My Dog is my Teacher

My good friend Trudy Kenyon gave me this card today, as she was reminded of it when she saw the video "GoD and DoG" the other day. She painted this last year. It is also a reminder of how our dogs (and other pets) teach us how to live.

Trudy paints many types of pictures, which she makes into cards or prints for friends. I am the lucky recipient of many of her paintings in the form of cards, because she knows I like cards so much. I love hers.

Friday Five: I Like Myself

Singing Owl over at RevGalBlogPals wrote today's Friday Five:

Lately I seem to be encountering many people who have a very difficult time finding anything good to say about themselves. They are able to extend grace and forgiveness to others but find it difficult to extend that same grace to themselves.

With that in mind, let's share some healthy affirmation today! Tell us five things you like about yourself!

1. I am a loyal friend. I really value my friends.

2. I am a good cook, especially a good baker. I like to cook from scratch.

3. I like to learn; I like to read. There is so much to learn, all our lives!

4. I like to send cards, notes, and postcards. I used to be a very good correspondent but the internet seems to have changed those long handwritten letters to shorter, more infrequent and/or typed mail.

5. I like to smile.

Come into my heart, Lord Jesus

Lord Jesus Christ,

come into my heart,

pray in me and with me,

that I may learn from You

how to pray.

Amen.

*Probably from Mother Teresa

Dr. Siri of Laos

I'm still reading too much. Just finished my fourth Dr. Siri mystery.

And so I'll have something to put in my blog, I'll put some advice given to Dr. Siri by his old friend Daeng here:

Daeng had taught a girl working for her to read, despite schools kicking her out in Laos.

So Daeng told Dr. Siri: "Oh, its much more than nice, Siri. It didn't change the world. It isn't going to get her a job reading the news over the propaganda airwaves. She'll still serve noodles and wipe tables. But she's different inside now. She has a new love in her life, and I gave it to her. . . .You don't measure your own success against the size or volume of the effect you are having. You gauge it from the difference you make to the subject you're working on. At our age, you go for the small things and you do them as well as you can."

Cotterill, Colin. Anarchy and Old Dogs. NY: Soho Press, 2007. 186-187.

Dr. Siri said his mantra would be "Go for the small things and do them well."

That reminds me of the priest in Zambia who told our small group from Oblate School of Theology in 2006 that so many things needed to be fixed there that it was easy to be overwhelmed and thus accomplish little. Instead, he told us to pick one thing and concentrate on that.

GoD and DoG

From both Ellie and Roberta:

Hot Fudge Sauce!

MJ asked me if I would make our family's favorite hot fudge sauce tonight, so her boy friend CJS could try it. Of course, CB and I would like that, too!

This is such a good recipe that I give it to friends and to new brides and to anyone who wants it. I am going to share it here, as it is the BEST hot fudge sauce I have ever had. It is from an old Hershey Foods cookbook: Hershey's 1934 Cookbook. Ed. Josh Gaspero. Hershey foods Corporation: 1971. (p. 38)

Hot Fudge Sauce

Combine in a pan:
1/4 cup Hershey's cocoa
3/4 cup sugar
1/2 tsp. salt
1 Tbsp. cornstarch

Add and blend thoroughly:
1/2 cup light corn syrup
1/2 cup milk

Bring to a boil; boil 5 minutes.

Remove from heat; stir in
2 Tbsp. butter
2 tsp. vanilla

Cool, without stirring, until pan feels warm to hand. Serve.

Makes 1 1/2 cups sauce.

Tonight it was delicious!

Afternoon of waiting

I've been called to jury duty. Usually, I've gone in the morning, so I wait with many other people in a large room until about noon to be let go--and then call back for a few days. However, this time I must appear at 1:15 pm, so I assume that I will be waiting until 5 pm. That will be my afternoon, reading. I am taking two Dr. Siri mysteries along.

My friend NKE in CA told me that where she lives, they have computerized jury selections. When she is chosen to serve, she has to daily check in on the computer several times a day until she is told her status. That sounds easier.

