Daffodils!

Daffodils don't grow in TX, or at least not in south TX. My daughter MJ sent me this picture of daffodils that she took in Salt Lake City. I love daffodils.

Friday Five: signs of Spring

Deb brings today's Friday Five to RevGalBlogPals:




As spring slowly begins to bring a thaw to those of us in the northern Northern Hemisphere, I have been watching for signs of renewal and rebirth. It is also part of the season of Lent as well. This week, let’s focus on the signs of spring within us and around us!

Share with us:

1. Your favorite spring flower. (Is it blooming yet? If so, share the joy by posting a picture of that loveliness with those of us still waiting!)

Here in south TX, wildflowers and the greening of the mesquite trees announces spring. We have two mesquite trees to the right of our house. They have had bright green leaves at the tips of their branches until yesterday when it seemed like all the love burst out! Even friends on FB are announcing spring is here because of the mesquite trees.

2. Your spring cleaning routine. Do you have one? Is there a family memory or tradition around it?


I have always heard of "spring cleaning," but did not see that exhibited in my family growing up. When a sunny day arrives (and it is not too hot), I suddenly have the energy to go around cleaning. I had meant to collect and discard a "bag a day" during Lent, but have not been consistent with my cousins from Canada visiting for the past two weeks.

3. A personal area of growth where you have seen some success lately. It can be personal, physical, spiritual or familial.

Having my Canadian cousins visiting has nurtured familiarity and connection for Chuck and me, plus oldest son DC and his family.  I appreciate this expensive effort to travel from Canada almost to Mexico and have loved being with Margaret, Kathy, 3 year-old Zoe, and 8 month-old Ryan.


4. When does “spring” usually arrive in your area? Are you holding out for late May? Or are you one of the lucky ones who has already put away her sweaters and mittens?


Spring usually arrives earlier in March than it is this year. In fact, my cousins from Calgary, Alberta, Canada have found less sunshine and warmth than they expected for their two-week visit. (Still, it has been better than the snow in Calgary.)  "Spring" is short-lived in south TX, with summer temperatures soon behind. I like to think of our spring has similar to a Bellingham, WA summer!

And spring has arrived here with the onset of allergy symptoms for me. Here is a chart showing possible allergens in TX:

5. A verse or set of verses from Scripture that speaks “new growth” to you. 

I have always loved these verses, which are assurance for the heat of TX:

Blessed are those who trust in the Lord,
      whose trust is the Lord.
They shall be like a tree planted by water,
      sending out its roots by the stream.
It shall not fear when heat comes,
     and its leaves shall stay green;
In the year of drought it is not anxious,
     and it does not cease to bear fruit.

Jeremiah 17: 7-8

Lent Madness: Basil about "Prayer"

This Lent, I am subscribing to daily emails from Lent Madness, in which 32 saints are place in competition to determine which one gets the “golden halo” at the end of Lent. Each day, two are offered with their biographies and votes are taken. Now we are down to 16 “winners” to vote for each day. (Surprisingly, yesterday John Wesley was defeated by his brother Charles!)

Today the vote is between Basil the Great and Antony of Egypt. I really liked a few quotes of Basil about prayer, which I am posting below:

How to Pray

"Prayer is a request for what is good, offered by the devout of God. But we do not restrict this request simply to what is stated in words. We should not express our prayer merely in syllables, but also through the attitude of our soul and in the virtuous actions we do in our life. This is how you pray continually — not by offering prayer in words, but by joining yourself to God through your whole way of life, so that your life becomes one continuous and uninterrupted prayer."

Praying Daily

"When you sit down to eat, pray. When you eat bread, do so thanking God for being so generous to you. If you drink wine (or coffee), be mindful of God who has given it to you for your pleasure and as a relief in sickness. When you dress, thank God for His kindness in providing you with clothes. When you look at the sky and the beauty of the stars, throw yourself at God’s feet and adore Him who ordered things this way. When the sun goes down and when it rises, when you are asleep or awake, give thanks to God, who created and arranged all things for your benefit, to have you know, love and praise their Creator."

This was also posted for "Thursday Prayer" at RevGalBlogPals.

