Lost opportunity

This is the old Corpus Christi bus station, which I never saw. The current one is in a more utilitarian building. The interior is dark, drab, and shabby. Around noon, I sat inside, with brief walks outside, for about 45 minutes. I watched four different Valley Transit buses arrive, with no one I knew coming off of them.

After numerous inquiries at the main desk, I learned that the only San Antonio bus had already arrived and that the San Antonio-Falfurrias bus did NOT stop in Corpus Christi. So I left, without the two Incarnate Word sisters I'd expected to meet.

In fact, earlier today I'd written an excited post, which has since been deleted, about Sister Rosa Margarita coming to visit me today. She called to tell me several nights ago that she would stop here for several hours on her way to Falfurrias to see her brother, so I think she and her friend were on the bus that did not stop here.

Sister Rosa Margarita is in charge of a weekly clinic for AIDS orphans/infants in Mongu, Zambia. When I went there with four other people from the Oblate School of Theology in June 2006 we visited on one of the days that the caretakers would bring the children. There were very few mothers left--only grandmothers, aunts, sometimes sisters. They give out powdered formula for a week to each child. However, the time we visited, they only had powdered milk, because they did not have the money to buy the formula. It is a wonderful program and is for VIC--for "vulnerable infants and children."

I am disappointed that we didn't connect, but hope Sr. Rosa Margarita has a good visit with her family in Falfurrias.
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If you go to the link to the article in the San Antonio Express-News from Dec. 18, 2006, you'll find a spot to click on videos. If you do, there is one that features Sr. Rosa Margarita at the clinic we visited!

"Juno"

While daughter MJ is away at a soccer tournament with her high school team, husband CB and I went to see a movie! This is a rare event for us. We saw "Juno," which I really liked, but which CB said would suit MJ more than him.

About a quarter through the movie, a large splotch opened up on the screen and grew with a black ring around it until the screen was white. Someone said the film burned! We sat amidst much noise and giggling, being the oldest people there, for about ten minutes. Then the movie started again.

I am glad that MJ is a different type of girl than Juno, but I think she is as honest as Juno. There were some stereotypes in the movie, but the acting is sincere and may be more true-to-life than I realize (like the language used).

Friday Five: Las Mananitas

Mother Laura over at RevGals hosts today's Friday Five. It's birthday time in her family and she asks:

1. When is your birthday? Does anyone else (famous and/or in your own life) share it?
My birthday is on October 25. I did find this beautiful picture from Astronomy Picture of the Day for Oct. 25, 2005:



2. Do you prefer a big party or an intimate celebration for the chosen few?
I'd rather have an intimate celebration with family and/or friends.

3. Describe your most memorable birthday(s)--good, bad, or both.
When I turned 50, I was going to Oblate School of Theology in San Antonio, TX and my second child AE was going to Trinity University. On my birthday I had a 7 o'clock philosophy class, and so I was only going to meet AE for dinner, feeling a little sad that I couldn't be with the rest of the family. I was totally shocked to find everyone at La Madeleine's! Husband CB had taken 15 year old BJ and 11 year old MJ out of school to drive 2 1/2 hours to get to the restaurant on time. And son DH had driven from College Station to be there, too. I was totally surprised. They had also ordered La Madeleine to bake a cheesecake, which is my traditional birthday cake, for us to share. (It wasn't as good as my husband's!)

4. What is your favorite cake and ice cream? (Bonus points if you share the cake recipe). Or would you rather have a different treat altogether?
When husband CB was going to grad school at Oregon State University in Corvallis, OR, we lived in married student housing. I learned that one of CB's fellow organic chem buddies always baked his wife her birthday cake each year. I liked that idea so much that I convinced CB to do that for me, and he's been doing it for the past 30 years! And I always have cheesecake, and it is still the best one I've ever had.

CB adapted Craig Claiborne's recipe for New York Cheesecake:

2 pounds cream cheese, preferably at room temperature
1 tsp. vanilla
1 3/4 cups sugar
4 eggs

Coat and seal an 8 inch springform pan with butter. Set oven at 350 degrees.

In the large bowl of an electric mixer at medium-high speed, beat the cheese until it is absolutely smooth. When the cheese is smooth, beat in the vanilla and sugar. Beat well and then add the eggs one at a time. After adding eggs, do not beat any more than is necessary to mix ingredients thoroughly.

Turn the batter into the prepared pan. Level top.

Bake for 1 1/2 hours. Then turn the oven off and cool in the oven, with the door open.

