Fr. David left.

Friday Five: Goodbyes

Reverend Mother's Swan Song for the Friday Five is about endings and Goodbyes. Thanks for the Friday Fives for the RevGalBlogPals for the past 17 months!

On Endings and Goodbyes:

1. Best ending of a movie/book/TV show

One ending I really like is how the movie “The Usual Suspects” ends. Kevin Spacey is so good as the crippled con artist and slowly changes into the criminal mastermind as he is driven off.

2. Worst ending of a movie/book/TV show

Sometimes it’s just ending—like the Harry Potter books being over. I know there are other endings, but I can’t remember any right now!

3. Tell about a memorable goodbye you've experienced.

The last time I ever saw my father, he was, lying partially paralyzed after a stroke, in bed in a nursing home in Bellingham, WA. I was returning to TX for the next few weeks, until he was moved into a rehab facility. He could not speak well, but then he was a quiet man. Our farewell was a gift: somehow we both knew how completely we loved each other, a truth that had eluded us for decades. This grace healed so much, without words. I never saw him again, as he died less than a week later. I treasure that “goodbye” we shared.

4. Is it true that "all good things must come to an end"?

That sounds very pessimistic and final. There’s truth in it, but it misses the point of good coming again. There are seasons of things, even seasons of people, and they pass into a different season. Maybe it would be better to say that “all good things have a beginning after an ending.”

I am thinking a lot about endings, because my priest and spiritual director is leaving after Sept. 30, this Sunday. It is too easy to look at the emptiness he leaves, but there is also the fruit borne during his 16 years at All Saints Episcopal Church. After his final contemplative Eucharist last night, I realized that I am more grateful that I was drawn back into the All Saints family than sad that he is leaving. There is uncertainty and loss in the future, but we're facing this together. All will be well, all manner of things will be well—which is also the last chant we sang at the contemplative Eucharist last night.

5. "Everything I ever let go of has claw marks on it." --Anne Lamott
Discuss.

At times this may be true, but I hope I am growing out of that, learning to let go. This may be the lesson we all have to learn—Let go, and let God.

I was so surprised today that Brother Lawrence’s words came back to me again. I’ve used these words for years in lessons and in small groups, and suddenly I am realizing THIS is the way to LIVE:

“I do something good. I thank God, and I give it to God.
I do something wrong. I ask God for forgiveness, and I give it to God.”


Bonus: "It isn't over until the fat lady sings." I've never loved this expression. So propose an alternative: "It isn't over until ____________________"

It isn’t over until we’ve all hugged.

It isn’t over until we’ve gone to sleep.

It isn’t over until I thank God!

We have a war to pay for!

Japanese Maple Tree

It is so hot in south Texas that I am yearning for autumn. I am tired of humid 90+ degree weather when it is almost October. I am tired of (but grateful for) the air conditioner running and running. I am tired of dripping with perspiration. I yearn for the weather that I remember from my youth of school weather. . . .

Here is a picture of leaves of a Japanese Maple tree. My mother had several in her backyard in Bellingham, WA. I had my first one in front of our colonial house with the green door in RI. When we were moving to NJ only weeks after my mother's death, my dear husband CB dug up that Japanese Maple and brought it to our new home in NJ. It was planted in front of our house along the walkway from the driveway. We have pictures of our children taken in front of it.

In Texas first-day-of-school pictures have always been taken in front of our front door. In NJ those pictures were taken in front of the Japanese Maple tree.

We left the little tree there when we moved back to TX in 1994. I hope it is still there. It is lovely all year round, but especially in the fall.

Compassion

Everybody in the world holds to these. Listen for Buddhism: Hurt not others in ways that you, yourself would find hurtful. Judaism: What is hateful to you, do not to your fellow man. That's the entire law. All the rest is pure commentary.

Christianity: Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. Islam: No one of you is a believer until he desires for his brother that which he desires for himself. Bahai: Blessed is he who preferreth his brother before himself.

It's the very glue of human existence—compassion. It only works when you're meek.

May we exhibit it because Jesus, whom we call Lord, calls us to meekness, to humility, to compassion, that we might be his in a world calling for his love.

by The Rev. Dr. Daniel P. Matthews

from Compassion—Not Violence

Busy Tuesdays

I am very busy on Tuesdays and am home in a break to make dinner for husband CB and daughter MJ. This morning was the Wisdom Class, the book study I facilitate. Currently our book is Embracing the World: Praying for Justice and Peace by Jane Vennard. We've been having really good discussions about personal prayer, intercessory prayer, evil in the world, and praying for enemies. I was very pleased that one person brought up the usefulness of the prayer I suggested--Bless _____________, change me."
This afternoon is three hours of EFM Bible study--my first year. (I had wondered if I'd even like it since I've taken many seminary hours of Scripture classes, and joined because a friend is facilitating.) After that ends at 5, I have one hour until a Greek class taught by a priest at a different Episcopal Church. I took Greek for two semesters five years ago, but have lost everything I learned. However, I think Greek may be a little easier for re-learning now.

And so I wanted to leave a quotation here for anyone who happens to stop by:

"We think we must climb to a certain height of goodness before we can reach God. But He says not 'At the end of the way you may find me;' He says 'I am the way; I am the road under your feet, the road that begins just as low down as you happen to be.' If we are in a hole the Way begins in the hole. The moment we set our face in the same direction as His, we are walking with God."

~Helen Wodehouse (1880-1964)

CROP Walk Hunger Quiz!

I played this little quiz about world hunger and sadly got 3/7 correct.

Click on PLAY to begin. The timer will start and you will have 30 seconds to answer each question.

Take the Challenge!

Questions per quiz = 7 # of questions answered = 0 Current score= 0 pts Total Score = 0

Play

1/10,000 of a second!

1/10,000 of a second

When I visited Jan at Happening Here I found this great video of a wombat that is a flash animation of the world and how "we have to get along" with all our neighbors. I went to the website this was from Global Mind Shift and found the link to the above little animated video about time. Since I've been teaching Sunday School lessons about God, cosmos, and evolution again, this quickie trip through time really hit me. So go up and click on the clock and you can see it, too!

And if you go and explore the website, you'll find many more little videos under the category of Memes.

A Prayer

For all the saints who went before us

who have spoken to our hearts and touched us with your fire,

we praise you, O God.

For all the saints who live beside us

whose weaknesses and strengths are woven with our own,

we praise you, O God.

