Alaska Railroad

CB and I loved traveling on the Alaska Railroad. They reminded me of train rides I took in my youth when my mother would take me to visit relatives whenever my father was transferred to a new military location.

Do you remember those dome cars? We rode in one like this.

This is where we waited to board in Seward. CB is in blue looking at a map.

This is a glacier we saw on the way to Seward from Anchorage.

There was even a dining car on the train!

A trip of (pleasant) mishaps

On Tuesday afternoon CB left me at the airport to catch my plane to Houston. I ended up waiting an extra hour, so that I missed my connecting flight to Calgary. Because of that, Continental paid for a hotel room in Houston, which turned out to be better than I expected. Then son BJ met me and we went out to dinner together! I had such a good time with him that I was pleased that I had been stuck there.

Today my flight to Calgary went smoothly, with a seat on the aisle and no one sitting in the middle seat. And we arrived 20 minutes early--and then I sailed through customs and baggage claim. I went outside to wait for my cousin Margaret, which is where she has always met me (with her daughter driving).

However, Margaret drove by herself in the daytime, because her daughter was at work. She parked her car and went to meet me inside and somehow we bypassed each other, partly because she arrived at the scheduled arrival time. She even had me paged, but I could not hear the announcement at the curb outside.

Not knowing what to do, I finally got some Canadian coins and called her home phone, but no one answered. Then I did something that I never do while in Canada: I turned on my cell phone and called husband CB! I asked him to call anyone else he could think of in the family. Eventually, another daughter called me and arranged for her husband to pick me up. While I was waiting for him (at 2:00), I was hungry and did not want to leave my post in case he came--then I remembered the 24 hour old peanut butter and jelly sandwich I had made for my Tuesday night dinner on the flight to Calgary. It was tasty!

So the positive things that happened despite mishaps were:

1. nice hotel room
2. dinner with son BJ
3. easy arrival in Calgary
4. peanut butter sandwich!
5. being rescued by cousin-in-law
6. getting here with Margaret already home (and the house unlocked)

Thirst is yearning

MomPriest posted this beautiful poem by Mary Oliver, which we used as a meditation at the beginning of Tuesday's Wisdom Class. It keeps reverberating within me.

Thirst

Another morning and I wake with thirst
for the goodness I do not have. I walk
out to the pond and all the way God has
given us such beautiful lessons. Oh Lord,
I was never a quick scholar but sulked
and hunched over my books past the hour
and the bell; grant me, in your mercy,
a little more time. Love for the earth
and love for you are having such a long
conversation in my heart. Who knows what
will finally happen or where I will be sent,
yet already I have given a great many things
away, expecting to be told to pack nothing,
except the prayers which, with this thirst,
I am slowly learning.

— Mary Oliver, Thirst,
Beacon Press, Boston, 2006, pp. 1, 52, 69

Going to Calgary!

This afternoon I am flying from Corpus Christ to Houston and on to Calgary. I will get there tonight. It is interesting to see how much closer Seattle (where daughters AE and KA live) is to Calgary than to Houston (or further south, to Corpus Christi).

I guess it doesn't matter that my Passport picture shows me with brown hair, but my hair is now white. The picture was taken before I went to Zambia in 2006.

Mountains

Going to Alaska in the summer did not reveal the magnificent views of mountains that we had expected. Mt. McKinley or Denali was not visible while we were there, but that also means we fell into the 70% majority of people who visit and do not see the mountains.

Supposedly Denali mountain range is behind those clouds on the horizon.

We saw more elevated land while riding the train and on the ferry.

I took this picture as we were rounding curves on the way to Seward from Anchorage.

on that same train trip to Seward from Anchorage

At times we felt like we could see "better" mountains in our home state of Washington, although I am sure that in the winter we would see many mountains in Alaska IF we could reach those areas.

Mount Baker near Bellingham, WA

Now I have to decide if I would like to see more mountains in Alberta, Canada. My cousin Margaret has offered a two-day trip to Banff and Jasper. Never having been to Jasper, that is an enticing thought.

Another Trip!

