Dividing Lines

"When Christians draw lines between themselves and others, Jesus remains a relentless and scandalous crosser of these lines. He quietly slips to the other side. Whenever an attempt to imprison him is made he disappears from sight and appears elsewhere. Thus is lived out the paradoxical nature of Christian identity. A Christian is simultaneously a member of a community and an outsider. It is as if Jesus still prefers to be with the outcast, however wrong their beliefs or behavior, rather than with those who are self-righteously sure that only they are right. The intolerant Christian isolates himself or herself from the Christ of universal tolerance. Jesus' truth is greater than all the opinions about him put together."

-- Laurence Freeman

With gratitude to Ellie at The Anchorhold for this wonderful quotation.

Swami Abhishiktananda

Abhishiktananda
(Fr. Henri Le Saux)
1910-1973

Henri Le Saux grew up in Brittany, France and excelled in his studies, which continued after he joined the Benedictine Abbey of Saint Anne of Kergonan when he was 19 years old. He felt particularly drawn to the Greek Fathers, especially Gregory Nazianzen’s Hymn to God Beyond All Names:

You who are beyond all, what other name befits you?

No words suffice to hymn you. Alone you are ineffable.

Of all beings you are the End, you are One, you are all, you are none.

Yet not one thing, nor all things. . . . You alone are the Unnameable.

Such Emptiness was a prelude to his call to India, which became an obsession around 1934, when he was only 24 years old, before his ordination. It took 14 more years of persistent asking, writing, and waiting before Henri was sent to India (in 1948), which he never left. He traveled in India and struggled with his Christian faith and the mystical experience of advaita (non-duality).

"He remained a priest, and he remained a Benedictine monk but he was a long way from the average expectations of a Catholic priest. He was beyond all structures, yet he remained a disciple of Jesus. As far as the church is concerned, he never left it but he did become distanced from it. He came to see more and more clearly the false duality of the church, for instance, in regarding people as active or contemplative. In the end even the Mass became unimportant: he could celebrate or not. Everything was divine, so it didn't really matter. But when he did say Mass, it was a momentous occasion, for he was at the level of knowing beyond any words." (38)

De Boulay, Shirley. Swami Abhishiktananda: Essential Writings. Maryknoll, NY: Orbis Books, 2007.

The other night when I could not sleep, I found an old used copy of Abhishiktananda's book "Saccidananda: A Christian Approach to Advaitic Experience." I am currently reading it again (for the "first" time) and then re-discovered Shirley Du Boulay's book on my shelves, too. So I am newly intrigued by this amazing mystic who experienced Christ from the depth of Hindu spirituality.

Google ABHISHIKTANANDA to find out more about him. A good resource is here, with a collection of articles by him here.

And what prompted me to start writing about him was this quote that I boldly highlighted in Du Boulay's book:

"Only to the extent that you are not attached to any thought, to any point of view, to anything at all, that you do not desire or fear anything, that you do not feel delight or sorrow in anything--only so can the void be created in your intellect. If I am worried about what will happen tomorrow, about what I will have to decide tomorrow, I will not be able to reach this void. I must have absolute faith in this mystery of the beyond into which I throw myself. Whether I call it Christ, Shiva, Parama-atman does not matter. Total acceptance that someone is there to receive me, to take complete charge of me, or rather that in the end I will find myself set free from all my present limitations."
~~July 27, 1955, Diary

De Boulay, Shirley. Swami Abhishiktananda: Essential Writings. Maryknoll, NY: Orbis Books, 2007.

That's detachment.

Belief is like a Pair of Sunglasses

After posting a political cartoon on both Facebook and this blog today, I am realizing belatedly that I did not see it as it was probably intended. This was not just an oversight, but a way of seeing that is intrinsically mine. Although I am not always able to feel this, I believe that alive or "dead" in our physical bodies means LIFE in God. Death is return to God and is welcome, just as life in the present world is. All day I kept thinking "neither death nor life separates us from God," and now here is that phrase in its Biblical context:

Romans 8:38 And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow—not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love. 39 No power in the sky above or in the earth below—indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Since I deleted the cartoon on both those sites, I will put it back here to explain my mistake in its interpretation:
I originally posted it because I thought it showed that whether alive or dead, we live in God. Although I personally would not have had an abortion, I feel like they should be available; I have wondered before why people who believe in eternal life demonstrated by the risen Christ could not understand that aborted beings return to God. So, mistakenly, I thought this cartoon illustrated that.

