.
I learned to drive in my dad's green Volkswagen beetle and in my mother's red Satellite with the black roof. I preferred the latter, as it was an automatic.

3. A memorable road trip
We had "road trips" every time my father was transferred to a new Marine Corps post--to go and visit the relatives. The most stressful road trip I remember was when CB and I moved to Oregon from Virginia in 1974. He drove a U-Haul truck, while I drove our Datsun 510. Somewhere in the west, I lost him and got to our motel destination, with no sight of that U-Haul. This was the time of no cell phones, so I used the pay phone to call my parents and then the State Patrol. I was only 23 and very frightened. About an hour late, CB showed up; I still remember him stating that I should not have been concerned because the truck always went slower than the car.

4. The car you drive now. Love it? Hate it?
I have an Toyota Avalon. I love it because it drives easily and is comfortable. I keep thinking we should have a hybrid though. We got it because there is enough leg room, both in the front and back seats, for husband CB.

5. An interesting story that involves you and a vehicle.
When we lived in Euless, TX in 1985, with three small children, my parents came to visit from my dad's grandmother's home in Mineral Springs, Arkansas. I was surprised to see them drive up our driveway hill with a Dodge Caravan that was red with "fake" wood grain paneling. I thought it was an unusually large rent-car for the two of them. They came into the house to tell me it was their gift (to their only child)!! I will never forget that extravagant and wonderful present. (I also remember driving them to DFW Airport and ducking my head at each entrance to the parking garage.)

That was so helpful with three children (and later with four!). Our most recent trip to see my grandmother had been chaotic and troublesome with them bickering and bother each other in the backseat, with one-year-old BJ in his big car seat.

Going to Granada!

This is a picture of the Hotel Plaza Nueva, where I will be staying while visiting MJ in Granada! I just made the reservation for four nights, so this really seems like it is going to happen! MJ suggested this hotel as it is on this plaza and is close to her school IES. We are also going to stay in Seville and Madrid; I am excited that concrete plans are finally being made!

Ash Wednesday: Richard Rohr

"It seems that we need new beginnings, or everything eventually devolves and declines into unnecessary and sad endings. You were made for so much more! So today you must pray for the desire to desire! Even if you do not feel it yet, ask for new and even unknown desires. For you will eventually get what you really desire. I promise you. It is the Holy Spirit doing the desiring at your deepest level. Therefore you will get nothing less than what you really desire, and almost surely much more. "You are the desiring of God. God desires through you and longs for Life and Love through you and in you. Allow it, speak it, and you will find your place in the universe of things. Now let me tell you something: You cannot begin to desire something if you have not already slightly tasted it. Now make that deep and hidden desire conscious, deliberate, and wholehearted. Make your desires good and far-reaching on this Ash Wednesday of new beginnings. You could not have such desires if God had not already desired them first—in you and for you and as you! Remember finally, that the ashes on your forehead are created from the burnt palms of last Palm Sunday. New beginnings invariably come from old false things that are allowed to die." Richard Rohr: From Wondrous Encounters: Scripture for Lent, p. 13

My diagnosis?

from here

Due to continued pain, I went back to my doctor today, who told me I have "non-specific arthritis." Okay, that almost sounds like I have made it up. I asked about being referred to a rheumatologist, and Dr. S. said he would be laughed at when he told them that I had such a low sed rate and so would not do that.

So I am again trying a low-dose of prednisone (1/2 a pill), this time for five days, then off, and possibly on again. Dr. S. said to try this to see if it would help me during my trip to Spain to see MJ (March 30-April 13). I hope I won't contract the side effects of taking a steroid. . . .

I appreciate your thoughts and prayers during this season of discomfort.

The Hope in Dormancy

Do you remember how my children gave me a live oak tree for Christmas? I have been worrying about it because its leaves all went brown. Could it have died? I only told oldest son DC, because it made me too sad. He's the one that said to scrape some bark off one of the branches to see if it was still green underneath.

That seemed to work, but still I doubted there was life, as the brown leaves hung there. Then yesterday husband CB told me that there were some little green buds popping out on one of the branches! I tried to take a picture, but couldn't get those tiny living leaves into focus with my camera. But that is proof that there is hope in dormancy (or death?).

And fortuitously, last night I received this cartoon from Kristin Noelle:

TRUST IS

By Kristin Noelle
(#23 of 30 on Trust)

"Knowing dormancy is part of the cycle" is a good thought as I head into the season of Lent. Also death is part of the cycle and still there is hope!

Believing that seasons change

Trust is

By Kristin Noelle
(#22 of 30 on Trust)

Having faith that weather seasons change is more obvious than other seasons of our lives shifting. Friends sometimes come for a season. I am recently aware of a period of pain in my life, which I hope will only last for a season. I want to believe that those seasons change, too!

