Diet

I have actually stayed on the South Beach Diet for seven days! I started it the day after MJ left, even though I was very sad. This phase of strictly eating protein and vegetables lasts for 14 days; I am halfway done.

My towel is losing weight!

TV

Sometimes I wish my husband felt this way about tv.

So Sad

Maybe old news, but it's new to me. Thanks to Fran (from Paul), I discovered this link to UK Daily Mail about John McCain and his calculated dumping of his first disfigured wife for a beautiful, very rich, younger woman when he returned from being a POW. I realize that is a difficult time of transition for any couple, but I find it heartbreaking that a woman so hurt in an accident is not supported with more than money. (Positively, at least he promised to pay his first wife's medical expenses for the rest of her life, which must be in the $millions.) The comments in the article from former friends and even former supporter Ross Perot are revealing, especially about their disgust with their previous compadre.

This is further damning evidence against him and something I find personally reprehensible.

l

"When McCain – his hair turned prematurely white and his body reduced to little more than a skeleton – was released in March 1973, he told reporters he was overjoyed to see Carol again.

"But friends say privately he was ‘appalled’ by the change in her appearance."

(While it was a miracle she was standing/walking!)

Faith=Risk=Trust

Have you ever heard of the book Leaving Church by Barbara Brown Taylor? Today our priest read a marvelous quote about faith from that book. I've just ordered a used copy of the book online. (As if I need another book!) Here's the quote:

"I had arrived at an understanding of faith that had far more to do with trust than with certainty. I trusted God to be God even if I could not say who God was for sure. I trusted God to sustain the world although I could not say for sure how that happened. I trusted God to hold me and those I loved, in life and in death, without giving me one shred of conclusive evidence that it was so. While this understanding had the welcome effect of changing faith from a noun to a verb for me, it was an understanding that told me how far I had strayed from the center of my old spiritual map. (p. 170)"

~~Barbara Brown Taylor

That sounds like me so much!

The message in today's sermon was to risk trusting, like Matthew did when he followed Jesus, as Jairus did in asking for healing for his dead daughter, and as the woman bleeding for 12 years showed when she reached out to touch Jesus' robe. Risk!

• Hope beyond hope
• Home is the hope we carry with us, not the outcome we envision
• No picture of what's ahead, but trusting that there is life there

"We ask you, Lord: what do you expect of me? And the Holy Spirit answers:
I pray in you
Dare to give your life
Dare to go that far"
(Brother Roger of Taizé)

Peacemaking: Day by Day

Two little volumes of Peacemaking: Day by Day sit on my computer desk. I don't look each day, but find the quotes for today very meaningful.


Volume 1:

If you want to see the brave, look for those who can forgive.
If you want to see the heroic, look at those who can love in return for hatred.
~~Bhagavad Gita

Volume 2:

I am the only one, but still I am one.
I cannot do everything, but still I can do something; and because I cannot do everything I will not refuse to do the something that I can do.
~~Edward Everett Hale

Trying to Listen (and Wait)

The weekly Wisdom Class, which is a kind-of book study, is reading Things Hidden: Scripture as Spirituality by Richard Rohr. Suddenly, our group has grown from about five people to over ten each week! Plus, each week someone else arrives who is new to the group, and others miss a class every so often. One person is having a hard time realizing we are a "class" that is more of a community that does not only talk about the book, but we share about our faith, insights, problems, and lives. And in any group, a new member changes the dynamics. So each week that is happening.

A lot is going on, plus we are trying to do Deep Listening in a Group, which is a struggle. A vestry member brought some guidelines a few weeks ago that were tried in a vestry meeting, which were from the Kaleidoscope Institute for Competent Leadership in a Diverse Changing World. For the past two weeks we've tried to follow the Kaleidoscope Institute's plan* for the first hour of our class and then have a open discussion for the second hour:

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Respectful Communication Guidelines*

R = take RESPONSIBILITY for what you say and feel without blaming others

E = use EMPATHETIC listening

S = be SENSITIVE to differences in communication styles

P = PONDER what you hear and feel before you speak

E = EXAMINE your assumptions and perceptions

C = keep CONFIDENTIALITY/share CONSTRUCTIVELY

T = TRUST ambiguity because we are NOT here to debate who is right or wrong

Mutual Invitation*

"In order to ensure that everyone who wants to share has the opportunity to speak, we will proceed in the following way:

"The leader or a designated person will share first. After that person has spoken, he or she then invites another to share. Who you invite does not need to be the person next to you. After the next person has spoken, that person is given the privilege to invite another to share. If you have something to say but are not ready yet, you may say 'Pass for now' and then invite another to share. You will be invited again later. If you don't want to say anything, simply say 'Pass" and invite another to share. We will do this until everyone has been invited."

