Madrid!

I am here in sunny and warm Madrid. My plane left DFW last night two hours later than scheduled, because they had to replace the aircraft. 9 1/2 hours later we landed in Madrid! I learned that an aisle seat by the window is not a good place to sit, because each seat has a box under it so that the one sitting there has only half the leg room. Oh, well, I made it! The Madrid airport is spacious and very big. I felt like I was walking up and down innumerable stairways before going on a tram and then more stairs before getting to the baggage claim and customs. All went well and I easily found a quiet taxi driver to get me to my hotel in central ("centro") Madrid, which has all-pedestrian traffic. This afternoon I ventured out on my own and did not get lost. I found the Royal Palace by accident and also my way back to the hotel, where I am right now. I am at one of the two computers in the lobby, where 5-6 kids are also congregated. I believe that MJ is on the bus (5-hour bus ride) here from Granada. She will join me sometime this evening. Yay! (I haven´t figured out how to log onto FB with this computer, so I´m glad I could get to my blog.)

Voice of Depression

I know the voice of depression
Still calls to you.

I know those habits that can ruin your life
Still send their invitations.

But you are with the Friend now
And look so much stronger.

You can stay that way
And even bloom!

~~Hafiz

HOPE

Free e-card from Gratefulness.org
Photo: Jon Sullivan, PDPhoto.org
Design: Patricia Carlson

I am going to pre-post quotes, poems and thoughts about HOPE while I am in Spain visiting my youngest daughter MJ: March 30-April 11.

I will try to periodically post about my trip, but am not sure about access to computers. It is a tiny screen on my Ipod Touch to try to write on my blog from there; that must be why daughter MJ rarely writes on her blog about Spain!

Spring in Corpus Christi, Texas

Bright, bright green leaves on the mesquite trees herald spring here.

Spring in south Texas is short and sweet; it is almost over already. The temperatures are so much like summer-days in Bellingham, WA that I feel deja vu. But now the humidity keeps rising, as do the temperatures; sadly, few cold fronts are getting through--soon they won't at all.

So before going to Spain tomorrow, I wanted to post some Texas spring pictures, which I have now deleted from my camera (along with Avery's) so I'll have a lot of room for all the images I record in Spain!

New green leaves on my live oak tree 2010 Christmas present from my kids!

Another sign of spring here is live oak pollen.
It piles up on roads, sidewalks, driveways, and
other places like the angel statue friends gave me for my 50th birthday.

My Christmas poinsettia is also going to be my "Easter poinsettia."

Soon it will be too hot for pansies to grow here.
They are spring/winter plants in south Texas.

Maisie excitedly looks for birds and squirrels,
as well as geckos in the other direction.

CB's tomato plants, which are the new ones, proteced by two fences.
Maisie kept digging them up.

On My Way!

Wednesday afternoon I board a plane that will take me to DFW and then to Madrid, Spain! Thursday morning, March 31, I will arrive in Madrid--on my adventure by myself until MJ arrives that evening. Our schedule will be something like the following, which I hope to give details to while I am there.

Madrid: Thursday, March 31, with a trip to

Toledo: Saturday April 2, then back to Madrid, leaving for

Granada: Sunday April 3. This is where MJ goes to school and we will stay in Granada for the next four days. While she goes to classes, I will explore and then do things with her when she is free. Then we'll go to

Sevilla: Thursday, April 7. We'll see and learn about Sevilla until we both go our separate ways on Sunday, April 10--MJ back to Granada and me back to

Madrid: (again alone). Sunday, April 10, leaving the next morning for a return to Texas.

Hymn to the Mother of Hope

You are a breath of calm
amidst the waves of the ocean
Light upon light in my being
Renewal of devotion
Dark as the new-moon mountain night
Infused with the radiance of stars
Love upon love to my center flows
From the Center who You are.

You are the Winter’s sacred, inward-turning, secret light
The birthing time of Spring
The fertile ground of Summer’s might
Letting go in transmutation
As Autumn’s nights grow long again
Yet You remain, Eternal One,
Without beginning, without end.

You are the Mother of Hope in a time of disillusion
Wise beyond wise yet a child
Undefiled, without confusion
Constellations dance in awe
And harmonies reach us from afar
All celebrating with pure joy
The strong Compassion who you are.

- Patricia Campbell Carlson

Found here.

Friday Five: Spiritual Practices

Mary Beth brings this Friday Five to RevGalBlogPals, and it is right up my alley, because of the big influence Richard Foster's Celebration of Discipline has had on my life, which I wrote about in 2007 here. That book was a big jumping off spot for discovering spiritual disciplines and books, books, books!