From numerous FB comments, most especially from my two daughters in Seattle, I was forced to see that I did not understand the intent of the cartoonist. Not until one of those daughters told me that the woman was "smug" and the baby was "sad," did I even notice that!

This is showing me how we (I) interpret events (anything and everything) through lenses of belief. I did not realize until now how easy that is to do, without regard for the other viewpoint. I never even considered that that cartoon might be construed as criticism of Planned Parenthood (which I heartily endorse) or abortion. And now I feel stupid!

Serendipitously, the Wisdom Class meditation for yesterday describes what happened:

"What we believe about ourselves can hold us hostage. Over the years I have come to respect the power of people's beliefs. The thing that has amazed me is that a belief is more than just an idea--it seems to shift the way in which we actually experience ourselves and our lives. According to Talmudic teaching, "We do not see things as they are. We see them as we are." A belief is like a pair of sunglasses. When we wear a belief and look at life through it, it is difficult to convince ourselves that what we see is not real. . . . Sometimes because of our beliefs we may have never seen ourselves or life whole before. No matter. We can recognize life anyway. Our life force may not require us to strengthen it. We often just need to free it where it has gotten trapped in beliefs, attitudes, judgment, and shame."

-- Rachel Naomi Remen

I am grateful for new awarenesses revealed so that I may learn.

The Crime (or Need) of Extremism

"In that dramatic scene on Calvary's hill, three men were crucified. We must not forget that all three were crucified for the same crime--the crime of extremism. Two were extremists for immorality, and thusly fell below their environment. The other, Jesus Christ, was an extremist for love, truth and goodness, and thereby rose above his environment. So, maybe the South, the nation and the world are in dire need of creative extremists."

~~Dr. Martin Luther King

Source: Letter From Birmingham Jail (April 16, 1963)

From Inward/Outward. Subscribe here.

Spain Trip: Madrid (day 1)

I left for my visit to Spain and to see my youngest daughter MJ on Wednesday, March 30. I arrived in Madrid in the late morning of Thursday, March 31. Although I had stressed out about how to manage being alone in Madrid, the 10 hours on my own (until MJ arrived from Granada) went quite well. I took a taxi to my hotel; rested a little and then walked around on my own.

I walked through a shopping area, past the Opera House,
to (what I learned later was) the Presidential Palace.

This is a garden in front of the Presidential Palace.

Street signs in Madrid are on corners of buildings, made out of tiles.

MJ arrived at our hotel around 9 pm and then we went out to dinner at a tapas bar. I was introduced to Tinto de Verano, which became a nightly ritual for MJ and me.

• Tinto de Verano Red wine mixed with...
• ...Lemon Fanta (or equivalent) The most common and the nicest. To make sure you get this, ask for 'tinto con limon'.

We ate Tortilla Espanola together, which is a potato and egg omelette. I ate it a few other times, but this first one was the best of all!

No doubt about it, the Tortilla Espanola or Spanish Omelet is the most commonly served dish in Spain. It is also called Tortilla de Patata or Potato Omelet. Bars and cafés serve it as a tapa or appetizer, but it is often served as a light dinner in Spanish homes.

Easter Blessings!

Silly though it is, I like Peeps. However, the gelatinous-sugary ones will forever be diminished in my thoughts by some "homemade" ones that daughter AE gave to her dad to bring home to me last week. The sugar was noticeably grainier and the texture and taste of the marshmallows were much more tasty.

Today CB and I will be attending two church services, mostly because he sings in the choir, but also due to longing for the liturgy and community of All Saints Episcopal Church. The empty tomb and the assurance that "He is risen" are signs of eternal life for us all and how Love always connects us.