(Kaleidoscope Institute)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

This past Tuesday class was teeming with emotions, especially with a returning elderly member who did NOT like refraining from debating the speakers. There was more discussion about the process than the book during the second hour. I felt frustrated and not sure of my reaction as "the facilitator."

Today I talked to a Quaker friend MKG from Shalem about this. She compared it to worship sharing, which is also called "creative listening." It sounds like what we're trying to do:

"The facilitator of a worship sharing group usually asks the attenders to observe some general rules, such as: speak for a second time only after everyone has had a chance to speak once; speak from your own experience only; leave silence between speakers; everything said in the group is confidential to the group; do not comment directly on what others have said; listen with attention and do not lapse into discussion." (Quaker Structures)

Talking with MKG helped me to see that our Wisdom Class is still in the transition period as a group, getting used to each other with new members and growing accustomed to a different process of interaction. We're trying to find our balance, which is why various emotions come up. I was so helped to realize that this is a waiting time, not a decision time (YES or NO to the listening format). Wait on the Lord!

"Wait for the Lord; be strong and let your heart take courage; yes, wait for the Lord."

Psalm 27:14

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

And now I was encouraged by Mine Unbelief where I was directed by ChoralGirl. The first post is all about waiting, with a link to a wonderful poem about being Jonah in the belly of the whale:

Be thankful that you are here, swallowed with all hope,
where you can rest and wait.

Happy Land

Well, prozac does not necessarily make life happy; I know from experience.

Friends and family help. Saying "thank you" frequently helps.

Remembering Meister Eckhart helps:

"If the only prayer you ever say in your entire life is thank you,
it will be enough."

Thank you.

Start close in!

Start close in,
don't take the second step
or the third,
start with the first
thing
close in,
the step you don't want to take.

Start with
the ground
you know,
the pale ground
beneath your feet,
your own
way of starting
the conversation.

Start with your own
question,
give up on other
people's questions,
don't let them
smother something
simple.

To find
another's voice
follow
your own voice,
wait until
that voice
becomes a
private ear
listening
to another.

Start right now
take a small step
you can call your own
don't follow
someone else's
heroics, be humble
and focused,
start close in,
don't mistake
that other
for your own.

Start close in,
don't take the second step
or the third,
start with the first
thing
close in,
the step you don't want to take.

~ David Whyte ~

(River Flow)

I am needing this message about taking the step I don't want to take--start close in!

I received this poem in my email today through Panhala.
To subscribe to Panhala, send a blank email to Panhala-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
For an index of poetry posted, go here.

Start of Summer Meme

Rev SS tagged me for this meme about summer. In south Texas, it has felt like summer for quite awhile, even though it is not "officially" here yet. 92 degrees F. today.

1. What first tells you that Summer is here?
In south Texas it seems like summer is here when cold fronts no longer reach this far south. That usually happens in April or May.

2. Name five of your distinctively Summer habits or customs.
Trip to Washington State
MJ goes to camp in Leakey, TX
Stop walking with friend KK on Sunday nights (until it gets cooler again)
Birthdays for husband CB and son DC
Walk in the mall in the mornings instead of outside

3. What is your favorite smell of Summer?
Barbecue

4. What is your favorite taste of Summer?
In WA, it is fresh strawberries and raspberries
In TX, this year--gelato at the new gelato and coffee store

5. Favorite Summer memory?
Going to Zambia in June 2006
Going to Gold Beach, OR for various summers
Right now, this past weekend with all my children here for MJ's graduation

6. Extreme heat or extreme cold? Which would you choose and why?
I'd rather have cooler weather, but am stuck in the extreme heat and humidity of south Texas, because that's where we live.

7. What books do you plan to read this season?
I'm going to finish Scripture as Spirituality by Richard Rohr. I have various other books that I've started that I need to finish, like The Experience of God: Icons of Mystery by Raimundo Panikkar. I ordered Celtic Christianity by Ian Bradley on May 30 due to MP's recommendation, and it's finally going to get here tomorrow. My daughter AE brought two books for me to read from Seattle: The Shock Doctrine by Naomi Klein and The End of America by Naomi Wolf. I haven't finished a book for several months, so maybe this will be the time that I will.

