Faith Story 4

RevDrKate and Gannett Girl have been writing their memories, just like I have. This one may get too strung out as it was the last year my mother was alive, and I didn't know she was dying. You may notice that God is never mentioned, as we continued to be unaware of the Divine Presence.

Since Faith Story 3 had me moving to Rhode Island from Texas with my family, that's where I will start. In August 1991, my children's ages were: DC-12; AE-9; BJ-6; MJ-almost 2. It was our first experience of having our children ride school buses to school. I remember that on the first day, BJ was starting first grade at a new school (for him), so my husband, MJ, and I followed him on the school bus to his school, so we could walk in with him.

I was worried about BJ getting needed speech therapy in first grade, because there was such a marked RI accent in the area we lived, but the speech therapist was from Oregon, so I was relieved. He only needed a little help that year and then was fine. But we laughed a lot with words particular to RI that didn't fit with our NW and TX orientation--here are a few examples:
bubbler= water fountain; cabinet=milkshake (a "milkshake" was exactly that--blended milk with a flavoring); grinder=toasted sub sandwich. We missed tortillas and Mexican food up there, but enjoyed the seasons. I also loved the little Japanese maple tree we planted in the front yard.

My mother came to visit around Halloween, when my birthday was, and at Christmas. On the rainy, windy, cold Halloween night (quite different from our TX Halloweens), DC stayed home for the first time on a Halloween night while my mother made chocolate coated peanut butter candies, which were to be frozen for Christmas. Strong, quiet husband CB took the other three children out in the cold, bundled up so their costumes could not be seen. MJ was a fairy and no one saw her wings!

My mother and father came for Christmas. Ironically, I took a lot of pictures of my dad, thinking that he could die soon, falsely assuming that women live longer than men. Looking back, I can remember my mother saying that she couldn't eat fatty things much anymore, but I just thought that was healthier. She was always trying to live healthier, so her "healthy" body wasn't used to fats.

In April 1992, my mother planned to visit for BJ's 7th birthday (and hers the week after), but didn't feel well and so delayed her visit. We'd planned a trip to Maine with her coming along, and still went with the kids. We had two motel rooms--one for the boys and one for the girls. DC complained bitterly how BJ got sick in the bed after a dinner of spaghetti (which BJ still doesn't like much). It was rocky ride home for this poor little guy who was sick, sick, sick, without us even having a doctor yet! I don't think he remembers Maine too fondly.

Several weeks later, my mother came to see us. She, MJ, and I went up to Maine. My mother was having stomach problems and couldn't eat much. She thought it was "nerves," because her father had always had a "nervous stomach."

Sometime in May, after her return to Bellingham, WA, a doctor finally determined what was bothering her. She hadn't wanted to worry me, so finally called to say she had a "growth" on her pancreas, continuing to tell me that no one in her family had ever had cancer, so not to worry. She bought new nightwear, which was never worn, to wear to the hospital for the surgery. Somehow, I knew there was something seriously wrong, and I called her gastroenterologist, who amazingly told me what was probably wrong with her, as I explained I was her only child living across the country from her. I could not breathe or cry and had my first ever panic attack, though I didn't know that's what it was at the time. I had no one nearby to talk to, and MJ was asleep!

I will always remember that night with CB sitting on one end of the couch and me sitting on the other. I was crying and saying, "What if she has cancer?" CB never said a word. I was heartbroken, and he seemed so distant. He told me years later that he didn't say anything, because he knew that my mother was going to die and he couldn't do anything to stop it. I felt alone, and that is a marker in my mind showing the precipitous slide CB and I made in moving apart from each other.