For all the saints who live beyond us

who challenge us to change the world with them,

we praise you, O God.

~Janet Morley

A Hopeful Story

Quaker Dave posted a beautiful story about two middle school girls, whom he observed as a teacher at their school. He called it a Ray of Light, which is an apt description for such a hopeful episode at a middle school. There was a moment of connection, compassion, and acceptance between two girls quite different from each other--at a time when the slightest difference makes all the difference to teenagers in making friends or even talking (or not speaking) to someone.

I appreciate this story of hope: Ray of Light. Stop by Quaker Dave's and read it.

We all need the Anglicans right now

By Joan Chittister

Created Sep 17 2007 - 13:32

Blaise Pascal wrote once, "The multitude which is not brought to act as a unity is confusion." But in the same place he wrote immediately thereafter, "That unity which has not its origin in the multitude is tyranny." Translation: The multitude needs unity but unity, to be real, requires the assent of the multitude. Understanding the conjunction of those two ideas -- confusion in the face of uncertainty and tyranny as the substitute for consensus -- may have never been more important than it is right now. If a country, if a religious body, cannot develop a common vision, the chances that they will survive, let alone be effective, are at best low.

That possibility is about to be sorely tested in worldwide Anglicanism [1]. And no one of us need take any comfort in seeing it happen to someone else rather than to us. Yet.

Riven by the internal tension arising over the question of clerical homosexuality among the national churches of the denomination around the world, the delicately structured Anglican Communion, many say, is threatened by schism.

Some would say, "If you don't like it, get out." This "We-are-the-church- crowd" put themselves up as norms of the faith. Those who do not agree with them, who dare to question anything, who open issues deemed by some to be closed for all time, they label "evil" or "dissident" or "unfaithful." Catholics who accepted the notion of separation of church and state, for instance, labored under a shadow of suspicion for years. The loss of the theocratic state after the Protestant Reformation struck a blow at the very theology of power and authority. Not until Vatican II, did the church really accept as theologically acceptable the whole idea of sectarian -- that is, non-theologically aligned -- governments.

The debate over sectarianism may seem almost laughable now, but it was not funny when John F. Kennedy was running for president. The major political question of the time was whether or not a Catholic president could really be trusted to lead a government for the good of all the people, Catholic or not, or be expected to take orders from the pope -- as did the medieval kings before him.

Theology and government are clearly not parallel institutions. They are interactive ones. What affects one will surely affect the other. Which is where Pascal's second insight is the other side of the coin. "Unity that does not have its origin in the multitude is tyranny," he says. Groups themselves, in other words, must have a part in the making of law if the group is to be unified rather than simply repressed.

So the question the Anglican communion is facing for us all right now is a clear one: What happens to a group, to a church, that stands poised to choose either confusion or tyranny, either anarchy or authoritarianism, either unity or uniformity? Are there really only two choices possible at such a moment? Is there nowhere in-between?

The struggle going on inside the Anglican Communion about the episcopal ordination of homosexual priests and the recognition of the homosexual lifestyle as a natural state is not peculiar to Anglicanism. The issue is in the air we breathe. The Anglicans simply got there earlier than most. And so they may well become a model to the rest of us of how to handle such questions. If the rate and kinds of social, biological, scientific and global change continue at the present pace, every religious group may well find itself at the breakpoint between "tradition" and "science" sooner rather than later.

Theological questions driven by new scientific findings, new social realities, new technological possibilities abound. How moral is it to take cells from one person for the treatment of another if all human cells are potentially life generating? Is that the destruction of life? If homosexuality is "natural," meaning biologically configured at birth, why is it immoral for homosexuals to live in homosexual unions -- even if they are bishops? After all, isn't that what we said -- in fact, did -- when we argued "scientifically" that blacks were not fit for ordination because blacks weren't quite as human as whites? And so we kept them out of our seminaries and called ourselves "Christian" for doing it. Without even the grace to blush.

It is not so much how moral we think we are that is the test of a church. Perhaps the measure of our own morality is how certain we have been of our immoral morality across the ages. That should give us caution. We said, at one time, that it was gravely immoral to charge interest on loans, that it was mortally sinful to miss Mass on Sunday, that people could not read books on the Index, that the divorced could not remarry. And we brooked no question on any of these things. People were either in or out, good or bad, religious or not, depending on whether they stood at one end or another of those spectrums.

Clearly, the problem is not that definitions of morality can shift in the light of new information or social reality. The problem is that we don't seem to know how to deal with the questions that precede the new insights. We seem to think that we have only two possible choices: the authoritarianism model, which requires intellectual uniformity and calls it "community" or a kind of intellectual anarchism, which eats away at the very cloth of tradition in a changing world.

The problem is that threatened by change we are more inclined to suppress the prophetic question than we are to find the kind of structures that can release the Spirit, that can lead us beyond unthinking submission while honoring the tradition and testing the spirits.

It's not an easy task. And we have had schisms aplenty to prove it. Catholicism, interestingly enough, has done better at preserving theological differences than we may give it credit for doing. We called the differences "ancient traditions" or ethnic "rites," or "custom," or "the private arena." The church recognized that there were instances or cultures for whom some ideals simply were not true. But those things functioned in a sea of sameness, in cultures essentially monochromatic and in countries basically one-dimensional in language and history.

But now we live in an avalanche of awareness, of cultural interaction, of scientific-technological possibilities. To take too certain a position too quickly can shred groups to pieces now. Churches everywhere are polarized. In a study of churchgoers done in Minnesota in 1983, conservative Catholics and conservative Lutherans had more in common than conservative Catholics and liberal Catholics. But in a social climate like that, how do we maintain the best of the old and admit the best of the new?

Absolutism and judgementalism, insult and downright slander, have poisoned the atmosphere, are making unholy the search, have stifled conversation.

Conservatives, devoted to what they consider unchanging truth, adopt a mantle of fidelity to the past. Liberals, devoted to exploring the moral dimensions of new questions, see themselves as faithful to the future envisioned by Vatican II. But truth is commitment to what's under the changes and renewal is what's devoted to developing a tradition as well as reshaping it. They are not opposites. They are two faces of the same thing and, if we are all to survive together, we must learn to respect one another until the dawn comes and the light shines.