Peace Arch Park

Son DC's picture of CB, Jan, and MJ
(the post behind CB marks the border between WA and Canada)

Whitney and Ashley

We just got back from an amazing event in Corpus Christi, TX: the celebration of a union of two women (who were legally married in Massachusetts in March). Their parents gave a lavish party, with frozen margaritas and lots of food--and lots of fun. There was a "mock" ceremony outside, which replicated the vows they said to each other in March. Then an aunt and uncle sang and played a song dedicated to Whitney and Ashley; the only words I can remember are that "their love interweaves us together." I like that.

There was so much joy and happiness radiating among the people that I was reminded of my son's wedding, which seemed just as happy. It was surprising that a few people came who are religiously opposed to gay marriage; they must have come as friends of the family. They did not act disapproving and were participating in the happiness shared. I'm glad.

May blessings of love and joy abound
in the lives of
Whitney and Ashley
forever.
Amen.

Wishin' and Hopin'

I spent too much time reading The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo by Steig Larsson this week. Oddly, it was a Christmas gift (from Terry and Dennis of Seattle) and I'd never gotten around to reading it until now. I've definitely been in "reading mode" since our vacation. This was a mystery that drew me in and kept me reading until the end. It could be classified close to the thriller genre, which makes me think that finally husband CB will like a book I recommend.

I had seen the following book at book stores in Seattle, but was not interested, because I hadn't read the first book. Immediately upon finishing Larsson's first mystery, I ordered the second, which I am waiting on.

That brought to mind that silly romantic song from the 1960's "Wishin' and Hopin'."

Now I am waiting for the UPS truck to drive up with that package, containing The Girl Who Played With Fire by Steig Larsson. (I'm glad our dinner is already simmering on the stove.)

This is how I'll spend this weekend, as the heat continues here in south TX--probably the 46th and 47th consecutive days of temperatures above 96 degrees F.

Friday Five: Rules

After a family vacation with our four children and three additional "partners," I am more aware of rules, spoken and unvoiced. Expectations are not always clearly expressed, but are still expected. . . . unbeknown to all unless one is not fulfilled! So how about writing about rules in your families and workplaces? Choose one or more for each category, especially if one seems odd or funny to you now.

1. Formal rules in family of origin
After I fractured my skull in first grade, an emphatic rule was NOT to dive into swimming pools. I did not learn to dive until junior high and was terrified to try for the first few times.

2. Unwritten and unspoken rules in family of origin
Don't cry--go into the bathroom and shut the door if you cry.

Get good grades, though my mother was always proud that she did not "pressure" me about grades.

Since I've been in recovery, I've realized that we practiced the rules of an alcoholic family:

• Don't talk
• Don't trust
• Don't feel

3. Formal rules in current family or workplace
Tell beforehand, where you will be or call and give that info, with some kind of a time period stated.

4. Unwritten rules in current family or workplace
You must like cottage cheese pancakes!

And I realized on the vacation we took on the WA beach that the formal #3 rule is now unspoken or unwritten, because my daughter's boy friend disappeared for almost five hours without telling anyone where he was going running. After three hours, we were very frightened. We were not sure where he was or how to reach him on this lonely beach next to an Indian reservation. Thankfully, he was found.

5. When was a time that you became aware of different rules in different places/families than your own?
I especially became aware of this when we returned from our vacation and the boy friend's dad laughed off the incident. Their family doesn't check in that often with each other. I think it involves both safety and respect for others.

When I was struggling with little sleep because I answered the cries of my toddlers, I realized that many families have their kids cry themselves to sleep so they will sleep through the night. Due to the influence of La Leche League on my parenting, I continued to hold and/or nurse my young ones until they went back to sleep. I believe trust is built this way.

Vacation Pictures

Lake Quinault, WA Rain Forest

AA and son DC, MJ and CJS
at Ballard Locks (in Seattle)

Rabbit totem in Pioneer Square, Seattle

DC coming out of fountain in downtown Seattle

View from rented house in Moclips, WA

Beach at Moclips, WA

CB and Jan at Ocean Crest Restaurant our last night in Moclips, WA

MJ, AA, DC, BJ, and CJS at Peace Arch Park (border between USA and Canada)

Happy as a clam?

This makes me think of our time on the Moclips beach in WA. Nine people together for three nights and four days; we were mostly happy. It was a fun time.

