Unexpected Grace

Symbol of Divine Grace: Falcon in the eye of Udiet

Above is a picture of the Symbol of Divine Grace: Falcon in the eye of Udiet from "Cruising on the Nile from Aswan to Luxor."


Since presenting my spiritual autobiography at EFM last week, I have been newly aware of a grace in my life. Although I have written various spiritual autobiographies in my life (even at this blog under "Faith Story"), I was surprised at the insight I gained from this simple exercise.To do this differently, I thought I would look at unexpected guideposts to God.

One of the people I chose to consider was my paternal grandmother, Brunie. In the early part of the 20th century she was orphaned and forced to lived with her married sister in poor, rural Arkansas. To get away from that rigorous life, she married John K. when she was only 14. Soon after she had my dad, her only child. She had a difficult, impoverished life in a very tiny Arkansas town with its Baptist church. Her husband beat her until my dad was big enough to tell him to stop. I can see how hard her life was now, but as I grew up and periodically saw her every few years, I remember her as a bitter, complaining woman.

My father wrote to her every week on a typewriter. He was a good son, but one who was always angry when he was with her. They were better apart. In retrospect, I can understand that, too, as she ran around in that little town, while his dad drunk. How hard it was for him to grow up there.

My grandmother is an example of the adage my mother told me: Until you're in your 40s, you have the face you inherited. After that, you have the face you made. My grandmother had a pursed up mouth and looked unhappy much of the time, even though she lived comfortably in her old age (after my parents bought her a little house). She complained until she died. She "made" her face through self-pity and critical judging.

That unsavory picture of my grandmother was what I had stored in my memory, pushed to the back to be hidden from view. But looking at her again, I remember all the beautiful and elaborate cards she would send me, especially for Valentine's Day. They always came, and I loved getting mail. And even now, I am known for sending cards and notes (formerly letters) to people. I like to do that, and that's a gift from my grandmother--a gift of love.

That sounds like very little, but it's a part of me that I enjoy, and it is nice to appreciate my grandmother in some way. But I am feeling like I am grateful for her in a larger way, because I am feeling unforeseen love for her. It is a healing love that is reaching into the past to connect us.

What is surprising about all this is that I have not been seeking for healing or praying for such inner work. The grace of healing is just HERE. This is a perfect example to me of God's grace-- totally unearned. Divine Grace was working within me, without me knowing it, healing me in unknown ways. This is God, who is working in each one of us, loving us into the people he wants us to be.

I cannot take credit at all for this healing in a little part of my life; all I can do is thank God. This brings a new awareness of the Divine indwelling and as Julian of Norwich wrote, "Sin is necessary, but
all will be well, and all will be well, and every kind of thing will be well."