From where I stand, we need those who can develop a model of faith in times of uncertainty in which the tradition is revered and the prophetic is honored. Unless we want to see ourselves go into either tyranny or anarchy, we better pray for the Anglicans so that they can show us how to do that.

Published on National Catholic Reporter Conversation Cafe (http://ncrcafe.org)

And thank you to Fran of FranIAm for directing me to this article. I have also signed up to receive Joan Chittister and John Dear's weekly columns here.

$100,000??

Lifted (with thanks) from Mad Priest:$100 000?

From CBNEWS:

The Miracle Theater, a faith-based production group, paid nearly $100,000 to run a full page ad titled "Christian Entertainers Say 'Enough Is Enough'" in USA Today to address blasphemous remarks made about Jesus by stand-up comic Kathy Griffin.

International Day of Prayer for Peace

Today is the International Day of Prayer for Peace. There are various observances today in Corpus Christi, TX. At noon I attended a prayer service at St. John's United Methodist Church. The prayer below is from that service. Please pray with me:

Eternal God, Creator of the Universe, there is no God but you. Great and wonderful are your works, wondrous are your ways. Thank you for the many splendoured variety of your creation. Thank you for the many ways we affirm your presence and purpose, and the freedom to do so. Forgive our violation of your creation. Forgive our violence toward each other. We stand in awe and gratitude for your persistent love for each and all of your children: Christian, Jew, Muslim, as well as those with other faiths. Grant to all and to our leaders attributes of the strong: mutual respect in words and deeds, restraint in the exercise of power, and the will for peace with justice, for all. Eternal God, Creator of the universe, there is no God but You. Amen.

(This prayer was authored by Christian, Jewish and Muslim clergy and was used in many places in inter-religious worship gatherings around the time of the Gulf War in 1991.)

Friday Five: Decluttering (I wish!)

Sally at RevGalBlogPals:

With Jo, Jon and Chris all moving to college and University accommodation there has been a big clear up going on in the Coleman household. We have been sorting and trying hard not just to junk stuff, but actually to get it to where it can be useful. On a brighter note we have used Freecycle ( check it out) to provide the twins with pots and pans etc that other folk were clearing out.

Making the most of our resources is important, I have been challenged this week by the amount of stuff we accumulate, I'd love to live a simpler lifestyle, it would be good for me, and for the environment I think...

With that in mind I bring you this Friday 5;

1. Are you a hoarder or a minimalist?
A hoarder and a stacker.

2. Name one important object ( could be an heirloom) that you will never part with.
A picture of my mother and my third son BJ, taken in 1992, a month before she died of pancreatic cancer. My mother is yellowish and very thin, as she was jaundiced at that time. BJ is about 7 years old and his hair is sticking out in all directions. It's in the morning at the breakfast table, and they are both smiling in delight. I smile with tears when I see or think of this moment in time captured by that photograph.

It is in a foofy ceramic frame decorated with gold and pink roses, not something I would normally have. But I frantically bought it on the day (June 16, 1992) that I drove my mother and 2 year old MJ to the Olympic Peninsula for my mother's consultation with some health/vitamin guru. While my mother was in the trailer for this consultation, I parked outside and saw a little gifty store nearby. This is South Bend, WA, which is very tiny. Knowing my mother was dying, I wanted SOMETHING to remember this day by--and the least objectionable item in the store was this frame.

And so the picture of grinning BJ and my mother in the ceramic frame is something I treasure.

3. What is the oldest item in your closet? Does it still fit???
I have too many old, old clothes left over from my clinical depression. It is embarrassing to admit that I still have clothes that are size 8. Although I have given about a third of those clothes from size 8 up away, I still have others. I'm now XL, which is lumpily double the size I was when I was depressed. I seem to have a stumbling block about giving those away, even though I know other people could use them. (And husband CB says they're out of date by a decade!)

4.Yard sales- love 'em or hate 'em ?
Hate them.

5. Name a recycling habit you really want to get into.
I'm teased in my family for recycling water bottles and soda cans when ever we travel. I carry sacks of "trash" (meaning cans and bottles) on any trip we take. Last year we were happy to find recycling bins in CA so we could empty our trunk!

I need to be more cognizant about recycling paper.

And for a bonus- well anything you want to add....
I have felt nudged/pushed by God to clean out since I was recovering from depression. The stockpiling began then, when my mother died and we moved from RI to NJ and then to TX--and the build-up keeps overwhelming me. Sometimes I've wondered if I have no clear vocation for ministry because I've refused to get rid of all this stuff. I dream of being a "minimalist" but not enough to act aggressively towards that goal.

Contemplative Eucharist

I attended the Contemplative Eucharist at my church tonight, which I have been doing all month. It takes place in the beautiful oratory, with its icons and lit votives. There are kneeling cushions and wooden kneelers, but since I hurt my knee this past summer, I've been sitting in a chair. Father David (my priest and spiritual director who is moving) instituted this on Thursday nights with chanting, singing, and much silence. It is lovely--a holy place.

Perhaps connected with my habit of procrastination is my assumption that there is "plenty of time." I used to attend this Eucharist on Thursday nights, but being away from home seemed to complicate things, so I quit. It seemed like the opportunity would always exist. . . . but now there is only one more Contemplative Eucharist before Fr. David leaves.

I've delayed and put off lunches, meetings, talks, and all sorts of things because there is "plenty of time." I've missed out on being with friends, because they suddenly died or moved away. Now I realize I missed these opportunities to be with God during the many Contemplative Eucharists I dismissed.

In many ways Fr. David is a midwife for God, helping us to be reborn into God's presence. I have been blessed to experience this in the Contemplative Eucharists I've participated in these past few weeks. It wasn't Fr. David, but the DIVINE who enfolded me. I must remember this, even as I am saddened that Fr. David will soon be gone.

Coincidentally, I found this little poem here on my messy desk:

Belief brings me close to You
but only to the door.
It is only by disappearing into
Your mystery
that I will come in.
~Hakim Sanai
(1044?-1150?)

Very Little

Jesus said, "Whoever is faithful in a very little is faithful also in much; and whoever is dishonest in a very little is dishonest also in much." (Luke 16.10)

By Tom Ehrich

"I think Jesus' word to us is: live faithfully in the "very little," and God will make something of it. Be a good friend, a steadfast partner, a patient parent, a reliable employee, a diligent writer, composer or thinker, and God will take these small pebbles and use them to make a large creation better.