Mary Beth writes: "My Sunday school class has hit the "pause" button on our study of First Corinthians and is spending Lent on Richard J. Foster's classic Celebration of Discipline. I have had this wonderful and very readable book on my shelf, along with the study guide for it, for years, but have never discussed it with a group.

"For today's Friday Five, please share with us five spiritual practices or disciplines from your experience. They can be ones that you have tried and kept up with, tried and NOT kept up with, ones that you flirt with at various times, or even practices that you have tried and found are definitely NOT your cup of tea. Let us know what's worked for you...and not."

1. Lectio Divina: God spurred me on to try Lectio Divina in small groups in the mid-1990's, thanks to books I found in the bibliography of Celebration of Discipline. There were several attempts that were not "quite right" until I heard Marjorie Thompson at a retreat where she put us in small groups to try out a method she had based upon Norvene Vest's Gathered in the Word: Praying the Scripture in Small Groups. In 1997, I started a Lectio Divina group at First United Methodist Church, which still meets weekly! (I still facilitate it, too.)

For some years, I berated myself for not practicing Lectio Divina on my own--every day! Suddenly awhile ago, I realized that this is a discipline--once a week!

(If anyone would like the form we use, I have adapted it from the above method. Email me, and I will send you a copy..)

2. Prayer: Just today a friend quoted Mother Teresa about praying--"Everything starts from prayer." I believe that and slowly have grown into more regular disciplines of prayer over the years.

The practice of Christ Centered Prayer and the repeated teaching that prayer is God's prayer and God is the one who grows it--have brought forth a daily practice of meditation.

I judged myself too harshly for not "doing enough" prayer (or any other practice), which did not spur me on to do anymore. This preoccupation with self in criticism has become the focus of a "fasting" discipline for me.

3. Fasting: The above mention of fasting will get me to list it here, as something I have not done well connected with food. A long-time friend fasted for years two days a week by not eating breakfast or lunch and breaking the fast at 3 pm. I never could even do that.

Fasting is the elimination of something in one's life and replacing the space with God. So in a way, that occurs when asking God to help me eliminate some action--going back to #2 (prayer), especially in the Power Prayer: "No power. God is."

4. Books: Books and learning have been an integral way for me to learn about God, myself, and grow in the Spirit. So often I have felt guided by a "teacher," something I desire(d) so much.

(Purple recommends some spiritual books here.)

