Deep Listening in a Group

I facilitate a book study called The Wisdom Class every Tuesday at All Saints Episcopal Church. Last week a member brought information about the listening practices of Quakers. He suggested that we wait 10-15 seconds between speakers. I was in a position where I could watch the second hand on the wall clock creep slowly along and realized how long a time period those seconds seemed. I'm not sure that we all waited that long between talking, but there was a definite difference in the way we were listening to each other during the two-hour meeting.

I reflected on the depth of listening during the past week, and was surprised to find a relevant meditation from Henri Nouwen this morning in my email box:

Listening as Spiritual Hospitality by Henri Nouwen

To listen is very hard, because it asks of us so much interior stability that we no longer need to prove ourselves by speeches, arguments, statements, or declarations. True listeners no longer have an inner need to make their presence known. They are free to receive, to welcome, to accept.

Listening is much more than allowing another to talk while waiting for a chance to respond. Listening is paying full attention to others and welcoming them into our very beings. The beauty of listening is that, those who are listened to start feeling accepted, start taking their words more seriously and discovering their own true selves. Listening is a form of spiritual hospitality by which you invite strangers to become friends, to get to know their inner selves more fully, and even to dare to be silent with you.

From the free daily message found at the Henri Nouwen webpage. Subscribe.

This also brings to mind the attentiveness needed in listening as displayed in Meister Eckhart's story of the burro-- Love Offers Freedom. Listening opens a space of freedom and acceptance.

Today we met again as The Wisdom Class and reflected upon last week's process. We agreed to try again to listen deeply to each other and agreed upon these guidelines:

1. What is said stays here.

2. Listen to what each person has to say:

Be open, sensitive, and tender to others.

3. Do not interrupt another speaker

4. Do not speak too often or too long;

allow silence between speakers.

5. Keep 10-15 seconds of silence between speakers.

6. Try to be aware that our desire to be present to each other is also our desire to be present to the Holy One.

It's going to take lots of practice!