My Two Sons

BJ (26 years old) and DC (31 years old)
Houston, TX
April 16, 2011

Holy Saturday: The Space Between

Christine Valters Paintner writes of Holy Saturday as "The Space Between."

She starts off her article like this:

Don't surrender your loneliness so quickly.

Let it cut more deep.
Let it ferment and season you as few human
Or even divine ingredients can.
Something missing in my heart tonight
Has made my eyes so soft,
My voice so tender,
My need of God
Absolutely clear. ~ Hafiz

"Holy Week invites us into a world full of betrayal, abandonment, mockery, violence, and ultimately death. The Triduum, those three sacred days which constitute one unfolding liturgy, call us to experience communion, loss, and the border spaces of unknowing. Holy Saturday is an invitation to make a conscious passage through the liminal realm of in-between.

"I love the wide space of Holy Saturday that lingers between the suffering and death of Jesus on Friday and the vigil Saturday night proclaiming the return of the Easter fire. For me, Holy Saturday evokes much about the human condition—the ways we are called to let go of things or people, identities or securities and then wonder what will rise up out of the ashes of our lives. The suffering that we experience because of pain or grief or great sorrow and we don't know if we will ever grasp joy again. Much of our lives rest in that space between loss and hope. Our lives are full of Holy Saturday experiences.

"In their book The Last Week: What the Gospels Really Teach About Jesus's Final Days in Jerusalem, Marcus Borg and John Dominic Crossan write:

Easter completes the archetypal pattern at the center of the Christian life: death and resurrection, crucifixion and vindication. Both parts of this pattern are essential: death and resurrection, crucifixion and vindication. When one is emphasized over the other distortion is the result. The two must be affirmed equally.

"Before we rush to resurrection we must dwell fully in the space of unknowing, of holding death and life in tension with each other, to experience that liminal place so that we become familiar with its landscape and one day might accompany others who find themselves there and similarly disoriented. The wisdom of the Triduum is that we must be fully present to both the starkness of Friday and to the Saturday space between, before we can really experience the resurrection. We must know the terrible experience of loss wrought again and again in our world so that when the promise of new life dawns we can let it enter into us fully in the space carved by loss. As the great poet of Hafiz reminds us, we must let our loneliness "cut more deep" and "season" us, so that we are reminded of our absolute dependence on the Source of all."

Go HERE to read the rest of her piece on Holy Saturday, with these suggestions to try today:

"Much of our lives are spent in Holy Saturday places but we spend so much energy resisting, longing for resolution and closure. Our practice this day is to really enter into the liminal zone, to be present to it with every cell of our being.

"Make some time on Holy Saturday to sit with all of the paradoxes of life. Bring yourself as fully present as you can to the discomfort of the experience. Rest in the space of waiting and unknowing and resist trying to come up with neat answers or resolutions. Imagine yourself on a wild border or standing on a threshold, knowing that you cannot fully embrace what is on the other side until you have let this place shape and form your heart. When you notice your attention drifting or your mind starting to analyze, return to your breath and the present moment. Allow yourself to feel whatever arises in this space. Honor the mystery."

Good Friday and Earth Day

I urge you to look at the Stations of the Cross, one by one, at Episcopal Relief and Development,
which highlight the Millenium Development Goals.

Although I cannot copy the images, this is what is written about the first MDG station of the cross:

1--Condemned

50,000 people are sentence to die each day
because of extreme poverty.

Lord, help us to find the way of the cross to be
the way of life and justice and peace.

Holy God
Holy and Mighty
Holy Immortal One
Have mercy upon us

Also, there is Stations of the Cross from Latin American 1492-1992 by Adolpho Perez Esquivel of Argentina (Nobel Peace Prize Laureate, 1980), which highlights Liberation Theology.


Profoundly disturbing and moving images at both sites, which highlight the suffering and injustice in the world--as we contemplate both Good Friday and Earth Day today.

