Grateful for Friends

Listening is a magnetic and strange thing, a creative force.
The friends who listen to us are the ones we move toward.
When we are listened to,
it creates us, makes us unfold and expand.

~~Karl Menninger

I am grateful for my friends, near and faraway, as well as blogging friends.

May Nan rest in peace

When I received the monthly newsletter (of quotations) Friends of Silence today, I learned that Nan C. Merrill died in January. Her life: December 3, 1931-January 23, 2010. She is probably best known for Psalms for Praying: An Invitation to Wholeness, which many of us read and pray with.

Here is an interview with Nan Merrill, where she tells the story of Friends of Silence and about her various books. She published six books from 1996 to 2009:

• Psalms for Praying: An Invitation to Wholeness (1996)
• Meditations and Mandalas: Simple Songs for the Spiritual Live (1999)
• Lumen Christi: Journey to Awakening (2002)
• Journey Into Love: From Fear to Freedom (2007)
• Walking With Wisdom (2009)
• Peace Planet: Light for Our World, which may only be bought through Anne Strader at annestrad@sbcglobal.net

Anne Strader plans to continue publishing Friends of Silence. Here is what she wrote about Nan Merrill in this most recent issue:

In Memoriam
Nan Crerie Merrill
December 3, 1931-January 23, 2010

"On January 23, 2010 at 11:15 pm.m., Nan C. Merrill, founder and director of Friends of Silence, slipped through the veil to her Beloved. The daughter of Ernest and Merle Crerie, Nan was the mother to 3 sons and 2 daughters; 'Nana' to 6 grandchildren; and 'Auntie Nancy' to 6 nieces and nephews. She is also survived by one sister and a whole host of friends and colleagues across the country and abroad.

"Nan touched the hearts of thousands of people through her monthly publication of Friends of Silence. She started this newsletter over 22 years ago in Detroit, Michigan, where she spent several years as a lay volunteer in an inner-city church. FOX ha grown from a beginning group of about 40 members who came together at the church to pray silently over the city to more than six thousand subscribers world wide.

"Nan shared her deep spiritual insights and love of writing by authoring six books and editing numerous others. She encouraged and nurtured everyone who came into her path. Nan has led retreats, worked with inner city residents and been involved in prison ministry for many years. She had a wonderful sense of humor and was an avid sports fan who enjoyed watching golf, basketball and football.

"Nan and I met by mail through her FOS newsletter nearly 20 years ago. As she did for so many, she mentored me by being my 'pen pal' for several years before we met face to face. Nan assisted me along the way through the intense spiritual search in which was engaged, lending an ear or a shoulder as needed. She became my dear friend and colleague as the years passed, and I will sorely miss her. Still, I am so aware that she is here, that she lives on, not only in her published word, but also in our memories and our awareness of her strong spiritual presence in our own lives. Friends of Silence will continue in her footsteps."

~~Anne Strader

Nan always asked this question at the beginning of each newsletter:

"Is there enough Silence for the Word to be heard?"

Letting Go of Our Fear of God

"We are afraid of emptiness. Spinoza speaks about our "horror vacui," our horrendous fear of vacancy. We like to occupy-fill up-every empty time and space. We want to be occupied. And if we are not occupied we easily become preoccupied; that is, we fill the empty spaces before we have even reached them. We fill them with our worries, saying, "But what if ..."

"It is very hard to allow emptiness to exist in our lives. Emptiness requires a willingness not to be in control, a willingness to let something new and unexpected happen. It requires trust, surrender, and openness to guidance. God wants to dwell in our emptiness. But as long as we are afraid of God and God's actions in our lives, it is unlikely that we will offer our emptiness to God. Let's pray that we can let go of our fear of God and embrace God as the source of all love."

~~Henri Nouwen

From the free daily message found at the Henri Nouwen webpage. Subscribe.

I really needed to read this today. I met with a teacher friend who is helping me "write" my thesis paper. Today CS guided me through the supposed introduction to the realization that I don't know what I am writing about! So I am in that emptiness again. . . .

More Pictures!

As I write this, Maisie is lying asleep on my slipper under the desk. She likes to lie around at our feet under the desks or she likes to be behind the recliner chair to sleep. When she's by CB's feet, he says that she quietly chews on his shoelaces, so he doesn't realize it until they're untied.

Maisie is tired out because MJ and I took her for a walk this afternoon. MJ ran around Lamar Park with her, too, as I meandered up and down the street. It's a beautiful sunny day and is about 62 degrees F.