Refrigerate for at least 5 to 6 hours or overnight. Craig Claiborne said that this freezes perfectly, but we've never tried that!

5. Surprise parties: love 'em or hate 'em?
I've only had one "surprise" party. When I was in 5th grade, my mother planned a surprise birthday party for me. When I was over at my friend Caroline's house, she received the invitation, and I still remember looking over her shoulder as she read it. I never told anyone else about it, and I never told my mother that I was not surprised, even when I was an adult. I acted surprised when the event occurred.

But I guess I did have another surprise party--when I was surprised on my 50th. That was a real surprise!

Gratitude vs Negative Thinking

My friend DHT told me a story about a therapist receiving a new client who brought in 38 journals. The prospective client said she wanted the counselor to read all these to see how mean her husband had been for the last 38 years--that she'd written down every rotten thing he did or said to her!

This really made me picture how that woman had influenced her worldview-- to look for the bad things about her husband. How different her life would have been (and THEIR life) if she had noticed and listed the GOOD things. What a different lens to look at life through.

When I attended Al-Anon meetings, I remember one of the suggestions was to write an ABC of gratitude. That often distracts one from dismal thoughts. I was reminded of this today when I looked at a post by I Am Chorus about a Bloggable Alphabet.

I know, when I went to Al-Anon, at times I would be so skeptical of the platitudes they espoused that I would dismiss them, and then I'd be unhappier. I know some people feel critical of "silly" things like listing positive things each day or making a gratitude list, too. But I eventually came to accept that there is TRUTH in some of the dorky sounding statements, like "one day at a time." There is truth that helps me to cope and live a better life--like being grateful.

The great medieval mystic, Meister Eckhardt, is noted to have once said, "If the only prayer you ever utter is 'Thank you!', it will be enough."

Truth

In all ten directions of the universe,
there is only one truth.
When we see clearly, the great teachings are the same.
What can ever be lost? What can be attained?
If we attain something, it was there from the beginning of time.
If we lose something, it is hiding somewhere near us.
Look: this ball in my pocket:
can you see how priceless it is?

~~Ryokan (1758-1831)

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There is a nice article about Ryokan being a hermit here.

"The hermit hut is for Ryokan a microcosm of life and the universe: "last year a foolish monk, this year no different." It is the setting for the cycle of being which he so sensitively portrays in his poetry."

I needed a chuckle

In memory of Len

Today was Len's memorial service. Two ministers and the founder of Mission 911 spoke about Len, with the last speaker urging us to pass on the baton/message that Len so enthusiastically lived. In fact, each family was given a new racing baton to make this more concrete to each of us. (When I'd arrived at the church and was sitting sometimes in prayer, I wondered what the church did with these two large baskets on either side of the center lectern--each piled with batons.)

When Len and his family lived in Chicago, they volunteered through their church to help with mission trips to the Navajo reservations in AZ and NM. Since moving to Corpus Christi about five years ago, Len worked with the Community of Shalom and Mission 911.

This is what Len Hall wrote in 1994 after his first mission trip:

We are back. Were we gone? Yes, and we carried home some of what we left on the Reservation --seeds of Christian love.

What we learned, we learned together! What we taught, we taught together. Teamwork. On God's team. How we labored is NOT the monument, not the gallons of paint or new lumber on the outhouse. Do not judge or measure this Mission. Our calendars and our yardsticks are inappropriate.

Just get ready to go back, or to send another in your place. Those seeds will need watering and weeding, both here and there.

Lord, help me to be a sower AND a seed for Navajo Mission II; keep me from being rocky ground.

Most of all, today I learned how Len was a friend to whomever he met, showing God's love.

Somehow, reading Matthew 25:31-46 with the passing on of Len's baton to each of us fits this man's life and memory.

Listen

From the January, 15, 2008 issue of The Christian Century:

Poet Scott Cairns recounts a Dan Rather interview with Mother Teresa in which he asked her what she says to God when she prays.

"I don't say anything," she said. "I just listen."

Rather then asked what God says to her.

"He doesn't say anything," she responded. "He just listens."

(Crux, Winter 2006)

Problem Faith

Straight, Not Narrow

found this wonderful quote on the Dallas Morning News religion blog:

"When faith simplifies things that need to remain complex instead of giving us strength to live with complexity, when it gives answers where none exist, instead of helping us appreciate the sacredness of living with questions, when it offers certainty when there needs to be doubt, and when it tells us that we have arrived when we should still be searching - then there is a problem with that faith."

- Rabbi Brad Hirschfield, author of the new book You Don't Have to be Be Wrong for Me to Be Right.