Our Lord of Flaked Paint

Our Lord of Flaked Paint freckling
sallow skin and emerald robes,

Our Lord of Mudpuddle Eyes
that look away in weary irritation,

no one can touch your loneliness,
God cut off from God.

You who flamed a world into being
with only words, stood

in the midst of bickering men,
fig trees dying, and sparrows

falling to the ground.
Were there days when heat and dust,

the smell of stale crowds
pushing you from place to place,

asking for one more resurrection,
food for thousands

or withered hands healed,
made you want to slash the canvas,

fly back to heaven and start fresh
on some new world far away?

Days where your head ached
from sun on sand and water,

where your throat scraped raw
from shouting Blessed are. . . to men

who would go home, forget, and return
to nail you to a piece of wood?

No one understood your stories,
could grasp that you would trade

legions of angels
for nine ungrateful lepers,

the friend who turned you in,
and never enough sleep.

Our Lord of Omnipotent Frustration
with your halo like a setting sun,

your hand is raised as if to bless me,
though I can't imagine why.

~~Jana-Lee Germaine

Christian Century, November 3, 2009.

And thank you to my friend Pam who brought this meditation to our most recent EFM class.

Gethsemane

Gethsemane
by Mary Oliver

The grass never sleeps.
Or the roses.
Nor does the lily have a secret eye that shuts until morning.

Jesus said, wait with me. But the disciples slept.

The cricket has such splendid fringe on its feet,
and it sings, have you noticed, with its whole body,
and heaven knows if it ever sleeps.

Jesus said, wait with me. And maybe the stars did, maybe
the wind wound itself into a silver tree, and didn’t move,
maybe,
the lake far away, where once he walked as on a
blue pavement,
lay still and waited, wild awake.

Oh the dear bodies, slumped and eye-shut, that could not
keep that vigil, how they must have wept,
so utterly human, knowing this too
must be a part of the story.

For more Holy Week Poems, visit Blue Eyed Ennis. Thank you, Philomena!

At a wedding

While husband CB was visiting his mother in WA, I went to a wedding in Houston. I sat with an old friend, father of one of my oldest son's friends, at the wedding reception. Various people took our picture together, almost like we were a "couple." The basic commonality was our white hair!

Friday Five: Birthdays

April is a month of family birthdays for me: Today is my mother-in-law's 80th birthday and on Sunday my third child's 26th birthday, so I am thinking about birthdays. Easter would have been my mother's 93rd birthday, but she died when she was only 72 years old.

I love to celebrate birthdays, but I know others don't like to as much. My second child doesn't care about birthdays that much.

How about you? What do you think of birthdays?

1. What are your feelings about celebrating birthdays, especially your own?
I LOVE birthdays. I love preparing for them, especially food and presents and/or cards.

2. Do you have any family traditions about birthdays?
Food plays a large part in our family traditions:

• Husband CB has made me a birthday cake every year since he was in graduate school at Oregon State University in the 1970's--the best cheesecake I have ever eaten; the recipe is here.

• Ever since 1980, I have made my friend Lisa's birthday cake every year--a carrot cake. I started because I was so disappointed to find out that her husband gave her a watermelon that year for her birthday (though now I know that Lisa loves watermelon, too).

• When I had my four children at home, each one could choose breakfast and dinner menus for birthdays, as well as which cake would be baked. Oldest son, DC, always made the most complicated requests--different recipes for the cake, the filling, and the icing!
  

3. Is it easy to remember friends' and family members' birthdays? If so, how do you do it?
It is important for me to remember people's birthdays. Every New Year, I write the names of friends and family on their special dates of my new calendar. It's also easy now that FB posts friends' birthdays.

4. What was one of your favorite birthdays? (or your unhappiest?)
For my ninth birthday, while my dad was stationed at Camp Pendleton, CA, my parents took me to Disneyland for the first time.

My mother planned a surprise birthday party for my 10th birthday, but I was at my best friend's house when she received the invitation. I still remember looking over her shoulder as she read the instructions of "keep the secret." AND I kept that secret all my life, never telling my mother I was not surprised.