MJ looks very pretty with auburn brown hair. A friend dyed it a few nights ago. I'm glad it looks pretty with red highlights.
Look back at this January 12 post if you want to see how much Maisie has grown since the last time MJ was home.

MJ with Maisie and Sampson

And here is a picture that DC took of Maisie and Sampson playing tug-of-war this morning:

Maisie and Sampson

This afternoon our oldest son DC and his wife AA got here from Austin, along with their jolly bulldog Sampson. Maisie loves playing with Sampson, who jumps on top of her and throws her down. Sampson quickly tires though. I tried to get some pictures, but they are so fast!


MJ comes home tomorrow, so maybe she'll help get some better pictures.

Lord, Save Us From Your Followers!

Cynthia posted about this upcoming movie, which looks like a breath of fresh air about the Christianity I believe is true.

Me Today

Behind Bars

Yesterday for our beginning meditation in EFM, a member brought the Rilke poem about the caged panther. Then we all discussed what "bars" we see out of (or through). I keep coming back to my critique of myself for not being "perfect" and how that stops me from action, which I wrote about a few days ago.

I was not familiar with this particular poem and now keep thinking about it. So here it is:

The Panther

From seeing the bars, his seeing is so exhausted
that it no longer holds anything anymore.
To him the world is bars, a hundred thousand
bars, and behind the bars, nothing.

The lithe swinging of that rhythmical easy stride
which circles down to the tiniest hub
is like a dance of energy around a point
in which a great will stands stunned and numb.

Only at times the curtains of the pupil rise
without a sound — then a shape enters,
slips through the tightened silence of the shoulders,
reaches the heart, and dies.

~~Rainier Marie Rilke (translated by Robert Bly)

Then it turns out that there are various translations. If you are interested, go here or here.

Tuesday Trivia

I thought I'd post "pious" writings about Lent, but that's not coming about. . . .So here's the trivia of my life:

• Tuesdays continue to be busy with two classes and then CB teaching chemistry for nursing students on Tuesday and Thursday evenings.

• The morning class is the Wisdom Class, where we are reading But I Tell You by Karen Oberst, which is about the Beatitudes. Today our meditation was this, including the cartoon. This afternoon is EFM, and I am in the third year about the development of Christianity. Now we're on the Protestant Reformation.

• My son DC just called to tell me that it is snowing in Austin. It is unusually cold again. Here in Corpus Christi, it is raining and is only 47 degree F. while the normal high temperature for this time of year is 68 degrees F.

• Sandy Casey-Martus, our priest, is on a bus trip around the state of Wyoming with the five other Bishop candidates for that Episcopal Diocese. The election for the Wyoming Bishop is on March 20.

• DC and his wife AA are coming to visit us this weekend, along with their bulldog Sampson. I hope Sampson and Maisie will play as much as I am imagining. Maisie needs a more active playmate than Baillie and Cisco.

• MJ might come home, too. She wants to see how big Maisie is. I think she also wants us to see her hair, which she dyed reddish to a more auburn color. From the picture she emailed us, MJ looks nice; I am eager to see her in person!

• For the last two batches of soup I have made, I have added a bag of broccoli cole slaw at the last minute. I also diced sweet potato when I did not have enough white potato.
  

Music of the Eyes

Bromeiliad Bounty
by Judith DeShong Hall

This is one of the beautiful paintings that Judith DeShong Hall has done. She is having a show in her home, where her studio is, on March 5 and 6 in Corpus Christi, TX. Judy loves this quote:

Eugene Delacroix said,
"Colors are the music of the eyes.”

Don't miss the boat!

Believe in hunches

not opinion polls
You are not your name
or your telephone number
At boarding time
don't miss the boat
that has your name on it
It sails only once
Head for the deep
Hold to your course
even if your vision
shipwrecks you

~~James Broughton

"Little Sermons of the Big Joy"

Pet Pictures

This is Gracie on the pansy afghan my children gave me for Mothers Day in the mid-1990's.

Here is Maisie by the angel statue that friends gave me on my 50th birthday. My kids used to joke that the statue looked like Yoda from "Star Wars."

This is just to show you how big Maisie has grown to be. Here Maisie is lying next to Cisco in the family room.

Broken not Perfect

During Ash Wednesday's Lectio Divina, we meditated upon Psalm 1:15-17. I was struck by the need for a "broken heart." During the contemplation, I remembered how many pieces of my Ken Edwards Mexican pottery were broken early in December.

