Health Insurance

Chuck retired about ten years ago and his company has been partially supporting our health care, but this year the company decided that they would stop paying insurance for its retirees at the end of 2014. Meetings were held in January for hundreds of people in our area (and in other parts of the country). We were told that we could choose the end of March or the end of December.

We decided on the end of the March, which may be the first mistake made.

I am lucky to have smart and financially knowledgeable Chuck here to investigate our options, even navigating the Obama care website to see what we qualify for--as I am the one with pre-existing conditions of both depression and rheumatoid arthritis. He says no other insurance company would take us (or me) because of those diseases already present within me.

So no more Aetna, and only Humana and Blue Cross are offered here in TX. Chuck found that our doctors were accepting Blue Cross, so that was our choice.

We thought all was well until I had my 2-month appointment with my rheumatologist yesterday. Telling the staff about the upcoming change, they told me that the Blue Cross panel had been closed and so I could not be a patient anymore. I was quite upset when I had my appointment, but my excellent rheumatologist said that that only applied to NEW patients, not existing ones. Then he went on a diatribe about the difficulties they had had with being paid by Blue Cross, which is why that decision had been made.

I thought all was well, but as I left, I talked with the staff. They said the doctor didn't understand, and I wouldn't be accepted under Blue Cross. The doctor overheard and said he would need to talk with the Blue Cross agent.

That sounded somewhat optimistic, but the office staff did not return my calls yesterday or today, Now it is the weekend. I have probably been forgotten.

But we don't know what to do. Only two rheumatologists in Corpus Christi, and I need prescriptions for the Humira injections I take every two weeks. If he is not included in the plan, the insurance will not pay for those extremely expensive shots even if I am a cash-paying patient and continue to see him.

What to do?

Try to remember Julian of Norwich's words: "All will be well, all will be well, all manner of things will be well."

Prayer: Years of Quotes from Lebh Shomea

Through the past 18 years of going to Lebh Shomea, I collected 13 composition books full of quotes from various books I read there--plus, a few books from other places. Until my last visit to Lebh Shomea, there had never been a copy machine and so I printed quotes I liked from many different books from their extensive library.

I have been re-reading these books as research and for my personal enrichment in the past few weeks. I copied many down on my computer, which seem more readily accessible than these handwritten compendiums.

Much of my emphasis over the years was on prayer, and so I will copy some of those quotes below. I plan to pre-post various quotes (there are so many!) while we go to visit our granddaughters in Austin.

From Beginning to Pray by Anthony Bloom:

"The day when God is absent, when He is silent--that is the beginning of prayer. Not when we have a lot to say, but when we say to God 'I can't live without You, why are You so cruel, so silent?' This knowledge that we must find or die--that makes us break through to the place where we are in the Presence." (17)

"The moment you try to focus on an imaginary god, or a god you can imagine, you are in great danger of placing an idol between yourself and the real God." (45)

From Catherine de Hueck Doherty in Traits of Healthy Spirituality by Melannie Svoboda:

"Prayer is love. It is love expressed in speech, and love expressed in silence. To put it another way, prayer is the meeting of two loves: the love of God and our love." (88)

"By inviting God to speak to us, we risk being changed; that is, we risk having our attitudes altered, our perspectives broadened, our plans modified." (89)

From Man's Quest for God by Abraham Joshua Heschel:

"Of all the sacred acts, first comes prayer. Religion is not 'what man does with his solitariness.' Religion is what man does with the presence of God. And the spirit of God is present whenever we are willing to accept it. True, God is hiding His face in our time, but He is hiding because we are evading Him." (xiv)

"Prayer is an emanation of what is most precious in us toward Him, the outpouring of the heart before Him." (10)

"God loves what is left over at the bottom of the heart and cannot be expressed in words." (40)

Poem of an Introvert

I am not a person to say the words out loud
I think them strongly, or let them hunger from the page:
know it from there, from my silence, from somewhere other
than my tongue
      the quiet love
      the silent rage

—Keri Hulme, 

from “Against the Small Evil Voices,” in Strands (Oxford University Press, 1992)

A Different Kind of Fasting

The beautiful sunshine outside distracts me from thoughts of Lent, but Christine Valters Paintner writes these words of reflection at this beginning of Lent:


"Alan Jones describes the desert relationship to death in this way:  'Facing death gives our loving force, clarity, and focus. . . even our despair is to be given up and seen as the ego-grasping device that it really is.  Despair about ourselves and our world is, perhaps, the ego’s last and, therefore, greatest attachment.'