Pictures from Austin

Annie and Emma

 This past weekend, Chuck and I drove two cars to Austin. My cousin Margaret came with me. We were meeting Margaret's daughter Kathy and her two children at the Austin Airport. Then, "the Canadians" would use one of our cars for their travels.


We spent two nights in Austin. One highlight was visiting the Thinkery Children's Museum on Sunday. It is a wonderful place to go to with any age of children. Kathy's 8-month-old son Ryan loved a low-walled area for infants where he crawled around, playing with beads and other items on the walls. Someone asked Chuck if he as Ryan's grandfather! (You can see why with the picture below.)

Chuck and Ryan

Zoe is the girl in the back.

Zoe loved playing with the water.

Kathy's 3 1/2 year old daughter Zoe was very active in the different areas, especially with the water activities. 




Avery liked the artsy areas better, plus the kitchen and store spaces upstairs were favorites of hers.

David and Avery

Margaret and Ryan

Kathy reading to Avery and Zoe at Avery's house.

New Mystery Author (to me)

When I was at Book People (independent book store) in Austin on Friday, a "Book Person" worker asked me if I needed help as I wandered the mystery section. When he further queried who my favorite mystery authors were I could only think of two favorites: Louise Penny and Jacqueline Winspear. He took me directly to Terry Shames, whom I had never heard of. Trusting this guy who seemed to be a reader, I bought two copies, always wanting to support independent books stores (even though I buy too much online).

I have read half of A Killing at Cotton Hill, "A Samuel Craddock Mystery." (I see on Amazon that the Kindle copy is only $2.99.) I haven't decided if I like this character as much as Armand Gamache or Maisie Dobbs, but I am enjoying his common sense and quirkiness. He is the former chief of police in a small Texan town, who is admired and respected much more than the current, politically-appointed, drunken police chief. When a long-time friend is murdered, he starts to investigate. I like it so far and don't know how it will end yet. (Good sign for a mystery.)

Since I also bought the second book at Book People, I will easily read it next. Since it is a signed copy, I am assuming that the author was a featured speaker at Book People, which may be why they had multiple copies of her books, or they are just good.

The second one is entitled The Last Death of Jack Harbin. By the time I finish that one, I will be able to tell if I like these books and would recommend them.

This Lenting

This lenting
 
is a longing, looking,

isolating and locating process,

a passing of the time between

what has to be, what may become,

a late, last, solitary lingering

among the soiled and crusted snowbanks

of deep-drifted hurt and disappointment

seeking out those tender-tough new shoots

that pierce the calloused surface

of all losing with the agony

of life becoming green again.

by J. Barrie Shepherd.

Friday Five: Trips

Last week and this week, I am driving long distances in Texas, first to Houston and today to Austin from Corpus Christi: both times to meet relatives from Canada flying here. This makes me think of trips taken in my life: vacation, moving, visiting relatives, visiting friends, seeking a new home, going away to school, and probably many more.

For today’s Friday Five, tell about five different trips you have made in your life due to different reasons, modes of travel, or whatever category you choose! 

1. The most recent trip was getting my cousin Margaret at the airport in Houston. There were also multiple trips in our two days in Houston--to various restaurants, to the museums, and our return to Corpus Christi, where the GPS saved me. I got lost a few times, but the GPS "recalculated" and eventually got me to the desired location.

2. In 1964, my parents and I returned to the USA after living on a Navy base in Japan for the previous three years on a ship. It was a Navy ship that seemed nice to me; it had a theater. As I recall, I slept on the top bunk while my mother slept on the bottom, and I cannot remember if my father was in the same cabin or a different one! I remember the booming of the ship as it slapped down into the water during a storm, which was scary. Every day for the eleven days on board, I wrote a long letter to my best friend Nancy. When we reached San Francisco, I mailed all those letters as soon as I arrived. She told me that her father called her to tell her that he'd gotten the mail at his office, and she biked there to retrieve them all.

3.  In 1974 (only ten years later!), Chuck and I drove from Virginia to Oregon, where he was going to start graduate school at Oregon State University in Corvallis. He drove a U-Haul truck while I drove our blue Datsun 510. At some point, we got separated, and I grew fearful that we had lost each other so I speeded up. I arrived at a pre-determined motel, called my parents, the police, etc. on a pay-phone. (No cell phones!) One operator told me that their had been an accident with a U-Haul truck, so I was very frightened. But Chuck showed up, asking me how I ever could have thought that the U-Haul truck could be faster than our car!