8. How does the Summer affect your faith? Is it a hindrance or an ally?
Both, but right now it is an ally.

I feel like I am late about getting this done, so consider yourself tagged if you feel like doing it. If you do, leave a comment so we'll find you.

"The opposition is aging out."

In the latest issue (June 9) of Newsweek, Anna Quindlen has an excellent essay on gay marriage. It starts out like this:

The Same People

Scream, shout, jump up and down. No matter.

The gay-marriage issue is over and done with.

The upshot: love won.

I get upset with the people who are so adamantly against gay marriage, because that is denying two people the equal rights of heterosexual couples. I am glad that the California Supreme Court ruled that gay couples should have the right to marry as a matter of basic equality. I view that as common sense!

However I needed Anna Quindlen to point out that the younger generation is much more accepting and that future generations will continue to be so. That is hopeful. She writes:

"Here's what I don't understand: is there so much love and commitment in the world that we can afford, as a society, to be contemptuous of some portion of it? If two women in white want to join hands in front of their families and friends and vow to love and honor one another until they die, the only reasonable response to that is happy tears, awed admiration and societal approval. And—this part is just personal opinion—one of those big honking KitchenAid mixers with the dough hook.

"Before we know it that will be the response everywhere, not just in Denmark and the Netherlands and Canada and California: approval, appliances. The polls predict the future. The younger you are, the more likely you are to know someone who is gay. The more likely you are to know someone who is gay, the more likely you are to support gay marriage. The opposition is aging out."

Go here to read the rest of the article.

I love the way she ended with "The opposition is aging out."

"Tears" by Buechner

Ever since I wrote about Tears, I've been thinking about Frederick Buechner's wise words about them. So I will copy them here:

"You never know what may cause tears. The sight of the Atlantic Ocean can do it, or a piece of music, or a face you've never seen before. A pair of somebody's old shoes can do it. Almost any movie made before the great sadness that came over the world after the the Second World War, a horse cantering across a meadow, the high school basketball team running out onto the gym floor at the start of a game. You can never be sure. But of this you can be sure. Whenever you find tears in your eyes, especially unexpected tears, it is well to pay the closest attention.

"They are not only telling you something about the secret of who you are, but more often than not God is speaking to you through them of the mystery of where you have come from and is summoning you to where, if your soul is to be saved, you should go to next."

I am trying to remember this. Live in the present moment, teary or otherwise.

Tears

"Left in Tears" by Donald W. Larson

Various spells of tears today, but CB agreed to go (spontaneously) to the new Indiana Jones movie. We went to a late matinee, and our tickets were only $4.50 each, because there's a Senior discount on Mondays. That was an insult, because you have to be five years older than we are and so we must look that old, but at least we got cheap tickets. After that, we ate dinner at the Thai Cottage and had a delicious dinner. LT and RT, the friends who sat with us at MJ's graduation, walked in after us, which was a nice surprise.

The movie was fun, though belief had to be suspended periodically. My friend NE in California told me that she thought it was a film for baby boomers. That is probably true, because MJ's boy friend CS told me he did not like the movie at all. I liked going to a movie with my husband, which we rarely do. With the senior rate on Mondays, we may continue to swallow our pride so as to take advantage of those cheap tickets.

I appreciate all the support I received in the post below about the Empty Nest. I am in a transitional period, having to let go of MJ, which is a natural process. I want her to go off and become the woman she is meant to be, just as I see her siblings growing into their adult selves. It's just hard to let go and face the emptiness that is yet to be filled. Someday I'll be as lighthearted as the figures in the quilt.

I also know that I need to stay in the present and be with the feelings that arise. I am newly aware of how my mother must have felt when her only child (me) got married at 21 and then left the west coast for the EAST coast at 22. My heart is being stretched.

Empty Nest!

I wish CB and I were feeling this way, with everyone, especially MJ gone. We are both feeling sad, but hope to become accustomed to the alone-togetherness of our lives soon.


(Quilt is called "Empty Nest" and was made by Jean McCaffrey.)

1 Year Blogging!

Not only can I not believe that it's been ONE YEAR since I started blogging, but I find it hard to believe that I am remembering to announce this in the midst of all the preparations for my kids coming home--though they won't be here for a few more hours.

I never knew I would encounter such friendship, support, and even challenge in the blogging world. Thank you to all of you!

Cars and Planes!