I brought back a bag of driftwood I collected there. Today I tried baking them in the oven, and oh, did the house stink! After complaints from CB (and myself, I must admit), I put them outside, where they still are laying on cookie sheets on the deck bench.

Back home!

We got back to hot Corpus Christi, TX last night. Today it was 99 degrees F. That's quite a shock after the lovely weather in WA State.

We had a wonderful time, which I will relate when I download pictures and have washed all the clothes (and completely unpacked).

Thank you for prayers for our sister-in-law Chris. Please keep them coming. There is good news about Dennis--the surgeon removed ALL the cancer when he cut out half of Dennis' liver.

And now I want to recommend these books that I read on our vacation:

The Help by Kathryn Stockett

This takes place in Jackson, Mississippi in the 1960's when the civil rights movement was gaining momentum in the USA and just before women's lib grew into consciousness. The voices of two black "help" and the Junior League ladies they serve, with one new college graduate wondering where she fits in contrast the attitudes prevalent at that time. This is excellent!

How to Be Good by Nick Hornby

This is a silly, but provocative, book about a female physician in London in a strained marriage with two children. Her husband has a spiritual conversion, and she struggles with his pious giving as she wonders what "being good" is. Is one only "good" in comparison to others? Is it necessary to have those "more" good or "less" good to gauge one's worth?

I Am the Messenger by Marcus Zusak

Since I loved reading The Book Thief by Marcus Zusak, I got this book for our vacation. I read it after MJ and devoured it. It is very easy reading, but is thought provoking. After a failed bank robbery, Ed becomes the messenger, recieving messages of his next mission via aces. Through acts of kindness to those around him, Ed is being led by the hand through a journey of self discovery and sometimes is helped with the advice of pie eating hit-men. The ending is unexpected.

The Coroner's Lunch by Colin Cotterill

I gave this book to my son BJ for his birthday in April, but he never wanted to read it. He brought it along on our vacation trip for me. It is the first book in a series of mysteries about a Laotian doctor who is 72 years old in 1970's Laos, after the Communist takeover. It was interesting about the locale and time period, as well as good character development of the various people involved. I am going to read the four other books in this series.

Prayers needed!

At the end of a my husband's family's barbecue, with 25 people attending, his brother took a few of us aside to tell us that his wife has a recurrence of breast cancer. It has been 12 years since she was first diagnosed and suddenly there is cancer in various organs. It is a shock, as she looks and feels great.

Please, oh, please pray for Chris.

Bellingham, WA in fun and sadness

With recent trips to Seattle, where I am again, and Canada, my blogging has been infrequent, and my visits to other blogs even less. Suddenly I am learning that Fran and Jaliya are taking breaks, and I wonder who else. . . . as I seem to be doing the same.

We had a busy three days in Seattle, doing lots of sightseeing and even saw a play on Capital Hill where the daughter of one of my oldest friends was the star. It was good to see Dennis getting a little more active, though he still gets fatigued easily. My kids had two long, long visits with him on Friday and Saturday, which seemed to energize and tire him at the same time. I'm so glad they love him and Terry.

Now we're at CB's parents' house in Bellingham, WA. Today is the summer family barbecue and reunion of all CB's siblings and their children. One great-grandchild is coming; she's one year old. CB has two sisters and one brother, so this is a large clan gathering. We bring nine, counting MJ's boy friend CS. Approximately 25 will be here.

After a dinner at Chuck's sister's house last night, I was suddenly and unexpectedly struck with grief, having none of my own family around at all. Since I was an only child, my dad was an only child, and my mother had just one sister, I have no family left in Bellingham. (You may recall that I have a distant cousin Margaret in Calgary, Canada.)

I am sad that my children's partners will only know CB's family, hearing stories of their past. Yes, I can tell a few tales of my family, but the children are not seeing the places or anyone else remembering them, like CB's siblings. It's just the way it is. This is reality, which I am re-learning to accept. . . .and am surprised that I have this to do all over again.

Seattle again!

Different airlines are taking my family and me to Seattle this week. Six of us are flying to Seattle on Tuesday (from either Corpus Christi or Austin), and only BJ is flying on Friday (from Houston).