5. Small Groups: Small groups nurture my spirit, emotionally and spiritually. This category also includes classes and retreats (and blogging!), which do the same. I am grateful that I was asked to lead the weekly "Wisdom Class at All Saints Episcopal Church in 2005; the weekly commitment has grown me in confidence, learning, and love.

~~~
I am surprised at how a spiritual practice/discipline may be an effort at first, but grows into a way of life. Some of the activities above prove to be disciplines because of their longevity, which I did not notice too readily. The goal is not the practice, but the Divine--and slowly I know more and more that everything comes from prayer/Our Source.

Thankful Thursday

After reading two thankful posts by blogging friends (Anne and The Bug), I feel impelled to express my gratitude, too.

When my husband visited our family doctor for a routine appointment, he used his cell phone so the doctor could immediately talk to me! That was much better than waiting around for Dr. S. to return my phone call, which is understandable but time-consuming. He wrote an additional prescription for Prednisone, while telling me how much I can safely take in Spain. (Yay!) But the really good news is that I can increase my daily dose up to an entire pill (10 mg.), since the pain, swelling, etc. are not totally eliminated by the half-dose.

I am hoping this will improve my life, as the worst part of the "non-specific arthritic" pain has been in my right hand and wrist lately, so much that it has been difficult to write with a pen and even limits my time typing on the computer. That has greatly diminished my blogging time, both posting and reading (or commenting) other blogs.

I am thankful for this today and for the future better-well-being.

Uncomplaining Life

from here

The Apple Orchard

Come let us watch the sun go down
and walk in twilight through the orchard's green.
Does it not seem as if we had for long
collected, saved and harbored within us
old memories? To find releases and seek
new hopes, remembering half-forgotten joys,
mingled with darkness coming from within,
as we randomly voice our thoughts aloud
wandering beneath these harvest-laden trees
reminiscent of Durer woodcuts, branches
which, bent under the fully ripened fruit,
wait patiently, trying to outlast, to
serve another season's hundred days of toil,
straining, uncomplaining, by not breaking
but succeeding, even though the burden
should at times seem almost past endurance.
Not to falter! Not to be found wanting!

Thus must it be, when willingly you strive
throughout a long and uncomplaining life,
committed to one goal: to give yourself!
And silently to grow and to bear fruit.

~ Rainer Maria Rilke ~

(Rainer Maria Rilke: Selected Poems, trans. by Albert Ernest Flemming)

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Learning (or leaning) to Sit

Here is the latest picture of Avery that son DC sent yesterday. She has grown since we last saw her.

With my trip to Spain, we won't see Avery again for another month or more. My, how big (and talented) she will be by then!

Yearning

I think I entitled my blog "Yearning for God," because of the longing I have felt in my heart off and on for years--the desire to know God. Sometimes this has been felt as a physical yearning, which I now realize was my heart center always pulling me within, though I did not know what it meant for years.

Since my mother's death in 1992, I sought God--mostly through books, attending church and some prayer. This journey is described in my Faith Story. However, it is only in the past two years that I learned that the location of the longing is my heart center.

Thanks to the Rev. Sandy Casey-Martus coming to All Saints Episcopal Church, I learned how to meditate through the practice of Christ Centered Prayer. Synchronistically, I marked her beginning at All Saints at a retreat and ended her tenure there with another retreat with her this past weekend. Yesterday was Sandy's last day as rector at All Saints.

Due to her departure, Mary and I will be leading the two regularly-scheduled Christ Centered Prayer classes/groups on Monday evenings and Thursdays at noon. Tonight was the first time I was in charge; there were five of us, all of whom had attended the recent retreat. I am pleased to report that the Spirit confirmed the Divine Presence during our meditation time together.

One of the topics we discussed after praying was "Longing." From Sandy and Carla's book The Lessons:

"Longing is the inner yearning for that which you are. It is the longing within your heart to know the mystery of God."

Reading this tonight reminded me of all the times I felt that yearning within me. I am grateful that the teacher appeared when I needed one, so that I learned to practice and be committed to the practice of Christ Centered Prayer, which is somewhat similar to Centering Prayer but with no word or mantra.

"Longing prompts you to seek, investigate, ponder, and walk a spiritual path.

"It is an unidentified longing that may turn you in the direction of your inner reality with the help of the Christ Centered Prayer practice."

Casey-Martus, Sandy and Mancari, Carla. The Lessons: How to Understand Spiritual Principles, Spiritual Activities, and Rising Emotions. Tucson: Wheatmark, 2008. 128.

Happy Saint Patrick's Day!

Ipod Apps I Like: prayer and words

Equanimity - Meditation Timer & Tracker

I am surprised at how a techno-app can stimulate my meditation times, but this one called "Equanimity" has! It has a timer that begins with a gong and ends with three; the time is shown to pass by the darkening of the circle. First I downloaded the free version, which is only the timer. I liked that so much that I bought the app that includes a journal and records of sittings. This is re-motivating me to sit twice a day!

The other app that is very enjoyable is a game my children play, based upon Scrabble. We can even play together long-distance (See how new I am to all this?). Son DC almost always wins.

Words With Friends

If you want to play a game with me, I am listed as "Janintx."

Whirly Words

My friend Nancy suggested the game "Whirly Words," which I also find fun. I seem to be getting these games for my trip to Spain, but they are enticing here at home, too.

And here I never even knew what "apps" were before!

2 Dads and 2 Babies

Friends Ben and DC, with babies Luke and Avery