"We don't need to be famous. We just need to take today's tasks and opportunities seriously."



I subscribe to Tom Ehrich's "On a Journey" email delivery and am often blessed by his insights. If you go to that link On a Journey on the right of this page, you will find Tom's bio.

Are you carpeting a rut?

I once commented on Fran's blog FranIAm that I remembered a poem about a "carpeted rut." Ever since then, I've wondered where that poem was, and today I found it. So here it is:

Take the whole kit
with the caboodle
Experience life
don't deplore it
Shake hands with time
don't kill it
Open a lookout
Dance on a brink
Run with your wildfire
You are closer to glory
leaping an abyss
than upholstering a rut

~ James Broughton ~

(Little Sermons of the Big Joy (1994) Port Townsend, WA: Syzygy Press)

Peeling eggs

Let me know if this really works!

What time of day?

From Purpletologically Speaking's blog via Views from the Road I decided to take another silly quiz. . . .as I have nothing "profound" to say. Now if I could only get up earlier (look below) so I'd walk again each morning, which would aid in my goal to Choose Health!

You Are Sunrise

You enjoy living a slow, fulfilling life. You enjoy living every moment, no matter how ordinary. You are a person of reflection and meditation. You start and end every day by looking inward. Caring and giving, you enjoy making people happy. You're often cooking for friends or buying them gifts. All in all, you know how to love life for what it is - not for how it should be.

What Time Of Day Are You?

The 22 Most Corrupt Members of Congress

My daughter AE posted about The 22 Most Corrupt Members of Congress. When I followed one of her links I found Citizens for Responsibility and Ethics in Washington (CREW), which lists the following 22 members of Congress with links to short bios of each of them. Here is what I found:

Today, CREW released its third annual report on the most corrupt members of Congress entitled Beyond DeLay: The 22 Most Corrupt Members of Congress (and two to watch). This encyclopedic report on corruption in the 110th Congress documents the egregious, unethical and possibly illegal activities of the most tainted members of Congress. CREW has compiled the members’ transgressions and analyzed them in light of federal laws and congressional rules.

CREW also has re-launched the report’s tandem website, www.beyonddelay.org. The site offers short summaries of each member’s transgressions as well as the full-length profiles and all accompanying exhibits. Over the next couple weeks, Citizens Blogging will profile the members who made the list, although many will continue to show up in our daily posts because they are making news.

The 22 Most Corrupt Members of Congress are:

• Sen. Pete V. Domenici (R-NM)
• Sen. Mitch McConnell (R-KY)
• Sen. Lisa Murkowski (R-AK)
• Sen. Ted Stevens (R-AK)
• Rep. Ken Calvert (R-CA)
• Rep. John T. Doolittle (R-CA)
• Rep. Tom Feeney (R-FL)
• Rep. Doc Hastings (R-WA)
• Rep. Duncan Hunter (R-CA)
• Rep. William J. Jefferson (D-LA)
• Rep. Jerry Lewis (R-CA)
• Rep. Gary G. Miller (R-CA)
• Rep. Alan B. Mollohan (D-WV)
• Rep. Timothy F. Murphy (R-PA)
• Rep. John P. Murtha (D-PA)
• Rep. Steve Pearce (R-NM)
• Rep. Rick Renzi (R-AZ)
• Rep. Harold Rogers (R-KY)
• Rep. David Scott (D-GA)
• Rep. Jerry Weller (R-IL)
• Rep. Heather A. Wilson (R-NM)
• Rep. Don Young (R-AK)

The two to watch are:

• Sen. Larry E. Craig (R-ID)
• Sen. David Vitter (R-LA)

Monday

On Monday son BJ came home for a short visit with his 9 week old Brittany Spaniel puppy Troy. Troy is sweet, bouncy, and somewhat yippy. He's soft and cuddley when he is not trying to bite and chew! We were a little worried our two dogs and cat would not get along with him, but all is well. Gracie, the cat, is the only one somewhat disturbed and stays in the bedroom all day long, which is unusual for her.

BJ graduated from college in May and hasn't gotten a job yet. He's had various interviews and several times has been the second choice, but no job offers. We're hoping he'll get a job soon.

Monday is also the day RevGals brought me into the group!! I am very happy about this, as I have already made friends through Katherine E, who is also the one who brought me into the blogging world.

Feast Day Of Hildegard Of Bingen

Today is the Feast Day Of Hildegard Of Bingen as posted on Grandmere Mimi's blog. On Saturday I posted a prayer poem of Hildegard's Awaken Our Hearts! that I found at Mompriest's blog--in a wonderful sermon Called to Wholeness. Both Grandmere's post and Mompriest's sermon post tell us much about Hildegard. I hope you will go there and read about this amazing woman!

Grandmere posted a snippet from Hildegard's writings, which evokes the image of us floating on the breath of the Spirit as a feather:

"Listen: there was once a king sitting on his throne. Around him stood great and wonderfully beautiful columns ornamented with ivory, bearing the banners of the king with great honor. Then it pleased the king to raise a small feather from the ground, and he commanded it to fly. The feather flew, not because of anything in itself but because the air bore it along. Thus am I, a feather on the breath of God."

Choose Health!

I need to start eating and living healthier!

Inspired by the bold honesty of children's drawings, folk art and primitive art, Lynne Loshbaugh lavishes her canvases with figures whose rounded forms dominate the space with charm and poignancy." Accurate perspective and proportion are not as important to me as rhythm, balance, magic. But my greatest joy is in color — I am happiest when I can stand back form a painting and hear the colors sing." Loshbaugh's work can be seen at Hahn Ross Gallery 409 Canyon Road, Santa Fe, NM; 505-984-8434; www.hahnross.com.

And even better is the artist's picture! I would love to meet her from looking at her paintings and at the picture of Lynne Loshbaugh herself. Look below:

Lynne Loshbaugh

Lynne Loshbaugh is an artist with a wicked sense of humor and a great affection for dogs and humans; especially dogs.

The Journey by Mary Oliver

Awaken Our Hearts!

Go to Mompriest's blog Seeking Authentic Voice to read her sermon Called to Wholeness about Hildegard of Bingen. This is a poem by Hildegard she posted there:

Holy Spirit,
Giving life to all life,
Moving all creatures,
Root of all things,
Washing them clean,
Wiping out their mistakes,
Healing their wounds,
You are our true life,
Luminous, wonderful,
Awakening the heart
From its ancient sleep.