4. When I was growing up, we only visited relatives when my father was transferred to a new military base and we were moving. I remember moving from Quantico, VA to Camp Pendleton, CA in the summer of 1958. I had heart-shaped ash-trays made out of Play-Dough to give to my grandparents we visited in Arkansas on the way. They were safely sitting in the sunlight of the rear window sill of the car.

5. My mother told me how she and I flew on a propeller plane to Seattle when I was a small girl. She said it was very turbulent weather, and the plane was deathly quiet. The only voice heard was hers as she continued to read me stories.

Feeling Tired

More Death Poems

More death poems by Japanese haiku poets:

Joseki (died July 21, 1779, age 85)

This must be

my birthday there

in paradise. (207-208)

Shoshun (died April 24, between 1660 and 1672, less than 90)

Flowers bloomed yesterday,

today winds blow--

what but a dream. . . (302-303)

Chiyoni (died Sept. 8, 1775, age 73)

I saw the moon as well

and now, world,

“truly yours. . . “ (152)

Chiyoni, one of the best-known women haiku poets, became a Buddhist nun at the age of fifty-two. In her death poem she creates a metaphor of life as a letter. Kashiku is phrase used by women to end their letters.”

Japanese Death Poems: Written by Zen Monks and Haiku Poets on the Verge of Death. Ed. Yoil Hoffmann. Rutland, Vermont: Charles E. Tuttle, Co. 1986.

My Cousin Margaret is Visiting!

My mother's cousin Margaret arrived in Houston two days ago, where I met her on a dark and rainy night. I was thankful that our car has GPS, because I am not familiar in driving around Houston. Got there, but I ended up being in the wrong terminal when she arrived! We only learned this when she called me after her luggage arrived.

When I finally made it to the airport, I followed the signs for the terminal where Air Canada landed. When Margaret called me, she said she was at baggage carrousel #4, which I circled, only to find she wasn't there! That's when I realized that I had gone to the "wrong" terminal, but Margaret didn't know which one she was at.

Going back to my parked car in Terminal A, I finally learned that she was at Terminal C (for United). After paying and driving around, I finally found her standing outside Terminal C. Yay! And with it still raining, the GPS directed us to the hotel.

Then on Sunday we visited both the Houston Holocaust Museum and the Houston Museum of Fine Arts, where we saw the traveling exhibit The Age of Impressionism: Great French Paintings from the Sterling and Francine Clark Art Institute. It was a very full day.


Today we drove back to Corpus Christi from Houston, which takes about four hours. Chuck, the three dogs and one cat eagerly met Margaret.

I took the picture to the right at The Rainbow Lodge, a Houston restaurant, where we went for brunch before visiting the museums.

It warms my heart to see Margaret, because she shows me glimpses of my mother (also named "Margaret") who died in 1992. This Margaret is 83, but my mother only lived to be 72. I especially see the resemblances between them around the eyes and smile.

"The Up Side of Down"--2014 Books

I read The Up Side of Down: Why Failing Well is the Key to Success by Megan McArdle while I was at Lebh Shomea on my Kindle. I thought I had highlighted sections I liked, but now cannot find the notes!

Megan McArdle has long been a successful business blogger. In this book, she argues that America is unique in its willingness to let people and companies fail, but also in its determination to let them pick up after the fall. Failure is how people and businesses learn. She teaches us how to recognize mistakes early to channel setbacks into future success. 

"Handle it right, and failure can be the bet thing that ever happened to you (though it may sometimes feel like the worst). Handle it wrong and it won't just feel like the worst thing that ever happened to you. I know; I've been there. And the good news is there are concrete things you can do to train yourself to be more resilient, and to turn a very unpleasant setback into an opportunity to do something you might never have had the courage to do otherwise."

With the kindle, I do not have page numbers. Plus, I keep thinking that I may have more to share when I've reviewed the book again!