I am somewhat embarrassed that I am going on ANOTHER trip! On Tuesday I fly to Calgary, Alberta, Canada to visit my cousin Margaret for her 80th birthday. Neither of my parents lived to be 80 and so I am excited to celebrate this landmark birthday with her and her children, grandchildren and friends. There is going to be a big party at a nearby church. I will stay one week, with long travel days for the first and last days. CB did not want to come with me, so he is staying home, working at Habitat and taking care of the three dogs and one cat.

Before this trip, I am washing many loads of clothes. Soon I have to try to find winter clothes, as I stuffed them away when it got hot last March! For seven days I don't need much though. I bought gloves for Alaska, so I'll have them to take along.

Since I am going on another trip, I realize I should write about the Alaska trip before I have another to describe. So I will be posting pictures in the near future. I think I'll pre-post various trip venues so they can "magically" appear while I am in Canada!

For today

Let's try that "anticiPLAYtion"!

Doubting myself

I remember when I was in therapy and going to 12-step groups, people always compared growth to the peeling of an onion. It seems like we keep returning to the same behavior, even though we think we've gone beyond it. Back again!

I fell back into the behavior of thinking that I'm not good enough this past week. That has been a pattern throughout my entire life, probably because I grew up with an alcoholic father who was very critical. I now realize he acted this way due to his own feelings of inadequacy, but I did not know that when I was growing up.

Through therapy, healing and spiritual growth, I have gained more confidence in myself. Periodically, I fall again into self-denigration. At least now I don't stay in that self-critical mode as long; slowly I am learning.

This past week I was doubting my proficiency (what a term!) in prayer, as I continued to sit in meditation (or Christ Centered Prayer) twice a day. "Not good enough" was a refrain echoing within, but with continued centering prayer and keeping on, that diminished into non-existence.

Awareness of this weakness in me is key; if I can notice this tendency sooner, then I will let go of the judgment in a more timely manner. This pattern may never totally disappear, but I have faith that it will continue to lessen.

Growth seems to go forwards and backwards and in a spiral, but I am already beloved and whole in the sight of God--even if I don't know that yet. It's like the story of a person being hidden by 1,000 veils; with the unveiling of each one, sight becomes clearer; the person is still the same, but that cannot be seen until all is revealed.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
My spiritual director told me to read about "Doubts" in The Lessons: How to Understand Spiritual Principles, Spiritual Activities, and Rising Emotions by Sandy Casey-Martus and Carla Mancari. (This is not a book for easy reading; it is more of a workbook or reference book for spiritual growth.) Here are a few pertinent quotes that helped me:

"Doubts are inner rising mental vibrating energies which cause you to question your spiritual walk in all its phases."

"Doubts trigger a chain reaction. Doubts--disbelief--wavering--distrusting--hesitation--lack of creativity that may slow your forward progress. At times, doubts may freeze your ability to move to the inner awareness. For all these reasons, doubts are taken seriously."

"There are doubts when there doesn't appear to be any spiritual progress and there are doubts when there does appear to be progress. With doubts, it is always a no win--no win situation. "

Casey-Martus, Sandy and Mancari, Carla. The Lessons: How to Understand Spiritual Principles, Spiritual Activities, and Rising Emotions. Tucson: Wheatmark, 2008. 71-72.

Friday Five: Joyful Noise

Mary Beth offers this Friday Five at RevGalBlogPals:

Music is a part of the human experience, and part of religious traditions the world over. It is evocative and stirring, and many forms of worship are incomplete without it.

Our title comes from a quote popularly attributed to St. Augustine: "He who sings prays twice." A little Googling, however, indicates that Augustine didn't say exactly that. In fact, what he said just doesn't fit well onto a t-shirt. So we'll stick with what we have.

"Singing reduces stress and increases healthy breathing and emotional expression. Singing taps into a deep, age-old power available to all of us. When we find our voice, we find ourselves. Today, sing like you mean it." And let's talk about the role music plays in your life and worship.

1) Do you like to sing/listen to others sing? In worship, or on your own (or not at all?)
I like to sing, even though I do not sing well. I prefer singing with others, because they help me stay closer to the key. I like to sing in worship, especially because I sit across the aisle from the choir--as husband CB sings in the choir. It is wonderful to be in the midst of those beautiful sounds!

2) Did you grow up with music in worship, or come to it later in life? Tell us about it, and how that has changed in your experience.
I got involved with singing in youth choirs on the military bases where I lived. I remember a friend and I would sing together on the phone, which causes me to cringe at the image now. (Maybe that's one of the reasons why Vera and I have lost touch with each other. . . .)