My children are traveling by cars and planes to get home to see MJ graduate on Sunday. AE and KA flew from Seattle to Austin this evening and have safely arrived in (HOT) Texas. Big brother DC will drive them with his wife tomorrow to Corpus Christi. And coming from the northeast will be brother BJ driving from Houston. They will probably all arrive around noon-- or so I hope.

I am very excited and grateful that they'll be here tomorrow. It reminds me of Dust Bunny's post about her four children being home. Like her, I'll feel like "all my duckies are in a row." I will be one happy mom!

Graduation weekend coming up!

Today was MJ's last day of high school. She and I went out to lunch, which was very nice! Before that I went to the only supermarket in Corpus Christi, HEB, to shop for all the food festivities for this weekend. Somehow celebrations and food go together, so once everyone is gone I'll go on a healthier diet!

I make a wonderful carrot cake, which seems to be destined to be the dessert for MJ's graduation. She was shocked that her boy friend CS had never had carrot cake, and so I am baking one for his family's graduation party tomorrow night. Then daughter AE said her partner KA had never had my carrot cake so that's the dessert for our family dinner on Saturday night!

Here's a picture of the valedictorian (CS) and salutatorian (MJ):

Ray High School
Valedictorian		Salutatorian

Yay!

AE and KA are flying from Seattle to Austin tomorrow. They'll stay with DC and wife AA, who will then drive them to Corpus Christi on Saturday. BJ will get here from Houston, too! All our children will be home for about 36 hours! They're all leaving on Sunday afternoon after the graduation ceremony--even MJ who will go off to be a camp counselor then, too.

We're barbecuing on Saturday night, and also will be serving two vegetarian salads, followed by carrot cake! That'll be our one evening with every one home until Christmas. Then on Sunday we're having a brunch before MJ leaves for the graduation at noon.

Graduation is at 1 pm on Sunday, June 1st. We get to sit in the second row! (CS's family sits in the first row.)

And here's a picture to show you how much my kids have grown. AE always tried to get out of pictures being taken, so she's not in this one on BJ's 10th birthday. The crazy one is DC, who was 16, and MJ was 5.

This was 13 years ago.
Time flies!

Unless . . . .

Unless you find paradise
at your own center,
there is not the smallest chance
that you may enter.

~~Angelus Silesius

War Immemorial Day

by Bill Quigley

"Memorial Day is not actually a day to pray for US troops who died in action, but rather a day set aside by Congress to pray for peace. The 1950 Joint Resolution of Congress, which created Memorial Day, says, "Requesting the President to issue a proclamation designating May 30, Memorial Day, as a day for a Nation-wide prayer for peace." (64 Stat.158).

"Peace today is a nearly impossible challenge for the United States. The US is far and away the most militarized country in the world and the most aggressive. Unless the US dramatically reduces its emphasis on global military action, there will be many, many more families grieving on future Memorial Days.

"The US spends over $600 billion annually on our military, more than the rest of the world combined. China, our nearest competitor, spends about one-tenth of what we spend. The US also sells more weapons to other countries than any other nation in the world."

Read the rest of the article here.

Everything

“Though the human body is born complete in one moment, the birth of the human heart is an ongoing process. It is being birthed in every experience of your life. Everything that happens to you has the potential to deepen you. It brings to birth within you new territories of the heart. Patrick Kavanagh captures this sense of the benediction of happening:

'Praise, praise, praise

The way it happened and the way it is.'"

O’Donohue, John. Anam Cara: A Book of Celtic Wisdom. New York: HarperCollins Publishers, 1998. 6.

May 27

May 27 is the 39th anniversary of CB and my first "real" date. This is the date we always observe, even though we dated three times in the fall of our freshman year in college. We found each other uninteresting that first dating period.

What brought us together is a poem I left on the windshield of his car. That same evening he called me up and invited me to sit with him in the "music room" at the college. After that, we dated often and even studied together. And 2 1/2 years later we were married.

At the time, this was my favorite poem. Here it is:

People

No people are uninteresting.
Their fate is like the chronicle of planets.

Nothing in them is not particular,
and planet is dissimilar from planet.

And if a man lived in obscurity
making his friends in that obscurity
obscurity is not uninteresting.

To each his world is private,
and in that world one excellent minute.

And in that world one tragic minute.
These are private.

In any man who dies there dies with him
his first snow and kiss and fight.
It goes with him.

There are left books and bridges
and painted canvas and machinery.
Whose fate is to survive.

But what has gone is also not nothing:
by the rule of the game something has gone.
Not people die but worlds die in them.

     -- Yevgeny Yevtushenko