Holy Curiosity

Thanks to Elaine, I found this wonderful quote:

 "The important thing is not to stop questioning. Curiosity has its own reasons for existing. One cannot help but be in awe when he contemplates the mysteries of eternity, of life, of the marvelous structure of reality. It is enough if one tries to comprehend a little of this mystery every day. Never lose a holy curiosity." –
Albert Einstein

Austin Visit

Avery

Chuck and I went to Austin at the beginning of the week. Avery had been too sick (with ear infections) to go to school, so we came to take care of her so her mom could go to work. I enjoyed reading books and telling her the stories of the three little pigs and the three bears. As she started to feel better, she got back to doing her drawing.

And it was fun to see 5-month-old Emma, who likes to smile alot, though not with a camera that has a flash which startles her!

AA and Emma

Emma and DC

DC holding Emma

Friday Five: Theme-Less!

RevKarla brings todays RevGalBlogPals' Friday Five:

Happy Friday to you!  I don’t have a theme this week, but just a variety of questions for your writing pleasure…

1) How are you?  What’s taking up your mind-heart space these days?
I am happy that we just got home from five days of being away. The first two days we took care of our three-year-old granddaughter Avery, who was sick with ear infections. Her mom had to go back to work, so we were glad to come and help out. Avery's other grandmother Mimi helped before and after us. DC and AE have the only grandchildren in both our families, so we retired folk are eager to be there with the little girls.

I am also happy to come home to a FF! There is more for me to write about, which I will do in later posts. Please come back!

2) It’s St. Patrick’s Day on Monday~~will you celebrate or give a nod to it?
I forgot it was Saint Patrick's Day on Monday. I usually observe it by wearing green, which is conveniently my favorite color. I know I am influenced from my former days as an elementary school teacher, plus having children of my own, where you would be pinched if you didn't wear green.

3) My colleague is a voracious morning reader of blogs, online news, articles, etc.  What, besides RevGalBlogPals, do you look at frequently, if not daily?
On my Iphone and Ipad, I look every day at Zite, which collects articles according to my chosen topics' preferences. I only click on the ones I feel like reading. Topics can be deleted or added to.

4) I got nothin’ here.  This is a free for all.  Just tell us something!
Blogging--I don't know why I have suddenly decided to blog daily again. I have a new commitment to this blog and those that subscribe to it.  It probably started with my recent trip to Lebh Shomea.

5) Use these words in a sentence or two:    map, magazine, sing, baby sloth, knit, penguin, love, weep, mountain, and messenger bag.
(So glad you said "a sentence or two"!)
The penguin carried a messenger bag that contained a map and a magazine to take on his trip up the mountain. He soon came upon a weeping baby sloth, whom he loved, so he sang to the baby sloth.

"Awareness" : 2014 Books

Thanks to the weekly book study, Wisdom Class, I recently read Awareness: The Perils and Opportunities of Reality by Anthony de Mello for the second time. I probably need to re-read it several more times to learn and practice "awareness" more often. These essays seem to be from transcripts of retreats he gave, so reading them aloud enhances understanding. We did not do that very often in our meetings, but needed to be reminded that that was the form of writing. He keeps saying, "Wake up!"

"Put this program into action, a thousand times: (a) identify the negative feelings in you; (b) undertand they are in you, not in the world, not in external reality; (c) do not see them as an essential part of 'I'; these things come and go; (d) understand that when you change, everything changes." (89)


It helped to watch videos of Anthony de Mello; we were fortunate to have these loaned to us to watch. But his talks are available on the internet via U-tube--go here! It is definitely worth the time to look at one or more of these. Here is a 4-minute glimpse:



And about God:

"The fact is that you're surrounded by God and you don't see God, because you 'know' about God. The final barrier to the vision of God is your God concept. You miss God because you think you know. That's the terrible thing about religion. That's what the gospels were saying, that religious people 'knew,' so they got rid of Jesus. The highest knowledge of God is to know God as unknowable. There is far too much God talk; the world is sick of it. There is too little awareness, too little love, too little happiness, but let's not use those words either. There's too little dropping of illusions, dropping of errors, dropping of attachments and cruelty, too little awareness...." (102)

I highly recommend this book and will be reading it again.