5. Post anything else you want to share about birthdays, including favorite foods, songs, and/or pictures.

Uncle BJ and 4 1/2 month old Avery

This Sunday is BJ's birthday. While husband CB is in Seattle visiting his mother for her 80th birthday, I am going to drive to Houston for BJ's birthday.

Breath Breaks

With more awareness we may discover
that small gaps in our daily round
can be places of silence. These are the found times
or rather the moments in which we ourselves are found.

Mostly they come when we are waiting:
in the doctor's office, on the telephone,
in traffic jams and the checkout line.

In just those moments we have an opportunity
to turn our attention to our physical being,
to the rhythm of our breath,
to the texture and feel of things around us.

By noticing particulars we can also begin
to notice the space in which they are held. . .
the vastness that holds everything--
the great lap of silence.

These waiting moments in our daily round
can turn out to be treasures. We can allow them
to support us instead of distracting us
or blocking us.

Here in each day is a wealth of time
we can take advantage of. They are breath breaks.
If we learn to rest and renew in them
our lives will go from disconnection and haste
to breathtaking presence.

~~Gunilla Norris

Norris, Gunilla. Inviting Silence. NY: BlueBridge, 2004. 21-22.

This prayer is also posted at A Place for Prayer today. Please visit this ministry blog of RevGalBlogPals.

Tree in Spain

I got this picture off my Ipod Touch, so I believe I took it as MJ and I walked to the bus station from our hotel in Sevilla. MJ was pulling my big suitcase, which was brought so that I could take back her winter clothes, leaving her more room in her suitcase for coming home on the last day of May.

Here is MJ on our walk to the bus station
on Sunday, April 10 in Sevilla.

I'm home from Spain!

MJ and Jan at the Alcazar in Sevilla, Spain

MJ posted this picture of us on FB, so it is easy for me to put it here before I even download all my pictures from Spain. I got home at midnight after a very long day of flights delayed, etc. Lots of eating to pass the time both in Spain and on the flight home, so it is definitely a new day in nutrition back in the USA!

I am glad to be home and am washing clothes to hang out on the clothesline before I go to this morning's Wisdom Class. However, I have no idea what I asked the class members to read in The Case for God by Karen Armstrong!

God sets all FREE!

As smoke is blown away
and wax melts in the fire,
racism and oppression
disappear before the face of God.
The oppressed and trampled down
are set free in God's presence.
They rejoice and shout with joy.

~~Zephania Kameeta, Namibia

Kameeta, Zephania. Women's Prayer Services. Ed. Iben Gjerding and Katherin Kinnamon. Mystic, Conn.: World Council of Churchs, 1988. 39.

No going back

No, no, there is no going back.
Less and less you are
that possibility you were.
More and more you have become
those lives and deaths
that have belonged to you.

You have become a sort of grave
containing much that was
and is in no more time, beloved
then, now, and always.
And so you have become a sort of tree
standing over the grave.

~~Wendell Berry

Go here to read the rest of the poem.

The Bright Field

I have seen the sun break through

to illuminate a small field

for a while, and gone my way

and forgotten it. But that was the pearl

of great price, the one field that had

the treasure in it. I realize now

that I must give all that I have

to possess it. Life is not hurrying

on to a receding future, nor hankering after

an imagined past. It is the turning

aside like Moses to the miracle

of the lit bush, to a brightness

that seemed as transitory as your youth

once, but is the eternity that awaits you.

~~R. S. Thomas

Be careful what you wish for!

The Fairy:

A couple had been married for 25 years and also celebrated their 60^th birthdays. During the celebration a fairy appeared and said that because they had been such a loving couple all those years, she would give them one wish each.

The wife wanted to travel around the world. The fairy waved her wand and boom! She had the tickets in her hand.

Next, it was the husband's turn. He paused for a moment, then said shyly, "Well, I'd like to have a woman 30 years younger than me."

The fairy picked up her wand and boom! He was 90.

