Contemplative Eucharist

I attended the Contemplative Eucharist at my church tonight, which I have been doing all month. It takes place in the beautiful oratory, with its icons and lit votives. There are kneeling cushions and wooden kneelers, but since I hurt my knee this past summer, I've been sitting in a chair. Father David (my priest and spiritual director who is moving) instituted this on Thursday nights with chanting, singing, and much silence. It is lovely--a holy place.

Perhaps connected with my habit of procrastination is my assumption that there is "plenty of time." I used to attend this Eucharist on Thursday nights, but being away from home seemed to complicate things, so I quit. It seemed like the opportunity would always exist. . . . but now there is only one more Contemplative Eucharist before Fr. David leaves.

I've delayed and put off lunches, meetings, talks, and all sorts of things because there is "plenty of time." I've missed out on being with friends, because they suddenly died or moved away. Now I realize I missed these opportunities to be with God during the many Contemplative Eucharists I dismissed.

In many ways Fr. David is a midwife for God, helping us to be reborn into God's presence. I have been blessed to experience this in the Contemplative Eucharists I've participated in these past few weeks. It wasn't Fr. David, but the DIVINE who enfolded me. I must remember this, even as I am saddened that Fr. David will soon be gone.

Coincidentally, I found this little poem here on my messy desk:

Belief brings me close to You
but only to the door.
It is only by disappearing into
Your mystery
that I will come in.
~Hakim Sanai
(1044?-1150?)