3) Some people find worship incomplete without music; others would just as soon not have it. Where do you fall?
I love the music sung and played at All Saints Episcopal Church; our choir director is amazing. She is the reason that some musicians travel over long distances (like an hour drive) to sing with her.

I like silence, too, but would miss the weekly joy of singing.

4) Do you prefer traditional music in worship, or contemporary? That can mean many different things!
Although I went through a phase of loving praise songs through the influence of the Walk to Emmaus involvement, I have mostly returned to my love of more traditional hymns. I still like praise songs, except for the simplistic ones that repeat the same four words. (In contrast, I really like Taize music, which is repetitive in a way I like!)

5) What's your go-to music ... when you need solace or want to express joy? A video/recording will garner bonus points!
When I had young kids, it was Raffi singing in the car!

Can you spot the gay soldier?

And is there only one??? (Doubtful)

No wonder I like trees!

Saint Francis and Friends

by Jan Oliver

Mike posted this wonderful painting on The Mercy Blog and wrote this about Jan's paintings:

"This painting, like so many of Jan's, makes that prayer, that longing of our hearts ("sighs too deep for words" NRSV) concrete and visible. Thank God for the openness of artists like Jan to the Spirit's searching... "

The Mercy Blog always brings words of hope and prayer to me.

National Literacy Month (or YEAR)

Even though September will be over in only nine days, it is good to remember that this month was designated as National Literacy Month. However, who declared that to be in effect? "Savage Chickens" cartoonist Doug Savage drew the cartoon below, which brought "National Literacy Month" to my attention.

I discovered that the U.S. Government did not declare this; I found info here.

"The U.S. Congress designated July 2, 2000 as National Literacy Day. States, cities and counties also occasionally pass laws declaring a literacy month or week in their own jurisdictions. However, there is no permanently-established National Literacy Day."

Whether "official" or not, emphasis upon reading is important. When I drive around, I even advertise that point, because I pay $25 extra every year for this license plate:

Sadly, I discovered yesterday that the front license plate is no longer on my car. Did it fall off or was it taken?

That is beside the point. I just want to emphasize the importance of reading! We should realize how vital reading is to our lives every day of the year.

Zen Habits

From Zen Habits by Leo Babauta:

Most Popular Posts

• breathe.

• be still.

• a brief guide to life.

• the best goal is no goal

• the lost art of solitude

• the elements of living lightly

• the zen of doing

• The Ultimate How to Get Lean Guide.

• simplify, and savor life

• How Not to Hurry

• Email Sanity: How to Clear Your Inbox When You’re Drowning

• the barefoot philosophy

• The No. 1 Habit of Highly Creative People

• How Not to Hurry

• The Simple, Ridiculously Useful Guide to Earning a Living from Your Passion

• 10 Benefits of Rising Early, and How to Do It

• 20 Things I Wish I Had Known When Starting Out in Life

• Simple Living Manifesto: 72 Ideas to Simplify Your Life

• A Guide to Creating a Minimalist Home

• Get Off Your Butt: 16 Ways to Get Motivated When You’re in a Slump

For more, go here.

Weekend Pictures

Here are a few pictures from DC and AA's visit with us, along with their English Bulldog Sampson.

Jan and AA at the baby shower.

AA with Sampson chewing on one of Maisie's toys.

Maisie and Sampson liked to play tug-of-war,
though Sampson tired sooner than Maisie.

Maisie is barking at Sampson because he has the tugging toy.

Reverse Trick-or-Treating!

Global Exchange’s Fair Trade Cocoa Campaign
presents the Fourth Annual:

Reverse Trick-or-Treating!

This Halloween, it is kids who will be giving treats to adults!

Media: Click here to cover Reverse Trick-or-Treating.
Click here for Reverse Trick-or-Treating in Canada!

Thousands of groups of Trick-or-Treaters in the United States and Canada will unite to help:

• END poverty among cocoa farmers
• END forced/abusive child labor in the cocoa industry
• PROTECT the environment
• PROMOTE Fair Trade

How? By distributing Fair Trade chocolate to adults, attached to a card explaining these problems in the cocoa industry and how Fair Trade presents a solution.