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1-9-08 I've decided to order this book-- You Don't Have to Be Wrong for Me to Be Right: Finding Faith Without Fanaticism . I'll let you know what I think of it when I read it.

Lost book

Have you ever lost a book?

I do that more often than I'd like, because I have too many piles of books around my house. Right before Christmas a lady at my old Methodist church dropped off a book about what Methodists believe, never asking me if I wanted to teach it, only that she'd like me to look at it. This was right when our children were arriving and all Christmas preparations were in full swing, and I tossed it aside. Now I have no idea what I did with the book! I've looked and looked, going through piles, scouring books shelves, and looking in odd places.

Now I'm waiting for her to call me back, so I can ask her for the TITLE of the book, which I cannot remember. I'll probably order her another copy. (And then I'll eventually have this book I am not interested in.)

The book must be in a very safe place.

Maybe I need to pray to St. Anthony of Padua, Patron Saint of Lost Items:


And I feel like these hunters who can't see the deer. Amidst all the books in many rooms, I don't see THE book!

Irritation

Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves.

Carl Jung

Going a different way

I have been re-reading The Road Less Traveled: A New Psychology of Love, Traditional Values and Spiritual Growth by Scott Peck, because my Saturday walking friend DH kept talking about it. It's something that I needed to re-read and made me more open to receiving the message at church yesterday. Scott Peck wrote a lot about growing in love by taking risks.

Yesterday (after all, it was Epiphany Sunday!) our interim priest Sheridan spoke about the gospel story (Matthew 2:1-12) of the Magi visiting Herod and then the child Jesus. First off, I was hit by the concept that knowledge, which I love to learn, does not guarantee that one will move to go for a life-changing event. The scribes whom Herod consulted had vast arrays of scrolls and knowledge so that they could proclaim where the child would be. . . . However, they were so caught up in their worlds of learning that they merely went back to their "books" and did not go anywhere at all. Familiarity defined their reality.

In contrast, the magi kept looking, even though the majestic trappings of a king were not in the little house where Mary and Jesus were. Still, "they knelt down and paid him homage. Then, opening their treasure chests, they offered him gifts of gold, frankincense, and myrrh. " (Mt. 2:11) They looked beyond the surface reality to see the Holy beneath or breaking through.

The next verse says "And having been warned in a dream not to return to Herod, they left for their own country by another road." They went home by a different road. They risked going on an unfamiliar path.

How often do we go "home" by an unknown way? Sheridan advised us not to hold too fast to the path we know and that with imagination, trust, and risk, we need to go home by a different road.

The familiarity of this story and my knowledge of the historical context and literary criticism, etc. has often made me dismiss the story as sweet but untrue. This way of interpreting the magi's decision to go another way brought much more meaning to me. Also, I can see that I can easily get stuck in my knowledge, like Herod's scribes did! Now I can view the story as TRUE but not factual, rather than sweet and silly.

Too often I choose to stick with the familiar, which means I am living out the 12 step aphorism that "insanity is doing the same thing over and over, expecting different results." In the same old pattern will I even notice anything new? Could I see the glimpse of God if I'm in my regular "carpeted rut?"

All this helped me yesterday to take the risk of going over to Len's house after he died, wanting to give his wife a hug. This is something I worried and struggled over, as I was brought up "not to bother" or "intrude" upon people. It has been a long road to learn to follow nudges and trust that reaching out is the right thing to do. No one answered the doorbell, but I left a note and felt that I had "gone home a different way."

Heaven

By cartoonist Bill McLemore of South Carolina.

Len died this morning. Please pray for his family.

Treasonous Prayer

by Jim Wallis

As long as we do not pray for our enemies, we continue to see only our own point of view - our own righteousness - and to ignore their perspective. Prayer breaks down the distinctions between us and them. To do violence to others, you must make them enemies. Prayer, on the other hand, makes enemies into friends.

When we have brought our enemies into our hearts in prayer, it becomes difficult to maintain the hostility necessary for violence. In bringing them close to us, prayer even serves to protect our enemies. Thus prayer undermines the propaganda and policies designed to make us hate and fear our enemies. By softening our hearts towards our adversaries, prayer can even become treasonous. Fervent prayer for our enemies is a great obstacle to war and the feelings that lead to war.

From the Bruderhof "Daily Dig" of Feb. 8, 2003. (Since this no longer exists, I wish I had saved more of these than I have!)