These two dads have been friends since they were about 9 years old. Ben met his future wife at DC* and AA's wedding in 2006. Now the couples have babies who are almost the same age. This picture was taken a few weekends ago out in the Texas hill country. Luke is a about a month older than Avery, but Avery has more hair!

I love this picture.

*DC is my oldest child; he will be 32 this summer.

Come into the Silence

by Kristin Noelle

Kristin created this cartoon to go along with an interview with Christine Valters Paintner, the abbess at Abbey of the Arts.

Friday Five: Cars

Singing Owl brings today's RevGalBlogPals Friday Five:
Maybe it's just me, but I often remember how long ago someting occured or something about it by recalling the car we had at the time. For today's Friday Five, tell us about the cars in your life. Maybe we can even tempt some of the guys of the ring to join us. Specifically, tell us about:

1. The earliest recollection you have of a family car
I always remember my father loved to dicker for new cars and would surprise us with a new one, which must not be as often as I remember. I remember cars being black and/or white for a long time. The first one I remember is a big black Ford, probably a Mercury sedan.

2. The first car you drove when you could (legally) get behind the wheel yourself.
I learned to drive in my dad's green Volkswagen beetle and in my mother's red Satellite with the black roof. I preferred the latter, as it was an automatic.

3. A memorable road trip
We had "road trips" every time my father was transferred to a new Marine Corps post--to go and visit the relatives. The most stressful road trip I remember was when CB and I moved to Oregon from Virginia in 1974. He drove a U-Haul truck, while I drove our Datsun 510. Somewhere in the west, I lost him and got to our motel destination, with no sight of that U-Haul. This was the time of no cell phones, so I used the pay phone to call my parents and then the State Patrol. I was only 23 and very frightened. About an hour late, CB showed up; I still remember him stating that I should not have been concerned because the truck always went slower than the car.

4. The car you drive now. Love it? Hate it?
I have an Toyota Avalon. I love it because it drives easily and is comfortable. I keep thinking we should have a hybrid though. We got it because there is enough leg room, both in the front and back seats, for husband CB.

5. An interesting story that involves you and a vehicle.
When we lived in Euless, TX in 1985, with three small children, my parents came to visit from my dad's grandmother's home in Mineral Springs, Arkansas. I was surprised to see them drive up our driveway hill with a Dodge Caravan that was red with "fake" wood grain paneling. I thought it was an unusually large rent-car for the two of them. They came into the house to tell me it was their gift (to their only child)!! I will never forget that extravagant and wonderful present. (I also remember driving them to DFW Airport and ducking my head at each entrance to the parking garage.)

That was so helpful with three children (and later with four!). Our most recent trip to see my grandmother had been chaotic and troublesome with them bickering and bother each other in the backseat, with one-year-old BJ in his big car seat.

Going to Granada!

This is a picture of the Hotel Plaza Nueva, where I will be staying while visiting MJ in Granada! I just made the reservation for four nights, so this really seems like it is going to happen! MJ suggested this hotel as it is on this plaza and is close to her school IES. We are also going to stay in Seville and Madrid; I am excited that concrete plans are finally being made!

Ash Wednesday: Richard Rohr

"It seems that we need new beginnings, or everything eventually devolves and declines into unnecessary and sad endings. You were made for so much more! So today you must pray for the desire to desire! Even if you do not feel it yet, ask for new and even unknown desires. For you will eventually get what you really desire. I promise you. It is the Holy Spirit doing the desiring at your deepest level. Therefore you will get nothing less than what you really desire, and almost surely much more. "You are the desiring of God. God desires through you and longs for Life and Love through you and in you. Allow it, speak it, and you will find your place in the universe of things. Now let me tell you something: You cannot begin to desire something if you have not already slightly tasted it. Now make that deep and hidden desire conscious, deliberate, and wholehearted. Make your desires good and far-reaching on this Ash Wednesday of new beginnings. You could not have such desires if God had not already desired them first—in you and for you and as you! Remember finally, that the ashes on your forehead are created from the burnt palms of last Palm Sunday. New beginnings invariably come from old false things that are allowed to die." Richard Rohr: From Wondrous Encounters: Scripture for Lent, p. 13

My diagnosis?

from here

Due to continued pain, I went back to my doctor today, who told me I have "non-specific arthritis." Okay, that almost sounds like I have made it up. I asked about being referred to a rheumatologist, and Dr. S. said he would be laughed at when he told them that I had such a low sed rate and so would not do that.

So I am again trying a low-dose of prednisone (1/2 a pill), this time for five days, then off, and possibly on again. Dr. S. said to try this to see if it would help me during my trip to Spain to see MJ (March 30-April 13). I hope I won't contract the side effects of taking a steroid. . . .

I appreciate your thoughts and prayers during this season of discomfort.

The Hope in Dormancy

Do you remember how my children gave me a live oak tree for Christmas? I have been worrying about it because its leaves all went brown. Could it have died? I only told oldest son DC, because it made me too sad. He's the one that said to scrape some bark off one of the branches to see if it was still green underneath.

That seemed to work, but still I doubted there was life, as the brown leaves hung there. Then yesterday husband CB told me that there were some little green buds popping out on one of the branches! I tried to take a picture, but couldn't get those tiny living leaves into focus with my camera. But that is proof that there is hope in dormancy (or death?).

And fortuitously, last night I received this cartoon from Kristin Noelle:

TRUST IS

By Kristin Noelle
(#23 of 30 on Trust)

"Knowing dormancy is part of the cycle" is a good thought as I head into the season of Lent. Also death is part of the cycle and still there is hope!