Scroll down to request your kit TODAY, while supplies last.

You can also participate by distributing flyers on Halloween!

Reverse Trick-or-Treating is an initiative of Global Exchange’s Sweet Smarts network, in partnership with worker-owned Fair Trade cooperative Equal Exchange, whose vision, leadership, and generous contributions have made Reverse Trick-or-Treating possible.

Thanks to generous donations of Fair Trade chocolate companies listed below.

• Equal Exchange
• Sweet Earth
  
• Coco-Zen

Participating lead nonprofit organizations:

• Ballston Spa Fair Trade Coalition
• Fair Trade Federation
• Fair Trade Resource Network
• Fair Trade Towns/TransFair USA
• Global Exchange
• Green America
• International Labor Rights Forum
• Jeannette Rankin Peace Center
• Montclair Fair Trade Coalition
• NY State Labor-Religion Coalition
• Oasis
• Public Citizen
• San Diego Friends of Fair Trade
• Sustaining Cultures
• Unitarian Universalist Service Committee
• UMCOR of the Board of Global Ministries
• UMC General Board of Church and Society

Participating organizations include: Africa Faith and Justice Network, Americans for Informed Democracy as a Participating, Chicago Fair Trade, DC Fair Trade Network/Meetup, Durham Fair Trade Coalition, Evangelical Lutheran Church in America, Four Corners of the World/Fair Trade Milwaukee, InterReligious Task Force on Central America.

Organizations (schools, congregations, youth groups, etc organizing multiple groups of Trick-or-Treaters)
Dates to request kits –- October 1 - October 8 (unless supplies run out sooner)
Price: $24 per box of 150 cards/chocolates (maximum 2 boxes per organization) + shipping costs

Organizations: Click here to request a kit

Individuals (one group of Trick-or-Treaters):
Dates to request kits -– September 1 - October 8 (unless supplies run out sooner)
Price: FREE + shipping costs Click here.

Today's Trivia

Today is September 17, and I actually saw the new movie "The Town" on its opening day! Thanks to son DC and his wife AA visiting and taking me to the movie for the matinee showing this afternoon. We all really enjoyed it. Ben Affleck directed and starred in it, both in excellent ways.

And here is the trivia of the past few days:

• AA's baby shower was nicer than I anticipated--five of my friends and one of hers hostessed it, with yummy food, loving friends, and cute baby gifts. AA is so much bubblier than I ever am that it was a joy to watch her interact with everyone. I am always glad to be with her and know she is my daughter-in-law.
  

• There are dark and heavy rainclouds all around, and it is starting to pour. Luckily, I dried a load of clothes on the clothesline before the rain started. It is supposed to rain heavily this weekend and keep on coming down next week, due to Hurricane Karl which already hit landfall in Mexico.
  

• Remember how I took Maisie to her first training class last Friday? She was the only pupil. That was cancelled today, which is why I could go to the movie with AA and DC. A new class time is yet to be determined. That's probably good as I have not been disciplined about teaching her and will renew my efforts this weekend. (I'm the one who needs to be a better student--and teacher.)
  

• The backyard looks empty without the big ash tree in the middle. We will get another tree to put there, which will be much smaller. I am hoping that we will get a live oak tree.

• Last weekend the Rev. Drs. Jane Patterson and the Rev. John Lewis, founders of The Workshop, spoke at All Saints Episcopal Church. I keep thinking about the teaching that "the NAME" of Jesus Christ means the "the nature and character." I am really helped to expand that meaning in my heart and mind that praying "in the name of Jesus Christ" could be described as praying "in the nature and character of Jesus Christ," just as Christians wish to live in that same nature and character.

Friday Five: Baby Showers!

1. What were baby showers like for you and your friends in the past?
Baby showers seemed much smaller and more restrained than now. I remember having a casserole baby shower and a diaper baby shower. The first was when friends brought me food to put in the freezer. The second was giving large boxes of disposable diapers, even though I used cloth diapers, the disposable ones were nice for trips.

2. Did you play games? What kinds?
I do not remember games.

3. In your job, especially if you are a pastor, do you get invited to a lot of baby showers? What do you do about them?
When I was a La Leche League Leader, I was invited to more baby showers than I expected. I usually went and gave a small gift, like Good Night, Moon. I would also give The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding.