Father Kelly Nemeck spoke on Origen

Today I drove to and from San Antonio with friend MB to hear a lecture about Origin by Fr. Francis Kelly Nemeck of Lebh Shomea. This is in a course on Christian Mysticism, which is sponsored by the Oblate School of Theology and Contemplative Outreach of SA; there is a two-hour class once a month.

MB and I were thrilled to have Fr. Kelly speak, as we have come to know him at Lebh Shomea House of Prayer. (Fr. Kelly wrote about Lebh Shomea and its history here.) I initially began taking classes at Oblate School of Theology, because of Fr. Kelly, who is a priest of the Missionary Oblates of Mary Immaculate. His quiet humor, years of dedicated service and prayer, and deep contemplative knowledge bless those around him.

I was pleased to find an article from 2005 about Lebh Shomea, with a glimpse of Fr. Kelly:

It suits Nemeck just fine, though. A frail man with an easy smile who deflects the South Texas sun with a wide-brimmed cowboy hat, he speaks slowly and selects his words with care.

"Silence is different from the absence of sound," Nemeck said from his seat on a porch, watching the mesquite trees sway in the coastal breeze. "Silence is listening to God in and through nature. It quiets you down from the feverish pace of so much of our society."

The "rat race" creates a void in people, Nemeck said.

"Silence is a kind of void, but it's a fulfilling void," he said. "The void of the fast pace leaves you frazzled, but the void of silence leaves you receptive."

Nemeck, who wrote his doctoral thesis on "the positive and constructive value of human suffering," stressed that the silence observed at Lebh Shomea is the result of discipline, not rigid vows.

"There's no idle conversation," he said. "We address what needs to be addressed."

Go here to read the rest of the article, which is by Brian Chasnoff.

Light a candle

It is possible to light a cyber candle which will "burn" for 48 hours at Gratefulness.org. This reminds me of the Lourdes Grotto on the grounds of the Oblate School of Theology. When I had a friend dying while I was a student there, I would light a candle and leave it in the grotto, where it would also burn for 48 hours. I liked that. Being there was my first experiences of lighting candles as prayers.

I cannot go there, but I can light a candle at home and also a symbol of one at the site at Gratefulness.org. You can, too.

Prayer:

Lord, I hear your voice calling. Empower me to be your representative this day. May all I meet receive the gift of hope through the power of the Holy Spirit working in and through me. Let me remember that the light of a single candle defies the darkness of the world. It is time for me to arise and shine. Amen.
Disciplines

How do you help?

Len and Wendy are dying. How do I help? How do I help their loved ones? Deep sadness, and I'm only a friend, even a distant one for Wendy. This reminds me of seeing the pain of the world in the Virgin of Vladimir's eyes. Joining in the pain of the world, in our interdependence.

Seeking help, I went to google and sought prayers for the dying. I was surprised to find some prayers that comforted me here. Let us pray.

Loving Spirit of God, have mercy on the dying

• Those dying in pain and suffering
• Those dying in fear and loneliness
• Those dying from hunger and a lack of physical resources
• Those dying violent deaths
• Those dying without any knowledge of your infinite tenderness and compassion.

Bring to all a sense of your presence.Guard them as the apple of your eye. Shelter them in the shadow of your wings and enfold them in your presence. This we ask through Christ our Lord, Amen.

Begin!

Jiff has come back to blogging after three weeks away from cyberspace. She posted a profound post-Christmas reflection by Howard Thurman that goes so well with what Dr. Martin Luther King said in the post below that I'm copying it here. Thank you, Jiff!

When the song of the angels is stilled
When the star in the sky is gone
When the kings and princes are home
When the shepherds are back with their flocks
The work of Christmas begins:
To find the lost
To heal the broken
To feed the hungry
To release the prisoner
To rebuild the nations
To bring peace among the people
To make music in the heart.

–Howard Thurman

And I knew I loved this from before--I posted it last month as What We Must Be. (Thanks again for that, Mike!) Maybe I'll learn this lesson if I keep seeing these words, reading them, and even posting them again!

Interdependence

“As long as there is poverty in the world I can never be rich, even if I have a billion dollars.

“As long as diseases are rampant and millions of people in this world cannot expect to live more than 28 or 30 years, I can never be totally healthy even if I just got a good checkup at Mayo Clinic.

“I can never be what I ought to be until you are what you ought to be.

“This is the way our world is made. No individual or nation can stand out boasting of being independent. We are interdependent.”

—Dr. Martin L. Luther King Jr.
“The Community of Man”
The Words of Martin Luther King, Jr.

Art by Jamie Winter: "Morning"