"I have been sitting with Jones' words and the invitation to fast during Lent, one of the central practices we are called to take on. The first reading today from the prophet Joel summons us to 'return to God with your whole heart, with fasting, and weeping, and mourning.'

"But the kind of fast drawing me this season isn't leaving behind of treats like chocolate or other pleasures. This season I am being invited to fast from things like 'ego-grasping' and noticing when I so desperately want to be in control, and then yielding myself to a greater wisdom than my own.

"I am called to fast from being strong and always trying to hold it all together, and instead embrace the profound grace that comes through my vulnerability and tenderness, to allow a great softening this season.

"I am called to fast from anxiety and the endless torrent of thoughts which rise up in my mind to paralyze me with fear of the future, and enter into the radical trust in the abundance at the heart of things, rather than scarcity.

"I am called to fast from speed and rushing through my life, causing me to miss the grace shimmering right here in this holy pause.

"I am called to fast from multitasking and the destructive energy of inattentiveness to any one thing, so that I get many things done, but none of them well, and none of them nourishing to me. Instead my practice will become a beholding of each thing, each person, each moment.

"I am called to fast from endless list-making and too many deadlines, and enter into the quiet and listen for what is ripening and unfolding, what is ready to be born.

"I am called to fast from certainty and trust in the great mystery of things.

"And then perhaps, I will arrive at Easter and realize those things from which I have fasted I no longer need to take back on again. I will experience a different kind of rising."

~Christine Valters Paintner

To read the entire article go here.

And if you would like to receive a weekly newsletter from Christine, you may subscribe by going here.

Giving Up Something for Lent?

"What most of us neglect- with more regularity than we might care to admit - is God. So this Lent, instead of giving up chocolate, give up neglecting God."

Debra K. Farrington's article is here.

Lent Madness!

I signed up for Lent Madness. Watch this video and see if you want to participate, too.

Make a New Habit!

"We are converted not only once in our lives but many times. 

And the conversion is little by little. 

Sometimes it is as imperceptible as grass growing. 

But Lent gives us a time to move the process along. 

Intentionally. 

By small surrenders." (6)

~~Emilie Griffin, Small Surrenders: A Lenten Journey

The period of Lent begins tomorrow with Ash Wednesday. This is traditionally a time for Christians to take up a practice of addition or subtraction to learn greater love for God and less self-satisfaction. I like Emilie Griffin's words above in relating this to a small surrender: any effort is a small surrender of one's self-indulgence. It is also serendipitously a way to create a new habit. . . .or a way to start working towards that.

People used to say that it takes 3 weeks to make a new habit, but current research indicates that it takes  longer. "If we can just keep it up for 21 days, it'll become a habit, right? Not so fast. The three-week rule is something of an urban legend, found a study led by Phillippa Lally, PhD, a psychologist at University College London. It actually took people 66 days (9.5 weeks) for a behavior to become automatic (or feel weird not to do it). But that's just an average. Some habits, such as drinking a bottle of water after lunch, turned out to be much stickier (it took 59 days on average) than doing 50 sit-ups each morning (91 days). Forging a new habit gets easier and easier as you gain momentum, Lally says. Eventually you'll stop counting the days… and just do it."(from 6 Ways to Become a Creature of New Habits)

So 40 days is halfway or "almost there" for reaching the ease of having a new habit. It is an intentional process in living a better way--in greater awareness.

It could be as small or simple as adding a glass of water each day to one's life, or subtracting one hour of tv each day. I've even thought it would be beneficial to add 2 minutes of meditation every day. That's do-able, right?

So think of a small surrender of addition or subtraction you can easily do for the next 40 days. . . and maybe longer.

An Excellence to be Ignored or Lost?

When I was at Lebh Shomea House of Prayer last week, I consulted their card catalog frequently. At the same time, there was a young man sequestered in a small anteroom, who was using a laptop computer to list (catalog?) the books in the entire library, which spans the entire first floor of the former Sarita Kenedy mansion.

I looked up the sub-category "Death" and found many resources in books and periodicals. It was impressive to find specific articles in both books and magazines pertaining to this subject, especially theologically. In old issues of Parabola,  which are bound by years 1976-2006, I found decades-old articles about death by both David Steindl-Rast and Cynthia Bourgeault, favorite authors of mine.

