Trying to Listen (and Wait)

The weekly Wisdom Class, which is a kind-of book study, is reading Things Hidden: Scripture as Spirituality by Richard Rohr. Suddenly, our group has grown from about five people to over ten each week! Plus, each week someone else arrives who is new to the group, and others miss a class every so often. One person is having a hard time realizing we are a "class" that is more of a community that does not only talk about the book, but we share about our faith, insights, problems, and lives. And in any group, a new member changes the dynamics. So each week that is happening.

A lot is going on, plus we are trying to do Deep Listening in a Group, which is a struggle. A vestry member brought some guidelines a few weeks ago that were tried in a vestry meeting, which were from the Kaleidoscope Institute for Competent Leadership in a Diverse Changing World. For the past two weeks we've tried to follow the Kaleidoscope Institute's plan* for the first hour of our class and then have a open discussion for the second hour:

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Respectful Communication Guidelines*

R = take RESPONSIBILITY for what you say and feel without blaming others

E = use EMPATHETIC listening

S = be SENSITIVE to differences in communication styles

P = PONDER what you hear and feel before you speak

E = EXAMINE your assumptions and perceptions

C = keep CONFIDENTIALITY/share CONSTRUCTIVELY

T = TRUST ambiguity because we are NOT here to debate who is right or wrong

Mutual Invitation*

"In order to ensure that everyone who wants to share has the opportunity to speak, we will proceed in the following way:

"The leader or a designated person will share first. After that person has spoken, he or she then invites another to share. Who you invite does not need to be the person next to you. After the next person has spoken, that person is given the privilege to invite another to share. If you have something to say but are not ready yet, you may say 'Pass for now' and then invite another to share. You will be invited again later. If you don't want to say anything, simply say 'Pass" and invite another to share. We will do this until everyone has been invited."

(Kaleidoscope Institute)
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This past Tuesday class was teeming with emotions, especially with a returning elderly member who did NOT like refraining from debating the speakers. There was more discussion about the process than the book during the second hour. I felt frustrated and not sure of my reaction as "the facilitator."

Today I talked to a Quaker friend MKG from Shalem about this. She compared it to worship sharing, which is also called "creative listening." It sounds like what we're trying to do:

"The facilitator of a worship sharing group usually asks the attenders to observe some general rules, such as: speak for a second time only after everyone has had a chance to speak once; speak from your own experience only; leave silence between speakers; everything said in the group is confidential to the group; do not comment directly on what others have said; listen with attention and do not lapse into discussion." (Quaker Structures)

Talking with MKG helped me to see that our Wisdom Class is still in the transition period as a group, getting used to each other with new members and growing accustomed to a different process of interaction. We're trying to find our balance, which is why various emotions come up. I was so helped to realize that this is a waiting time, not a decision time (YES or NO to the listening format). Wait on the Lord!

"Wait for the Lord; be strong and let your heart take courage; yes, wait for the Lord."

Psalm 27:14

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And now I was encouraged by Mine Unbelief where I was directed by ChoralGirl. The first post is all about waiting, with a link to a wonderful poem about being Jonah in the belly of the whale:

Be thankful that you are here, swallowed with all hope,
where you can rest and wait.