Soon after that, CB ordered me some pieces from E-Bay, but when they arrived, two bowls were broken. Here is one the photos I took as proof to send the seller:

You can see that one was broken into three pieces. After a few days, I glued it back together. This bowl sits on the kitchen counter; I put my used tea bags in it. I always re-use each bag, because I do not like strong tea. I feel a lot of pleasure when I look at that bowl, seeing the butterfly and bird.In contrast, the unbroken or perfect pieces of pottery are put away, out of sight, behind cupboard doors. Perfect pieces are put away and not seen or used often. Out of sight, out of mind.

How many things I do not do because I/they will not be perfect. Over the years, I seldom invited people over to my house, because it was not perfect. How perfection closes us off from use--and from others.

This reminds me of the story of the shattered vase that God reassembles using gold as the mortar between the fragments. The vase is more beautiful with all its cracks than when it was unbroken or "perfect".

God desires me to be used in relation to others, not closed off, isolated. The invitation is go out NOW, mindless of mistakes, just keep going--Not to be afraid to show my lack of perfection, but remembering always that God loves me in my brokenness, right now. (This is something I must live in to with my paper for my degree.)

Further emphasis comes from Richard Rohr's Daily Meditation from February 12:

"In the process of transformation ('conversion' if you prefer), as we learn to face the contradictions that we ourselves are, we become living icons of both/and. We find the hidden wholeness of God underlying our weaknesses. Once we can accept mercy, it is almost natural to hand it on to others. (See the story of the unforgiving debtor in Matthew 18:23-35.) We always become conduits of what we ourselves have received."

New website!

by Trudy Kenyon

I have posted cards/pictures by my friend Trudy Kenyon in the past. She is gifted and whimsical in her art. Now she has a website where you may buy her cards for only $3.95 each, and they are handmade! Go and visit Maggie's Note Cards.

Trudy Kenyon and Maggie

Friday Five: Lent

1. Did you celebrate Mardi Gras/Shrove Tuesday this year? Any memories of memorable celebrations past?
This is the first year in a long time that I did not go to the Pancake Supper at our church. CB was teaching at the community college, and I just stayed home. Not many memories about Shrove Tuesday for me.

2. How about Ash Wednesday, past and/or present?
This Ash Wednesday was the eight year anniversary of my dad's death. Somehow, this anniversary had me paying attention to love within suffering and death, which is also the Paschal Mystery.

I went to two Ash Wednesday services this year. One was at noon at the Methodist Church, which followed the weekly Lectio Divina group. My husband joined me there, our old church. I was lacking in presence there, which may be connected to the lack of liturgy and few personal connections. CB said we were like "fish out of water" there, and that describes how I felt, which is hard to admit. Were our hearts closed off?

In contrast, the evening Ash Wednesday service at All Saints Episcopal Church, without CB who was teaching, was holy, solemn, and reverent. Kneeling in confession moved me greatly. It was easier for me to surrender to the Holy in that atmosphere.

3. Does your denomination or congregation celebrate "this joyful season"? Any special emphases or practices to share?
Yes, with renewed emphasis on prayer, fasting, and alms giving from the Gospel reading. I loved our priest strongly speaking about the need to pray daily, whether in words or not. I'm glad she continues to emphasize this aspect of life.

4. Do you have a personal plan of give-ups, take-ons, special ministries, and/or a special focus for your own spiritual growth between now and Easter?
I want to continue to sit in silence with God twice a day, which is a commitment I renew every single day. I am trying to intentionally read several Lenten devotions and write about them. I plan/intend to post every day during Lent about our spiritual journeys.

5. What is your dream for the image of Christ coming to perfection in you, the church, the world? How can we support you in prayer?
Hoping and praying for renewal of love and connection with God for myself and all people, especially those who do not know of this possibility. Connection with God grows us into more whole, authentic and caring people not concerned with ME, ME, ME. Realizing that I am a part of all is the gift I hope for.

Bonus: Song, prayer, picture, etc. that sums up your feelings about this liturgical springtime.

Breakthrough

This lenting
is a longing, looking,
isolating and locating process,
a passing of the time between
what has to be, what may become,
a late, last, solitary lingering
among the soiled and crusted snowbanks
of deep-drifted hurt and disappointment
seeking out those tender-tough new shoots
that pierce the calloused surface
of all losing with the agony
of life becoming green again.

by J. Barrie Shepherd.

Falling In Love With Creation

Hieroglyphic Stairway

it’s 3:23 in the morning
and I’m awake
because my great great grandchildren
won’t let me sleep
my great great grandchildren
ask me in dreams
what did you do while the planet was plundered?

what did you do when the earth was unraveling?

surely you did something
when the seasons started failing?

as the mammals, reptiles, birds were all dying?

did you fill the streets with protest
when democracy was stolen?

what did you do
once
you
knew?...