Trust

It is always interesting to observe the Spirit at work in oneself, which only seems to happen with awareness. I woke up this morning, thinking I should delete my last post, as it seemed to be whining. I am so ingrained with the belief that people don't care (and not to bother people) that it still colors how I think.

In our weekly Renovare meeting this morning (the "chanting" group daughter AE calls it), I spoke of my experience with lectio this week. This small community ushered into my consciousness how God continually heals me. I could share with them without thinking I was "whining." I've learned to trust and care about each woman in the group and know they feel the same about me. That's how the woman seeking the coin in Luke felt about her friends and neighbors.

One friend, JS, pointed out to me that trust is developed at a very early age in infancy and then is reinforced throughout one's childhood. My mother often told me that doctors told her a baby's lungs needed to be developed by crying, especially a premature baby's. (That was me.) So maybe that's the beginning of my lack of trust. Who knows?

This brought to mind how I have been told my two different spiritual directors that my wound is trust. About 12 years ago when I was at Lebh Shomea for the Listening Heart Retreat, I met with Father Kelly* once. What I remember is he told me I did not trust God. That was a revelation to me at that time! Some years ago Father David (who was my spiritual director for the past 10 years and is moving) told me and repeated over time that my "broken feather is trust."

So I'm back to peeling the onion and finding again the ribbon of trust I need to look at. I am grateful how God has grown me in trusting him and others, but he is also showing me how I still need to grow.

In spiritual direction yesterday, I found myself telling someone that we only can start to change our thought patterns when we become aware of whatever persistent judgment or "voice" that plays over and over again--and thank God for this insight--and stop going down that spiraling descent. It is a very long process. And I didn't realize I was telling myself the same thing! I didn't know until now that those admonishing voices were coloring my thoughts about myself.

Stop! Look! Listen!

*(Here's an essay about worship, with illumination from Fr. Kelly at Lebh Shomea. Vanstone is mentioned, too, whom I first heard of through Mystical Seeker's post.)

This week's lectio divina

Our lectio divina group has been meeting weekly at First United Methodist Church in Corpus Christi, TX for the past ten years or more. It is a small group that has been faithful. This week we had three friends from St. John's Methodist Church join us. (And as my husband pointed out, one of the group was from All Saints Episcopal Church--me.) I so often am blessed with an insight at this weekly meeting that I still wonder why I am not practicing lectio on my own, which I seldom do. However, this weekly discipline certainly blesses me.

I facilitate the group and always choose a short selection of verses from the week's lectionary. This week we prayed with Luke 15:8-10:

15:8 "Or what woman having ten silver coins, if she loses one of them, does not light a lamp, sweep the house, and search carefully until she finds it?

15:9 When she has found it, she calls together her friends and neighbors, saying, 'Rejoice with me, for I have found the coin that I had lost.'

15:10 Just so, I tell you, there is joy in the presence of the angels of God over one sinner who repents."

I was struck by the phrase "calls together" and realized how much God has grown me to the realization that people care about me, so I need to "call together" friends. I still tend to isolate, but the past two days have shown me how happy I am when someone "calls together" with me. Yesterday someone I knew from a class last year took me out to lunch, after meeting in our local HEB supermarket. (HEB is the ONLY supermarket existing in Corpus Christi, TX) We had a stimulating conversation about our histories (both growing up as "military brats") and God. Then today Mary took me out to lunch, and her doing this was a gift from God. Her husband died in March, and she has suffered with back pain since then and hospitalizations. I was guiltily thinking about her, as I hadn't called her since before my trip to Washington State, over a month ago. This week she called and asked me to lunch! She made it easy for me to contact her in the future, just like the person I met at HEB. They showed me that holding back is not as much fun, even though I've tended to do that.

I need these lessons in reaching out to others. The woman in Luke rejoiced with her friends in finding the coin. I think she may have called them together to mourn the loss of it if that was the case. She cared about and trusted the reciprocity of affection with her friends and neighbors.

I've learned a lot since I grew up moving around every few years, with no family nearby. I grew up with the admonition that "people don't care" and not to "bother" them. Somehow God's love, especially shown through the actions of Jesus, is growing my heart to believe that I can trust. I am lucky to be in a protected area of the world to have the opportunity to learn this lesson. It's ongoing.

What does it mean to say that God is loving?

Mystical Seeker has posted quotes and his reflections about Divine Love: Risk and Poignancy.

He ends by writing:

"I want to conclude by making another point about Divine love. The creative element of Divine love plays an important social role, I believe, in luring and pulling humans towards greater and more inclusive love in our own sphere at all levels of human society. God is constantly calling out to us, in a non-controlling way, to be more loving. The implications of this are huge. Being more loving means being more inclusive and more just. It means not just being individually more loving in our personal relations, but also building a more just society, one founded on inclusion, universality, and equality. It means abolishing oppressive social systems; it means including previously excluded groups--women, minorities, gays--into full equality. It means opposing war, economic exploitation, poverty, and injustice in every sphere. I thus believe that justice is intimately tied to love. You cannot have one without the other."

This is so good. Go and read his entire post!

Interview Meme

Here's the interview meme from RevDrKate.

1. As you know, one of the things I admire about your blog is the variety and richness of the resources you bring and share with us about the concerns and needs of the world. How do you find this wonderful stuff? Voracious reader? Serious surfer? Other?

I am a voracious reader and researcher. Several years ago, a therapist gave a series of Sunday School classes at our church on one’s gifts. One of mine was “gatherer,” which aptly describes my way of thinking. I like to “gather” information and go off on rabbit trails with whatever interests me. This seems to be one of my problems with my final project for my master’s degree in theology—I go off on tangents of interest and don’t narrow the topic down. I find that I can start off with something I dislike and once I learn more about it, find it very interesting. So I think that is why I have various resources to share. I’ve always loved to share things I’ve found or discovered, which I do when I teach. Now having a blog is a perfect way to show something to others that I have found to be interesting.

2. You have written in your faith journey posts about moving around a lot in your earlier years. How do you think this frequent relocation impacted your life course and/or worldview?

It has taken me a long time to feel part of a community. I know for a long time as an adult, I would find myself automatically saying that things would be different “when we moved.” That gave me a sense of impermanence and perhaps also an attitude of non-attachment to present circumstance—not expecting change to be possible. Having grown up in a military family, I had a fatalistic attitude about moving, feeling I had no choice. That may also be why I didn’t feel like things could be altered or changed by my actions.

