"Bless them, change me" prayer

Every Friday morning at 8 am, our Renovare group meets at my house. We've been meeting for the past 13 years, with members moving away and others joining. We have 10 members.

There are six "questions of examen," which our group uses in a weekly fashion, one each week.

This week is the second point on the examen: "What temptations have you faced since our last meeting? How did you respond? Which spiritual disciplines has God used to lead you further into holiness of heart and life?"

Something happened at our weekly Lectio Divina group on Wednesday that fits that question for tomorrow's meeting. At least, I can say that the Lectio meditation is a spiritual discipline to answer the last part of the question.

After our meditation, one of the church staff members told me how someone had told her to pray, "Bless them, change me." And I immediately felt resentful, because that's MY prayer! I had to explain to her that I was the one who brought it to the church way back in 1995 when I returned from the treatment center for depression. An alcoholic doctor shared that prayer there in an AA meeting as a prayer to say for your enemies. (Though I always found it more useful for family members!) And then I would say, "But it's not MY prayer."

Sure, I wanted the recognition. And, yes, it is NOT MY prayer. I've realized since then that I've relished the recognition when people say it's "Jan's prayer," even though I'd always say it wasn't. False modesty.

I was certainly faced with the reality of my need for admiration, especially about my piety. God showed me how greedily I took on the praise that is rightly for God. This is another surrender of ego, of self-will, of me.

But it is pretty cool that that prayer is still being passed around! "Bless ______, change me!" (And I need changing.)