Sweet Grandpa Chuck

I have not been able to go to sleep tonight but now may with the tender picture I have in my mind of 5-month-old Emma being comforted and held by both her daddy and Grandpa Chuck. She awoke and could not be consoled until she drank half her bottle. Now Emma is asleep again, perhaps for longer than usual for her mommy. (Last night Emma kept her mommy awake from midnight to 2 am.)

I am grateful that both these men in my life will take care of a baby in the middle of the night (sometimes). I don't think my father ever tried with me; I know he did not offer with any of our babies as their grandfather. I am glad Chuck is such a nurturing grandpa.

And here is a picture of him playing with recuperating Avery yesterday.





- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

God: Quotes from Lebh Shomea

From The Inner Loneliness by Sebastian Moore:

"God, then, is beyond knowing and loving. But it would be better to say that God is behind knowing and loving, or that God is the origin of knowing and loving." (110)

"God is all in all, infinite, self-sufficient. God, then, does not look to knowing and love to connect him with the real. He is the real, he is reality." (111)

From Jesus the Liberator of Desire by Sebastian Moore:

"Real desire, what I really want and have always wanted, is to be more and more myself in the mystery in which I am. It is the relatedness that I am to everything and everyone in the mystery trying to realize itself. Desire is love trying to happen. It is the love that permeates all the universe, trying to happen in me." (93)

Who is Sebastian Moore? I am not sure if he still alive but he was/is a Roman Catholic Benedictine monk who wrote many books. There is an interview with him in 2011 about Eckhart Tolle here. He was 94 years old at that time.

2014 Books: "Zealot"

I am definitely a reader, but also a procrastinator: So far in this third month of 2014, I have only listed one book I have read this year even though I have read many. I will try to write about some of these books in the coming weeks. This won't be in consecutive order though!

Today I feel triumphant for finishing the book, Zealot: The Life and Times of Jesus of Nazareth by Reza Aslan. Daughters AE and KA in Seattle sent it to me as a surprise some months ago, whenever there was all that hoopla about FOX News inadequately interviewing author Reza Aslan.

I put off reading it because I'd already spent years reading about the historical Jesus, both at Oblate
School of Theology and on my own. However, with our priest liking it and so many members of the Wisdom Class wanting to read it, I read it and am glad I did.

It is very historical, with lots of documentation. In fact, the author has 50 pages of expanded notes at the back of the book (219-272).  All that impresses me; I have always liked to read notes, especially extensive ones like these. Aslan sets the stage very well for the reader to imagine what the politics and culture were like in the time of Jesus and afterwards. This is important for people to read.

I found it especially interesting how he draws comparisons to Paul's view of Jesus and the experiences of those in Jerusalem who knew him in his life at the end of the book. I learned more than I ever knew before about "James the Just," the brother of Jesus, who was called "Bishop of Bishops" in Jerusalem before the decimation of Jerusalem and the Temple in 70 c.e.

Zealot is an interesting book to read, one that will create questions that may be old or new to each reader. As a review by Dale B. Martin in the NY Times reveals:

"A real strength of the book is that it provides an introduction to first-century Palestine, including economics, politics and religion. Mr. Aslan uses previous scholarship to describe the precarious existence of Jewish peasants and the lower classes, and how the Romans and the Jewish upper class exploited the land and the people. He explains not just the religious but also the economic significance of the Temple, and therefore the power of the priestly class controlling it. 

“Zealot” shares some of the best traits of popular writing on scholarly subjects: it moves at a good pace; it explains complicated issues as simply as possible; it even provides notes for checking its claims. 

"But the book also suffers from common problems in popularization, like proposing outdated and simplistic theories for phenomena now seen as more complex."

(Go here to read the entire review.) 

I am glad I read it; I learned some new things; I want to investigate some aspects mentioned.  This will be a good book for our weekly book study group, the Wisdom Class, because it will prompt a lot of questions and discussion. It will be slower reading than usual, since it is more of a scholarly book, but they successfully read The Case for God by Karen Armstrong a few years ago.

Zealot is a good book to read for historical information of the area and times of Jesus; it is one that will prompt more questions, discussion and research.

Anthony Bloom on Prayer

Looking through those composition books I wrote in for years at Lebh Shomea, I see quotes from various books by the same author. I recall that I would go on a pursuit of more books when I liked what a certain author was saying. That was the blessing for me that Lebh Shomea had (and has) such an extensive library. I remember reading books by Anthony Bloom when our oldest son was in his first years at Texas A & M around 1997.