For more positive effects, I would say that seeing more of the world and U.S. caused me to be more aware of differences in peoples and more accepting. I became a letter writer to maintain friendships, and I still have friends in various parts of the country.

3. As you look back on your life, what “watershed” or crossroads event(s) do you identify as having been life changing or course altering for you, especially in terms of your faith journey?

(1) Joining the Episcopal Church on my own when I was in high school.

(2) My mother’s death, which initiated my seeking for God.

(3) Reading Celebration of Discipline by Richard Foster, which sent me on to read more and more books.

(4) Being clinically depressed and ensuing therapy, which deepened my faith from thinking I had to be “right” to believing God was with me.

(5) On Emmaus teams and going to Oblate School of Theology, which broadened my self-concept/worth and knowledge of and faith in God.

(6) My father’s death—the last time we saw each other we felt Love. (I plan to write about this more on my blog’s “Faith Story” series.)

4. You briefly mention in you profile the evolution of your call from possible ordination to a spiritual guidance program and MA in theology. Would you be willing to share a bit more about your process of discernment and how your focus changed?

I started going to Oblate School of Theology with the sight of a call in my view. I was going through the pre-candidacy procedures in the Methodist Church for several years in that time, and had waxing and waning of feeling called. Lack of self-confidence, my tendency towards introversion, dislike of meetings, and eventual leave-taking from the Methodist Church caused me to discard ideas about being a minister. I’ve always loved teaching any size group and facilitating small groups, which seemed to incline me towards spiritual direction. When I went to a Shalem Regional Gathering 1 ½ years ago, I found myself drawn by Shalem’s approach. I had considered off and on applying for their program about spiritual direction for the previous 3-4 years, and this experience confirmed that it would be right for me. About that same time, my priest (who is moving) went on sabbatical and recommended me to be a spiritual director in his absence and several people asked me to be a spiritual guide. When I asked a dear friend who is a Methodist minister, she told me she thought this fit me better than the other things I had considered in the past!

5. You call yourself an “eclectic” Christian. Could you say more about this and what it means for you?

Coming from an unchurched background and also having the inclination to read abundantly to learn about anything new brought me to reading books from all traditions. Richard Foster’s book introduced me to theologians from various traditions. I followed his biography to find new books, and then I would look for resources from those selections. I found that I loved reading books by Anthony Bloom (Orthodox), Thomas Merton (Catholic), Thomas Kelly and Douglas Steere (Quaker), Walter Wink, and on and on. Going to Lebh Shomea in Sarita, TX exposed me to their extensive library (which includes ALL the Harry Potter books!) and classes at Oblate School of Theology broadened my outlook in many different areas, especially to feminist theologians. Having been in a two year class with my Episcopal priest, we read various books about other philosophies and religions, including Ken Wilber.

And I loved Mompriest’s bonus question so much, I’m going to offer it to you, too: Is there a question you've always wanted someone to ask you but it's never been asked? If so, what is it and what is your response?
Why do you believe in God?

My life has gotten so much better since I started believing, and I have changed so much for the better. I always liked Thomas Merton’s saying that the closer you come to God, the closer you come to your true self, ever since I first read it over ten years ago. And I am becoming truer and more authentic, not through myself, and so I believe God is bringing this about. I love more than I used to and also feel more beloved.

And the “mandatory rules”
1. If you are interested in being interviewed, leave me a comment saying, “Interview me.”
2. I will respond by posting five questions for you. I get to pick the questions.
3. You will update your blog with a post containing your answers to the questions.
4. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview someone else in the same post.
5. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions.

Shalom for Today

"When our lives are orderly and predictable, when we experience more pleasure than pain, when we feel we are in charge of things, we may breathe a prayer of gratitude and add the request, 'Please God, let this peace remain.' Yet in those delicious personal moments we may not recognize that the systems that contribute to our peace may be oppressive to others. The pleasures we find in our purchases may be the result of tragic working conditions on the other side of the world. The satisfaction we get at work may be at the expense of other workers in the same company.

"Personal peace and an orderly life may feel good, but they are not shalom, for shalom does not bring everything to rest; it puts everything in motion. Shalom does not prevent all risks but accepts every risk that is necessary for its work. Shalom does not resolve every conflict; rather, it accepts conflict as the context in which the work of shalom must be done. Peace is shalom only when it comes with and through justice."

~Danny A. Belrose, Keynote Address, 2001 Peace Colloquy,
Nov. 4, 2001, Independence, MO.

Cited in: Embracing the World: Praying for Justice and Peace by Jane Vennard (p. 14).

Washington and Texas

I consider Bellingham, WA my hometown--it's where I went to high school and college and where I got married.

Bellingham Washington

And here is where I live now--Corpus Christi, TX. I've lived here longer than any other place in my entire life. My four children were born here.

Earth as a Village of 100 Video

I hope you will look at this thoughtfully, as if it is new to you. Think about it for awhile. Hold the people in your heart.

"Friends of Silence" by Nan Merrill

Many of you are probably familiar with Nan Merrill, author of Psalms for Praying: An Invitation to Wholeness . She also publishes a monthly newsletter that contains quotes from various books and sources that pertain to the contemplative life. She always asks, "Is there enough Silence for the Word to be Heard?" You can subscribe to this by making a donation and writing to:

Friends of Silence
11 Cardiff Lane
Hannibal, MO 63401

You can also purchase

PEACE PLANET: Light For Our World. Small, spiral-bound full-color book published by best-selling author, Nan Merrill, transforms hearts from despair to hope. Hold 198 countries in your hand and heart. One prayer, one photograph, one hope for every country, Afghanistan to Zimbabwe. $15/copy. Postage included. Peace and Prayer Gifts, 200 Rock Street, Hannibal, MO 63401. (573) 406-0646. E-mail: FriendsOfSilence@sbcglobal.net Web site: www.PeaceAndPrayerGifts.com

What a cruel thing is war

From Ellie at Child of Illusion:

Robert E. Lee

Why don't we listen to warriors about war?

What a cruel thing is war: to separate and destroy families and friends, and mar the purest joys and happiness God has granted us in this world; to fill our hearts with hatred instead of love for our neighbors, and to devastate the fair face of this beautiful world.