I realize "actual" card catalogs in libraries are disappearing for the ease of computer access. However, through using the card catalog at Lebh Shomea, I realized the scholarship and thoroughness of Father Kelly, who maintained the library for the past 40 years. The third floor of the mansion has shelves of bound periodicals, all of which have had their individual articles cataloged. This is amazing!

Of course, what will happen to bound periodicals (AND libraries in general)? For years one of the core members of Lebh Shomea, Sister Maria Meister, bound books and periodicals with a special machine. As indicated by the years of bound Parabola magazines, she bound items at least from 1976-2006. Since she succumbed to Alzheimers, no more items have been bound and the machine stands ignored in a storeroom.

Will all this be ignored and discarded?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Perhaps this goes along with a book (surprisingly, still in print) that I was directed to while there:

Japanese Death Poems: Written by Zen Monks and Haiku Poets on the Verge of Death. Ed. Yoil Hoffmann. Rutland, Vermont: Charles E. Tuttle, Co. 1986.

It was an old tradition for Japanese Zen monks and haiku poets to write poems on their deathbeds. 

“In Japan, as elsewhere in the world, it has become customary to write a will in preparation for one’s death. But Japanese culture is probably the only one in the world in which, in addition to leaving a will, a tradition of writing a ‘farewell poem to life’ (jisei) took root and became widespread.” (27)

They are unique and interesting. Here are a few I particularly liked and copied down at Lebh Shomea:

Dairin Soto (died Jan. 27, 1568, age 89)

My whole life long I’ve sharpened my sword

And now, face to face with death

I unsheath it, and lo--

The blade is broken--Alas! (94)

Kozan Ichikyo (died Feb. 12, 1360, age 77)

Empty-handed I entered the world

Barefoot I leave it.

My coming, my going--

Two simple happenings

That got entangled. (108)

Amazing Video about Wolves at Yellowstone

Friday Five: A Little Bit Random

Deb brings today's Friday Five for RevGalBlogPals:

I have been busy writing “professional” papers, where it is required that staid, measured prose be properly footnoted, annotated and credited. I am tired of living there!

However, my creative brain is somewhere in the land of strange to illogical. So join me in my flight of thought and tell us:

1. A color that you enjoy (and where you find it)
Green, and with spring comes the bright fresh green of new leaves, especially on the mesquite trees.

2. A food or drink you have discovered recently that is just da bomb!
I LOVE the soup recipes found in The New England Soup Factory Cookbook. One of my favorites is Vegetarian Mulligatawny Soup, with the recipe found here.

3. A simile for tiredness

4. A random picture from your phone, camera or computer

Very random picture of Ben's dog Troy

5. Your least favorite bill: car mechanic, dentist or plumber?
Probably car mechanic, because that usually means something major has gone wrong--lots of charges for labor.

BONUS: If you are going to have a Lenten practice or discipline, what is it? If you have a book or on-line resource, be sure to share it!
My friend Nancy sent me a book to read for Lent, so we'll be reading it together even though she lives in California and I live in Texas: God for Us: Rediscovering the Meaning of Lent and Easter. Another book I like is Small Surrenders: A Lenten Journey by Emilie Griffin.

My Prayer

Help me see the good

and the bad,

O God,

as equal opportunities

to lean closer 

into your loving embrace.

Prayers Needed

For 15-20 years, I have been going to Lebh Shomea House of Prayer for quiet, study, and prayer. It is located in Sarita, TX. Since 1973, it was formed and developed by a core group of Roman Catholics: Father Kelly Nemeck, Sister Marie Coombs, and Sister Maria Meister.Their website tells you about the history of Lebh Shomea.

In the last decade, changes started to occur when Sister Maria Meister's Alzheimer's disease affected her so much that she needed to move into a care facility. This past year, both Father Kelly and Sister Marie Coombs decided to retire but remain at Lebh Shomea.

2009 picture of Fr. Kelly

As Father Kelly prepared an Archives Room of Lebh Shomea, he fell a few months ago. He broke his hip and in the time awaiting surgery and following it, he developed pneumonia. He almost died. Due to his weakened condition he was moved to a nursing home in San Antonio, near his beloved Oblate School of Theology.

After his move, he became ill with pneumonia again and spent several weeks in the hospital in San Antonio. Recovering from these bouts of illness and the surgery took much time, which also resulted in him not having therapy or exercise for his legs. He continued to be very weak, plus his Parkinson's Disease worsened.

After enduring all this and depression, he came to the difficult decision that he would not be able to return to Lebh Shomea. He will spend his remaining days at the Oblate Madonna Residence in San Antonio.