My prayers are lifeless

Lord, at the moment you do not seem real to me. My prayers are lifeless, and my spirit feels numb. Help me to persevere when faith seems absent, in the certainty that you are with me in the darkness and your light is at the end of the tunnel. Renew my bruised spirit with your love, and help me to rest in you. In the name of Jesus, my Saviour.

~~Mary Rose de Lisle

de Lisle, Mary Rose. The Book of a Thousand Prayers. Ed. Angela Ashwin. Grand Rapids, Michigan: Zondervan, 2002. 121-122.

Cliff Edge

"Come to the edge."

"We can't. We're afraid."

"Come to the edge."

"We can't. We will fall!"

"Come to the edge."

And they came.

And he pushed them.


And they flew.

~~Guillaume Apollinaire
French Poet, 1880-1918

Granada!

Spain is wonderful, especially with my daughter MJ! We took a 5-hour bus ride from Madrid to Granada on Sunday. Since the Granada hotel has no internet, I am using MJ's laptop at her IES school. Thus, with limited time and access, I am going to post random bullets about the trip so far:

• Much walking--thankfully, for the steroid that eliminates the pain. Toledo and Granada have hills, hills, hills. Maybe all the walking will counteract all my eating.

• This afternoon MJ took me for a 2-hour walk around the Moorish quarter, which was up and down cobblestone and rock ways. It was amazing to see remnants of the Moorish walls from the 11th century.

• On our walk, my camera died! MJ suggested that it's better NOT to have a camera, because then, we pay more attention to the scenery. Interesting thought, which I will take into consideration with this "sign" of camera battery depletion.

• The meals seem to be very carnivore-laden, especially with ham (jamon). The only fruit I have eaten has been bought at a supermarket in a department store in Madrid, but today no fruit or vegetables yet, even though it is 6:30 pm.

• I've read one book and have started another. "Cutting for Stone" is over 600 pages long and is definitely worth getting to read! It only gets better as one reads along. I downloaded that new book about witches and vampires when I was at the DFW airport, which I am reading now. (I'm not proficient enough to connect to Amazon or even italicize with this little laptop, for which I am still very grateful for.)

• Tonight we're going to see flamenco dancers.

• MJ has full days of classes on Tuesday and Wednesday, so I'll be on my own for much of the time. Tomorrow is dedicated to the Alhambra, with a visit at night to the summer palace with MJ.

• On Thursday, after MJ's classes, we will take a bus to Sevilla.
  

• I'll be excited to post pictures, but winnowing them down will be difficult. That will be after I return home on April 11/12.

Help me, Lord

Lord of healing
Lord of my darkest place:
Let in your light.

Lord of my greatest fear:
Let in your peace.

Lord of my most bitter shame:
Let in your word of grace.

Lord of my oldest grudge:
Let in your forgiveness.

Lord of my deepest anger:
Let it out.

Lord of my loneliest moment:
Let in your presence.

Lord of my truest self--my all:
Let in your wholeness.

~~Alison Pepper

Pepper, Alison. The Book of a Thousand Prayers. Ed. Angela Ashwin. Grand Rapids, Michigan: Zondervan, 2002. 117.

Darkness

"Someone I loved once gave me
a box full of darkness.

It took me years to understand
that this too, was a gift."

~~Mary Oliver
"The Uses of Sorrow"
in Thirst: Beacon Press 2006

Grain of Hope

I have a small grain of hope--
one small crystal that gleams
clear colors out of transparency.

I need more.

I break off a fragment
to send to you.

Please take
this grain of a grain of hope
so that mine won't shrink.

Please share your fragment
so that yours will grow.

Only so, by division,
will hope increase,

like a clump of irises, which will cease to flower
unless you distribute
the clustered roots, unlikely source--
clumsy and earth-covered--
of grace.

~~Denise Levertov

Keep Walking

Keep walking, though there is no place to get to.

Don't try to see through the distances. That's not for human beings.

Move within, but don't move the way fear makes you move.

~~Rumi