4. Are baby showers different for our daughters (or younger friends) than they were for us?
These showers are much more extravagant than I recall mine being. I also observe that the younger generation has couples showers for the prospective baby, which never happened for my friends and me when we were having babies 20-30 years ago.They sound like a lot of fun.

5. Do you like hosting baby showers or do you avoid that responsibility?
Here in TX, groups of people get together to put on a shower. That helps out people like me who don't decorate or plan too well. I love to be involved, but prefer to be a gofer.

Bonus: Any silliness about baby showers you wish to contribute.
This isn't exactly silliness, but it is different--When I had my first baby DC in TX, I had only lived in TX for one year. My friends back in Washington State had a baby shower for me and mailed all the gifts in a big box. That was fun for me, as I didn't know many people yet. They enjoyed getting together and celebrating up there, too.

And I must say that it is fun to go to a baby shower for a daughter as the soon-to-be grandmother!

Baby Shower soon!

I am eagerly awaiting the arrival of son DC and daughter-in-law AA from Austin. They will be here pretty soon, a few hours before a baby shower for AA! Friends (mostly mothers of DC's boyhood--to manhood-- friends) are giving it, even as one of the main planners (and hostess) has a daughter ready to deliver her first grandchild. This friend may be at the hospital instead of the shower at her own home; we'll see.

Tree down!

The ash tree that seemed to be damaged by a windstorm in early July was cut down today. It was diseased and could not be saved. That saddens me, because I love trees. Also, the family room is noticeably warmer without its shade.

Here follows a picture essay of the cutting down of the ash tree today. It started and continued with the three dogs barking and barking at the intrusion of men and equipment in their backyard.At times, it seemed like there were more than (merely) three dogs barking!

The beginning of the morning

There were three workers. One was the brave person up in the tree, sawing off branches.

What a balancing act!

At the end of the afternoon, they took the stump out and ground up it and its roots.

This was the tree that Maisie and Cisco would watch squirrels run up and down--and they'd eagerly scratch at the French door to be let out to run and chase those rodents. Now Maisie will just bark at lizards; we'll see where the squirrels go. . . .

New Cynthia Bourgeault Book!

Cynthia Bourgeault's latest book is now available for purchase! I wasn't expecting anything after The Wisdom Jesus, but was delighted to learn from a friend that she had another book out! Today was this new book's publication date.

With my book addiction, I have already ordered a copy of The Meaning of Mary Magdalene: Discovering the Woman at the Heart of Christianity from Amazon. It will be here on Thursday, which is also the day that DC and AA are coming to visit, so there won't be much reading time for a few days.

Always on the move

“I am not sitting, I am on a journey. Spiritually we are always on the move. We are on a journey through the inward spaces of the heart, a journey not measured by the hours of our watch or the days of the calendar, for it is a journey out of time into eternity.”

~ Kallistos Ware (1934- )

From 1966 to 2001, Ware was Spalding Lecturer of Eastern Orthodox Studies at the University of Oxford. He has authored numerous books and articles pertaining to the Orthodox Christian faith.

A diet aid-->Fair Trade!

Do the supermarkets in your neighborhood have these candy racks right next to the checkout counter? The ones at our local HEB's are much wider and more abundantly supplied.

The last time I was shopping at the store, I was hungry and looked longingly at the candy bars. I rationalized that one would be about 200 calories or maybe 4 Weight Watcher points, which wouldn't be that bed. Then I remembered that none of the candy offered was FAIR TRADE, so I will not buy it. Since I am very aware of the reality of slave labor in the production of cocoa beans, I am trying to be committed in NOT buying such chocolate.

I know I am not completely supporting Fair Trade chocolate, because currently I am still eating desserts and/or ice cream with chocolate components that are most likely not Fair Trade.

I have decided that my small effort to only buy chocolate candy that is Fair Trade chocolate is one little step towards justice. This decision is also helping me to resist the impulse to buy a quick snack of a chocolate bar, which is a healthier choice for me. I feel confident that I will be able to continue on this path, narrow though it may be. (It will definitely alter my Halloween candy buying for this year!)

Lost and Found

Today our priest Sandy Casey-Martus read this poem by David Wagoner at the beginning and end of her profound sermon on Luke 15:1-10. Read it slowly; sit and wait.