While I was at Lebh Shomea last week, I learned that Father Kelly suffered a heart attack in mid-February. Fortunately after several days in the hospital, he returned to the residence.

I could feel less quiet and his absence at Lebh Shomea. As Sister Marie told me there, "It is like a death."

If you know Fr. Kelly and wish to write to him, send cards to:

Fr. Kelly Nemeck
Oblate Madonna Residence
5722 Blanco Road
San Antonio, TX 78216

Please keep him in your prayers, as well as Lebh Shomea and its future.

Friday Five: Favorites

Just getting back from four days of silence, I am suddenly thrust back into the world. Wrestling with choices and seeing elderly decline in others, I am flummoxed about a Friday Five–so think of a favorite off the top of your head for:

1. food--salmon! Being from the Pacific Northwest, I love salmon. My husband Chuck grills the best salmon in the world--much better than in restaurants in WA, OR, and here in TX! He wraps it in aluminum foil, first spreading melted butter, lemon juice and dill weed on it. Yummy!

2. drink--I like HOT tea when it's cold, so here in south TX, that's only in the winter. Visiting colder climates, it is wonderful to drink hot tea. Last year I discovered Harney and Sons Tea Blenders and really like their special Hot Cinnamon Spice Tea when it is cold.

3. animal--Dogs! Although cats seem to like me more than I like them. Visiting a friend today, her cat kept kneading my arm and purring--leaving scratch marks under my sweater!

4. color--Green! We have three rooms in our house painted green, one wallpapered with green leaves, and green carpet in four rooms!

5. time of day--Cool, quiet mornings, especially when no one else is awake.

Bonus: Any favorite you haven’t mentioned above that you want to bring up!

Writing and receiving letters, cards, and/or postcards--snail mail!! And I just received a nice note from former blogger Catherine.

Off to Lebh Shomea

 Will the doves still be at Lebh Shomea?

I am driving to Sandia, Texas today to spend the next five days at Lebh Shomea, House of Prayer, retreat center. I have been going there since the mid-1990's and am sad to learn that Fr. Kelly Nemeck is no longer one of the directors there. I will miss his presence. He has been ill and has retired to a residence in San Antonio.

I hope that I will be able to write in the silence and absence from distractions like the internet.

Friday Five: Love!

RevKarla brings today's Friday Five to RevGalBlogPals:

Happy Valentine’s Day!  I know that some (a lot) of you are digging out from snow and ice and lack of electricity.  We feel for you, and love you!     Some of you have a love-hate relationship with Valentine’s Day.  ‘Nuff said.     I happen to enjoy Valentine’s Day in spite of having exactly one date ever on VD (before I was married).   I love celebrating Love!   So, all that is to say is that our Friday Five is to tell us about five random things that you love.

I could fill up each of the five loves with all my children, grandchildren, husband, and friends I love. Instead, I will try to branch out to other aspects of my life.

1. Cards and Mail: I love to buy and send cards. (I also love to receive them, which is sadly a rare event for me.) Whenever I visit somewhere new, I have to look at card shops, as there aren't many "different" cards offered in Corpus Christi for sale. This month, I am participating in A Month of Letters Challenge for the month of February.

Recipe Here

I love to send Valentines, maybe because of being a former elementary school teacher back in the days when it was possible to celebrate Valentines Day. Also because my grandmother always sent me beautiful, glittery Valentines as I grew up.

2. Baking: I love to bake, especially cookies. This week I made Valentine pumpkin bread which was surprisingly easy. I found the recipe on Pinterest. The pin showed chocolate cake with hearts (from a Sara Lee's pound cake), but I tried pumpkin bread for the Wisdom Class on Tuesday. It was a hit with everyone in the class and was so easy! I bet you could cut out different designs, like maybe a star or a tree.

3. Words With Friends: I love playing this game on my Ipad and Iphone. It is like Scrabble with a partner. I don't often win, because I play too quickly. My oldest son DC continually beats my by hundreds of points!

4. Soups: I love making big pots of soup, a rediscovered passion with our month of cold, cold weather (for TX!). I have made five different soups from my newest soup cookbook, The New England Soup Factory Cookbook, and each one has been judged by all as excellent. In fact, I have made their recipe for Vegetarian Muligatawny four different times already--twice for Chuck and me; for my family at Christmas; and for my family in Austin at AA's request (which greatly pleased me). I've been making such big pots of soup that I can share some with friends, too, while we have it for multiple days. I am grateful that Chuck likes soup.