---by Drew Dellinger

This is from Richard Rohr's Center for Action and Contemplation website

They are sponsoring an online Lenten series:

Falling in Love with Creation/ Creation and Francis: A Love Affair

There are reflections and experiential practices, such as:

1. Watch the film on the life and conversion of St. Francis titled, Brother Sun, Sister Moon with the following in mind:

   Care for Creation, a new book on Franciscan Spirituality and Earth Care by Franciscan Sr. Ilia Delio, Franciscan Friar Keith Douglass Warner and Pamela Wood, tells us that St. Francis recognized the interdependence of human beings with one another and with the rest of creation; he experienced God in creation; and, he encountered the pain of the world, which inspired him to pray, to act with compassion and to proclaim gospel values. There is no doubt that Francis discovered his interrelatedness to the cosmos through compassionate love by which he came to experience a unity of all things in Christ.

   How is God inviting you to experience what Francis experienced: that all of creation is God speaking to us?

2. Take your contemplative practice outdoors for at least one 20 minute period per day during lent. If it isn’t possible to go outdoors, situate yourself near a window or find some other non-human being to join with you in your time of prayer.

Ash Wednesday

"We are not converted only once in our lives but many times,
and this endless series of large and small conversions,
inner revolutions, leads to our transformation in Christ."
~~Thomas Merton

One of the Lenten readers I am traveling with this Lent is by Emilie Griffin: Small Surrenders: A Lenten Journey. I have always liked her writing ever since I read Clinging: The Experience of Prayer, where she wrote that she noticed she was reading more about prayer than actually praying--that's a (sometimes) description of me, too.

Griffin writes:
"We are converted not only once in our lives but many times. And the conversion is little by little. Sometimes it is as imperceptible as grass growing. But Lent gives us a time to move the process along. Intentionally. By small surrenders." (6)

"Lent is our chance for a fresh start, a new page. We consciously let down our defenses against the grace of God. We admit to ourselves our need for improvement. We notice how hopeless we are. We tell God we're doing out best but we wish we could do better. We put ourselves in God's hands." (4)

I am facing this Lent with more intentionality, partly because Ash Wednesday is the anniversary of my father's death (in 2002). This is a symbol for me of the healing of my relationship and memories with him, which has been progressing in the past eight years. The death of a friend's father last week at the age of 97 brought this realization (of an inner revolution) forth, which I am marking with love today with the ashes.

Wow. . . .

An Infinite Tenderness

Etty Hillesum

"At night, as I lie in the camp on my plank bed, surrounded by women and girls...dreaming aloud, quietly sobbing and tossing and turning, I am sometimes filled with an infinite tenderness. And I lie awake for hours, letting the impressions of a much-too-long day wash over me. And I pray, 'Let me, oh Lord, be the thinking heart of these barracks.' That's what I want to be.... The thinking heart of a whole concentration camp. I lie here patiently, and now calmly, and feel a lot better. I feel strength returning. I've stopped making plans and worrying about risks. Happen what may, it's bound to be for the good."

Source: An Interrupted Life: the Journal of a Young Jewish Woman

From Inward/Outward. Subscribe here.

Muddy Maisie paw prints

I could not resist the above image, because I love cockers, and this one looks like my daughters' dog, Morgan in Seattle.

Luckily, a little while ago I looked out the window and saw Cisco and Maisie way low by the fence. Cisco is renown for digging holes under the fence, which is why so many spaces under the fence are lined with bricks. The ground is soggy because of all the rain we've been having. Cisco was teaching Maisie how to dig under the fence!

When I discovered them, I found a hole that is about six inches deep and wide--almost ready for escape!

They are inside now, with muddy legs and paws and are sequestered in the laundry room while I cleaned up all the clods of dirt they brought in.

Sometimes it is too bad that Maisie is such a smart puppy.

Some Lenten Resources

Sign up for Daily Lenten Messages from Episcopal Relief and Development HERE.

Also here is a Lenten Devotional from Episcopal Relief and Development that can be downloaded or ordered HERE.

To increase one's awareness during Lent, try Simple Living's 40 Days of Lent, which is printed in only six pages. To find this Lenten Carbon Reduction Fast, go HERE.

Go to ExploreFaith.org's Lenten "Sorting it Out" Toolbox calendar, to click on each day of Lent.
They also have a Lenten calendar of quotes for each day, which means another click HERE.

HERE is a Lenten Meditation sponsored by Lebh Shomea, the retreat center I love.

Go HERE for an article about fasting: "Give up Neglecting God."

And you can always look back on my Lent posts from the past.