Stand still. The trees ahead and bushes beside you
Are not lost. Wherever you are is called Here,
And you must treat it as a powerful stranger,
Must ask permission to know it and be known.
The forest breathes. Listen. It answers,
I have made this place around you.
If you leave it, you may come back again, saying Here.
No two trees are the same to Raven.
No two branches are the same to Wren.
If what a tree or a bush does is lost on you,
You are surely lost. Stand still.
The forest knows
Where you are. You must let it find you.

~~David Wagoner

"Lost" from Collected Poems 1956-1976 © Indiana University Press.

Good Morning and Good Day!

Have a good day, too!

life is a garden,

not a road

we enter and exit

through the same gate

wandering,

where we go matters less

than what we notice

~Bokonon~

(The Lost Book)

I also have a cat

Although I rarely write about our cat, we have one. She is the second cat in my life; the first arrived when MJ was in first grade, because her teacher had a kitty to give away. It also happened that her teacher was my first friend in Corpus Christi and was also the first person (besides my husband and hospital personnel) to see MJ after she was born.

So here is a cartoon about the life of our cat:

Friday Five: Insomnia Edition

MomPriest graciously jumped in today to give the RevGals a Friday Five:

So, on that note our Friday Five today will focus on sleep, or the lack there of.
1. Are you prone to sleep challenges? Insomnia, snoring, allergies? Other sleep challenges?
Ever since I was a teenager, I've had problems going to sleep. Sometimes reading helps me; other times, reading gets me so interested in the book that I cannot put it down--and so I stay up and up longer and longer.

My husband snores terribly, but that has been reduced since he has a sleep apnea machine he wears at night.

2. When you can't sleep what do you do? Toss and turn? Get up and read? Play computer games?
Toss and turn; get up and walk around the house; get up and get something to eat; read.

3. When you do sleep do you remember your dreams? Or just snippets of them?
I don't remember my dreams too often. Snippets of dreams are more likely to stick out.

4. Can you share a funny or confusing dream you've had? Or a dream you have over and over?
I forget the dream snippets too easily. When I was a child, I had a recurring and frightening dream of being in a war factory with long beams rolling over and over on to me. I think that had something to do with my dad being a Marine and things I overheard my parents talk about connected to his job.

5. When you don't sleep how do you get through the day? Lots of coffee? or a nap later in the day?
I drink cans and cans of TAB, which has a lot of caffeine in it. (I've never learned to drink coffee.) When it's cold, I drink hot tea. I only nap rarely, since I worry a nap will keep me from going to sleep that night. I usually get headaches if I've lost a lot of sleep and so need to take acetaminophen.

Imagine

What's your vision?

"All of us live by some vision. It may be a depressing vision. It may be a very limited vision. It may be a vision that it's all going to pieces. But there is a vision, conscious or unconscious, that each of us lives by. If it's a dark vision, one that's moving toward disintegration and chaos, then we will be fearful. If it's a larger vision, if it's a universal vision, if it's a vision of God's Realm and we really believe that it's going to come into being, we'll be filled with hope. Hope is the confidence that the vision which is the biblical vision will really occur. And no one is going to be excluded. "

~~N. Gordon Cosby

Sermon (September 24 1989)

From Inward/Outward. Subscribe here.

More Maisie pictures!

Maisie loves to climb up on to CB's lap when he is at his computer.
Baillie is to the right.

Maisie wiggles on CB's lap and usually chews while squirming,
but she's kissing him here.

During the thunderstorm yesterday,
Maisie lay quietly under my computer desk.

More mysteries to read

Ever since the vacation to Alaska this summer, I have been reading lots of fiction, especially mysteries. Lately, I discovered Daniel Silva and his mysteries (through that Newsweek editorial). Beginning with The Unlikely Spy, written in 1997, I am reading his books chronologically. Our public library has copies of all of his books, and so I have a stack piled in the dining room. And two are in the car, ready to be returned to the library.

I was re-infected with the mystery bug when I read The Girl Who Kicked the Hornet's Nest, the third in the series by Steig Larsson. Reading that one reminded me of the fervor I felt when reading the Harry Potter series--I had to go back and read the entire trilogy to get the story line of Lisbeth set in my mind.