-- Robert E. Lee

Health "care"/uninsured children

By Nick Anderson, the Houston Chronicle's editorial cartoonist.

Home again, home again, jiggedy-jog.

MJ and I are back home again, enjoying the air conditioning. It was hot at the soccer game in San Antonio, but I was merely sitting there under an umbrella! The running and kicking girls were exerting much more effort in the 93 degrees heat from 11 am to 1 pm. Our Express team won 4-1.

At a soccer tournament a few years ago, friends told us that "THE best hamburger in Texas" is at the Oakville Mercantile [exit 65 off IH-37, between Corpus Christi and San Antonio]. Husband CB and I have come to agree. In fact last year when the group going to Zambia came to my house for a pre-trip meeting, they stopped there enroute from San Antonio and heartily concurred.

However, MJ doesn't like those hamburgers, because of the jalapeno buns. So today I got my cheeseburger and she got a barbecued sandwich across the freeway overpass at Van's Barbecue, which is also in Three Rivers, TX. We both were satisfied at 3 pm to eat together, as I brought my to-go burger over to Van's to eat with her.

BUT what will be for dinner at home? We girls are not hungry, but hard-working (remember, he's also "strong and quiet") CB will be! He worked at the Habitat house today and now is next-door at the house he is remodeling.

So as to mention God at Yearning for God, I'll let you know that I prayed the Jesus Prayer driving home, while MJ napped. This made me wonder if anyone who reads this blog has had any experience praying the Jesus Prayer? If you have, please comment about your experiences. Has the prayer ever prayed in your heart?

Soccer in San Antonio

Though this is a random picture and is not of MJ, her high school has these colors. Not connected to high school, except for the players' ages, there is an Express soccer game in San Antonio tomorrow morning.

Since husband CB is very busy working on Habitat for Humanity houses on Fridays and Saturdays, plus remodeling the house next door, he is not going with us. So MJ and I decided we could spend the night with friends and then go to the game in the morning. She is staying with good friends she made at Laity Lodge Youth Camp this summer when they all served on Crew (unpaid "slave" labor). And I am going to stay with BK, someone Katherine E. knows--we were all at the Two Year Spiritual Formation Academy together. BK and her husband TK welcomed me to their home once a week while I was taking so many classes at Oblate School of Theology. I haven't seen them for over a year, so it will be wonderful to see them again. BK is a retired Methodist Deacon and a spiritual director.

Poem: Praying

Praying

It doesn't have to be
the blue iris, it could be
weeds in a vacant lot, or a few
small stones; just
pay attention, then patch

a few words together and don't try
to make them elaborate, this isn't
a contest but the doorway

into thanks, and a silence in which
another voice may speak.

~Mary Oliver

"Thirst", Beacon Press, 2006

Thanks to Diane for A Poem by Mary Oliver

"Love as the first motion"

For a long time I have had the quote by Harold Loukes, which is at the top of this blog, as the "signature" of all my e-mails. I liked it so much that I added it to my blog, but the writing is so small that I wonder if anyone ever reads it.

"An act of love that fails is just as much a part of the divine life as an act of love that succeeds, for love is measured by its own fullness, not by its reception."

When I first found this beautiful quote, I looked up "Harold Loukes" on Google. He was a British Quaker who lived a long life: 1912-1980. He wrote books about Quaker life and education. That is what I have pieced together. Plus, I found something else he wrote that someone quoted:

"We live in a rationalist society that has shed the security of dogmas it found it could not accept, and now finds itself afraid of its own freedom. Some look for an external authority, as they did of old; but in this situation there are many who cannot just go backwards. They ask for an authority they can accept without the loss of their own integrity: they ask to be talked to in a language they can understand... With these people our point of departure is not a mighty proclamation of Truth, but the humble invitation to sit down together and share what we have found, in the spirit of Woolman setting out on his Indian journey, 'that I might feel and understand their life, and the spirit they live in, if haply I might receive some instruction from them.' We approach them without pressure to accept a statement, or with proselytising zeal, but with 'love as the first motion'."

Harold Loukes, 1955

Woolman's instructions about visiting the Indians, "that I might feel and understand their life, and the spirit they live in, if haply I might receive some instruction from them," describe how our group from Oblate School of Theology went to Zambia in June 2006. We prepared ourselves beforehand by reading and learning, and then went to places where Oblates of Mary Immaculate priests had churches and outposts. We were there to learn about the people and help wherever we were needed. Visiting far flung villages, where there were so many orphans from AIDS deaths, our eyes and our hearts were opened. When I saw a two-week old baby lying on a twin-bed in an orphanage for AIDS orphans, I wanted to take care of her. I can still see this baby, who had no parents. So many lost children. Pray for them.

My mind is a muddle of memories--mud huts, no roads, poverty, grandmothers caring for so many children, absence of men in villages, no jobs, children touching my hand. We were always asked, "How are you?" with the person waiting for us to answer.

And we Americans, with all of our resources, ask that and walk away before anyone answers. . . . Is this "love as the first motion?" "Love is measured by its own fullness, not by its reception."

Remember fearing "cooties"?

He's wondering, "I think she is giving me cooties!"

Gay by birth or choice?

MadPriest posted an article, Daddy knows what's best for his little girl, about a minister in New Jersey advertising "Help for the Homosexual" promoting the week's sermon delivered by "ex-gay" Greg Quinlan on the sign outside his church. I am appalled at his actions, especially because this minister's daughter came out 11 years ago. Why can't a father's heart be softened for his own child? Why is he unable to love his daughter the way she is? How can he believe God looks at his daughter as God created her and does NOT call her "good"?

MadPriest goes on to expound on that last question, which has reminded me of a paper I wrote for a class at seminary five years ago, which I felt was an exhortation. At that time, my esteemed professor urged me to publish it. I never have, but now I have the opportunity, though I plan to delete sections. The best part of the entire paper is my daughter's letter (in bold) that she gave me permission to print. So here it is, from someone who dislikes lengthy postings!

An Exhortation by Jan

December 2002

I have a 20 year old daughter who is gay, and I am finding that the anguish and turmoil I have gone through in the past four years trying to accept that have stretched my heart and mind to an understanding that is beyond the typical person's. I have also been surprised that the class (on homosexuality) at church has opened me to clarify my position much more clearly to myself. That has been helped by me finding connections with the class to my studies at Oblate.