Friends Terry and Dennis and daughters AE and KA are being generously hospitable by opening their homes for us to stay with them. Even after Dennis' major surgery, he and Terry want CB and me to stay with them. AE and KA are inviting four of our young adults to stay with them.

The weather is cooling down in Seattle, so our time there may be more typically rainy and cool. We will see. . . .

Our trip is divided into three parts, oddly going north then southwest. First we'll be in Seattle, then up to Bellingham to visit CB's family, and after that we'll spend a few days in Moclips, which is on the coast north of Aberdeen.

Holding On

My friend Nancy commented on the post Living to Die about something Madeleine L'Engle wrote in her book The Rock That Is Higher.

In "The Rock That Is Higher", which my Bible study group is reading right now, in the first chapter, Madeleine L'Engle writes about being in a car accident:

"The ancient words of the Jesus Prayer, 'Lord Jesus Christ have mercy on me,' surfaced in my mind. They have been with me for many years, like a deep, inner fountain. When I wake up in the night they are there--those strong, affirming words. They were with me as I sat in the crumpled car."

Later, in the hospital: "The Jesus Prayer was still with me, a strong rope to which I held like a sailor fallen from a ship."

And: "My only prayer was the Jesus Prayer and that was there for me because it has been part of my inner rhythm for many years, the prayer that fulfills Paul's exhortation to pray constantly, at all times, and in all places."

76 Trombones!

Living to Die

Psalm 51:10-12

51:10 Create in me a clean heart, O God, and put a new and right spirit within me.

51:11 Do not cast me away from your presence, and do not take your holy spirit from me.

51:12 Restore to me the joy of your salvation, and sustain in me a willing spirit.

During our weekly lectio divina group on Wednesday, this scripture brought me to a deeper understanding of the concept of "living to die." Or as the medieval Book of the Craft of Dying states: "Learn to die and thou shall learn how to live. There shall none learn how to live that hath not learned to die" (Sogyal Rinpoche).

I thought of how any of these phrases could be a breath prayer, a habitual mantra-like saying for me. I truly desire a "willing spirit," so I wish to ask God to "sustain in me a willing spirit." Do I want this enough to pray for it?

Thus I remembered how a habitual prayer practice of a verse, a word, or a phrase from a hymn can remind one of God's presence. A calm spirit will replace anxiety or anger when such is prayed. I remember reading that the Dalai Lama recommended that each person have such a practice so that one can be reminded of it when one is dying, ill and/or agitated.

In fact, Christine Longaker writes about this in her book Facing Death and Finding Hope: A Guide to the Emotional and Spiritual Care of the Dying:

"Above all, we can encourage our dying loved one to identify a spiritual practice--a special prayer meditation, hymn, or scriptural reading--that inspires her with confidence and strength. Regularly doing an inspiring practice, especially if she is suffering, will focus the energy of her heart and mind in a positive way and help to rekindle her devotion and trust. The sacred inspiration of this continual prayer or meditation may begin to pervade her every waking and sleeping moment, and this is an excellent way to prepare for death. And, if her family, friends, or caregivers do this practice with her whenever they visit, they will feel more prepared at the moment of her death--more inspired to let her go, peacefully and with love." (115-116)

Sometime ago, I read how someone's mother was ill with Alzheimer's and often became restlessly anxious. When her son reminded her of the 23rd Psalm, "The Lord is my shepherd" by soothingly repeating it, his mother would grow more peaceful. This was a practice that helped both of them and was a way for him to show his love for his mother.

Last week in Seattle, at times Terry or Dennis would be overwhelmed by anxiety or anger. That is natural in times of illness and stress. Few people are taught how to cope with extenuating circumstances, which I only realized in retrospect during the lectio divina time.

Ecknath Easwaran writes in Dialogue With Death: A Journey Through Consciousness:

"Whatever your physical situation, your mind can help you to deal with it if you train your mind to be forgiving, compassionate, calm, and kind. 'You can no better friend,' the Buddha says, 'than a well-trained mind--and no worse enemy than an untrained mind.'" (75)

With greater awareness, each of us could short circuit extreme emotions with a phrase, even like "This will pass." Don't you remember how people used to say "count to 10" before acting on anger? Creating a habit of reminding oneself of love or peace could bring more serenity into one's life, even if one is not actually ill or dying.