It is such fun to obsessively read, but now life is intruding upon that preoccupation. Classes and activities are starting up after Labor Day. This week ends with the first (of eight) training class for Maisie, the hyper puppy!

Still, I look forward to reading in bed before I fall asleep each night.

(UN) Labor Day

In honor of those out of work, like my oldest son DC:

By Karl Wimer

From the daily cartoon I receive via email from Center for American Progress. Subscribe here.

Suicide

Last Sunday a friend's husband committed suicide in his backyard. It was a shock to all concerned. His funeral was beautiful and well-attended. As my husband observed, this man may never have considered it if he'd known how many friends and family would come to honor him.

As I see the grief experienced by his wife and loved ones, I am thinking about suicide--mostly because I spent several years dwelling in a state of "suicidal ideation." I know I have a different understanding of suicide than most people, because I experienced the depths of depression and despair.

Looking back on those lonely times, I see how isolated and unreasonable I was. I imagined that no one in my family, from 5 year old MJ to 16 year old DC, would care if I was gone. In fact, I thought that my absence would make their lives more pleasant. If that isn't crazy, I don't know what is! My husband did not even know I was depressed until I told him a few days before I went to The Meadows treatment center in Arizona. For the past period, I was not sleeping; I was walking 6-12 miles a day; I had lost 50 pounds--but no one knew anything was wrong until I finally started talking to my therapist. Before that I would not tell anyone, because I did not want them to stop me.

From this and later times, I realize that there is no "type." This thought comes from my husband saying that this man "didn't seem like the type." Chemical imbalances that lead to depression creep up on someone so insidiously that depressed thinking seems "normal." Some people, like me, have such a strong will that we continue to do the expected until that becomes impossible.

All I can imagine about this friend's husband is that he kept going on being the person he was expected to be. The speakers at his funeral talked extensively about his giving and friendly spirit. Only the minister spoke of his despair.

I appreciated Rev. Gloria Lear talking about God being with him and that the man was choosing to be with God in the only way he knew how in that despair. God is with us whether we feel the Holy Presence or not. She kept assuring those assembled that no one was guilty; that their love was true.

I now see how irrevocably suicide affects those left behind; that thought never entered my mind when I was clinically depressed. I don't believe this man considered that either; he loved his wife and son too much to hurt them.

I have no answers about suicide. I was fortunate that I was not a man using a gun. Statistics show that men are more "successful" than women at suicide, because of the means used. I don't know why I am still here, and this man is not, or why Robin's son is gone. I just know that we are all with God, living or dying always with God.
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"I can answer this question only after the fact, because in the midst of severe clinical depression I have never felt anything redeeming about it, spiritually or otherwise. But when I emerge back into life, several things become clear. One is that the darkness did not kill me, which makes all
darknesses more bearable—and since darkness is an inevitable part of the cycle of spiritual life (as it is in the cycle of natural life) this is valuable knowledge. Two, depression has taught me that there is something in me far deeper and stronger and truer than my ego, my emotions, my intellect, or my will. All of these faculties have failed me in depression, and if they were all I had, I do not believe I would still be here to talk about the experience. Deeper down there is a soul, or true self, or "that of God in every person" that helps explain (for me, at least) where the real power of life resides. Three, the experience of emerging from a living hell makes the rest of one's life more precious, no matter how "ordinary" it may be. To know that life is a gift, and to be grateful for that gift, are keys to a spiritual life, keys that one is handed as depression yields to new life."

--Parker Palmer, Ph.D.

Where is Fair Trade Chocolate?

Fair Trade Chocolate?

Last night CB and I went looking for Fair Trade chocolate here in Corpus Christi, TX. With all the foreign varieties at World Market, we were disappointed to find none carrying the label "Fair Trade." A few are organic, but not many.

In 2009 Cadbury came out advertising about their commitment to Fair Trade with their Dairy Milk Bar. They are still advocating that endeavor, but I am wondering if the company's recent sale to the Kraft Company will change that. Or is this Fair Trade Cadbury bar only sold in Great Britain or Europe? If anyone knows where Fair Trade Cadbury can be purchased in the United States, please let me know!

None of the bars at World Market carried the United Kingdom or international logos of Fair Trade. The UK logo is seen above and below.


Looking for this logo, I found a blog about Fair Trade, which looks quite interesting.