My church’s class was needed for education and possibly healing. Instead, the topic of homosexuality has usually been avoided and there has been little discussion. The few times people have talked, I have felt judgment, criticism, exclusivity, and rigidity. Oddly, I am feeling polarized and have been motivated to think, pray, and read about this topic-- and feel pulled to take a public stand, which I guess I am now starting to do.

Even though some people use the vice lists in a few of the NT Letters to declare homosexuality to be evil, I have found resources in these same letters to help guide me through this time of disturbing conversations.

And I have since learned that in I Timothy I:9-10, “homosexuality” is not listed usually, as the Greek words used, referred to male prostitution and pederasty, which was the practice of enslaving boys or youths for sexual purposes for adult males. In fact, the word “homosexuality” is a modern word and was not used until 1869.

However, I have learned that many people believe homosexuality is a choice made—a choice to sin. My (UMC) church labels “homosexual acts to be incompatible with Christian beliefs,” which is probably the attitude of most Christian churches, though mainline churches are being split apart by this issue.Perhaps disagreements are occurring just as they did concerning slavery 150-200 years ago.

Sadly, the image of exiles and aliens in the main culture could be applied to the homosexuals in the United States. A scholar talked about the ancient groups in I Peter as being marginalized, and so are gays today, especially in Christian churches. Just as the dispersed believers in Asia Minor in I Peter were harassed and belittled by their surrounding society, so are homosexuals demeaned, especially the few who have wanted to be in my church.

What a lot of people evidently don't think about is how homosexuals feel. This is what I think and you can quote me if you want. Why in the world would anyone choose to be homosexual? Let's see, I would like to be discriminated against for the rest of my life and be told by half the people around me that I am going to hell because of who I am, be told by more than half of the people around me that I am not allowed to marry the person I love because our love is not real love-- it's not to be recognized. I wish I was straight. It would make my life a hell of a lot easier. But it would be worse for me to pretend I could be straight and live a lie. If no one you have ever loved has been gay, just wait, you’ll come across someone sometime. and then if you can still look that person in the face and tell them that who they are is a lie, you’ll know that homosexuality isn't the problem, your own humanity is at stake. Homosexuality is no more a choice than eye color or height. If it were, I'd be straight and 2 inches taller.
Love, AE

This is my daughter suffering, and I suffer with her. I believe Christ suffers, too. I hope she can continue to live in truth. AE is one of the most forthright and honest people I know. I believe she would rather be true to herself than pretend otherwise. I Peter 3:17: “For it is better to suffer for doing good, if suffering should be God’s will, than to suffer for doing evil.”

Throughout the New Testament, we are assured of God’s love through Christ Jesus. Jesus commanded us to love God and our neighbors. He showed this love by eating with the most despicable sinners or outcasts of his time, which I am sure today would include homosexuals and people with AIDS.

We see division when we forget to keep Jesus as our focus, as the lense through which to see. Ephesians 2:14 spoke of the difference between Gentiles and Jews, but this could also apply to contemporary opposing groups: “For he is our peace; in his flesh he has made both groups into one and has broken down the dividing wall, that is, the hostility between us.” How can we remember this?

I think we forget so much when we are not in a community that is guided, taught, and preached the way of discipleship. This was important in the early church. Discipleship in James was rooted in community—acting as family. Ephesians encourages that community be joined and knitted together as a body, which will promote “the body’s growth in building itself up in love” (Eph. 4:16). Knitting is a process in creation, and so is community.

Frederick Buechner, a Presbyterian minister and author, has compared a 12 Step Group in one of his books to the early church. There is honesty, respect, and dependence upon God in these meetings. He writes that they have a common purpose and come together to help themselves and others. “They realize they can’t pull this off by themselves. They believe they need each other, and they believe they need God.” At the meetings “they tell where they went wrong and how day by day they are trying to go right. They tell where they find the strength and understanding and hope to keep trying. Sometimes they take special responsibility for each other—to be available at any hour of day or night.”

“You can’t help thinking that something like this is what the Church meant to be and maybe once was before it got to be Big Business. Sinners Annonymous. ‘I can will what is right but I cannot do it,’ is the way Saint Paul put it, speaking for all of us. ‘For I do not do the good I want, but the evil I do not want is what I do’” (Romans 7:19) (Buechner, Whistling in the Dark 4-5).

In American society with our focus on the success of each individual, it is easy to believe the individual is correct. Total self-reliance and success in competition are prized. Gaining the upper hand in controversies can be a form of such success, but in the winning, the sense of community is often lost. “Me” came first, rather than God. (Sometimes in the situation I have brought forward, the Bible comes first, rather than the love of God shown through Jesus Christ.)

Peter’s directions for community to stay together are relevant today:

“Above all, maintain constant love for one another, for love covers a multitude of sins. Be hospitable to one another without complaining. Like good stewards of the manifold grace of God, serve one another with whatever gift each of you has received. Whoever speaks must do so as one speaking the very words of God; who ever serves must do so with the strength that God supplies, so that God may be glorified in all things through Jesus Christ” (I Peter 4:8-11).

It is living out Ephesians 4:15-16:

“But speaking the truth in love, we must grow up in every way into him who is the head, into Christ, from whom the whole body joined and knit together by every ligament with which it is equipped, as each part is working properly, promotes the body’s growth in building itself up in love”

This is a way to remember I Peter 3:8-9:

. . .all of you, have unity of spirit, sympathy, love for one another, a tender heart, and a humble mind. Do not repay evil for evil or abuse for abuse; but on the contrary, repay with a blessing. It is for this that you were called—that you might inherit a blessing.”

It is too easy to be like James’ description: “If any think they are religious, and do not bridle their tongues but deceive their hearts, their religion is worthless” (1:26). This probably describes most of us at many times in our lives- especially when our focus is on ourselves, not on God—that’s a way of deceiving our hearts.

I hope that we can learn to strive towards the goal of the realization of God’s Kingdom. We truly are in the tension of the being there and not yet, which creates struggle. Unless we struggle together, not against each other, we cannot move forward together. We need guidance and instruction from our churches on how to live out the life of discipleship, how to live in and be a community.

I want to help and know I cannot do this alone. What stands out for me to hold onto is a verse from I Peter—3:14:

“Do not fear what they fear, and do not be intimidated, but in your hearts sanctify Christ as Lord.” I pray that this may be so. Amen.