Anthony Bloom or Metropolitan Anthony of Sourozh (1914-2003)  was a monk and Metropolitan bishop of the Russian Orthodox Church. He was founder and for many years bishop - then archbishop, then metropolitan - of the Diocese of Sourozh, the Patriarchate of Moscow's diocese for Great Britain and Ireland (the name 'Sourozh' is that of the historical episcopal see in Sudak in the Crimea). As a bishop he became well known as a pastor, preacher, spiritual director and writer on prayer and the Christian life. (from Wikipedia)

Today I will copy a few of the quotes I kept from that long-ago reading of Living Prayer by Anthony Bloom:

"We should never try to squeeze out of the heart any sort of feeling when we come to God; a prayer is a statement, the rest depends on God." (60)

quoting Theophane the Recluse:

". . . ask yourself: 'Am I doing God's will better than I did before?' If you are, prayer has brought its fruits; if you are not, it has not, whatever amount of understanding or feeling you may have derived from the time spent in the presence of God." (62, 63)

"Whatever we have felt belongs to the past and is linked with what we were yesterday, not what we are today. We do not pray in order to provoke any particular experience in which we may delight, but in order to meet God with whatever may happen as a consequence, or to bring him what we have to bring and leave it to him to use it the way he chooses." (104)

"Our prayer always reaches God but it is not always answered by a sense of joy or peace." (108)

". . . .a silence in which, as Julian of Norwich puts it, 'Prayer oneth the soul to God.'" (111)

32nd Birthday!

Chuck posted this picture of our oldest daughter AE on Facebook today to wish her a happy birthday. (He also said this is the first time he has ever posted on FB.) Today she is 32 and about half my age. (I was 31 in this picture.) It is nice to remember her birth today and appreciate her life as our daughter. Happy Birthday!

one-day-old daughter, born March 8, 1982 and her mom, Jan

Health Insurance

Chuck retired about ten years ago and his company has been partially supporting our health care, but this year the company decided that they would stop paying insurance for its retirees at the end of 2014. Meetings were held in January for hundreds of people in our area (and in other parts of the country). We were told that we could choose the end of March or the end of December.

We decided on the end of the March, which may be the first mistake made.

I am lucky to have smart and financially knowledgeable Chuck here to investigate our options, even navigating the Obama care website to see what we qualify for--as I am the one with pre-existing conditions of both depression and rheumatoid arthritis. He says no other insurance company would take us (or me) because of those diseases already present within me.

So no more Aetna, and only Humana and Blue Cross are offered here in TX. Chuck found that our doctors were accepting Blue Cross, so that was our choice.

We thought all was well until I had my 2-month appointment with my rheumatologist yesterday. Telling the staff about the upcoming change, they told me that the Blue Cross panel had been closed and so I could not be a patient anymore. I was quite upset when I had my appointment, but my excellent rheumatologist said that that only applied to NEW patients, not existing ones. Then he went on a diatribe about the difficulties they had had with being paid by Blue Cross, which is why that decision had been made.

I thought all was well, but as I left, I talked with the staff. They said the doctor didn't understand, and I wouldn't be accepted under Blue Cross. The doctor overheard and said he would need to talk with the Blue Cross agent.

That sounded somewhat optimistic, but the office staff did not return my calls yesterday or today, Now it is the weekend. I have probably been forgotten.

But we don't know what to do. Only two rheumatologists in Corpus Christi, and I need prescriptions for the Humira injections I take every two weeks. If he is not included in the plan, the insurance will not pay for those extremely expensive shots even if I am a cash-paying patient and continue to see him.

What to do?

Try to remember Julian of Norwich's words: "All will be well, all will be well, all manner of things will be well."

Prayer: Years of Quotes from Lebh Shomea

Through the past 18 years of going to Lebh Shomea, I collected 13 composition books full of quotes from various books I read there--plus, a few books from other places. Until my last visit to Lebh Shomea, there had never been a copy machine and so I printed quotes I liked from many different books from their extensive library.