Stuff and Things on Saturday

by Natalie Dee

When I googled "stuff and things," I found this cartoon aways down the page. It seems meant for me--about trying new things, about which I too often am hesitant. I haven't done a list of trivia for some time, and so I thought today I would do that again.

• Our priest of the past two years is leaving All Saints Episcopal Church. Sandy Casey-Martus has accepted a call to All Saints by-the-Sea Episcopal Church in Santa Barbara, CA. She is excited and eager to go, which is somewhat understandable as her period here has been stressful, which has succinctly been described by Ron about "An 'after-pastor' moves on." I am trying to let go of my disappointment (and resentment) that she is leaving before Easter and in the middle of Lent, remembering how she anticipates this new call.

• The pains in my joints continue. I appreciate the prayers in this rocky (or rickety) period of my life.

• I am going to Spain at the end of the month to visit MJ, who is an exchange student in Granada! CB is not going; so I am venturing off by myself. There was a tight window for me to see her, as she has plans to go to Prague the week before and then her boy friend is spending his spring break with her, which is around the middle of April.

• And I got an Ipod Touch. I am excited (and also a little inept)! Four daughters (2 natural and 2 by marriage) have them, which enticed me. The trip to Spain spurred me on to order it and get it, so that I might learn how to use it before I leave (on March 30). Husband CB thinks such things are silly, but he is politely refraining from critical remarks as I play with it. I know it helps that we do not have to pay extra for internet usage, which we do not utilize on our cell phones. I am grateful that my two oldest children (DC and AE) are helping me learn to maneuver this device.

• My fourth year of EFM is almost over. We have six more chapters (and weeks) to go. I will sorely miss the group and leaders, who have become my friends. I have spent my Tuesday afternoons for four years with these people.

Maisie's wet adventure

CB bathing Maisie

This morning Maisie ran away and had a joyous run in the rain as a cold front was blowing through here with thunderstorms. Usually we close the driveway gate when one of us leaves, but this morning CB forgot. I did not realize that and put the dogs outside; after an hour or so, I wondered where Maisie was because the other dogs had come inside. That is when I discovered the gate was open!

I very slowly drove around in the heavy rain, trying to spot her. After 30 minutes, I called CB who was working at a Habitat house, wailing that Maisie was lost. So he drove back and started looking, too.

Eventually, he called to say he had found her but that she kept running away from him. I drove to meet him; luckily, by then CB had gotten her into his truck. YAY!! I was so worried that Maisie was gone.

The result for Maisie was a bath. Now she is whimpering because she is stuck in the laundry room until she dries off; she can see Baillie and Cisco--and me typing on the computer through the French door.

It is a good day, after all.

Friday Five: Lent Edition

KathrynZJ brings RevGalBlogPals this Friday Five:

What about you? What are some things you appreciate about the season of Lent? Perhaps you would share 5 of them with us. And for your bonus question feel free to share one thing you could do without.

1.
2. I treasure the special worship opportunities in the season of Lent, including Ash Wednesday, Maundy Thursday, and Good Friday. The latter two services are what clinched my decision to move from the Methodist Church back to the Episcopal Church some years ago. The solemnity and awe impacted me greatly and still do.

3. Having the intensified focus of 40 days before Easter helps me to live more in the Presence. As others have suggested, this also includes more consistent practices lived out.

4. Adding to my posts on Lent.

5. I am pondering if I will have a practice of adding to or letting go for Lent. It seems delusional to give up chocolate for Lent, because I already have done so for Fair Trade reasons--plus I need to lose some weight. I have a friend who used to fast from dinner the night before to 3 pm the next day; that has always sounded easier to me. Perhaps this Lent, I'll try that, but I haven't decided yet.

Bonus: I dislike the pretense that Jesus was not bothered by his suffering on the cross, because he knew he would be okay in the end. (I remember that was another reason I left that particular Methodist Church with that specific minister years ago as he preached that on Good Friday.) Too often we give complete divinity to Jesus in his earthly life, while doctrine says he was both human and divine. (I could go on and on. . . .and will not.)

Pain

I have been hesitant to write about the traveling pain in my joints, which has been going on for the past two months. At first, I thought the pain in my feet was due to my age and bunions, but when my ankles and knees also hurt, I went to see my doctor. Ordered blood tests showed low levels of inflammation, which seemed to rule out forms of arthritis. Dr. S. put me on a six-day regimen of steroids, which magically cleared any discomfort from all parts of my body. My swollen right fingers came back to normal size in only three hours!

A week of normalcy was followed by sporadic joint pain, which remains in my thumb and knee joints. Another doctor visit had him prescribe an antibiotic (doxycycline) that eliminates joint pain in 30% of cases. We will see if anything changes in the next nine days.

I am trying not to obsess about the pain and the possible reasons for it, which can degenerate to imagined and unwelcome outcomes. Meditating and praying the power prayer help discourage those ruminations. (The power prayer is: "No power; God is." It is to remind me to stop giving my power away to those depressing thoughts.)