5. Books: I love to read, look at, discuss books!  I even have a Pinterest board About Books with over 1,000 pins! I really love children's books, so it is a joy to find books for granddaughters Avery and Emma! It is exciting to find new ones, like Good Night, Construction Site which is so appropriate for these girls because their daddy supervises construction at apartment complexes almost every day. It is arriving for them tomorrow!

Helping Friends

After my last post, a blogging friend and other friends have reached out to me to give me support and encouragement. Today I found these words from Diane Walker, both on her Facebook page and on her blog Contemplative Photography:

Back in the days when we lived in Vermont, there were lots of jokes about taciturn Vermonters interacting with that most dreaded of species, the New Yorker.  And the punch line for one particularly amusing one I remember, uttered by an old Vermont farmer in that lovely accent they put on for strangers, was "you can't get theah from heah."

... which was what I heard when I looked at this photo: I mean, the gateway and path issue a lovely invitation, and there's a pretty cottage off in the distance, but the truth is -- you can't get there from here. There's actually a very deep body of water between here and there, not to mention a field thick with dune grass and a broken-down boardwalk through a marsh.

... which reminds me a bit of the spiritual journey: there have been, in my lifetime, any number of appealing and inviting paths I've pursued, only to find myself blocked at some unexpected point -- and frequently having to retrace my steps.

... which is, perhaps, the universe's way of reminding me -- as it says in Logion 3 of the Gospel of Thomas -- that the goal, the end point of this journey is not somewhere else: it's really right here. "Divine Reality exists inside and all around you," says Yeshua. "Only when you have come to know your true Self will you be fully known-- realizing at last that you are a child of the Living One."


By Diane Walker


Thank you, Diane!

I feel stuck!

It is already February, and I feel stuck, stuck, stuck about my master of theology papers. There is a time crunch now and I have very little written. I am at a loss for words. . . .here. . . .there. . . .everywhere.

Friday Five: Spring??

3DogMom brings today's Friday Five to RevGalBlogPals:

Here in Nashville the annual Antiques and Garden Show is getting underway.  The temperatures are more cold and windy than is typical, and the garden displays with colorful spring blooms are going to be tonic for many of the souls that visit the show this weekend. Punxsutawney Phil may have predicted another six weeks of winter when he saw his shadow, but spring is on the minds of many!

With that in mind,

1) What do you anticipate with the coming of spring?
This has been an unusual winter in south TX, with cold fronts actually bringing us COLD weather! We keep dipping into the 30's and 40's for high temperatures, which has not been the norm for years. Knowing that this will not last much longer, we know spring (and shortly after, SUMMER) will arrive soon.

I am hoping for some of our usual winter, but spring-like, weather to return. This is when it is reminiscent of Pacific Northwest summers. High and low temperatures of the 70's and 50-60's are so pleasant.  I am hoping some of those days will get here before the heat and humidity return.


2) Is there anything you will miss about winter?
I will miss drinking HOT tea. I never learned to like coffee and so have long been a hot tea aficionado.I especially like Harney and Sons Hot Cinnamon Spice Tea, which may also be bought through Amazon, as my daughter-in-law KA did for Christmas.

Cousin Margaret in Calgary

Somehow hot tea is not as inviting when it is extremely hot outside. And I don't really like iced tea.

3) Is there an occasion on the horizon to which you’re looking forward?
At the end of March my cousin Margaret from Calgary, her daughter Kathy and two grandchildren will be coming to visit. It is exciting to think that the children will meet my granddaughters, Emma and Avery, as they are about the same age!

4) Do you have a favorite spring memory?
Memories of Easter egg hunts with my children.
Births of AE in March 1982 and BJ in April 1985.

5) Do you have a favorite spring flower/bloom, and if so, what makes it special to you?
I love daffodils. When we lived in RI and NJ, it was wonderful to see crocus and daffodils coming up while it was still cold. Daffodils do not grow in TX, so I have enjoyed the springs when I have seen them elsewhere, especially in WA State.

My Seattle daughter AE sent me a picture of a daffodil in 2009, so I posted it with a poem here.

Book Bub

Have you ever heard of Book Bub? If you sign up for it, you get daily emails of bargain ebooks that cost from $0 to $1.99. It says it works on all these devices:

 

It is a good deal! It's also helped me find some new mystery authors. It's free (unless you buy a book or two) and easy. Look at Book Bub!

Jan and Baby Emma

Jan and Emma, Feb. 2, 2014