I have been re-reading these books as research and for my personal enrichment in the past few weeks. I copied many down on my computer, which seem more readily accessible than these handwritten compendiums.

Much of my emphasis over the years was on prayer, and so I will copy some of those quotes below. I plan to pre-post various quotes (there are so many!) while we go to visit our granddaughters in Austin.

From Beginning to Pray by Anthony Bloom:

"The day when God is absent, when He is silent--that is the beginning of prayer. Not when we have a lot to say, but when we say to God 'I can't live without You, why are You so cruel, so silent?' This knowledge that we must find or die--that makes us break through to the place where we are in the Presence." (17)

"The moment you try to focus on an imaginary god, or a god you can imagine, you are in great danger of placing an idol between yourself and the real God." (45)

From Catherine de Hueck Doherty in Traits of Healthy Spirituality by Melannie Svoboda:

"Prayer is love. It is love expressed in speech, and love expressed in silence. To put it another way, prayer is the meeting of two loves: the love of God and our love." (88)

"By inviting God to speak to us, we risk being changed; that is, we risk having our attitudes altered, our perspectives broadened, our plans modified." (89)

From Man's Quest for God by Abraham Joshua Heschel:

"Of all the sacred acts, first comes prayer. Religion is not 'what man does with his solitariness.' Religion is what man does with the presence of God. And the spirit of God is present whenever we are willing to accept it. True, God is hiding His face in our time, but He is hiding because we are evading Him." (xiv)

"Prayer is an emanation of what is most precious in us toward Him, the outpouring of the heart before Him." (10)

"God loves what is left over at the bottom of the heart and cannot be expressed in words." (40)

Poem of an Introvert

I am not a person to say the words out loud
I think them strongly, or let them hunger from the page:
know it from there, from my silence, from somewhere other
than my tongue
      the quiet love
      the silent rage

—Keri Hulme, 

from “Against the Small Evil Voices,” in Strands (Oxford University Press, 1992)

A Different Kind of Fasting

The beautiful sunshine outside distracts me from thoughts of Lent, but Christine Valters Paintner writes these words of reflection at this beginning of Lent:


"Alan Jones describes the desert relationship to death in this way:  'Facing death gives our loving force, clarity, and focus. . . even our despair is to be given up and seen as the ego-grasping device that it really is.  Despair about ourselves and our world is, perhaps, the ego’s last and, therefore, greatest attachment.'

"I have been sitting with Jones' words and the invitation to fast during Lent, one of the central practices we are called to take on. The first reading today from the prophet Joel summons us to 'return to God with your whole heart, with fasting, and weeping, and mourning.'

"But the kind of fast drawing me this season isn't leaving behind of treats like chocolate or other pleasures. This season I am being invited to fast from things like 'ego-grasping' and noticing when I so desperately want to be in control, and then yielding myself to a greater wisdom than my own.

"I am called to fast from being strong and always trying to hold it all together, and instead embrace the profound grace that comes through my vulnerability and tenderness, to allow a great softening this season.

"I am called to fast from anxiety and the endless torrent of thoughts which rise up in my mind to paralyze me with fear of the future, and enter into the radical trust in the abundance at the heart of things, rather than scarcity.

"I am called to fast from speed and rushing through my life, causing me to miss the grace shimmering right here in this holy pause.

"I am called to fast from multitasking and the destructive energy of inattentiveness to any one thing, so that I get many things done, but none of them well, and none of them nourishing to me. Instead my practice will become a beholding of each thing, each person, each moment.

"I am called to fast from endless list-making and too many deadlines, and enter into the quiet and listen for what is ripening and unfolding, what is ready to be born.

"I am called to fast from certainty and trust in the great mystery of things.

"And then perhaps, I will arrive at Easter and realize those things from which I have fasted I no longer need to take back on again. I will experience a different kind of rising."

~Christine Valters Paintner

To read the entire article go here.

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Giving Up Something for Lent?

"What most of us neglect- with more regularity than we might care to admit - is God. So this Lent, instead of giving up chocolate, give up neglecting God."

Debra K. Farrington's article is here.

Lent Madness!

I signed up for Lent Madness. Watch this video and see if you want to participate, too.

Make a New Habit!

"We are converted not only once in our lives but many times. 

And the conversion is little by little. 

Sometimes it is as imperceptible as grass growing. 

But Lent gives us a time to move the process along. 

Intentionally. 

By small surrenders." (6)

~~Emilie Griffin, Small Surrenders: A Lenten Journey

The period of Lent begins tomorrow with Ash Wednesday. This is traditionally a time for Christians to take up a practice of addition or subtraction to learn greater love for God and less self-satisfaction. I like Emilie Griffin's words above in relating this to a small surrender: any effort is a small surrender of one's self-indulgence. It is also serendipitously a way to create a new habit. . . .or a way to start working towards that.

People used to say that it takes 3 weeks to make a new habit, but current research indicates that it takes  longer. "If we can just keep it up for 21 days, it'll become a habit, right? Not so fast. The three-week rule is something of an urban legend, found a study led by Phillippa Lally, PhD, a psychologist at University College London. It actually took people 66 days (9.5 weeks) for a behavior to become automatic (or feel weird not to do it). But that's just an average. Some habits, such as drinking a bottle of water after lunch, turned out to be much stickier (it took 59 days on average) than doing 50 sit-ups each morning (91 days). Forging a new habit gets easier and easier as you gain momentum, Lally says. Eventually you'll stop counting the days… and just do it."(from 6 Ways to Become a Creature of New Habits)

So 40 days is halfway or "almost there" for reaching the ease of having a new habit. It is an intentional process in living a better way--in greater awareness.

It could be as small or simple as adding a glass of water each day to one's life, or subtracting one hour of tv each day. I've even thought it would be beneficial to add 2 minutes of meditation every day. That's do-able, right?

So think of a small surrender of addition or subtraction you can easily do for the next 40 days. . . and maybe longer.

An Excellence to be Ignored or Lost?

When I was at Lebh Shomea House of Prayer last week, I consulted their card catalog frequently. At the same time, there was a young man sequestered in a small anteroom, who was using a laptop computer to list (catalog?) the books in the entire library, which spans the entire first floor of the former Sarita Kenedy mansion.

I looked up the sub-category "Death" and found many resources in books and periodicals. It was impressive to find specific articles in both books and magazines pertaining to this subject, especially theologically. In old issues of Parabola,  which are bound by years 1976-2006, I found decades-old articles about death by both David Steindl-Rast and Cynthia Bourgeault, favorite authors of mine.

I realize "actual" card catalogs in libraries are disappearing for the ease of computer access. However, through using the card catalog at Lebh Shomea, I realized the scholarship and thoroughness of Father Kelly, who maintained the library for the past 40 years. The third floor of the mansion has shelves of bound periodicals, all of which have had their individual articles cataloged. This is amazing!

Of course, what will happen to bound periodicals (AND libraries in general)? For years one of the core members of Lebh Shomea, Sister Maria Meister, bound books and periodicals with a special machine. As indicated by the years of bound Parabola magazines, she bound items at least from 1976-2006. Since she succumbed to Alzheimers, no more items have been bound and the machine stands ignored in a storeroom.

Will all this be ignored and discarded?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Perhaps this goes along with a book (surprisingly, still in print) that I was directed to while there:

Japanese Death Poems: Written by Zen Monks and Haiku Poets on the Verge of Death. Ed. Yoil Hoffmann. Rutland, Vermont: Charles E. Tuttle, Co. 1986.

It was an old tradition for Japanese Zen monks and haiku poets to write poems on their deathbeds. 

“In Japan, as elsewhere in the world, it has become customary to write a will in preparation for one’s death. But Japanese culture is probably the only one in the world in which, in addition to leaving a will, a tradition of writing a ‘farewell poem to life’ (jisei) took root and became widespread.” (27)

They are unique and interesting. Here are a few I particularly liked and copied down at Lebh Shomea:

Dairin Soto (died Jan. 27, 1568, age 89)

My whole life long I’ve sharpened my sword

And now, face to face with death

I unsheath it, and lo--

The blade is broken--Alas! (94)

Kozan Ichikyo (died Feb. 12, 1360, age 77)

Empty-handed I entered the world

Barefoot I leave it.

My coming, my going--

Two simple happenings

That got entangled. (108)

Amazing Video about Wolves at Yellowstone